Audacity: Chapter 28

Ifeel like a schoolboy.

I’m sitting at my desk, earbuds in and pen at the ready and a snowy-white new page open in my notebook.

I’m ready to learn.

The meeting I’m about to jump into is a Zoom the Alchemy team is running to brief its members on the protocol for their upcoming Prima Nocta event. I have no intention of letting Athena overhear a word of it—I want to preserve as much of the mystique as I can until Saturday night comes.

While my desk faces away from my windows and towards the glass partition between my desk and hers, hers is at a forty-five degree angle in the direction of the outer door. As I wait for the hosts to start the meeting, I gaze at the mass of glossy waves that tumble down her back, at the glimpses I catch of her profile whenever she turns her head. She must feel my eyes on her, because she twists around so she can smile seductively at me.

‘Just shout if you need me,’ she calls through the open door.

I grin back. ‘I will.’

It could be any regular Tuesday and any regular exchange between a CEO and his EA… except we both know it’s not. And while I don’t intend to shove my cock down Athena’s throat while listening to the Alchemy founders speaking, I still marvel at the fact that I could.

I’m also not above doing it as soon as the call ends.

Zoom informs me that the meeting is about to begin, so I turn my attention back to my monitor. The pop-up window shows Gen Wolff, one of the club’s cofounders and its CEO. She’s also the wife of my mate Anton and a force of nature. Today, she looks every bit as polished and glamorous as she usually does, her pale blonde hair swept back off her face.

‘Thanks for joining us,’ she says crisply. ‘As you’re all busy people, we’ll get started. This call is specifically for those of you who’ve opted to play the role of feudal overlords at the upcoming Prima Nocta themed event. Actually, all of you here identify as male, so I may refer to you in terms of generalised male pronouns on this call.

‘That’s in contrast to your so-called brides on the night, who we’ll be referring to as virgins. While the dynamic of Prima Nocta is traditionally a male-female one, we have a few different takes on that tradition happening next weekend. Some of you have opted to have multiple virgins brought to you, some of you have signed up for this at the behest of the women in your life, who’ve requested multiple lords for the night. Of course, some of you will take a male or non-binary virgin, and many of you have requested that we provide “guards”, who will all be Alchemy hosts, to either watch or assist with the deflowering process. All of which subversion I applaud most thoroughly.’

She shoots the camera a dazzling smile. She looks genuinely thrilled that her members are rising to the occasion. I have a fleeting flash of panic. Jesus. Multiple lords. Perhaps I should have asked Alchemy to commandeer a few other guys and give my beautiful assistant one of the gang-bangs she apparently enjoys so much.

But I talk myself off the ledge. I get the impression that it’s the historical kink factor that has Athena so worked up over this particular event. It’s the idea of casting aside her brains and her success and her agency for one evening and allowing herself to be completely dominated that appeals. If I play my part right, I can make this a fuck she’ll remember.

Gen keeps talking. ‘My co-founder, Cal, is going to lead most of this call. He’s organised the bulk of this event. In a moment, he’ll take you through the logistical aspects as well as giving you more historical context and advice for your roles. But I wanted to step in first, to share a few perspectives with you.’

She pauses. ‘We’ve had a few members raise questions over the ethics of this kind of role play, and I’m well aware that for those of you who weren’t familiar with the term and went straight to Wikipedia, you were confronted with the fact that they’d put it in their Violence Against Women section. That’s a highly problematic red flag if ever there was one, so I want to be extremely clear.

‘When we look into new themed nights, we often do it in response to requests from our members, and that’s because our members have incredibly rich imaginations, and we’re privileged that when you want to act out your most extreme fantasies, you come to us. So let me tell you this. Prima Nocta, or some version of it, has been requested many, many times since we opened the doors of this club, okay, and the vast majority of those requests have come from our female-identifying members.

‘We have a rich history of political incorrectness,’ she continues. ‘Hello, Slave Night?’ She grins, and so do I. I haven’t braved Slave Night at Alchemy, but I can only imagine the kind of depraved shit that goes down. ‘And that’s because so many of our darkest fantasies are politically incorrect or downright transgressive, but when we act them out in a safe space, with other consenting adults and clear boundaries, they can be extraordinarily powerful.’

She’s right, of course, and I’m certainly guilty of applying my own Good Boy, hyper-Catholic brakes when it comes to anything remotely taboo. I’ve known for a long time, since before I left the priesthood, in fact, that those same kinks that are so steeped in shame and guilt and even fear are the ones whose transgressive allures turn me on.

I’ve already taken the biggest, most terrifying step of all. I hired a woman whose depraved mind and beautiful body can act as the most transformative portal to this dark world of pleasure… if I allow her to take me there. My next step is to find a way to sit with the inner conflict to which Gen is alluding, to be able to acknowledge the forbidden nature of some acts while accepting that, with Athena’s enthusiastic (and hopefully noisy) consent, there is no actual harm in partaking in them.

‘I’ll vouch for the fact that there are many fiercely bright, strong, powerful women among our members at Alchemy,’ Gen goes on, ‘and I promise you that these women understand very clearly the pleasure that total submission can bring in a sexual context while holding onto their power very ably outside of the bedroom. That’s an important distinction, and one I’d urge you to reflect on as you carry out this charade.’

I let my gaze wander over to my beautiful assistant. I’m equally in awe of her intellect, her fire, her appetites. I jot down a note.

Powerful in life / submissive in the bedroom

It makes sense, of course. Athena is the most Type A of Type As. Of course it’s logical that she gets a kick out of being dominated. What I still haven’t entirely worked through in my mind is whether the blind need I have to be the man who can do that for her is sick or healthy.

Maybe it’s sick, and maybe that doesn’t matter. Maybe the only thing that matters is respecting Athena enough to listen and act when she advocates for her own desires, no matter what kind of perverse thrill I get out of our arrangement.

Gen’s speaking again. ‘My advice to you is twofold. First, heed the information yielded to you in the questionnaire that your partners or guests have completed. We’ll send these to you after the call. The questionnaires are intended to furnish you with as much insight as possible into how they’d like your evening together to go, without ruining the magic or the sense of surprise too much.

‘Second, lean into the spirit of this thing. This is our first immersive offsite experience, and the scale of it is ambitious. It’s really about casting aside your everyday persona and having fun. Newsflash: it’s not every day you get to act out a fantasy of playing a villainous medieval overlord. So do it with gusto! The more you and your fellow role-players let go and get stuck in, the more memorable it will be for you all. Or so we hope, anyway.

‘While this group will obviously be the dominant party in your personal role plays, there is an element of vulnerability for both parties. Very few of us play-act these days. We’re all far too serious and busy and important to pretend to be knights or princesses or evil kings or whatever else takes our fancy.

‘That is to say, mutual trust is needed here when you and your partner or partners are role-playing in a scene this intense. The very nature of it is an act of vulnerability. But if you take the leap together, our hope is that it will bring you great pleasure. So please consider this your reminder to act your part as if an Oscar depends on it and, for God’s sake, have a ball. With that, I’ll hand you over to Cal, who has some truly excellent—and worryingly well thought-out—suggestions for how a predatory feudal overlord might act.’