Chapter One

The way Riyaan knows it, Holi is the celebration and party in itself. But now that he is meeting new people, and hanging around with newly bonded friends, he is realising there's more to it. There's after-Holi party. Right now, he has ended up at someone's house, whom he doesn't know. Not personally. He knows that it's Kris' boyfriend's house, but he never met him. And all the people he knows in the house are Kris, and his friends Nancy, Vidya, and Cyan. Rest are the people who look like they have something serious to do in life - like they actually do something important in their lives. Unlike him.

At twenty-three, Riyaan hasn't achieved much in life — except getting a place for himself in a decent neighbourhood, and a full-time job that he believes pays comparatively well but it comes with a micromanaging manager. When he first got to his new place, he was proud of himself. Especially, because he grew up in an orphanage, and packed his bag before he turned eighteen, only so that it would make it easier to leave after.

He was one of the best in his class and among all the kids in the orphanage. He often felt like that quote fit him accurately: If you're the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room.

But his education served him well enough to meet his needs. His wants? Not so much. So when today he is surrounded by people that look so important, and doing so well in life, he questions his life choices, which he didn't have much of.

'Suits at the Holi party. These guys are loaded,' Nancy says from next to him.

'I know, right.'

They stand on the verandah of the beautiful house with two storeys. It's not enormous but it's bigger than the usual houses he has seen. But it's the minimalist design probably that makes it look big, and somehow still gives the vibe of intimacy.  A family would be really happy and cosy there because of the equally beautiful green trees that surround the house from both sides. Riyaan likes to entertain these thoughts sometimes — like how it would be to live somewhere remotely beautiful like this and spend time with a loving family.

'I will find Vidya real quick,' Nancy moves away, her face filled with a different mix of Holi powders, which he finds to be really funny. Especially without expression.

'Sure.'

He looks from one point of the house to the other. Some are talking in groups, while some are busy around a BBQ setup. Some are swimming in the pool — not some, actually a lot of them are swimming. Everyone seems to be doing something, eating, drinking, talking, taking their clothes off and clicking selfies. Except him. He is...bored. He didn't expect the whole thing to drag for this long.

Riyaan didn't mean to hold his gaze on any man on the premises today, but when a man in a pristine and tailored jacket enters, he cannot not. He has a physique and height that would generally get the attention of most people. Riyaan doesn't try to be any different than most people, but he is also embarrassed to keep staring at him.

But it's his face; glued to a phone in his hand, which is beautiful enough to make him hold his gaze. Not the kind of beauty which makes you click a picture, but Riyaan doesn't mind a picture. Not the kind where you want them for yourself forever either; Riyaan doesn't mind that. In fact, he is thinking of it right now, a beautiful house surrounded by trees and a beautiful man to wake up to every day.

But he's a different kind of beauty; a beauty that makes his heart feel a pang. A pang of awareness where he knows, he can only dream.

The man wears a bored expression on his face, and his eyes don't flicker to the guys jumping in the pool.

'You staying for that stream, right?' Kris asks, covering his sight from the man.

Riyaan huffs.

Truth be told, he was growing impatient to leave. But then Kris makes him remember that he promised to do game streams with him on his channel. He doesn't mind gaming with Kris usually. In fact, this is one of the reasons why they started hanging around with each other after their 12th standard, when before they weren't friends.

'Can I not have my face shown?' Riyaan is certain that he will not show his face.

'Is there a particular reason?'

'I am just a camera-shy person or shy person in general. You know, an introverted old soul. And this..,' Riyaan brushes some colour off from his skin, '...will take time to come off completely.'

'Well, you could just hide behind the colour. But fine, we will keep this delicate and sweet face hidden from the corrupt world!' Kris holds his chin as he says.

'Who's that?' He nods to the person. The man is now standing on the edge of the pool, bending a little and talking to someone in the pool.

Kris follows Riyaan's gaze and they both settle on what's happening by the pool. 'He is...off limits. Already taken.'

Taken? Right. It's not like the house is up for grabs either.

'Just asking.'

'Wait, he's taken? Is that why he ignored me when I tried my luck?' Nancy says from behind them.

