Chapter Thirty-Three

Riyaan stuffs his face in the flowers. It's a faint but nice smell.

'I have something else with me,' Ivan pats the pockets in his sweatshirt.

Riyaan reads his face, there's seriousness; so it cannot be another chocolate.

Ivan fishes his pockets and brings out something. It dangles in the air. A familiar copper locket. A small laugh comes out of Riyaan without his permission, despite his mood in the morning.

He fights against multiple emotions, but settles with laughing. It is funny for him in so many ways, starting with the timing. All the time Ivan teased him about imagining the locket, and his giving up on it. He remembers he even had something in his mind he thought would say when he finally finds it, but he never expected for Ivan to find it, and definitely not when they are not .. not like this - no longer talking and flirting. He almost forgot about it until now.

Ivan has attached some kind of thread to the locket it seems.

'Where did you find it,' he asks, trying to guess the answer even before Ivan says it. It's funny that no answer appears.

'Under the edge of the carpet.'

That's right. He remembers now how it was in that place. Riyaan rolls his eyes at himself, how he would have just found out if he thought about the things he had been doing. But he can always defend himself for not having done that. For some reason, he was excited about Ivan coming home and having sex with him that day.

He reaches to get the locket into his own hand. But Ivan moves it beyond his reach. 'You remember what you said to me about me finding it?'

Yes, he does. That his affections were and are beyond fickle. His love for Ivan is deep, and true, and that whatever they had is real, as real as the existence of the locket when it appears.

'No.' He reaches for the locket again. This time, Ivan lets him hold it in his palm for a moment before snatching it away.

'I'll hide it from you then.'

'Why?' Riyaan asks, confused, very confused.

'You seem to regret what you said to me when you lost it and searched desperately, so you might throw it in a lake someday and tell the world that we never found this.'

Riyaan reaches for the locket again. 'And why should you have it, you might do the same?'

But Ivan pockets it despite his argument.

* * *

Riyaan is still feeling a little sorry that Ivan comes to visit him in the morning, and all he does is low-key slap Ivan. For trying to kiss him! What a loser! He could have kissed him back more fiercely, and they could have ended up having sex and everything. He could have demanded Ivan choose him. He should have told Ivan he would wear that sweater and listen to whatever Ivan wants, says, because...because... Could they truly be more than what they are today? To each other?

Beside him, Ivan shifts in the bed. He has probably dozed off, but he would be on his laptop if he were at home now. His face is pressed to the pillow, and body in an awkward position. He really has a beautiful face. But Riyaan can tell he is not comfortable in the small bed in his room.

He softly glides a hand over his unshaved beard over the cheek, and secretly smiles - Riyaan might be a loser but Ivan still wants to kiss him.

When Ivan opens his eyes, Riyaan finds his hand touching his cheeks. He stops, slowly recovering the hand.

'Find anything interesting on my face?' Ivan does a slow blink.

'It's an interesting face.'

'Mm-hmm, is that why you have smacked me on the face?'

Riyaan cannot tell if he is joking. 'I didn't mean to, Ivan.'

'What did you mean to do then?'

'Kiss?' Yeah, a kiss. That's what he should have done.

'You meant to kiss but your hand ended up smacking me? That's a story I'd believe if you force me to.'

'I said sorry though.'

'That you did, but did you kiss it better?'

Does he want Riyaan to, to kiss it better? He moves his body, and places a swift kiss on Ivan's cheek, the one that he hit, accidentally. 'Is this better?'

'What? It didn't even register.'

That will not do. So he moves again, placing his wet lips on Ivan's cheeks until the undone beard start biting him.

What about now? He looks for Ivan reaction or approval.

'That was worse, only made me remember the smack.'

'You kiss, then, if I'm not good enough.' It's not like he has a lot of practice. If Ivan wants to kiss so bad, he should.

'You bum, how can I kiss my own cheek?'

'No. You kiss me, that's what I meant.'

'Why, did you hit yourself too?'

'No!' Oh my god.

