Chapter Sixteen

Riyaan is busy.

He has been busy since the time Ivan told him they were going to someplace — from researching the place to asking ten different questions to Ivan ten different times.

And Ivan...he's busy too. He hardly ever gets home in time. When he does, he comes to Riyaan's room to see if he's still awake. Sometimes they talk, and sometimes Riyaan pretends to sleep. Because he misses him.

His plan of ignoring Ivan and goading a reaction from him seems to have backfired because now he sleeps alone, and hardly ever meets Ivan.

But just one day till he gets to be around Ivan all day long for almost a week.

Just one day till the trip.

*               *               *

'Hey, Riyaan. Long time.' Preet yells from the car.

'Hey.' Feeling a little aware that Preet knows now. Kris definitely told him.

'Also, this is my baby brother and his friend.' They are now walking with Riyaan and Kris.

'You have a baby brother?'

'Hi, I am Neel. Also, I'm not a baby, I'm probably your age.'

The guy wears a white sweater, and his face indeed looks like a baby, a baby version of Preet.

'Hi, I'm Aahan. I'm the friend of baby brother.' Weirdly, this guy too, wears a similar sweater with a different colour.

Riyaan introduces himself to both before rushing to unpack his stuff from the car.

By the time everyone has settled in their rooms, it is almost evening.

'They did the booking, or else, I would have booked us two rooms.' Ivan says. Always thoughtful and considerate.

Riyaan cannot blame him because he has been avoiding him, and they were sleeping not-together.

When the sun is about to set, their guide for the trek comes to greet them.

'You guys doing okay?' He is young, tall, and looks hardly native. But he's got the accent that says he's indeed native.

When all of them have given their positive affirmations, Riyaan finally sees that they have a lot of people in the group. He only knows five of them, including Ivan, Kris, Preet, Neel and Aahan. Maybe tomorrow, he will know them all.

Five in the morning, that's when they have to get up tomorrow, as their guide repeatedly mentions. But the group doesn't seem very enthusiastic about that. They groan, including Kris, which makes him laugh.

'What do you think, can you get up at 5 am?' Ivan nudges him softly with his arms. His playful voice is evident despite the long travel.

'Yes.' He nudges him back.

'Very enthusiastic, I see. We have to sleep early.'

'Sure do. Who are the others?'

'Those two? With the red tee, that one is Preet's brother and his friend.'

'I know them. The others?' He gestures towards the rest two.

'Yash, and Kanan.'

'And, do you know them?'

'I do. But not really well, they are mostly Preet's friends.'

'Shouldn't that mean your friend too? You and Preet are friends.'

'Not necessarily. But Preet and I weren't always friends. His older brother is or used to be my best friend in school. Only after we started working together did I spend most time with Preet, and became friends. Or work buddies.'

The guide is now learning their names one by one. Riyaan opens his mouth in a wide yawn.

'Is he that boring?' Ivan leans in and whispers, about the guide.

'No. I think it's you.' He tries to stifle a laugh.

'Hey!' Ivan nudges him, defensively.

'Hey,' he says, chuckling, doing the same.

And the next moment a painful memory clicks in. Everything they are doing — he keeps telling himself, it's not about making his ex angry or jealous. Nobody just plans a trip like this to make someone jealous.

It cannot be.

*               *                *

The trek is supposed to start at 6 in the morning as planned but hardly any of them has woken up in time except him, and Ivan.

By the time the others are waking up, they are both ready sitting outside, sulking at the foggy nature. Riyaan's eyes are biting him to go back to sleep, and he is hardly keeping his eyes open.

He looks at Ivan, sitting beside him. The jackets in their bodies touch each other, and the friction causes the jacket to make soft yet scratchy sounds. Ivan holds a water bottle in his hand, the veins in his hands are so visible that he can see them move underneath the skin back of his palm.

'You are so veiny...,' Riyaan says, running his fingers over the back of his palm.

'You're noticing it for the first time?'

'No.' Not the first time. But it's definitely the first time he appreciates it. But Ivan doesn't know that, because he didn't exactly make it sound like a compliment.

A few seconds into caressing his skin, Riyaan gets a feeling that Ivan is attentively looking at his fingers moving too. More attentively than he is. Ivan's shallow and shaky breath touches his fingers when the others are starting to gather. For some reason, that breath makes his stomach feel a lot of things, and he shivers a little inside, and it has nothing to do with a different environment. Because he felt it one other time — when he was sitting beside Ivan in the dark room at Preet's house.

From behind, someone covers Riyaan's eyes with cold hands, making him almost wince.

'Are you ten?' Ivan says to the cold-handed person behind him.

From the almost inaudible laugh, he can already tell it's Kris. But even without the laugh, no one would play silly games with him.

'Who am I?'

The hands covering his face are already getting warmer. 'You are ten,' he makes a guess.

'Damn right. Ivan ruined it.'

They finally call the guide and tell him that they are ready. As they start their ascent, Riyaan starts to feel chirpy and his eyes start to feel more comfortable. He walks ahead of them all, and two steps behind is Ivan. His phone chimes.

Kris: I'll make thes e people walk slower than you two .. xD thank mw later.

Riyaan: ? why?

Kris: 🙄🙄

Riyaan looks back. Kris walks with the rest of them, talking with the guide. Ivan waits too.

Kris still hasn't replied to the why, but he wouldn't mind having Ivan to himself. This is his first ever Trek or travelling experience in general, and sharing it with Ivan is something he'd like to remember.

'Tired already?'

'No. I'm alright.'

'Don't pace yourself, okay? Take your time.'

