Chapter Thirty-Six

‘I didn't like the idea of you using dating apps to get laid.’

Riyaan smiles. Is that when Kris was teasing him, asking Ivan for opinions of Riyaan joining a dating app?

What a liar! Didn’t he say something like Riyaan can kiss whoever he wants?

‘That was all Kris,’ he says shyly. Does Ivan still really think he was that desperate? But he also likes that Ivan was thinking of him even before everything started.

‘As if you wouldn't have gone through with it.’

‘Probably not.’

‘Why not? You were single.’

‘I just…didn't want to.’

‘I was pretty sure you would.’

‘Is that why you offered yourself?’

‘Wanted to keep you to myself till I figured out what to do with you.’

Riyaan pretends to glower at him. ‘You should know, I am quite possessive too. So if someone kisses you again while going out shopping…I will …’

‘You will what…?’ Ivan finally opens his eyes. The amusement in his face is apparent. Riyaan wants to be angry for the teasing but it's been a while he has seen his face of Ivan. All he wants is to kiss it.

***

There's two things that he most dislikes about thinking of going back from the trip. One is his work and the other is Ivan's ex.

There's no way he is living in that place with Jai being in the same place. And there's less chances that that guy is leaving anytime soon. Chances of Ivan staying in Riyaan's cheap bed, his wanting Ivan to and his landlord not objecting strictly — are quite low too. And he gets tired of even beginning to think about it.

He just…doesn't like the idea of Ivan staying at his place with his ex, even though in separate far-away rooms. What if Jai tries to convince Ivan about how they are now perfect for each other? About their adventures, travels and how much they could do it again?

‘Hey,’ Ivan's sudden voice startles him.

‘Did I scare you?’ Ivan asks softly, pulling him towards himself.

‘Maybe, a little.’ He tries to smile.

‘Sorry. What were we thinking?’

‘Things ….’

‘Tell me.’

But he is not sure if trying to clear doubts about Jai again is a good idea.

‘You remember that day, you were out with your friends, with Jai?’

‘Yes?’

‘Kris mentioned to the group that you blocked him, some messy reunion…what kind of reunion?’

‘Jai…he was just going on and on about our past. I asked him not to. It wasn't a messy reunion, we almost had an argument. Kris probably doesn't know. And then Jai kept sending me drunk texts. And I was already stressed, you called me cruel and everything.’

‘You should've come to me that night.’

‘I can be dumb.’

‘I don't…,’ he starts. Maybe he can almost tell Ivan everything and Ivan will assure him. But he is also not sure if they need to talk about everything yet.

‘What’s bothering you?’

‘A lot of things…’

‘We can talk about it when we get back home.’

‘I am going to my place and you're going to yours.’

Ivan considers him for a moment. Riyaan knows he shouldn't have said what he said. The last thing he wants is an upset Ivan, broken trust and worse, them not being together again.

Ivan sighs, and turns his back to him, shaking his head.

‘What is it? If you don't tell me, I cannot help you. Is it the fact that you feel bad to stay in my place for free? It's not even a place that I bought to be honest. It's my parent's parents’ place. Nobody alive wants it now, so you see, I'm kinda living for free there as well. Or it is that, do you want me to be at your place? I don't mind, but we need to get a bigger bed. Or maybe you finally came out of that thrill and realised maybe you don't want this, maybe,’ he let out a nervous laugh. ‘...you like women, or maybe —’

‘Stop, stop.’

Ivan does.

‘You are the same as me in so many ways,’ Riyaan mutters but then laughs softly. Then he takes Ivan's reluctant hand in his, bringing to his face. Warm hand against slightly cold cheek of his. ‘I just am not sure I like that your ex lives in that place.’

‘Okay… I can book a hotel suite for him. Or if you don't want that …,’ Ivan says, sitting down on his knees, ‘I can rent a place for us closer to your work temporarily. Yours is very far. You are wasting a lot of time commuting.’

‘That works.’

‘It does? Can you promise me something?’

‘I think so.’

‘I don't want petty issues getting between us. I learnt my lesson, so I want to communicate more and think less when it comes to you. Us. Would you please do that for me as well?’

‘I always do that. You're the one that hides.’

***

Riyaan let himself dramatically fall on the soft mattress on Ivan's bed. They didn't really go with the plan to rent a flat closer to Riyaan's work. Mostly because it would have been a lot of work for Ivan, and Riyaan likes this place.

For a while, he didn't think he would see this room again — where he and Ivan had spent some sweet, some sad, some disappointing, some passionate moments — for him mostly. He takes a look out of the window — the same beautiful view that he spent hours looking at when Ivan even went to work on Sundays.

Ivan tugs at his ankles, taking his shoes off one by one, and then his socks. ‘Sleep,’ he says.

‘You?’ He reaches at the hem of Ivan sweatshirt.

‘Me too. In a minute.’ Because they both are tired, and haven't had a good sleep for at least two weeks.

They stayed at Riyaan's place meanwhile after the trip. The culprit of their tired health, of course, is Riyaan's cheap mattress, and it's truly so bad that he wasn't offended when Ivan calls it cheap.