'When?' Riyaan asks, but he is curious to know more than that.

'I think it's because you were barking up the wrong tree.' Cyan provides to Nancy.

Oh! Now that is a piece of information that perks up Riyaan more than anything. But only for a second, because what are the odds that he is into men and this guy is too, but he's taken? It's like a torture.

'That means I have a chance?' Riyaan says, which sounds like a cheeky remark, but his intention was to confirm if he's into men. Kris knows his sexual interest; one of the other reasons why he wants to hang out with Kris.

'Like I said — taken. Even if he wasn't, you don't have much chance.' Kris says, considering him for a moment.

'Ouch! Should I be offended?' Riyaan is dying to know why specifically he has a low chance, but doesn't want to show interest in a taken man.

'I'll find you someone that is just right for you.' Kris brings him closer by throwing his arm around his neck, steering him away from the pool.

'And I trust you will. Except I'm not sure you know my taste.'

'I believe your taste to be a little hard to find, yeah. But then again, what is your taste?'

Riyaan rolls his eyes.

'I don't know. Someone matured — have some depth?'

'People don't reveal depth until years. And then sometimes years become too late and you realise they don't have any depth.'

'Wow. Personal experience?'

'Kind of. But that's over now. That was the past. Things are different now.'

'I am glad.' Riyaan takes a quick look back at the pool. The man is nowhere to be seen.

Cyan and Nancy want to know more about Kris' personal experience of the failed judgement of people. He is supposed to be chatting with his friends and finds interest in their discussion but instead, he finds himself searching for the man.

He huffs and drops down on the swing bench nearby, rather carefully. He tried not to move his body unless he had to — in fear that the coloured powder from his face would taint the seat more. He hasn't seen his face after he reached the place, but he has a good reason to think that the mixture of excessive dark green and pink colour powders has made his face unrecognisable. From past experiences, he also has an idea that right now he looks funny, or just scary like an evil little ghost minus the neon light eyes. Internally laughing at Nancy's face probably wasn't a good idea.

'Did you really try your luck with him?' Riyaan asks Nancy, who stands beside him. He keeps his voice low.

'I tried to flirt with him,' Nancy says. 'That was super awkward. The man acted like he has never been asked out before. But I don't think he's gay.'

'Maybe he hasn't been. Some people really do keep private.' Kris argues.

'I will be honest, I was a little offended. At least say you're not interested.' Nancy shrugs.

Kris snorts. 'Some people would say hitting on them just after you saw them at a party is offensive.'

Nancy walks away to find Cyan who can be seen from where they are, and after two minutes Kris walks away too. It's always the same with them. They pretend they can be civil with each other, but Kris and Nancy always end up saying things to each other that are aimed at insulting. Riyaan doesn't know much and he doesn't ask much - they have known each other for a whole lot longer than he knows them. It could be how they always were.

He hopes no one notices him sitting alone and takes pity on him. After a few minutes or more, when his hopes come true, he wonders if that is worse.

And then there he is - the man, walking towards him. His eyes are still mostly glued to the screen, and before he anticipates it, he makes a heavy presence beside Riyaan on the swing bench, sitting crossed-legged, and eyes still on his smartphone, if Riyaan's side-eye is any good. But the man doesn't seem to notice his presence at all, which comes as a mix of relief and disappointment to him. Some kind of musky, and grassy scent hits his nose as he slowly inhales. Something about the man's perfume makes him feel like sitting in a sacred place thinking of sensual sin.

The man moves in the seat, as it creaks and swings when he tries to lean back, and Riyaan fights the urge to do the exact same thing. But then he also slowly starts swinging it slowly, as if he has no idea there's another person beside him.

'Ivan, you made it.' Someone stands on the other side of the bench, a glass of drink in his hand.

Ivan.

'Hey. Yeah, I did.' The man sits in an upright position, hands clasped.

'C'mon guys. Ivan's face can surely use some colour today. It's not every day a man can look good in a suit.' The man says to the guys in the pool.

At least five people agree to that and come rushing with colours on their hands, some even half-naked.

