Chapter Thirteen

A little past midnight, Riyaan's phone starts ringing non-stop, breaking his only 2 hours of sleep. He fumbles through his sleep, finding the phone beneath the pillow at last. He silences the ringing before responding.

An unknown number.

'Hello,' he says, tired and sleepy.

'I need a favour.' Comes through a voice that's rough and careless.

'Nitin? What — where are you calling from?'

'The police station.'

'What now? What did you do?'

'Can't do that now, come and get me out of here,' Nitin tells the address, before disconnecting the call.

Riyaan sits up, legs on the carpet, and drops his face on his hands, pressing his cheeks that are still hurting from a headache from the day before.

'You okay...?'

Riyaan hears Ivan calling out sleepily, as he feels Ivan's warm hands find the back of his body, hands moving up and down. Caress so soothing and warm that he almost falls asleep like that, sitting on the bed.

'Yeah,' he replies, slow and steady. He cannot leave without telling Ivan. 'Ivan, I have to go somewhere.'

'Where?' Ivan starts to sit up, clearly alarmed.

'No, don't get up. I have to help a friend,' Riyaan finds his pants and shirt on the chair. When he was living alone, leaving his clothes on the bed and chair was not a problem at all. But the bad habits are now corrupting this beautiful home. Ivan is the opposite, he is neat and clean. Or he was. Nowadays, even he is losing touch with tidiness. He's a bad influence on Ivan, especially after he started sleeping in Ivan's bedroom again upon special request.

'What — where are you going? What friend?' Questions, all logical according to Riyaan, fill up the room followed by the light.

'Someone I know from before — at the orphanage.' Riyaan looks for his keys and wallet.

'Wait, wait. Wait. Look at me.' Ivan is behind him, locking his hands before they reach the keys and wallet.

'Who is this friend, like, what's his name? And what help does he need?'

'Nitin.' Riyaan tries not to look at Ivan while he says it. He is ashamed of a lot of things. Years ago, this could have been him.

'And?'

'He's at the police station, and needs me to get him out,' Riyaan says, finally looking at. He is not proud of it.

'At the police station! What has he done?'

'I don't know, okay? I don't have time for that!'

'You don't know but you're running to save him this late night? What if he is lying about being at the police station, and even if he is, who knows what he's done?'

'He won't lie about that. I just...he, he helped me before, okay. I have to help him. We helped each other before, we don't keep in touch like that but he has been there for me. I cannot just not help him.'

'Okay.' Ivan takes a long sigh, hands on his hips. 'Okay, let's see, I'll come too.'

'No, no, absolutely not.'

'There are no two ways about it.'

'Fine, hurry.' He takes the keys to his bike.

'Ahh! No, no, I'm taking the car, you're not riding the bike at 2 AM.'

'Don't bring the car, please. We can ride the bike.'

'You don't trust my driving? I'm taking the car and you are coming with me.'

After two more minutes of argument, Riyaan finds himself sitting beside Ivan in his car, scowling. Ivan brushes his knuckles softly on his cheeks before taking the wheel, but Riyaan decides he will keep scowling and looking out of the window.

'Can you even guess what's he done? I'm trying to understand how bad this is!'

'Probably stealing cash.'

When they reach the police station, he is glad to have Ivan with him. He had been at the station before, for the same reason, and the treatment wasn't the best. It's interesting how people subconsciously know who deserves to be talked respectfully, and who needs to be treated suspiciously.

They are finally outside the building. Nitin tries to hug him, enthusiastic to see him after so long. Riyaan lets himself be squeezed, silent.

'Wow. How are you doing Nitin,' Nitin says when he detects no hint of enthusiasm on Riyaan's face.

'I already know how you are doing.' Riyaan lets out a dry laugh. Ivan stands a little far from them, leaning against the car and his earbuds on.

'Who's that?' Nitin asks.

'Just a friend.'

'Just a friend came to help you at 2 AM in the morning?'

'I came for you as well, didn't I?'

