Chapter Eleven

'But tell me, wouldn't you do the same? You're single for ...forever,' Ivan asks, brushing his palm over Riyaan's bare calf.

Riyaan has found that Sundays are his favourite by far ever since he moved here. Because Sundays are when Ivan likes to stay in bed after sex or reading a book most of the mornings, and sometimes in the evening. Ivan is not always practical; he thought wrong.

'Do what?' He is feeling lost in the conversation with the way Ivan is touching him.

'Say you and your special someone are no longer together — for whatever reason, but you still love and care for each other, and you are just.. taking time off. Then he says, he is enjoying life and so should you...wouldn't you have your fair share of fun?'

A special someone, just how special his ex is to him, Riyaan wonders.

'As in, have sex and enjoy other people's intimate company?'

It will only be sex, that's what they agreed to. And this is turning out just fine, in fact, as exactly as Ivan said and he agreed to. Yet. Yet. Yet somewhere he gets a little gloom-ridden when things are going exactly as their arrangement. Gods, he really should have been more experienced because Ivan doesn't seem to have that problem.

'Mm-hmm.'

'I don't know. I don't think so.'

Amongst the sea of problems as he navigated his life, his sexual interest wasn't always in the front seat. He wasn't actively looking for dating. Until Ivan talks with him, it's as if he came alive. But if not Ivan, he would probably go back to how things were.

'Liar. People have needs.'

'What needs though? I think not all people.'

'Is that why you wanted to do Tinder?'

'Mm. About that... that was Kris, okay? It's different for me, I think. Or I like to think.' He pauses, and when Ivan seems to be listening contently, he adds, 'My heart, body and soul work in unison. I cannot want someone with my body, and my soul and heart are not content at the same time.'

For a moment, Ivan keeps looking at him, hands still caressing his calf. He almost thought Ivan was going to laugh. 'You are playing a dangerous game. I should pull you out.'

He never thought of hiding his growing affection for Ivan. And Ivan isn't dumb. If Ivan is as aware as Riyaan believes, he must already know that for Riyaan, it is more than just fun times.

'Already too involved.'

'I keep warning you.' Ivan hovers over him, arms landing on either side of his body. He wishes Ivan placed his palms instead of his arms, by which way he is not as close to making the mistake of "accidentally" kissing him.

'I keep ignoring you.' Riyaan says, holding eye contact.

'I won't be there to hold you when you fall.'

'I am taking you with me.' He touches Ivan's face, wanting to forget all their agreement and kiss him. But that 'no kisses' rule keeps making an appearance — even when he is about to daydream of kissing him.

'Already trying to conspire against me?'

He should think of something witty to say to make Ivan laugh. Something witty to distract himself from this beautiful man who is hovering over him, naked. Instead, Riyaan tries to bring Ivan's face closer to him, while he tries to raise his head a little too. He gazes at his lips because that's his target. But Ivan is quick to stop him, clasping his hands.

'I should punish you,' Ivan says, eyes glimmering.

'Punish me.' For what, trying to give you a taste of my affection?

'Okay, you're sleeping in a different room and no more personal talks onward.' Ivan pulls back from over him and lies next to him.

'You cannot be serious.' He groans.

'But I am.'

Riyaan cannot tell if he is truly or just still messing with him. 'I don't want to sleep alone.'

'Okay, since I'm merciful,' Ivan says, biting his shoulder blade. 'You can sleep here, but no personal conversation. You don't get to ask me about my day and don't get to talk about your shitty office job... Oh! Oh! Why haven't I thought of this till now? Could've gotten rid of your whining about your job way before,' he says, thinking and being pleased with himself.

'No. Ivan, I don't wanna have to suffer my manager alone. Suffer with me.'

'The ball is in your court.'

'Can I take the first one and change to the second choice later?' He tries to make puppy eyes, hoping Ivan likes puppies.

'No. It's a punishment - I'm only letting you choose because I'm merciful.'

Ivan doesn't like puppies.

'But not sleeping here means do I get to have sex or not?'

'Okay, I'll sweeten it further: you get to have it but only when I want it. You can say "no" but you cannot want it yourself.'

'Bullshit. This is...unfair.'

'It's punishment.'

'Fine, I'll take the sex and the personal talking.. who wants to sleep with you anyway.' Riyaan tries his best to say that with a straight face. Because it's him; he wants to sleep with Ivan and he wants only he sleep with Ivan.

Ivan pinches him in the belly. 'You do, apparently.'

He is still tugging his skin in between his fingers.

'Okay, okay, I was joking.. stop it,' Riyaan blurts out. 'What if I kissed you now since I'm getting punished anyway?'

'You think you're smart but you're not. I'll find other grounds for punishment.'

He groans as if those weren't bad enough punishment. He lets out a huff. 'Okay.'

Ivan looks amused.

'When does your ex call?'

'Um, what?'

'I mean you said you guys keep in touch. I never saw you talking.' Somewhere while saying that, Riyaan entertains an idea in his mind: Maybe they are done; no contact, no waiting at all. Maybe somewhere between arrangements and spending time talking, Ivan wants more from this than he said he would.

'You say that as if you are with me 24/7.'

'That'd be nice.'

'That'd be nice?'

'Yeah.'

'Anyway, I wrote an email yesterday before sleeping.'

'Oh.' An answer he didn't like. Why on earth did he ask about it at all, was he expecting his personality would suddenly change Ivan's outlook on relationships, and divert his feelings towards him?

'Does he know about me?'

'He knows there's someone.'

'You told him?'

'Yeah.'

'And he's okay with it?'

'I think so. It was his idea to be honest, before breaking up. He wanted to live and enjoy a little before settling down - asked me to do the same.'

'Live a little means sex?'

'And... back to ground zero,' Ivan mutters.

'I heard that.'

'Okay. For him, it is...maybe.' Ivan says thoughtfully. Riyaan calls bullshit. Does Ivan really believe it?

'Does it bother you?'

Ivan rolls on his back and takes a deep sigh towards the ceiling. Will he finally tell tales buried deep inside his heart — his worries about people in his life, rather than just his work?

'Ivan?' He starts when Ivan starts to enter what looks like a semi-conscious.

'Yeah'

'Can I say something if you don't mind?'

'Sure, you're going to say it anyway.'

'He needs to be more possessive of you if he wants to end up with you.' Riyaan says thoughtfully. Because he's not going to care who is waiting for Ivan, they had their chance. And when he sees his chance, he is going to flirt his way to his heart.

'He knows me, and where my heart is!'

'I know too. And I'm telling you, I'll steal it one day.'

'That a threat?'

'A promise.' Riyaan grins at him.

Ivan laughs again — a sound he is growing to love each day. 'You are a sweet talker and the biggest flirt I ever met. I cannot believe you are single till now.'

'Uh, I had stuff to do before pursuing romance. Like getting a job and a place.'

'Right. Since you are here, for now, you can focus more on studies and less on rent.'

'Thanks, again, really.'

'Can you do something for me too?'

Oh. Is this where Ivan asks for something he cannot give? Maybe this is a trap all along.

'Yeah, I guess.' A nervous laugh leaves his mouth without permission.

'Stop asking about my ex. It sounds like you're obsessed with him and -'

'It wasn't about that. I only ask because -'

'No more.' Ivan is serious.

'No more.'

Just like that, he is prohibited from being insecure.

And at night, alone in a new room, he stays aware thinking of words Ivan didn't say about things that bother him.