18.

Aether.

Ever since I've known, I have always been surrounded by people. Being born to parents with mountains of cash, rivers of liquid gold, and houses sizes of a continent, people have thrown themself at me. Girls wanted all kinds of things from me, usually money and sex, though sometimes just wanting to see if they could 'change' me. Whatever that means. Guys are the same with the money thing, wanting me to buy them designer clothes they could never afford, but unlike the girls, if they aren't going for funds, they hate me. Or should I say envy? They mock me for the money they crave, telling their little friends how much better they were than me. I couldn't care less about their meaningless bickering, I know my worth.

By the time I got to middle school, I was too used to people bending backward to please. I let them, of course, but inside, it didn't please me at all. I just wanted to be like everyone else, or anyone else who wasn't surrounded when they were seen. So, naturally, when I first saw Alexander, I thought he would recognize me and ask for money. I assumed, from the look of him. He had messy, bedhead-crazed light brown hair, pale skin, and on the lanky side, and his clothes looked to have belonged to someone before him. I rolled my eyes then the teacher announced he would be sitting next to me for the next year. Great, that just gave him a chance to ask right as soon as he could. I prepared a few bills to throw at him in exchange for him to leave me alone, but to my awe, all he did was nod emotionlessly and sit. He didn't speak a word to me the whole lesson, and eventually, the whole year.

His careless attitude towards me drew me to him. The simple fact that he didn't speak to me, ask me anything, or even knew who I was other than the guy he sits next to in biology was astounding. It was different, something I'd never experienced, and it sent excited shivers trickling down my spine. I wasn't as aware as I was then, but I liked him in a way I had never liked anyone. Because of his reserved nature, I didn't talk to him. I just watched, from a distance, as he sat alone or with his only friend, who didn't really like me, but I wasn't at all as interested in her then Alex. Alex was fun to watch, as creepy as that sounded. During classes, he would scrunch his face up a little, then scribble messy nonsense until he figured out the question. Then, he would do my favorite thing he did, his face would light up in ecstasy for a split second, then rush to write down the answer, as if he feared he would forget it in a snap. From his smile to his raised eyebrows, the look on his face was something I thought I could never live with. I convinced myself that I just thought he was a cool guy, even though I thought about him every night before I slept, my heart pounded whenever I saw him, or even thought about him.

This little paradise of mine didn't last long though, not long enough. Soon, my friends and the people around me started to notice. I didn't want any trouble for Alex, so I brushed the rumors off and pretended he didn't exist. Then, I thought it would be easy to stay away from Alex, but I was wrong. I hadn't realised how much I actually looked at him until I was forced to not stare. I never watched him like I did ever again, but he stayed fresh in my mind, like a broken record. Hours and hours of his split second smile replayed in my mind. I never really got over him, even after 2 years. I was submerged into that numb, lifeless feeling again, living only to survive, until one faithful party. Being me, I have been to hundreds of party's, but Alex only came to some, every blue moon. I loathed party's, it was just a place where people make sgit decisions and kill themselves slowly, and the alcohol. The liquid mercury gave everyone more confidence and the audacity to ask me for things and keep pestering me. I drink most of the time though, digging my already deep grave, because its a distraction. It's all too easy to zone out on Alex, not like anyone would notice.

That one night, I was feeling worse then usual. I messed with the one person I want most, bringing him to tears and fucking up his only friendship, ruining all chances of him even looking at me. Echoing voices of friends, telling me to go easy on the drink, but I couldn't. I need more, enough until I could remember anything, not even my own name. I rested, for just a second, then open my eyes in Alex's arms. Was I dreaming? I'm sure I was, my eye where closed a while. I soaked up the moment, thinking, fuck it, he's here now, even if it's a dream, it's my only chance to confess. I even gave him a kiss. His lips where like cotton on my dry ones. I wanted to savour it a bit more, but he pushed me away, telling me I was drunk. How could I be drunk in my dream? I saw my friends approaching. I don't want them to be in my dreams, not when i'm so close to having him. Next thing I know i'm being dragged away to play beer pong, coming back to reality, that reality being I fucked up big time. I knew he would be so confused. I hated myself. How could I go from making out with his only friend to confessing my undying love for him? How was I ever going to fix this?

Here I am, Aether something, sitting here with the boy I silently chased for 2 years. The room is lustrously sun kissed, and Alex has fallen asleep on one for the desk. I copy his position, arms folded, head resting in the middle. His face is calm and soft. I lift a finger, tracing the curve of his face, and pushing his impossibly soft hair behind his ears. I was at peace, for once, with the only person who mattered to me at the moment. Alex.

A flick of the wrist shows me the time, and I stand up as silently as I could, careful not to startle the beautiful boy in front of me. Giving him a small tap on the back, I rub in a circular motion, coaxing him out of his sleepy haze. He limply stand up after a few minutes of soft words, and his face is hard not to laugh at. The side of his face was completely smushed from the desk, and I bark out a laugh, slightly startling him, but he doesn't get upset, instead, he laughs with me, showing me that face that made me fall head over heels all over again. I didn't realise I had even stopped laughing until a quiet voice spoke,

"Is there something on my face?" Voice as soft as daisies spoke, but I only smiled wider and took his hand, kissing it and holding it tight to my forehead.

"No, nothing at all." I whispered breathlessly.