'Relax, just asking, looks loaded though, can he be our guardian angel?'

Riyaan cringes. 'Don't look at him like that. He is not going to be your guardian angel, this is the last time. He's a good person, you know.'

'Good person, eh?' Nitin scoffs.

Ivan has not just let him use his space, but he has treated him so well for the last few months, that it couldn't have just been about their arrangement. He draws a line when it comes to romance, but for the other part, he has helped him with the biggest problem of his life — poor living conditions.

He never had a friend with whom talked on a deeper level — not Nitin, not Kris, not Arin. Until Ivan. They might not have talked about personal stuff a lot, but everything else.

'He's driving a fucking luxury car, and he's here to help you help a friend who is in a police station, clearly, he sees that he is not in good company, so why is he here if he is such a good person?' Nitin pours venom, and Riyaan is not surprised.

He says things like this, where he is always angry at some people, none to be particular, but Riyaan has an idea that it is geared towards the rich quite often.

'I'll tell you why, it's because he needs his cock sucked. He's desperate and he needs to bury it somewhere,' Nitin says.

'Stop talking,' Riyaan says, he almost cries.

His words are sharp enough to hurt Riyaan's face and offensive enough to make him tear up. Somewhere in those words, there's a truth that lingers, Riyaan knows the truth, he has agreed to that truth that it's just sex between Ivan and him, and yet, hearing those words from Nitin breaks him. It's not just a thing they agreed to, but it's transparent enough for others to know in 5 minutes.

'There are no helpful people, it's a myth.'

'I'm helping you.'

'It's not like you want to.'

'Of course I don't want to! I don't want to visit the police station at 2 AM to get someone released, I have a job now!'

'I know. We knew you'd make it, you were the best of us,' Nitin says, softly.

'It hasn't been easy for me. And I wanted to help you last time, but you didn't want that, you were busy chasing fantasies. You weren't ready to look out for yourself, who will keep doing it for you?'

'Ha. Someone had sex with someone and I came here. Is it my fault that I was given birth and left to do whatever without any purpose? Like, don't you wonder why are we ever here, like, what am I supposed to do with a job? Earn money, for what? I can do that by ripping off someone, I'd make more that way.'

'You are never safe that way, Nitin, you cannot keep doing this. This is what we were taught in counselling sessions — which I kept asking you to attend.'

'But who cares about safety? You enjoyed it when we broke into that place, you were happ-'

'Shh, shh, you are trying to get me in trouble or something? That was before, I've changed.' Riyaan holds Nitin's shoulders while also slapping his own forehead, meanwhile shooting a short glance where Ivan stands. His body shivers when their eyes meet, thinking how Ivan could have been closer than that and could have heard it all.

'Living with the rich changes you, huh? What a surprise!'

'I didn't change myself because I live in a decent society, I changed myself to live like a decent person, in a decent society. I want to fit in there somewhere.'

'Everything alright?' Ivan stands beside him.

'Yes.'

'Won't you introduce me to your friend?'

'Yeah, that's what I asked him, he said he won't do it.' Nitin nudges him on the shoulder lightly.

'Ivan, this is Nitin. Nitin, this is Ivan,' Riyaan says looking down, removing dirt from the grass.

'Nice to meet you, Nitin. Do you want a lift? It's getting late, so we should go home.'

'I don't think Nitin would like to come with -'

'Sure, I can use a lift. Thanks.'

Riyaan brings out all the money he has in his wallet and nudges it to Nitin's hand as he stops them from walking as fast as Ivan to the car.

'What are you doing, I don't want your money!'

'Take it, you will need it. Do you even eat, you are so thin.' That's what their friends always say to Nitin. Although they had an abundance of food at the orphanage — from heavy and nutritious meals to expensive fruits — Nitin's disinterest in food and eating was worse than Riyaan's. Teachers and classmates often felt bad for Nitin, assuming he was malnourished.

'Are you my mother now?'

'If that stops you from looking for her, yes.'