'Mm-hmm. Okay.'

Ivan leads, with him behind four steps.

After fifteen more minutes, he is leading the trail, and their ascent reaches a point where the trail becomes narrow, on one side there's the retaining wall, and on the other side, Riyaan doesn't want to look. But one accidental look gives him the creeps, and he realises his legs are a little tired. This is not the place where he would like to stop, so he moves ahead with agility. But when after a few minutes they are still not reaching a wider path, he stops.

'I have to stop.' He leans himself against the retaining wall, letting Ivan pass. The others are not in the picture, yet.

'I think we will find a good spot to wait for the others and drink some water. C'mon. Just a few more steps.'

'No. I can't.' He may even have a leg sprain.

'Yes, you can. C'mon,' Ivan says softly, encouraging him to take his hand. He half wants to take his hand and half wants to tear up.

'My ankle is painful.' He almost cries in disappointment, bracing his palms against the wall, not being able to hold his hand and let Ivan help him.

'Let me see,' Ivan approaches him. 'You need to use the poles, you know.'

'I know.'

'Here?' Ivan asks, touching his ankle.

Riyaan hopes to death that his cry of pain is a good enough confirmation. Then in one swift movement, Ivan lifts him.

'Ivan, no! We will fall.'

'Just a few minutes,' Ivan says with a breathless voice.

Ivan's exhausted breath makes him shiver inside — but this time not for the same reason. It's because one wrong step, one accidental step, they would both go down the hill and never stop.

He carefully casts a look back towards the path they came through; the others are still not in the picture but he can hear occasional loud voices. If they actually fall, none of them will know what happened to them.

'Ivan, please. Put me down, your legs are shaky. We should wait for the others.' He says to that smiling face, with sweat beads on his forehead. He has no idea what Ivan finds so amusing about the whole thing.

'I thought you'd be too light to carry but you're not that light. I can still carry you.'

'Ivan, I'm legit picturing, you and me falling these sloppy steps, and we are going down and not stopping. I'm serious, Ivan.'

'I thought that's what you wanted, that we fall together, no? What did you say "I will take you with me" something like that...' Ivan takes one step.

He has no idea what Ivan is talking about.

'I swear to God,' he says, slowly closing his eyes shut. 'Please, don't move. Don't move one more step. Don't move your body even.'

When Riyaan opens his eyes, he finds Ivan smiling and almost huffing, and they are closer to the falling side than the retaining wall.

'Okay, I am not moving. This is not even that narrow, nobody's going to fall from here.'

'I hear you, now, put me down.'

'But you also asked me to not move.'

'You can move to put me down, carefully.' Please. This is the kind of Ivan he has had fun dealing with multiple times in the past. Teasing him, joking with him, and playing clueless dumb, but not this time.

'May I carefully move to kiss you on the lips?' Ivan locks his gaze to his.

He holds his breath for a moment, just to keep the chemicals and nerves in his body from going crazy. Breathe. Breathe, Riyaan. Breathe for all the people in the world who love you.

His fingers start to hurt around the trekking poles, and he takes a deep breath momentarily looking at Ivan's eyes, and then at his lips. But his heart is ready to burst because now that he looked at his lips, it has become too transparent. For his own confirmation, his ear plays the words for the second time, without his permission.

There's no way, Ivan is breaking his own rule just because they are ascending to the top of a hill. Or maybe he is just...messing around with him because who knows maybe people go crazy when go high up in altitude.

'I don't like playing these kind of games, Ivan.'

'So, you want to move a little to kiss me then?' And despite almost prohibiting it, Ivan moves another step up. And he can feel that they aren't exactly stable, and neither is the path. 'I am offering a rare opportunity.'

It takes everything in Riyaan to not get angry at Ivan for joking and ...what he concludes to be mocking him when he clearly sees he is affected by the kissing invitation. But it makes him angry thinking how Ivan could have stayed so cool and collected about all these when they were in bed, with no threat of falling, and now, here he is risking their lives to offer a rare opportunity to kiss him. Most of all, in general, he is angry because Ivan is so insensitive.

'Why are you doing this? Put me down, you fucking idiot.'

Then they move two steps up, then three, then six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven — eleven is the step he would rather not Ivan put him down because it's too narrow and he cannot put him down now. And five more steps before they reach a wider path, and Ivan finally puts him down. Immediately he fists his palm, throwing light punches at Ivan in the chest — not meant to hurt, but to show anger.

'Ouch,' Ivan cries but in mock pain. Then he starts chuckling.

Riyaan feels hot flushing anger, erupting gradually, warmth on his cheeks, and nose almost painful of the impending tear up. Fear, anger, and embarrassment boil his body. He challenges Ivan's eyes up until his eyes are tearing up, and when it's too much, he buries his face in Ivan's chest. He buries his face harder when strong hands embrace him softly.

'What if we fell?'

'We wouldn't have. I'm not a silly person. I know this trail. I have gone trekking so many times before, narrower lanes than this.'

'I told you, wouldn't let you fall.'

'It's not always up to you.'

'You know you were at a lower risk than letting me drive you on the first day. And now, I have seen your fearful face too.'

'What?'

'I have seen you frustrated and irritated, and now I see you being scared.'

'Are you a masochist?'

Ivan throws his hands in the air as he rolls his eyes. 'Random relationship advice: you need to experience one summer, one storm, one heavy rain, one romantic rain, one spring, one everything together...that's only when you start feeling at home.'

'Whatever the fuck does that mean!'

'Such rude language! This is advice — you'll know when to use it.'

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