Thankfully, Jai takes a hint and leaves the house. He can book any hotel suite he wants, his parents are filthy rich and he is quite well to do himself — Ivan's words.

Ivan slips into the bed next to him, and Riyaan immediately shifts himself closer to Ivan. There's a new sense of equation and closeness with Ivan. To Riyaan it feels like they kiss all the time, and wouldn't stop touching each other at night. Innocent touches and not-so-innocent touches. By now Riyaan is also familiarised with which is which, although sometimes he loses sense of it. Riyaan's newest, most favourite part of everything — cuddling with Ivan. It's funny how it has changed, for earlier it was Sunday mornings when he would be lazy in bed after morning sex.

For the last two weeks, he finds Ivan eagerly waiting for him from work while Ivan's lucky enough to work from home.

It never stops. He's always in trance. He's not complaining, but he also misses how they used to be.

Ivan even took him out for dinner, and he was the most excited. But he realises that he likes it more when Ivan cooks for him at home.

‘I’ve something to tell you.’

‘Okay,’ Riyaan turns to him fully.

‘I have to go to Paris for a week again.’

Riyaan lets out an exasperated sigh. ‘I am starting to hate that phrase.’

‘Why?’ Ivan acts curious as if he doesn't know. Riyaan rolls his eyes. ‘You will miss me?’

‘Stop teasing.’ Of course he will. Don't Ivan know that by now?

‘I am seriously asking. Will you?’

‘Yes.’

‘What should we do about that then? It's important that I go. I already rescheduled it almost twice.’ Ivan slides his hand over his thigh, reaching higher. Touches like these are — Riyaan decides — not-innocent, but not deliberate either. Ivan doesn't seem to be confident and in control. Even though Riyaan is in the bed, the weakness in his legs makes him feel like he will fall. His eyes are giving in to the touches too — cannot see anymore what's happening.

‘Nothing,’ he whispers.

‘Nothing?’

‘You say that like, us, missing each other is another important thing that needs attention.’

‘It is.’

‘We can call, and text.’

‘All the time?’

‘No, I'll be at work,’ Riyaan says, trying not to sound disappointed that Ivan has taken his hand away from his body.

‘The first thing we will do after I come back from Paris is work on your passport and all. Then you can come with me. I'll take you to all kinds of places. Maybe one day, you'll take me somewhere too.’

Riyaan smiles and kisses him on the cheeks. 'One day, I'll earn better and then I'll take you to Australian caves for glowworms. You will probably be 80 by then but love is nothing if not patient,’ he says, a little aware of his word choices.

***

Waking up early is Ivan’s thing. If it were up to Riyaan, he would sleep till eleven in the morning and nap after lunch. It's an ideal kind of life.

But this feels nice too — Ivan asked him if he likes to see him off at the airport. His driver is driving them, and Riyaan is almost sleepy against Ivan's shoulders.

‘Ivan,’ he speaks with a soft voice. He fishes out Ivan's hand to hold.

‘Yes.’ Ivan interlocks their fingers firmly, as though they are about to walk through a crowd in the dark.

‘Did I ever tell you that I love your name, objectively? And that …I liked you, even before I knew your name or anything about you.’

‘No, you haven't. Tell me more.’

‘More? I know when you started liking me too.’

‘Yeah? And when is that?’

‘It’s just my feeling. I could be wrong.’

‘Tell me.’

‘Last time when you were in Paris. You…kinda talked romantic to me.’ Riyaan tries to keep his voice down so as to not inconvenience the driver.

‘Did you like it?’

‘Mm-hmm.’

‘Okay. We will talk romantic again.’

‘Okay,’ Riyaan says, beaming with energy.

Maybe…just maybe, if Ivan does that all week, it will be easier for him to go through the days without Ivan.

‘But you're wrong about the timing. That wasn't when I started liking you,’ Ivan says, when they finally reach the airport.

‘Okay…then when?’ Riyaan asks, helping Ivan with his luggage.

‘We will talk about it when I come back.’

‘Don’t make me wait. Is it the day after your birthday?’

‘I will be late, you cute brat. I promise we will talk when I come back.’ Ivan leans in, eyes on his lips. Riyaan sulks.

He meant to say that he will miss Ivan, or ask Ivan in a playful manner to miss him. Even “See you soon” or “Come back soon” would have been logical. But he ends up saying in a small voice, ‘Don’t forget about me.’

Riyaan isn't crying, not with tears. But it pains him, thinking about being away from Ivan and wondering if Ivan would somehow manage to forget these all, all about him in a week and come back a different man.

Ivan holds him even closer than, one hand on his waist— tighter and firmer. Riyaan tries to look around nervously. They cannot kiss here out in the open, but he wants to. Ivan knows that.

‘We will call everyday,’ Ivan promises before leaving.

***

The call doesn't come though. Not as soon as he expects. Not when he has been looking at the phone and putting it away, and doing the same routine over and over again. Once or twice, he argues that maybe he should do it. But decides against it.

Even when out shopping with Kris, all he can think of is - Ivan.

And when he finally gets the call while walking through the aisle of the supermarket, he is almost sulky.

‘Hey, what's up.’

