Just Pretending: Chapter 33

I may have been feeling better physically as I got closer to the end of my first trimester, but the divorce and my sadness weighed heavily on my soul. With a smile on my face, I made it through another class. I was happy to work with my students, but the second the last of them walked out of the studio I was left alone with my gloom.

“How are you feeling, Harleigh? I mean really feeling?” Francine placed her hand, fingers spread on her chest as she looked at me. She wanted to know what was going on deep inside.

“That obvious?” I asked.

She nodded. “You look healthy and that morning sickness green around the gills look you’ve had lately has been replaced with the glow of pregnancy. Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”

Not hiding my pregnancy had been one of the best choices I had made for my own sanity. Everyone treated me a little nicer as if I was suddenly fragile. I was allowed to take more time for myself, something that hadn’t been afforded me during my more depressive episodes. At those times I had been left to fend for myself, not cared for.

I placed my hands over my belly, I still didn’t look pregnant. “Baby is all good. I’m mostly good.”

Francine stared at me in that ‘don’t give me your bullshit’ mom look I had seen her use on Seth many many times.

I sighed, there was no way around it, I would have to confess sooner or later or she would guilt me into telling her anyway. “It’s the mess with the divorce and the inheritance.”

“That still hasn’t been settled? But didn’t you tell me that the division of everything was cut and dry? It was simply a matter of drawing up the documents and signing them?”

I nodded. “That’s exactly what I thought. Devin said he would handle everything, and for the first time in my life, he hasn’t. Well, he has, but there’s a hold-up somewhere. He’s usually the first one to take action.”

“Have you tried calling him?”

I pursed my lips and nodded. It had taken some effort, but when I didn’t see him the day I went to his office I swallowed my pride and I called. The number only rang. It never went to voicemail, it never gave me an announcement that the number had been discontinued or couldn’t be reached. It simply rang forever. I had to assume he blocked my number.

The few times I attempted to call his office directly I was told to send inquiries through my lawyer. Tanya acted as if she didn’t know who I was.

“I’m just not sure what to do anymore. The past few years my life has been nothing but change after change after change. And soon,” I ran my hands over my belly and stared at it.

“Welcome to the big secret nobody tells you when you’re a kid. All you want is everything to stay the same, and nothing does. It’s never more obvious than when you’re a parent. Right now, you still barely believe you are pregnant, and before you know it you’ll be holding that little baby in your arms. And then somehow, overnight, he’s walking. Blink and he’s in school.”

I saw tears in her eyes. I could tell she was thinking about Seth. The way she described it, it was as if they grew up overnight. One week they were a baby, and the next they were discussing which college they would be attending.

“Have you given taking a personal retreat any more thought?” Francine asked.

I shook my head. “No, but now that you mention it, I could use a few days to myself. It would be nice to find out who I am before I have this baby.”

“It’s available at any time. You just let me know.”

Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to be free of my day-to-day. I needed to not go back to the house and have random little things remind me of Devin or my father.

“Do you think I could go up there this weekend? Today even?” I blurted out in a desperate need to run away from everything.

“Let me see if Seth can run you up there.”

I nodded. “That would be wonderful.”

About an hour later I was sitting next to Seth as he sang along to a blasting car radio. I had my window down. I rested my head on the side of the car and let the wind buffet away concerns that tried to take up space in my head.

The sun set and Seth kept driving.

“I didn’t think it was this far away,” I said.

“It’s farther than mom remembers. It’s been a while since she’s been out here. You didn’t pack much.”

I hadn’t packed anything. All I was taking with me were the clothes on my back and a few spare yoga outfits I left at the studio in case my yoga pants suddenly developed a hole in an unfortunate location.

“I don’t think I’ll need too much. I’m not going anywhere. I’m just going to sit in the cabin and maybe read, maybe not even that.”

Seth laughed. “It’s not a cabin. Mom didn’t mention it’s a yurt, did she?”

