Chapter Eighteen

Riyaan's laptop is almost eight years old; it's slow and laggy. But Riyaan was determined to use it till it dies, and when it does die now, he is horrified. Only five days he hasn't given any attention to his laptop. Only five days! And it seems to have been holding a grudge against him.

'Please. Please, don't die. Don't die. DON'T YOU DARE DIE!' He points a finger dramatically at the laptop screen. No. He will not be able to buy a new laptop even if he empties his whole of the bank balance.

'Who's dying?' Ivan asks as he walks into the room, looking at the TV screen.

'My laptop. Do you have anything I can open this with? Tools?'

'Really? What do you know about fixing that?'

'I don't.'

'Send it to a professional shop tomorrow.'

'But I need it now.'

'Use mine.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yeah.'

The downside of doing a distance graduation is that Riyaan doesn't have many people to rely on. He has nobody to discuss his projects with much. He hardly ever attends his classes and hardly knows anyone. Except he knows he will have to work on projects with some group.

'Will you please eat your food first?'

'Can't, I'm busy. I have to submit the assignment by tomorrow, and I haven't even figured out what I have to do.'

'Fifteen minutes, keep aside your books, eat and get back.'

'No can do. I'll eat it right after I figure it out.' He really cannot. It's a good thing that he has already completed two days of work beforehand, or he wouldn't have had the whole day for his assignment. His calves are killing him, but he doesn't regret a single day of that trip.

'Is that one of your excuses to avoid eating?'

'Shh!' There's only one thing in people that makes Riyaan mildly annoying, and it's when people ask him to eat. And he has found that a lot of people do just that. Ivan, too.

But instead of shutting up, Ivan comes up to his desk and stands by its side. Taking his plate, he tears off pieces of butter-coated naan and brings it to his mouth.

Now this is something that makes Riyaan bring his focus out of the assignment.

He stops everything that he is doing. Ivan is not indulging, but he still holds the naan in front of his mouth. The things Ivan does — the things that make his stomach do weird things to Riyaan.

'If you are already feeding me, why don't you also call me "baby". Just for the vibe, you know.' Riyaan takes the bite from his hand. Just for today, he will not get annoyed. He can do that.

Ivan tears off another piece.

'No?' Riyaan tries to make eye contact.

'No what?'

'Won't you call me "baby"? "Baby, let me feed you, my baby boy."' He mimics a cooing voice.

'So you have time to joke, but not to eat. I knew this was an excuse to not eat.' Ivan puts the plate back on the desk.

'Don't go, help me finish. If I touch the oily food, I'll have to wash my hands again. Plus, it's super convenient.'

Ivan obeys without saying anything. Riyaan looks at him — such a beautiful face. Looks even better when he is listening to Riyaan, showing him love, obeying his commands, and feeding him with his own hands like there is nothing else, no one else in the world needs his love and attention except him.

'Such an obedient boy!' Riyaan says. To this, Ivan rolls his eyes.

When Ivan brings the plates to the kitchen, he goes back to the laptop screen. And this is when he sees it — a notification on Ivan's laptop.

From Jai.

From Jai!

His face immediately goes back to resting face just by seeing the name. Now that's a name that hasn't been lingering in his mind for a while, as if it was never there to start with.

The notification hangs around on a mini window long enough for Riyaan to argue internally whether or not he should not open it, or read it.

Wrong. Don't read it. But he is also reading it as he is arguing.

Jai

We were dating and close, I agree. You expressed your wishes to pursue something more serious for us. If I remember right, you said the wo..

The message preview hangs around, and he then tries to cancel the notification, in case he ends up opening it. But that's what he does accidentally.

Jai

We were dating and close, I agree. You expressed your interest in pursuing something more serious. If I remember right, you said the words.. 'Think about it'.. I was doing just that, did you expect me to have thought about it when you saw me with him? The thing is, you knew already we were in an open relationship, just seeing me with someone made you realise that. I want nothing more than to be with you in a serious relationship or however you want, but that wasn't my fault. I want you to know that. Otherwise, how do we move forward?

P.S. I miss you

Without thinking any longer he clicks on Unread and then stares at the wallpaper — lonely boat in the middle of calm waters.