‘Hey. Sorry for not calling sooner. I had a problem with the address with the cab somehow and the driver almost took me in the opposite direction.’

‘Are you okay now?’

‘I am. What are you upto? Not home?’

‘With Kris. He is shopping.’

‘Ah… I thought you would be crying yourself sick in bed missing me.’

‘I don't have to be in bed to miss you.’

‘Yeah? Call me back when you're home?’

‘We can talk now. Kris is shopping, and I'm just here for company.’

‘I know. So be a good company. Come home soon. And call me.’

Riyaan is sure Kris has been a little annoyed the third time he asks if they are any closer to be done for the day.

‘What’s your hurry?’

‘Nothing, just. Not in a hurry.’

‘So, let's get dinner after this? Preet’s not gonna eat at home today. Since Ivan is not home too…What say?’

Seriously?

‘Yeah, sure,’ Riyaan says, thinking of how sweetly Ivan said on the call to come home soon.

Be a good company, Ivan said that too. So here he is, sitting with Kris for dinner, thinking of going back home.

Riyaan knows what he will do the minute he gets back home. He will lie down on the bed, and video call Ivan.

But it's when he looks at the phone, he finds a text message from Ivan.

Ivan: The first time I started liking you was when you were sitting clueless about the sounds in the dark room at Preet’s. You thought that's the TV.

But…that's way long back. Isn't that when they met each other for the third time? Ivan is either lying, or he hides even better than Riyaan knows him to be.

‘Is that the truth?’ When he finally reaches home, he speaks without any greeting when Ivan receives his call.

‘It’s the truth,’ Ivan says, fixing the camera so that Riyaan can have a better view of him. And he likes the view. His hair is wet, and he only has clothes in the lower part of his body. Riyaan wonders if it's intentional, and just the thought of it, makes him warm up from inside.

‘Liking as in, wanting to know more?’

‘Liking as in hoping desperately that you're indeed into men like Preet said, and are single, and you'd have at least some kind of thing for me too.’

‘But you weren't ready?’

‘But I wasn't ready. Do you want to know about the second time?’

‘Yeah?’ Riyaan asks, clearly enjoying every moment of this conversation.

‘On the trip, when you were so scared of falling down the hill. This is when I wished desperately for you to wait for me to be ready. And when Neel asked you out, I admit, I was a little jealous. But I also thought to myself why would you even wait for me. You clearly wanted to go on dates, I wasn't ready, and if I had jumped without being ready, I would have lost my chance at making this right.’

‘Sorry.’

‘Why?’ Ivan asks, lightly massaging his neck muscles. Every movement Ivan makes, Riyaan gets distracted. God, why does he have to be bare chested right now!

‘I shouldn't have been so pushy.’

‘No. No, baby. You weren't pushy. Just enough to knock some sense into me. Just enough.’

‘Neel is not my type though.’ Neel is overconfident, and definitely not his type. With time, he is realising he doesn't have a type rather a man. Just one man.

‘Yeah!? What's your type?’

‘Someone, who has some depth…matured, handsome, hides a lot of affection, steals hearts, goes to Paris all the time, likes to cook, sometimes reads a book, is kind hearted, one of a kind.’

‘Ah-ha! Want to know mine?’

‘Sure.’

‘Just…this guy. Falls asleep in my car. Sometimes petulant. Eats chips all the time. Likes to nap. Doesn't like to eat unless it's chips, chocolate cakes or the food I cook.’

‘I am never petulant.’

‘You’re sometimes. When you want something from me.’

‘I only want you.’

‘You are sweet. By the way, Jai asked me for your number yesterday. I'm yet to reply. Do you want me to send your number?’

‘But I have a boyfriend now. Can't just share my number with random men. My boyfriend won't like that.’

‘Ooh, boyfriend sounds possessive.’ Ivan laughs.

‘He is.’ Riyaan laughs too, clearly satisfied that he makes Ivan laugh. ‘Jokes aside, what does he want it for?’

‘I don't know.’

‘Maybe he wants a duel with me. He wants to win you.’

‘Hey, hey! I'm not a piece of prize to be won. I'm a man of my own. I decide who I give my heart, body and soul to.’

‘You are stealing my ideology.’

‘I am not stealing, sweetheart. Only adopting.’

‘Put on a shirt, Ivan. It's distracting me,’ he cannot any longer.

‘I know it's distracting you. I won't put on a shirt.’ That bastard, he is finding it amusing apparently.

‘What, why? Just put it on.’

‘So, you're saying you don't like the view? I'm offended and I won't.’

‘I do like the view. I'm saying it's distracting. So you're doing it intentionally?’

‘Yes. No. Maybe. I just had a shower.’

‘Fine, then, my attention is divided. Don't blame me.’

‘As long as it's still on me.’

_________________________

Riyaan and Ivan's story ends here... There will be an epilogue sometime in the coming future. But the main story is done. Thanks to all who read, still read and engage in the story - basically pushing me to write and publish.

All chapters will probably will edited and published again to make it better readable. Sorry if you guys had to read it with grammatical mistakes.

Other than that, if you have any feedback about this story, anything good or bad, you can always comment or post on my wall.

~ Qat