'I've banned myself from kissing this particular person because I got smacked last time. Very recently, you see.' Ivan averts his gaze to the ceiling, as if pretending to be angry with him.

'Right. You, and your excuses for not wanting to kiss me.' Riyaan does the same.

Next minute, Ivan hovers on top of him, bracing his hands on either side. 'You know this game.'

'What game?'

'You know when you make that sulking face, I get sold. You did it so many times that I almost gave in to the temptations you offer. And you used that face a lot of times to get all my attention.'

'Yes, I know it works magic.'

'You know why?'

'You have a thing for sulky faces?'

Ivan considers him for a moment, disciplining Riyaan's hair over the forehead. 'No. I have a thing for you...'

Riyaan wants to hide that smile and bring out some anger instead - for many reasons. He settles for an awkward face. And that's when Ivan brings his mouth closer to his and hovers a few inches over him, waiting, looking at his lips. So he moves a little too.

Only when finally Ivan captures his lips does he fall back on his pillow, taking Ivan with him. All he tries is to not be a loser like the last time, and kiss him so efficiently that Ivan wants to be his.

But in the middle of the kiss, he has to. 'Ivan,' he speaks softly. He wants to know where they are at - with everything.

'Yes.'

'Are you still angry with me about this,' he says, gesturing towards his cheek.

'No.'

'I was calling you, multiple times. Why didn't you respond to me?'

Riyaan sure wants to ask a lot of other questions and be angry at him for things that occured over the months but this isn't the time.

And then Ivan shifts closer to him, face to face. Hot lips going over his eyes, and his nose. If Ivan leaves him after this, he will not stand the pain of separation. What Ivan is doing now, is killing him with surprise, ecstasy, desperation, hope, sadness and everything.

'How do you think I felt when you kept avoiding me for these past days, for months?' Ivan asks him. 'And you are claiming answers from me because I didn't respond to your calls, for what, a day?'

Riyaan doesn't know, but he wants to heal the way Ivan says with a hurtful face. Even though he was right to have been avoiding Ivan. Riyaan moves his hand to touch Ivan's face.

'Riyaan ...how do you think I felt?' Ivan asks again, stopping his hand.

'Disappointed..,' he manages to whisper, although he has a lot of things that he could say. This should be a discussion.

'Disappointed?'

'How do you think I felt, Ivan? When you talked about how you wanted to end whatever we had?'

'I asked first.'

Riyaan has no answers. And Ivan doesn't let him touch or kiss him until he says. Sulking face isn't working either.

'Of course, you have no answer. After all, I am mean and cruel. Fine. Show me how much you missed me, and I'll show you how much I missed you,' Ivan says, removing himself from the top of him, and lying on his back next to him.

Riyaan knows what he is asking, and he is not wasting another minute to give him, and show him how much he missed him. He sits crossing his legs over Ivan's thigh, Ivan's hot gaze on his face, never leaving, making him feel all kinds of hot and bothered.

'You are shy now? This wasn't you months ago waiting for me to come back from work, all -' Riyaan covers his mouth. He doesn't want to be reminded of how desperate he was. And surely doesn't want someone to make him realise how desperate he is now.

Moments after, he ends up fucking himself on Ivan's length until he cannot take anymore of the overwhelming tension building within him, so Ivan throws Riyaan on his back, taking over the pace.

'Hi,' Ivan whispers in his ear, leaning closer to his body, setting a fast rhythm inside him. Riyaan nearly lost himself, grabbing and digging his fingers hard on Ivan's arms.

It must be the desire for each other's body that makes them go crazy; biting and digging nails into each other's softest parts of the naked bodies. Ivan softly runs a hand through Riyaan's hair, drenched in sweat. He tries to calm his body to breathe normally. Then he cradles his body close to his own. 'I am not the mean and cruel man you believe me to be. One day, you'll know.'

But Riyaan already knows. If he hadn't seen something, somewhere between no kiss rule and rejections, he would probably never have wanted Ivan for himself so much. If Ivan weren't so caring, concerned and warm towards him, he would never have attached himself so much.