Read My Lips: Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Maisie's p.o.v

After I left Zach's house after the breakup, I went straight home to bed. I'd never experience heartbreak and what I was feeling right now was un-describable. It hurt so much. I didn't know breaking up with someone would hurt as much as this did.

My mum had repeatedly asked me what was wrong but I had just resulted into locking myself in my bedroom and ignoring her. I felt bad for doing it but I didn't want to face anyone at that moment in time. I didn't want her to see me so upset even if she was my mother. For some reason, I felt pathetic.

Every time I bought myself to look around my room everything was blurred. It had been like that for hours. I knew that I had school the next day but at that moment in time, school didn't matter to me. I'd miss it if it meant helping me get over how I was feeling. All I was doing was crying, no matter how hard I tried to stop it.

"Let me in, Maisie." Mum called from outside my door. I knew she wasn't going to let go of trying to get into my room so I got up from my bed, pulled the chair out from under the handle and opened the door for my mum.

"What?" I asked bluntly. I was well aware of how I looked right now. My hair was carelessly pulled up onto the top of my head, my eyes were red and puffy and my cheeks were drenched in tears. My nose was running and I felt awful.

I had a headache from all the crying but I couldn't stop. No matter how hard I tried the tears didn't stop falling from my eyes. My emotions were running high and the tears were streaming. I couldn't stop crying no matter how hard I tried.

My mum's face softened when she saw me. Moving closer to me, she began to talk. "Oh, honey."

She pulled me into a hug and rocked me from side to side. "It hurts!" I wailed, wrapping my arms tightly around her waist.

"What does? What's happened? Please tell me, Maisie." She begged. The worry was evident in her voice no matter how quiet it was to me. She was my mum, of course she was going to be worried about me.

So I did. "Zach broke up with me and I not know why. He just left me like that," I said, clicking my fingers in an attempt to show her how fast he'd left me. "It hurts mum, my heart hurts. I not know what I done wrong but I messed up. It all my fault!" To say I felt pathetic was an understatement.

Mum pulled me further into my room and shut the door behind us. She then proceeded to sit us both down on the edge of the bed and hugged me closer. This was her attempt to comfort me and if I was ben honest, it was sort of helping. "I bought chocolate."

I looked down at her hands to see a pretty big bar of galaxy chocolate- my favourite. Either she had a feeling about what had happened and she bought it in an attempt to cheer me up or she just thought chocolate was the cure to everything. Either way I wasn't complaining. Anyway, I didn't think I had the energy to do so.

Chocolate cured everything, right?

Letting out a forced laugh, I turned my attention back to her face. "Thanks."

Mum sighed and rubbed the tears that were staining my cheeks. "It'll get better, I promise."

"At this moment, I doubt It." I muttered. I probably sounded pathetic right then but at the moment, it felt like this was never going to go away. I knew it had to at some point, but when you're a teenager and you get your heart broken, it's going to hurt more, isn't it?

"I know how it feels," Mum began as she opened the bar of galaxy chocolate. She broke off a strip and handed it to me. I took It eagerly. "But it won't last forever. You just have to put on a brave face and act strong. Show them thst you aren't affected or hurting."

"But I am hurt." I deadpanned. Couldn't she tell I was by the state of me?

Mum laughed, taking some chocolate for herself. "I know that honey but you have to act like you aren't. Don't let them think that you're weak."

I nodded in reply and leant over to grab some more chocolate. If it was there then I was going to eat it. Anyway, what kind of person denies chocolate?

"I'll tell you what, you call Rebekah and invite her over. I'm sure you could do with some girl time right now. And, I'll even let you keep the chocolate." She laughed, planting a kiss on my forehead before leaving. She left the chocolate on the bed beside me and headed out of the door.

When mum left my room, I did as she said and grabbed my phone from my bag, I sent a text to Rebekah asking her to come over. She already knew my address off the previous times she'd been over or slept.

It didn't really take her that long to get here. It was like she already knew something was wrong judging by the time it took for her to get here. There was a knock on the front door (which I heard faintly) and then I assumed mum let her in because the next thing I heard was running up the stairs and my door flying open.

"Maisie." Rebekah sighed running over to me and wrapping me up in a big hug. I wrapped my arms around her, accepting her hug and hugging her back.