Before this, Riyaan had a very different concept of this ex. If he is honest with himself, he hasn't thought of what kind of relationship or dynamics Ivan must have shared. But now, having read the message, he gets a picture of some annoying earnest bond, which will always be a part of Ivan's life. Just like Ivan will always be a part of Riyaan's.

By the time Ivan comes back to the room, his mood has become sore and his forehead creased. He is madly analysing what moving forward means — it surely doesn't sound anywhere close to moving on. He would be going crazy with happiness if Ivan's ex did just that — moving on that is. If he can find people for an open relationship, why can't he just find another for his serious relationship? Maybe he should talk to this ex, and tell him this. He should. Except, Ivan would be mad.

'Do you want to watch something after you are done with the assignment?'

Riyaan quickly opens the browser.

'Mm, no. Do you want the laptop?'

'No. I just wanted to know if you are up for a movie.'

'Am not.' For a while, he is getting mad at Ivan too. How does he still want to be with someone after seeing that person with someone else?

'Sure. I'll go watch something myself.' But he hangs around the door frame for a few minutes, Riyaan can feel the eyes on him. But he's too vulnerable right now to indulge.

He knows Ivan isn't a great movie lover. But he mostly finds Riyaan watching movies, and oftentimes he would just sit there with him, either work or sometimes leisurely. Riyaan believes Ivan now kind of has a newfound hobby.

Ivan finally leaves for the other room.

His phone blinks a notification.

Neel added him to a group chat. And immediately his phone is filled with 30+ messages. Some of them are welcoming him to the group. His first instinct is to go through the whole group of members looking for that specific, or special someone's name.

Riyaan: hi

Aahan: Sup?

Riyaan: assignments and stuff. What's this about?

Everyone seems to be already on some topic, replying to messages that he hasn't received. Then Neel is explaining how they are planning a trip and wants him to come along.

Neel: So you coming?

Riyaan: will think about it after the exams.

Ivan: What's happening?

Aahan: :o OMG is it the first this guy is texting here?

Preet: This is not exactly a chatty guy, especially instant messaging.

So, even Preet knows that he writes emails to his ex?

Aahan: So, our trip is that exciting?

Neel: Hell yeahhhh

Kris: (Sure...)

Ivan to Riyaan: I thought you said you have work to do?

Does he not know all this is a group chat?

Riyaan to Ivan(Privately): that was the group chat.

Ivan: I know. Done with your assignment?

Riyaan: no.

He finds Ivan leaning by the door frame, again, as he types.

'Let's go to bed.'

'I can't.'

Neel replies to Ivan's text: wow, you two know each other?

Yash: They are fuck-buddies.

Immediately, Riyaan's face falls. Maybe that term would have been okay before when he didn't know how far this would go. But now, it makes him sick to his stomach.

'You are a liar. I know you're not working on anything,' Ivan says, trying to close the laptop lid.

'Are we fuck-buddies?' He blurts. If he cannot be angry at Ivan for giving undeserving people second chances, maybe this would be a fair reason to get angry at him.

'Yeah, if you put it casually. So, let's go fuck,' Ivan says in his ear, voice soft and whisper-like, wrapping a hand around his neck. 'I will sing Ed Sheeran for you, is it too late to say sorry, cuz I'm missing more than just your body.'

That's what their driver put on when they were driving to sightseeing. It's a little funny that it was on repeat, and Ivan has memorised a part of it.

'That's Justin Bieber.'

'Huh? Really?'

Go to your ex and fuck him is a response he doesn't want to leave his mouth as he cannot predict what's coming for him next — or what expression he would have to see.

'I am working.' This is a better response.

'Fine.' Ivan leaves.

When he checks the chats again, Yash's message is gone.

When he goes to bed late at night, he slowly slips in. Trying not to disturb the silence and Ivan's sleep. Ivan's unexpected touch makes him jump. He brings Riyaan in a tight embrace. 'You were up for too late.'

'Mm-hmm. I thought you were asleep?'

'I was thinking about the movie.'

'Which one?'

'The one you and I were supposed to watch.'

'Which one?'

'You don't remember? I'm not telling you.'

If it were some other day, he would have indulged.

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