Nitin quietly sits in the backseat, and the inside is filled with awkward tension for Riyaan. Will Nitin bring up something just to annoy him — something that he is not ready to revisit? Something that could ruin whatever things there is between him and Ivan? Something which later Nitin can address as "I wanted you to be safe"?

'So, Nitin, where am I to drop you?'

Riyaan awaits his response quite eagerly too. Because he, too, doesn't know where Nitin lives. But he hopes as hell it's not the same place as the last time he met him — with smokers, drunkards, and possibly dealers.

'Oh, I suddenly happen to find myself in a bit of a mess, and nowhere to go. But that's okay because Ri said that I can come stay with y'all for the night, right Ri?'

There he goes, hasn't changed a bit.

Before he looks back to see his smirking face, Ivan is saying, 'Oh, sure. You can. I just didn't know.'

Riyaan looks out through his side of the window, the road is almost empty. This is probably the best place where he can open the door, roll out of the car and never have to see Ivan in the eye. It will be quite dramatic but at least he won't be feeling like what he feels right now.

He wishes Ivan would finally play that music, and not start a conversation. Or worse, Nitin starts one. 'Would you please play —'

'Do you want me to —'

'What were you saying?' Ivan asks, after accidentally cutting his words.

'Play some music, if you want.'

Mike Perry's One Life hasn't eased Riyaan's nerves on the drive, but it drove away any chance of any conversation forming among them.

*                           *                           *

'You alright?' Ivan asks when they reach home.

'Fine.'

'You're stressed, he said something? Or just pissed at me? Seems it's just me, although I cannot tell a reason.'

'I asked you not to bring the car.'

'You are actually pissed at me for bringing the car? You'd rather have us ride the bike? I don't even have a helmet.'

Riyaan rolls on his side.

'I'll buy a helmet tomorrow, and we will ride that bike of yours wherever you want,' Ivan says slowly after a few minutes pass by. 'Okay?'

'It's not that.'

'If you don't tell me, I'll never know.'

'Nitin sees your car, and thinks you're loaded, and like, call it something like casting an evil eye on your wealth, maybe you even.'

'Evil eye. He is just a guy like you, he is not evil. He needs money? I can give him some money.'

Riyaan laughs hysterically. 'Don't go off the script. He has written that narrative long ago, you are supposed to play by that.'

'What is that?'

'He has these ideas, like set on stone, that rich people are like this, you're not helpful, not without any reason anyway, like why would you give him money? He will not trust you, you're supposed to be greedy and filthy.'

Riyaan has heard it so many times. Over discussions, when Nitin is angry when he needs to justify stealing and many other times. For a while, Riyaan believed the same. Not because it was his opinion, but because he had no other perspective at all.

'Why would he think I'm rich?' Ivan asks, a thoughtful look on his face.

'What? Your car, the car, that's what we are talking about.'

'So, what do I do, do I like, keep some money for him to steal or something?' Ivan tries to pull Riyaan closer to him in bed.

'Are you an idiot? Are you not listening to me?'

'What else do you want me to do?'

'Nothing, don't do anything?'

'But you are so ..different. Never seen you like this?'

Riyaan hasn't felt this annoyed, and out of control for a long, long time. But this thing between Ivan and him, he wants it to mean something — something more than just his taking advantage of Ivan's generosity. Only sex is mutual — the shelter and amenities are something he can never repay Ivan.

Ivan would give him everything, except the love he cannot give.

'Has he always done things like that?' Ivan asks again.

'Not always.'

'Did you..?' His voice is softer this time as if almost surely asking him to speak the truth.

Riyaan takes a moment to answer that. That's a confession that drags him way down in Ivan's eyes. But lying to Ivan was never a choice, especially about things like these, especially when he eats and sleeps in his place. Ivan needs to know so he can make better decisions when it comes to that.

'Yes, one time..'

'Stealing is bad.'

'I know that.'

'Can I ask you to not do that again?' Ivan asks in a relaxed tone.