"Hi. Want some chocolate?" I offered handing the half eaten bar over to her. She accepted and snapped a strip off before handing it back to me. some

Rebekah ate the chocolate before she started speaking. "What the hell happened?" She asked. "Your text sounded pretty urgent so I rushed over to see what was wrong."

Looking down, I took a deep breath before answering her question. "I confronted Zach about being so cold and distant towards me. We argued for a bit before he then broke up with me. I not even know what I did wrong, I only asked him to tell me what was wrong and he snapped and broke it off with me."

Rebekah looked at me, her face had a look of sympathy on it that I didn't want. I didn't want her to feel sorry for me, she didn't need to. This was my relationship problem, she didn't have to feel upset for me.

"I'm so sorry." She started. "He's an idiot for letting you go. You deserve better than him."

I shook my head. "Don't say that, it a cliche line. So overused."

She laughed at my statement, obviously amused. "There's plenty more fish in the sea."

"But he's the fish I want."

She smiled sadly, placing her hand on my shoulder. "Not everything in life goes right." Rebekah was trying to comfort me and it was working... a little bit.

"Don't I know it." I forced a laugh. Snapping off some more chocolate, I gave some to Rebekah both of us silent as we ate the chocolate.

"You know what you have to do?" She asked suddenly, sitting up straight and putting her hands on both of my shoulders. Rebekah didn't wait for an answer before she began talking again. "You have to make him think that you don't care."

"Mum said the same." I groaned, flopping back onto my bed. I ran my hands over my face then dropped them on the bed beside my head. I felt like giving up. All I wanted to do was go to sleep.

"Well, your mum is clever," She stated. "Make him think it isn't effecting you. Talk to new boys, I can help you with that." She ended it with a wink.

"But I don't want to hurt him." I rubbed my eyes to try get rid of the tears before I grabbed some more chocolate.

She stared at me like i'd lost it completely. "Are you serious? He broke your heart, made you cry and you're worried about hurting him? Please tell me you're joking."

I shook my head, not knowing how to answer her. Of course I didn't want to hurt him. No matter how much he'd hurt me, I wasn't the type of person to purposely hurt someone back. That wasn't how I delt with things.

"Oh, Maisie." She sighed dramatically, like my ways of dealing with things were completely wrong.

"I mean, I know he hurt me but I don't want to hurt him back." I explained hoping that I would at least get her to understand even just a little bit. I know what he did was wrong and I know that I shouldn't feel bad about hurting him but I couldn't do it.

She turned to look at me and just stared. It was actually kind of creepy. "I guess I get where you're coming from. If someone important to me hurt me, I guess I wouldn't want to hurt them back either."

We sat, or lay rather; in silence for a while just eating the chocolate mum had bought me. I didn't know what to do. I felt conflicted.

I could either show Zach that I didn't care and that I didn't need him. I could do as Rebekah said and talk to other boys.

Or I could just leave it as things were and ignore him. That way I wasn't going to show myself up if the boy Rebekah made me talk to was an ass and didn't like me.

In the end, I just decided to ignore everything. That way, no one- apart from me- was getting hurt and no one was getting embarrassed. Everything could continue as normal and I'd just be able get on with my lie.

With Zach or without him.

The next day, I didn't bother going to school. Mum had let me stay off so I just lay in bed all day which in the end probably wasn't the best idea. I ate more chocolate (shocker) and watched movies. Being able to finally hear, even just a little bit, made movies so much more enjoyable.

My hair was tired up on the top of her head and I had decided to go a day without wearing any makeup at all. I had decided to just wear joggers so I could be comfortable. And somehow, even though the movies I'd chosen were comedies, I still managed to cry over the breakup.

My eyes were red and puffy due to rubbing them to clear away the tears. The more I dried them, the more they stung. So in the end I just allowed the tears to run freely. What did it matter? No one was going to see me except my family. And they were growing use to my appearance. For days I'd been lounging around doing nothing but crying at the odd time.

When the doorbell rang later that night, I didn't get up to answer it right away. I awkwardly stared at the door as if it would vanish under my gaze. There wasn't a particular reason why I didn't answer the door straight away... I just didn't want to. I didn't have the energy.

Sighing, I eventually stood up from my seat on the couch and walked over to the door. I stood still for a while before eventually deciding to answer it. Whoever it was were only going to see me looking my worst. I was sure they wouldn't mind, I'd probably never see them again.

However, when I did open the door I was surprised to see no one there. Frowning, I looked around confused. When I was about to close the door, my eyes landed on the small square package that was sitting on my door step.

