Chapter Fourteen

Riyaan's colleagues practically drag him to the trade fair after work. But for two reasons he is not enjoying the trip at all: Nikita's passive-aggressive comments on his late arrival, and Ivan's possibly-changed perception towards him.

'You've been quiet today. Don't take Nikita so seriously, one time she sent me a video about time management, telling me how I can get work done in less time. And I asked her if I should watch that during work times, she was mad.' Plassi walks with him through the aisle of shops.

'Did you ask her for it?'

'No. She randomly texted me.'

'I swear to God, if I ever get an offer, even if it's just another hellhole, I'll take it. She's eating my head.'

'I will too. But your rent problems are now gone, right?'

'For now. But I wouldn't be so relaxed.'

'But I thought it's going well with your boyfriend.'

'He's not my boyfriend.'

'But you live with him!'

'For convenience! I'll never be able to repay his kindness.'

'Just marry him, bro.'

'What do you mean?'

'Marry him to repay his kindness. Here, come. This store looks like it sells gold rings.'

'Sure, why not? He is dying to get married to me.' They go into the store. Fixed Price, No Bargain. The large words are visible even from the outside of the store.

'Hi, what do you guys want to see?'

'Can I get something to say thank you?' He might not be able to repay his kindness, but the least he can do is say 'thank you'.

'Like a card?'

'Not really. Something that is more lasting.' He knows a thank you card wouldn't make it to the room where Ivan keeps all his collections and different stuff from other people.

'Here, you can go for a silver or gold locket like this, can do some engraving too.'

But he ends up getting a circular piece of copper, it's not the design that necessarily caught his attention, but it's the price.

'What do you want written?'

'Say "Thanks for letting me stay"'

Another guy in the shop buys a ring, for his girlfriend. He buys a rather affordable ring too, apparently, he buys a ring for his girlfriend every year until the real one comes along. It's their thing.

'We are all fools in love,' the guy says, laughing like a fool in love.

He wonders how Ivan acts when he is in love. Is he the kind that sprawls on the beach with his lover, playing with dirt and sand like kids would? Does he do silly, embarrassing stuff to get the attention of his lover, and make him laugh? Or would he actually respect and be sincere about something as silly as buying rings every year? He knows that Ivan has been in love, except not with him.

He types a message to him, better than wondering is asking: what do you think of couples who buy each other rings every year until the real one comes along..?

The dance of the cursor continues as the sound of engraving gets more aggressive on the metal. He backspaces. Instead, he sends:

Riyaan: came out shopping with friends. might be late for home.

The engraving came out wrong. It now says Thanks for letting my stay.

He is a little late when he arrives home, but Ivan's response still doesn't arrive, let alone the man himself. It's been 5 hours since he sent him the message and it's usual time for him to come home from work. He waits for him trying to focus on Hollywood classiscs, but on second thought, he also puts on his earphones - letting the beats of Kalax's Calling calm his nerves. He also brings out a book from the shelf so that it doesn't look like he has been waiting for Ivan for two hours.

He plays with the antique copper locket nervously on his hand, feeling the engraving with his fingers. Thanks for letting my stay Ivan.

After a few torturous minutes, he hears Ivan's car in the garage. Ivan opens the door to the living room, he smiles at him. A tired smile as he leans against the doorframe, but it still looks good on him.

'The multitasking guru,' Ivan teases, seeing the book, the earphones and the movie.

So he didn't even read my message?

'Yeah? This book is boring,' Riyaan holds it up for him. The Long Petal of the Sea. He saw Ivan reading it a few days ago, very intently, so naturally he was interested in it.

Ivan looks at the book as he drinks water. 'This is not for fickle lovers - it's a slow burn, that's why you find it boring.'

'I am a fickle lover?' Riyaan follows Ivan to the bedroom.

'You are still young is what I meant. A little impatient, too.'

'I will have you know.' Would being patient prove advantageous to him? Maybe Ivan just wants him to be patient, that would make sense.

'Yes..?' Ivan takes out his phone from his pocket, and reads out his message: came out shopping with friends. might be late for home.

'It was silent the whole day, I'm sorry. Was a busy day.'

'It's okay.' The fact that Ivan says sorry about such small details makes him want to feel something; but he restricts himself - albeit quite unsuccessfully, because it's Ivan being polite, and it's not Ivan being considerate of his feelings, of the time he waits for a reply after he sent a text.

'So, what did you do?'

'Went to shopping, ate, watched people, things like that...' And then slowly, 'Maybe I also got you something.'

Riyaan realises right after he says it that maybe he shouldn't have. Maybe he shouldn't have bought it and he shouldn't have said it. What, exactly, would Ivan do with a gift from him, a ..fickle lover?

But he has said it now.

'What?' Ivan follows him back to the living room.

'Wait,' he looks for it on the table, the couch, the bookshelf, back to the bedroom, and everywhere else he has put his hands on in the last few minutes. And then also his pockets, which is an unlikely place.

'I'm pretty sure I've left it in the coach, I must have,' he says, running his hands over the smooth coach even though he can't see it.

'What are we exactly looking for, a sex toy? Right? You got me a sex toy?'