'Hey, do whatever you want but no hint of colour goes inside the house.' That must be Kris' boyfriend, from what Nancy has told him. Kris is nowhere to be found still.

'Really, do we have to do this?' Ivan asks as he starts to take off his jacket.

'Hey, we invited you, and you came.' An almost naked man comes forward and almost shoves a partially wet colour to his face. And then he looks at Riyaan too. 'Bro, your face is so messed up, can't see anything....'

Riyaan didn't see it coming. Even when the water gun is a bright yellow one, and the next thing he knows, strong water spray hits his face. In an attempt to defend himself instinctively against the sudden spray, he stands up abruptly, knees wobbling. He tries to reach for something, someone, any support, as he falls back in the chair, the palm of his hand digs deep and heavy into Ivan's thigh, and his mouth hits against his head.

'Whoa, hey, steady there.' Ivan tries to hold him in place, next to him. He is also trying to stop  the bench from swinging violently.

'Ah, sorry bro. Didn't mean to.' The guy looks at him with horror and a pleading face, looking at the situation yet not helping any of them.

'Sorry,' Riyaan says. Ivan's hair and some parts of his face now coloured with all the colours in his face, and the white shirt too.

'It's alright. Are you alright?'

His lips feel bruised and his face burns, from hitting an iron-like head, and from the embarrassment. Not in front of him. Not on his face. Not on his thighs. Why did he have to fall and his hands land on his thighs?

'Yes,' he replies, tasting the salty blood inside his lips.

'That's enough colour, I guess.' But everyone had their hands filled with colour - you cannot say no to enthusiastic people in Holi.

'Thanks, guys,' Ivan says, voice mock-filled. 'Uh, sorry about that. You didn't get hurt or something, right?'

'No, thanks. For asking.'

Embarrassment is an understatement. Not only has Riyaan messed up his clothes, but has also fallen face-first into another man's body. He doesn't even want to think where all his hands could have landed if not the thighs.

Riyaan tries to calm down as Ivan goes back to scrolling.

***

The place becomes silent now, as more people leave the place, and after Nancy and Cyan say their goodbye, only four of them remain. Ivan, Preet, Kris and him.

He tries his best to get rid of the Holi colour on his face, but it looks like his face will retain some colour for the next day at least.

Kris wants to introduce him to his boyfriend before they start their gaming session.

'Remember, my trip. I told you about ...'

Riyaan is a little relieved now that he knows the owner of the house even though it has been a while since he has been in the house.

'Ah, right. Ryan. Is it? Nice to meet you.'

'Thanks. It's Riyaan. Nice to meet you too.

'Sorry, Riyaan. Also sorry that we couldn't be introduced earlier - I didn't expect this many people today. It was kind of crazy. And thanks for taking care of my Kris on the trip.' He hugs Kris to his side.

'No problem.'

'What happened on the trip?' Ivan asks.

'Riyaan, this is my very good friend, Ivan. We work together.'

'Hello.' Riyaan debates whether to offer his hand for a friendly handshake, but then imagines the horrors of being rejected. 'Kris had fainted from dehydration. I noticed that he wasn't on the bus back home. That's it. A long time ago.'

'He's so modest,' Kris tells his boyfriend.

'Like you said,' Preet replies. 'Riyaan, stay for dinner if that's okay.'

'Oh, no. Actually, I didn't ride my bike here. So I cannot be late. I will leave right after one stream.'

'Please stay. I'll drop you.' Kris insists. Please he mouths.

After one stream and then another one, Kris is drunk, and Riyaan is disappointed in himself. He should have never stayed until after dinner.

'Take the car,' Kris drawls.

'I don't have a licence yet,' Riyaan says, trying to hide his disappointment in the whole situation.

'It's okay, Ivan will drop you,' Preet looks at Ivan.

And then Kris is saying, sloppy and sleepy, 'It's okay, Ivan will drop you.'

And then Ivan is saying, taking in the news. 'No worries, I will drop you.'

Damn

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Holi - Holi is the festival of colours in India.

Bike - Motorbike/motorcycle

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