Chapter Thirty-one

Orchid bouquets are quite expensive, but Riyaan wants to spend money today. White and blue orchids - he didn't expect at first but his choice of colours turns out to be pretty together. He also buys a bottle of wine, with the help of his flatmate, who seems to know a lot about wine. And some sweets, the kind that Ivan likes.

He cannot spend more than that, but he wanted to, for everything that Ivan has done for him. He even insisted on picking him up for his own birthday party.

''Hi,' Ivan says, as soon as he gets in the car.

'Hi,' Riyaan says, briefly looking at Ivan. He is wearing a black turtleneck which Riyaan likes to believe fits him perfectly and compliments his skin tone. His beard is not done properly and neither is his hair, not like he does when he goes to work, but every part of him is as beautiful as the last time Riyaan saw him. Was it a few weeks ago? Or a month ago?

His nose is filled with the familiar fragrance, the one Ivan always wears. Riyaan has a sudden surge of emotions filled in his heart. He has missed Ivan all this time. He is missing him right now. Today is going to be hard.

'This is for you.' He places the bouquet over Ivan's chest lightly. 'Happy birthday.'

'Oh, that's so nice of you. Thank you.' Ivan is looking at the wrapped up wine bottle, 'That's for me as well?'

'Yes.'

'Thank you. So? How's it going?'

'Good. You?'

'Yeah. Good'

Uh, this is awkward. Why isn't he driving already?

'Exams okay?'

'Yes.' But then... 'I'll hold these for you.' He takes the bouquet and the wine package. Finally, Ivan does drive them away.

* * *

Riyaan finds Jai waiting outside the house right after the car enters through the gate. The same house Riyaan used to feel at home a few months ago.

When they are out of the car, he greets Riyaan. As if waiting for his husband to bring his friend home. Riyaan wonders his role and purpose in this setting, and when Jai hugs Ivan he wonders what his purpose is in the whole wide world and his life in general.

'Ryan, nice to meet you. Heard a lot about you!'

Typical dialogue, typical mistake. Riyaan would spend years and never find a reason to like this man, and he wonders what Ivan finds something special in him, maybe he is not so special himself after all, and therefore, this can help Riyaan fall out of love with him.

'Nice to meet you too. Amazing things about you too.'

'It's Riyaan, by the way. He hates it when people go "Ryan",' Ivan says that with an awkward laugh, as they enter the house.

'Oh, my apologies.'

'Don't worry, it doesn't matter.'

'Did the florist guide you on how to make these flowers last?' Ivan holds the bouquet in his hand like a prized possession, and it makes Riyaan go weak in the knees. This...this is what made him so attracted to Ivan. Because so many times it felt like Ivan was into him.

'Yes. There's a guide on the small box there.'

He sees Preet's car pulling over from the window. And as Kris and Preet walk out together, he wonders if he should have brought someone with him. He sure will look out of place.

'Riyaan, why did I see you only coming in on our engagement party?' Preet says as he greets him.

'Ah, I'm sorry about that. I had to leave.'

'Don't bother him. He will hate us more.'

'What!'

'Well, why does he hate us now?'

'I absolutely do not hate you, or anyone. Kris, stop it.'

'Fine, then, come play with me now that your exams are over.'

'I made most of the dishes myself today and it's already done. I didn't want to make you all wait. So, let me know when you guys are up for dinner. Till then, we can taste this wine Riyaan gifted me. Nice choice I'd say.'

While everyone finds a wine glass for themselves, Riyaan digs into a small bowl of chocolate ice cream.

'Mm...,' Riyaan starts before letting a spoon of ice cream melt in his mouth. Ivan was right, it's too cold for ice cream. But he shouldn't have stored Riyaan's favourite if he didn't want him to have it. 'It wasn't my choice. My flatmate.'

He doesn't look at Ivan. All he is thinking is being done with the dinner and leaving as soon as he can. He hates how Jai stands next to Ivan, so close to him. As if they are both hosting this dinner. Maybe they are.

'Your flatmate,' Ivan mutters, rather distastefully Riyaan notices.

'So, Riyaan, what do you do for a living?' Jai asks him, sitting opposite to him on the sofa. In the large three seater, Ivan sits down too, with Kris and Preet. What bothers him about the arrangement is Ivan sitting towards Jai, not him. Pretty illogical thing to get upset over considering that's only where space was left for him to sit. Yet, it is these silly things that upsets him.

'I do graphics for marketing materials,' Riyaan says, carefully looking at Jai. And he realises Ivan's gaze on his as he takes a sip of the wine Riyaan gifted. He wonders if it's any good. He finds drinking wine with friends too sophisticated, so he gives it a pass.

'Is the money any good?'

Is Riyaan now going to have to talk about money amongst these rich men? He is in a mess, it seems.

'Not in my company. Not yet.' Riyaan laughs internally - as if he is ever going to make any good money even in the future.