'No! Why would I buy sex toys for you with my friends.. or why ever?' He looks down on the carpet. Ivan tries to do the same in an attempt to help him, but he looks funny because his shirt's buttons and the belt from his pants are undone, and he has a clueless face all over because he doesn't know what he is looking for.

Riyaan feels deep adoration and sorry for his confused state.

'It's a copper locket with some words,' he says, laughing softly, as he tries to reach beneath the couch with his hand where his sight can't reach. Ivan does the same, accidentally banging his head against Riyaan.

'Ouch.' He bangs his head lightly against Ivan next.

'You did that on purpose, the second one.'

'I promise it was an accident.' Riyaan is looking at the bookshelf again.

'Maybe it's in your pocket, what did you wear today?'

'No, I was holding it with me while I was here, and then you came.'

'You sure?

'Of course.'

Even by dinner, he hasn't found the locket, and he keeps thinking how, just how, it was in his hand and then it's gone just like that. Ivan laughs, seeing his petulant and sore mood.

'Maybe there's no locket at all, are you sure you bought it?' Ivan asks, brushing his knuckles over Riyaan's cheeks before taking the dishes to the sink.

'Yes! I bought it.' For 300Rs

'And what was written, you might as well say it now, and I consider it gifted,'

'What do you think was written?'

'Something about how much you enjoy our sexy times?' Ivan teases.

'Gods, what's with the sex jokes?' And then, 'Maybe I declared my fickle affections for you. That's what I had them written.'

'Maybe you didn't even buy anything for me, liar.'

'I bet you I did,' Riyaan says, eyesight stuck on the floor but his mind is elsewhere, searching mental records of the past few hours.

'I bet you didn't.' Ivan's voice drawing closer.

'Bet that you would believe my affections for you are beyond fickle when we finally find that locket,' Riyaan will no way be able to confess his growing feelings for Ivan ever in his life. Not when Ivan doesn't see him and dismisses his affections as fickle. Saying someone you don't return their affection is one thing and there's this.

Ivan laughs. 'You cannot be serious!'

'I am serious.' He is. Just like his feelings for Ivan. Just like his jealousy of his ex. Just as beautiful as Ivan.

The smile and playfulness on Ivan's face fall gradually. He takes a long, audible sigh. A challenging look on his face. 'Fine.'

'Fine?' Riyaan has never thought himself lucky but maybe that's going to change today.

'Mm-hmm, but you gotta promise me something too.'

'Promise you that I'll never talk about kissing or loving you again?' That's what Ivan wants, right? For him to be patient?

'I need to ask you something, promise me that you will not get offended because that's not my intention.'

A specific request, an unusual one.

'Oh, I'm in a good mood, so...yeah.'

Ivan sits on the bed, leaning against his arms on his back. From the silence before speaking, Riyaan can tell whatever he is going to ask, he is preparing for it. The suspense is killing him.

'Your bike, did you buy it?'

It's just about his bike? Ivan can be so silly sometimes.

'No. Arin's family gifted it to me when I scored exceptional marks in my finals. Why?'

'Just asking... was it a loan, do you need to repay, things like that.'

But something about his facial expression tells Riyaan that that's not it. But he doesn't blame Ivan. 'That's not why. You want to know if I stole it.'

Hell, he doesn't even care anymore if Ivan loves him back, or talks to him ever again, but Ivan not seeing him as he is, is a fact his heart cannot take. His eyes moisten up, and his nose swells in pain.

And he takes off to the bedroom, lying for about an hour before he realises he misses that warm body way too much.

'Hey?' Ivan places a hand over his body, bringing him up from a hazy half-asleep state.

'Riyaan?' He calls again.

'I want you to know - I didn't ask this to blame you. I wanted to know if there's going to be consequences for you in the future, and I wanted to fix that for you.' He hears a small, soft laugh. 'It's probably not very moral or legal and I'll probably even have to ask my father for a favour. Not something I'd like but as long as you can have a good life. And I know you're not asleep.'

'And why would you do that?' He finally breaks his pretend sleep. Ivan says such sweet words, he cannot even stay mad at him.

'Why? Because I care about you. Don't you?'

Yeah. By now, he gets it. Ivan cares about him, but not the way he wants or expects.

'You wouldn't have to go criminal for me. You're the only good thing in my life.' Riyaan blinks towards the ceiling.

'Only good thing, huh? Do I wait for that locket to show up before believing that?'

'No. You can believe it now.'

'Who's Arin and his family?'

'Arin's parents always came to celebrate his birthday in our orphanage. We have become friends over the years. We grew apart though later. But we are friends again now. But anyway, I visited them at their home after I was out of my first home. They are super good to me, hence the gift.'

'I'm glad you had someone.'

Riyaan is too.

'Also, I didn't say Nitin he could stay here. He invited himself.'

'Oh, I figured that out. But that's okay. Street smart, that one.'

'I am too, I am smarter than him.' Nitin doesn't need compliments from Ivan. What would he do with praises? He cannot cash out.

'You're more than smart.' Ivan hugs him from behind.

'Ah, you are crushing me.'

---------------------------------------------------------