Chapter Twenty-One

He is reading it over and over again. His mind is restless, but he doesn't wait before he hits the dial to Ivan.

'Not asleep yet?'

Something about his voice is...funny. As if he was just waiting for Riyaan's call.

'I am watching a movie.'

'Which one?'

'Godzilla, King of Monsters.'

'Mm. I haven't watched it.'

'We would be a romantic couple?'

'I think so.'

You think so?

Are they really discussing this?

'What kind of lover would I be?'

Ivan laughs softly and then says slowly. 'A little clingy. But that will be alright because I'll be possessive.'

'You? And possessive? I don't believe you.'

'Sure. What did we talk about first impressions?'

'So, you'll be like full-on possessive mode if I hang out with some other guy?' Riyaan asks, pausing the movie.

'Not exactly. Especially if I know he's not a threat.'

'Threat?'

'Threat to my relationship.'

Riyaan already knows; that there's not going to be any threat to Ivan from his side. It's out of the question. Ivan wouldn't need to practise his possessiveness at all. He would be everything that his exes weren't. And Ivan will see that one day, and he can wait — albeit impatiently.

'Would you bring me flowers when we are dating?'

A chuckle comes through. 'Your optimism surprises me every time. But, yes.'

He knows the reaction. Ivan expected him to say 'if' instead of 'when', but he chose not to.

'What kind of flowers do I like?'

'Carnations. What flowers do I like?'

'Roses?'

'No. What kind of food do I like?'

'Mmm.. Spanish?'

'No. Your favourite food is chickpea curry with naan and chilli lemon noodles,' Ivan says, laughing softly saying the last dish. He knows. It's not a recipe that they find in restaurants. 'But chickpeas curry, only when I make it.'

'How did you even know about that?' True. Nobody else makes chickpeas like Ivan does. He must have deducted his preference from the time he refused to finish his restaurant takeaways twice, but clearly devoured when Ivan cooked it.

'I know my recipe is special. What's my favourite travel destination?'

'Spain? Costa del Sol?'

'Wrong again. Yours is towards the mountains, where we went. Do you know anything about me at all, Riiiiyaaaan?'

By this point, Riyaan is angry at himself too. At Ivan too. Is he deliberately lying about this so Riyaan loses? But thinking back, he truly never said anything about the rose being his favourite flower and Spanish being his favourite cuisine.

Not Costa del Sol either— Riyaan just assumed. But he hasn't told Ivan about the chickpeas either. Not about his favourite travel destination, but Ivan knowing that is understandable. Where in life he has been, other than with Ivan, anyway?

'You are bad.' Because...he just is!

'Am I? What's my favourite clothes to wear? This should be easier, tell me?'

'You wear business suits a lot.'

'Wrong answer. I like to be naked.'

Why, oh, why would Ivan say things like that when they are so far away from each other? Riyaan wants to stuff his face in pillows.

'I know yours too,' Ivan speaks again.

'No. You don't.'

'You like to be naked too, right?'

'Not true. I like to wear jeans and a shirt.'

'Liar, you told me once you don't have a fashion sense, and that you wished you didn't have to wear anything.'

That's not the same thing.

'That's not the same thing. Why would it mean I like to be naked?' Riyaan makes it come out as strong, and firm. He likes his naked body touched by naked skin but it doesn't have to mean he likes to be naked, right?

'Yes, that's what it means. Because I said so,' Ivan challenges.

He can say so, Riyaan would let him do that. Ivan wants him to challenge him back, and play along with the bickering, but he is in love. There's no coming back from it. And if they keep talking about nakedness, Riyaan is going to have a problem. And Ivan isn't here to solve his problem.

'Fine. What flowers do you like?' Riyaan asks, hoping it's not something that he knew.

'Orchids and wildflowers.'

'Great. Buying the first will burn my pocket and picking the latter will get me bitten by insects.'

'Ah, don't worry, we will start our own orchid and wildflower garden.'

*               *              *

He wakes up to a clean and handsome picture of Ivan — been a while since he has seen him like that. Then a next one, and three more pictures of himself on a sunny day in Paris and Riyaan sends a picture of himself lying on the couch, eating chips and watching Netflix. Two hours later, he finds a heart-react to his picture. And he occasionally breaks into a grin about the same for the next three hours. And when he looks at the TV screen, the reflection of the red heart dogs him to the screen.

The day after, Ivan asks him if he wants phone sex, which completely baffles Riyaan because he hasn't known of it. He hadn't known Ivan would be into them either. But then they have phone sex, because why not? The day after, Ivan gets busy. Also the day he is supposed to meet his ex. Also the day, Riyaan cannot focus on anything else.

The phone rings twice before being answered by an unknown voice. It is 6 in the morning in Paris, and his call is answered by someone who's not Ivan. But he knows who he is, but he still asks for Ivan.

'Ivan?'

'Ivan's taking a shower.'

For a moment, he says nothing. And this is before his face starts to get warmer and his mind messier. 'Okay, I'll call later.'

'Do you want me to leave any message?'

'No.'

Riyaan throws the phone on the bed, and it jumps off to some height before settling down. And then he drops on the bed as well. He should be decorating the place for Diwali as he said Ivan would when requested. It will take time for the whole place to be lit and Ivan might be tired by the time he reaches home tomorrow.

Instead, he is questioning what he has no right to: What is Jai even doing in Ivan's room? None of them are poor so as to not be able to afford different hotel suits. The more these creep up his body, the antsier he grows. He wants to hate Ivan and yell at him yet also he just wants him to come back. All these times, at least Jai was just a name that signified a restriction — but now he is a physical body that lives, breathes and talks around Ivan. Lives with him. Probably they kissed or slept together too.

Of course, they slept together. Why wouldn't they? Why would they even meet each other otherwise? But despite all these rationale, he desperately wants to believe that Ivan just went to sleep thinking of him. Just like he did.

*                  *              *

After two hours of not getting a callback, Riyaan dials Ivan again.

'Hey, good morning,' Ivan says, voice chirpier.

'Good morning. I called.'

'When?'

'Two hours back. Someone picked up, and he told me he will tell you.' Riyaan winces as his voice sounds like complaining to himself.

'Uh. So you met him. It's Jai. He arrived earlier last night instead of today.'

So you met him, as if...

'Okay. I have...done a few decorations, but I'll send you pictures. If you don't like it, I'll change it.' He doesn't want to ask, but he also expects Ivan to give him all the details about why Jai was responding to the call, and what he was doing in his place. No asserting rights, right?

'Alright, listen. The lights are okay however you like them, but do you have anyone to spend tomorrow with?'

'Yes. You. Why? You have a flight today.'

'About that, permission to stay back for two days? I might delay my return. I'm not gonna be there tomorrow, and I don't want you to be alone on Diwali.'

Ivan doesn't have to say anything because he has got all the answers to his questions. For a moment, he wonders if it's the best. Because once he says that he is romancing his ex in Paris, and that's why he wants to delay his return — he has only one possibility to believe.

But this mad thing in his heart, that wants to lash out at Ivan, that thing is exhausting him because it cannot come out. Not after they spent so many good times talking on the phone and chatting. Not after telling him he knows all about his likes and dislikes. But it's that part — that makes him think of Ivan as his.

'Yes, you do.' Riyaan disconnects the call. He doesn't care if it's rude.

His phone vibrates right after, and he forcefully removes himself from its vision. But he later regrets it when Ivan doesn't call him again for the rest of the day. But Kris did, inviting him to their Diwali party the next day, and said Riyaan would still be at their home even if Ivan were home. Because that's where everyone will go.

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