'I won't, I have a job now, I needed the money. Also, that was one time.'

Ivan must be really reconsidering the whole thing right now — inviting him for pleasure and sex, and especially to live on this premises. He'd be crazy not to.

Riyaan wouldn't be surprised if Ivan asked him to leave by the end of the week. He already jokes about ending whatever arrangement they started. He would do it politely of course. Because that's Ivan - polite, calm, and gentle.

He almost feels tired already, thinking he would have to go through rent prices again. He have never realised how much he hates it until the thought hit him today, and for the first time in his life, he feels beaten and hopeless.

*                      *                         *

A soft embrace of light material brings him out of sleep. It's hard to open his eyes from the tiredness. Last night, his sleep was insufficient and late.

'Oh, I didn't mean to disturb your sleep. You had your body curled up, I thought you must be cold,' Ivan says, adjusting the comforter over his body.

'It's okay. I should be up.'

Ivan is already dressed up for work. His disobedient mind — last night's thoughts were much more rational — this morning starts dreaming of things that could-be. Seeing Ivan the moment he opens his eyes in the morning is a reality that he would like to keep forever.

This is all he wanted. Wished. Desired. This is all — he is content. But it's not real. He is just living in his space, they just sleep in his bed because...it's convenient. Because Ivan doesn't mind who gets close to his body, but he minds who gets close to his heart and soul.

Ivan makes a hand gesture over his face — why the long face?

Riyaan laughs, Ivan can be silly sometimes.

'Ditch work today. If you can. But I must go. Also, your friend left. He seems like a nice guy albeit quite talkative.'

Nice guy? Nitin does have a good heart but a nice guy he is not.

'I cannot ditch work either.'

'Then hurry, if you want me to drop you.'

'No. I don't want to delay you.'

Ivan stops moving and considers him for a moment. His expression is unreadable.

'Listen, take this.' Ivan slides something on his hand. 'Use it whenever you need anything. Anything.'

A credit card.

'What are you doing? I don't want it, take it back,' Riyaan says, slapping the card over his chest lightly. For a moment, Riyaan loses himself as Ivan's warm heart beats under his palm underneath the layer of clothes he is wearing. He has never come so close as to touching someone like that, not even Ivan when they have sex.

'Keep it. Big expenses, small expenses, you can use whenever you want.'

'You are making it worse, you need to be more careful.'

He is disappointed in so many ways. After confessing some pretty disturbing stuff to Ivan, he probably is ashamed to be fucking and sleeping on the same bed as a low-quality criminal. Or the fact that even after confessing to such crimes, he is handing him a credit card which he can use to buy and sell so many things, might end up looting him and emptying his bank balance. Isn't Ivan supposed to be more responsible?

'I know how to take care of my money.'

'That's not what I'm seeing here. I told you I have done things before.'

'And I don't want you to do that again, you shouldn't have to do that again. It's really dangerous, you know. Your friend, he didn't seem scared. But you should be, him too. Take it, even if you don't want to use it. If you want to rob someone or loot someone, that would be me.'

'No, sorry I cannot,' Riyaan mutters under his breath. Is that why he is sharing this card with him?

'What's that?'

'I cannot.'

Ivan sighs. 'That last part..I didn't mean it like it sounded.'

'I didn't rob or loot someone, I just stole some money.' The words taste bitter in his tongue. 'Yeah, I guess that's looting. But I'm not doing it ever again.'

Ivan now not only sees him in a different light, but he is also so scared that he might rob people that he had to share his credit card to stop him. Had Ivan known him at all, he would have known. He would have known that he would never do that again.

'If you ever need something again, you will tell me right?'

'Why aren't you kicking me out?'

'Uh, what?'

'Never mind.' He takes a long sigh before he leaves for the bathroom. When he comes out to the empty room, messy bed, piles of clothes on the chair, and his eyes are still tired. Letting Poets of the Fall play in the background, he starts his day.

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Sorry if you find any grammar errors or errors in general. I see them only after sometime ..