The discussion from their jobs, and money converted to investments and business, where Preet and Jai take an active part along with Kris. All he does is listen, spacing out every now and then. He doesn't look at Ivan but he knows, Ivan does steal glances at him. He wonders what he is thinking - does he wonder if Riyaan is bored, or does he think he is being mean? Does he care at all? Or maybe he is not looking at all, and it's just his delusion because he desperately wants that to be true.

The curtains are not drawn, and the water beads increasingly collecting on the large glass window on his right tells him - it's raining.

'Riyaan...'

'Yes,' he turns from the window.

'Are you sleepy?'

Gods! Why does his voice have to be so caring, hot and sweet at the same time? Like he actually cares about him. Does he, even a little?

'He is bored. You guys are so freaking boring, Riyaan and I should talk about games. I bet you all would find them interesting despite not playing yourselves.' Kris yawns.

'No, not sleepy. I'm not bored, really.'

'Hungry? It's almost eight thirty.' Ivan begins to get up from his seat.

'No. Not hungry.'

'Really? I should have stopped you from eating that ice cream before dinner.' The teasing in his voice is apparent.

Jai lets out an awkward laugh. 'I am sure Riyaan knows if something is bad for his diet.'

Riyaan indeed knows what's bad for him, but he would give everything to Ivan to care about him 24/7 where he wouldn't have to spare brain cells for himself. But for some reason, Ivan doing that in front of Kris, Preet and Jai is embarrassing. It's not like Ivan is his husband, so why show care in front of other people. Is this some kind of mocking Riyaan in any way?

'No, he doesn't. You haven't seen him eat the amount of chips the way I did,' Ivan says as he walks towards him. He taps Riyaan on the nose. 'Come, help me bring the dinner to the table.'

Chips. Right. He indeed does eat a lot of chips.

'Thanks for being here,' Ivan says as he sets the plates on the table. The others are still engrossed in business discussion.

'Thanks for the invite.'

In the rather faint light of the room, he sees Ivan properly for the second time of the day. There's a tiredness in his face that Riyaan hasn't seen before.

'You look nice.'

Oh..dear!

'Sorry?'

He heard it. Of course he heard it, Ivan complimented him, how could he ever miss?

'The colour, it looks good on you,' Ivan gestures towards his soft blue knitted sweater.

'Thanks.'

Riyaan instantly finds himself beaming from inside. Calm down, it's just a compliment.

Ivan cooked his favourites, and when he was so about to be dreaming about if it's love and affection from Ivan's side, he remembers that it's not him that Ivan loves, it's the food that he likes to cook for people.

At dinner, Jai kept going on about his holidays with Ivan, and where he would like to go next. That he is looking for a stable life now, settled. Something that would make even his parents happy. That he had a lot of growing up to do, having come from an overwhelming family.

Wanting a stable life part almost made Riyaan tear up in jealousy and anger. It's all Ivan wanted from his ex, waiting for his ex to be on the same page. And now they are on the same page.

What the hell is he doing here then? Visiting his friend, who used to be his sex buddy?

When Ivan tries to serve him his favourite chickpea curry for the second time, his refusal to take some in his plate comes out rather rude, surprising even himself. He regrets, immediately. Ivan was really sweet about it.

'I made this for you because you like it,' Ivan says, slapping the serving spoon back on the bowl with the exact same anger as Riyaan. That made at least two people shift on their seats.

'Relax, Riyaan can serve himself if he wants to.'

Jai opens his mouth again and Riyaan contemplates on how he would be able to punch his face without disturbing the plates and food bowls on the table. In short, he is seething.

Preet is no longer praising the food every two minutes, Jai is no longer talking about his apartment in the UK, and Ivan is no longer stealing glances at Riyaan while eating. He is embarrassed - he ruined the whole evening.

* * *

'You can ride with us if you want,' Kris says after both of them stand in the verandah looking at the moderate rain. He's a little relieved that he hasn't brought his bike, it wouldn't be possible to ride in this weather.

Before he answers, he feels Ivan's presence right next to him. 'I will drop him.'

His voice has no sweetness to it. If Riyaan could guess, it sounds more like anger - directed especially at him.

'Are you sure? It's going to be raining heavily it seems. I don't mind riding with them.'

'It's okay. I'll drop you.'

The moment the rain seems nonexistent, Kris and Preet leave saying their goodbyes, and Kris consistently invites him to game with him.

For a moment, he thinks he would have to be stuck among both Ivan and Jai.

Riyaan cannot thank the gods enough, Jai went to his own room on the far side of the large house. A revelation that he has his own room, makes Riyaan sigh in relief internally, not so surprisingly.

He sits on the couch at the verandah. Ivan sits close enough but he is looking straight towards the rain.

'We will wait for the rain to calm down, if you don't mind,' Ivan finally speaks.

'Okay.'

And then they wait, without speaking, without looking at each other. Riyaan doesn't know about Ivan, but he is still quite angry. But he also believes it's a time wasted - having Ivan sit so close to him, yet not talking to him.

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