Twilight Sins: Chapter 21

I’m not even surprised when I wake up and Yakov is gone.

Part of me wonders if last night even happened. It felt like a dream.

Then I see his bite marks on my leg and my neck. I see the bruises on my hips where he held me tight and pulled me onto him.

It was all real.

What I want is to fuck you like you’re the last fuck I’ll ever have. That’s what fucking terrifies me.

He said the dirtiest, loveliest things to me. Then he left me alone to figure out what it all means.

My thoughts feel too big to be cooped up indoors, so I wander out to the gardens behind the mansion early this morning.

And I sit there.

For hours.

But even in the sunshine, not much is clearer.

Yakov was covered in bruises and blood when he got back, for crying out loud. What the hell is that about? Clearly, he was in a fight, but with whom? Why? He stormed out of dinner when I tried to kiss him, got in a fist fight, and then came back and fucked me when I asked him about it.

Yakov takes “hot and cold” and makes it an art form. I never know what I’m going to get. The sick part is that part of me likes that.

Some therapist somewhere would take all my money to tell me I’ve learned to love the pain. Years of being with Benjy probably destroyed the relationship part of my brain. I don’t know how to do healthy.

But deep down, I don’t really buy that. Because I never loved being with Benjy. He just stripped me down to nothing to the point that I was terrified of being alone. Because being alone meant being with the person I was most ashamed to know: myself.

I groan and drop down onto a stone bench set under a weeping willow tree.

“Everything okay?” I yelp in surprise and spin around to find Hope walking down the path towards me. She smiles. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“I thought I was out here alone.”

“You are. Or… you were. But I saw you walking and thought you might need something.”

I need someone to talk to. That’s what I need.

I’d love to call Kayla again, but I don’t even know what I would say. What I can say. Plus, Yakov is the keeper of the cell phone. I need his permission to talk to her. And I’d need to know where he is to be able to ask for said permission. Since he’s decided to play ghost today, that isn’t going to happen.

I give her a tense smile. “I just needed some fresh air.”

Hope looks around, sighing as she takes in the scenery. “This is a good place for that. I love to come out here on my breaks.”

“It’s like a real life fairytale,” I admit. “The pond seals the deal. Those are actual lily pads over there. I wouldn’t be surprised if a bird started talking to me.”

She laughs. “If birds start talking to you, let someone know. We’ll send the men with the big nets to come get you.”

“Give it another day of being trapped in this house and I might be there. Birds are better than no one.”

I snap my mouth closed as soon as I realize what I’m saying. Hope is Team Yakov all the way. I know where her loyalties lie. She isn’t someone I should confide in or complain to.

Then she surprises me by nodding. “Mr. Kulikov has been leaving you alone a lot.”

I turn to her. “Is that normal for him?”

How many other women have wasted away under his roof, desperate for his attention? The thought that I’m just another in a long line makes me feel nauseous.

“What?” she sputters. “No. This isn’t normal at all.”

“Oh.”

Maybe Yakov really doesn’t like me. It’s just some kind of raw sexual attraction that keeps pulling us together. As soon as that’s gone, I’ll be on my ass in the street, fending for myself.

“No, I didn’t mean—” She lays a hand on my knee and squeezes. “I meant that it’s not normal for him to have a woman here at all. Ever.”

“Yeah, right. Look at him. You probably had to put the gate up to keep women out.”

Hope bites her lip, trying not to smile. “Whether or not Mr. Kulikov spends time with other women is his business. I don’t want to invade his privacy.”

“Liar,” I laugh. “You’d love to know what he gets up to in private as much as I would.”

“Fine. I want to know, but it wouldn’t be professional for me to invade his privacy,” she corrects, looking to me for approval.

I wave her on. “Now, that I believe. Continue.”

“But he has never once, in all the time I’ve worked for him and his father, brought a woman back to the mansion. Ever.” She looks deep into my eyes, trying to impress upon me the full meaning of what she’s saying.

“He has never brought a woman home with him? How is that even possible?”

She shrugs. “All I know is you are the first woman he has ever brought back to the house.”

I think back to that first night at the restaurant. He asked me to come home with him like it was nothing. Like it was something he did all the time.

That isn’t exactly surprising. Yakov does everything with an ease that comes from absurdly high amounts of self-confidence. Most of which is, even more annoyingly, well deserved. The man is gorgeous and charming when he wants to be. Most women would jump at the chance to go home with him. I did.

A pesky bud of hope starts to bloom in my chest.

I crush it before it has a chance.

“I’m only here because he’s trying to protect me,” I tell her sternly. “I don’t think I count. Especially since Yakov has told me on multiple occasions that he never would have brought me here if he didn’t have to.”

Extenuating circumstances led to all of this. If he hadn’t gotten that call in the middle of dinner, I would be alone in my apartment right now, deciding which show to binge watch and whether boxed red wine or boxed white wine went better with my frozen pizza.

Hope shrugs. “You could be right, but I wouldn’t be so sure. The fact that he cared enough about you to want to protect you means something.”

Do I fuck you like someone who doesn’t care about you, Luna?

My face flames from the memory. I quickly look away so Hope won’t notice. No need to share that development with her. That little kernel will stay between me and Yakov.

Hope leans in, voice low. “Yakov doesn’t let people in, Luna. The fact that you’re here means something.” I want to ask her what she thinks it means, but she stands up and dusts off her pants. “I need to get back to work before anyone notices I’m gone.”

“I thought you were on break.”

She holds a finger to her lips and smiles. “An unofficial break. Don’t tell anyone.”

I zip my fingers across my lips. “Your secret is safe with me.”

Hope follows the stone path up towards the house while my mind takes another lap of the same thoughts and questions I’ve been mulling over all morning—now with one notable addition.

Maybe Hope is right. Maybe Yakov is letting me in.

Hope said that without even knowing about our dinner conversation last night. She doesn’t know that Yakov told me about his dad’s murder. She definitely doesn’t know the way he talked to me last night… the way he touched me like it was the last chance either of us would ever have.

Remembering last night leaves me with a buzzing under my skin that I can’t seem to shake. So I set off on a walk to try to burn some energy.

I make my way to the back fence and loop around through a manicured area of trees and vines hanging from wooden trellises. It’s shaded and gloomy, and I’m truly living all of my wooded fairytale dreams when I hear a twig snap behind me.

In an instant, reality washes over me.

I whirl around and scan the path, searching the bushes.

I’m not in a fairytale. I’m in the real world where people are after me. I shouldn’t be so close to the edge of the property.

“Hello?”

As soon as the word is out of my mouth, I’m positive I’m being stupid. Yakov told me I was safe so long as I stayed inside the fence. So I’m about to roll my eyes and continue on my walk… when someone strides around the corner.