“A what?”

“Yurt, you know a Mongolian tent. It’s round with a single pole in the middle.”

I stared at him with my jaw hanging open. “Francine hadn’t said anything about it being a tent.”

“Oh don’t worry. It’s made out of super thick wool and canvas. It’s not one of those little rip-stop things. This is legit heavy-duty shit. It’s permanently installed, so it’s already up. We’re going to need to stop and get you groceries, aren’t we?”

“I didn’t even think about that.” I scrambled to grab my purse. I opened my wallet and smiled as I saw a decent stack of twenties from the last time I took money out of an ATM. I sighed.

“Yeah. I’m going to need to get food. I hadn’t thought of that. What else haven’t I thought of? I’ve never gone camping. I really thought this was a cabin, not a tent.”

Seth rattled off lists of lists of all the things I would need at the yurt. “There’s a generator, but we should probably stop for gas.”

“Gas?”

“Yeah, for the generator. Otherwise, you aren’t going to have any electricity.”

The more Seth talked, the more I thought this was a bad idea.

“Well, you know what I need. I guess we can do the shopping whenever we hit the next town.”

“Oh, there aren’t any more towns out this way. But there is a great bait shop and gas station when we get closer. They also have the best barbecue.”

“A bait shop?” I asked. “With barbecue?”

Seth nodded enthusiastically.

Okay, my fate was in this kid’s hands. It was a good thing I trusted his mother enough to extend that trust to him. I had no idea where we were headed, good thing Seth knew exactly where he was going. About an hour later he pulled in front of a log cabin turned into a gas station. A neon sign flashed “live bait.” This must be the shopping Mecca Seth had been excited about earlier.

“Live bait?” I asked.

“Yeah, there’s a lake around here. Mom’s yurt isn’t anywhere near it. Just in the middle of the woods. Come on, let’s get you hooked up.” He pulled the door open and I walked in.

“Can I help you, folks?” A cheery older man in plaid asked as he stepped out from behind a counter.

I gave him my best dazzling smile. “Yeah, I need to stock up for four to five days of staying in a yurt.”

“And pulled pork sandwiches,” Seth added.

“Right, and pulled pork sandwiches.”

The older man seemed to blush a little. I knew that look. I could be mean and take advantage of it, or I could turn down my attempt at channeling my mother.

“Let’s get you set up. Do you have a cooler?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“She’s got nothing. Where’s the bear spray?” Seth chimed in from down one of the rows.

Bear spray? In my panic, I smiled harder.

Seth and the older man, whose name was Charlie, would disappear for a few moments and then reappear with an armful of items and place them on the counter.

Charlie would ask me questions, and Seth would answer. I selected a few items of food I thought I could survive on without a refrigerator or a microwave. I had cans of tuna, a jar of peanut butter, ramen noodles, more beef jerky than I thought I could eat in my lifetime, and a bag of carrot sticks. It wasn’t going to be gourmet dining for me, but it would keep me alive.

Charlie packed a few extra sandwiches in the cooler. “Now, keep the lid on, and these will stay perfectly cool enough to be good for tomorrow’s lunch. If you get stuck on anything, I’m gonna give you my number. I can come find you faster than this young man will be able, being from the city and all.”

“Thank you, Charlie. What do I owe you?”

There had to be several hundred dollars worth of items and food.

He acted embarrassed when the total came out to just over two hundred dollars. I thought it was a bargain, I expected everything to cost so much more. “Did you charge me for everything?”

“I might have given you those sandwiches.”

I smiled when he winked at me. I had the feeling he had been working up the courage to do that all evening.

“Has anyone ever told you how much you look like that model from way back, Britney Scythe? She was really pretty.”

“Um. Thank you. I get that a lot.” Of course, I knew, but I wasn’t going to tell him that.

“Britney who?” Seth asked.

Charlie picked up the full cooler. “I’ll tell you all about her as we get these things loaded up.”