Picking it up, I headed upstairs to my room to open it. The box was wrapped prettily; it was wrapped in a way that you could still remove the lid. That kind of packaging always fascinated me. They managed to make it wrapped but still able to open and close. Fascinating.

Inside the box was a small piece of paper, folded so it would fit snuggly into the box. I took the piece out and opened it to reveal Zach's messy handwriting. Placing the letter to my side I looked down at the item that was originally in the box.

My heart stopped.

Inside the box was the prettiest necklace I'd ever seen. The chain was silver and so was the heart hanging from it. The heart was just the outline but it was encrusted with crystals. Inside the heart, hanging from the top right was a single turquoise crustal. Overall, it was beautiful.

I smiled as I gently ran my finger over the necklace. The last thing I wanted was to ruin it, even if it was Zach who bought it.

Next, I picked up the letter to read. Taking a deep breath, I opened up the letter and began to read.

Maisie,

I just wanted to apologise before anything else. What I did to you was one hundred percent wrong. I shouldn't have done that and I know it now.

But I can't change my mistakes. I wish I could but I can't and there's nothing I can do about that now. What's done is done.

I don't know how long it'll take for you to forgive me for what I done... or if you'll even forgive me but I wanted to say that I never wanted to hurt you. That wasn't my intention from the start, I can promise you that.

Whatever you decide, I'll support you with it. Even if I don't agree. I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever really wanted for you. You mean (yes mean) a lot to me and hurting you was easily one of the worst things I've done in my life. And that's considering my past.

You deserve better than me. Everyone, heck, even I can see that. You're better than me in every way and you deserve everything in the world. I don't deserve you.

I never wanted to hurt you. That was never my intentions. But I had to do what I did. It wasn't a choice, it was a must. I wanted to protect you as much as I can and the only way I could do that was by breaking up with you. So don't take it so hard, it was for the best. I needed to keep you safe and by doing that, I was keeping my promise to myself.

In all honesty, I can't tell you why you wouldn't have been safe with me. I just need you to know my reason behind my actions. If I stayed with you, you were at risk and I couldn't have that. I couldn't have you scared and at risk of been hurt.

It was selfish to break up with you just before Christmas, I know that, but I'd already brought you a present. I'd brought this long before this all happened and you were suddenly at risk. And I had to give you it because... well... it's yours.

So I hope you like your gift and just remember... I never planned on hurting you. I'm sorry for everything.

You mean more to me than that.

Zach.

I re-read the letter over and over, taking in each and every word that he'd written. My mind was whirling; too many thoughts were entering my mind. I didn't know what to think. I gripped the piece of paper tightly in my hand, creasing the once semi-straight paper.

In a way, I wanted to accept his apology; I wanted to believe that everything would be ok. I wanted to do what he'd written and not take this so hard. But I couldn't do that. He'd hurt me so much. He'd broken it off with me without even trying to keep me and letting me decide if I wanted to put myself at risk or not.

If I got to stay with him then I wouldn't class myself as putting myself at risk. Because when I was with him I felt safe and I was happy. What was so bad about that? What was so bad about me that he couldn't be with me?

Looking down at the necklace in my hand, I gently ran my finger over the heart. It had to have cost a lot of money, it was so beautiful. So showing Zach that I did appreciate it, I put the necklace on allowing it to rest snugly against my neck.

After a while of thinking, I eventually decided what I was going to do. I was going to go to school tomorrow with my head held high. Zach wasn't going to see how much he'd successfully managed to break me. I wasn't going to give him the chance.

Taking my mums and Rebekah's advice, I was going to act happy and I was going to act strong. Sure I understood that he was only trying to keep me safe but he'd still broken my heart. He could've gone about this a whole other way.

There was nothing stopping him from sitting me down and nicely telling me that he wanted me safe. But that wasn't how he went about it. He was cold and unpleasant, snapping at me unnecessarily. That itself completely changed my view on the breakup.

Maybe I was been unfair, but I was hurt and surely that was understandable?

Either way, regardless of the letter (Which I appreciated so much) I was going to show him that he couldn't hurt me. I was going to act strong. He wasn't going to get the better of me.

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I've been on holiday so that's why I haven't updated in ageeees. Also, I somehow have a cold even though i've been in the sun like 24/7???

I wrote this on my tablet so if there's any mistakes then that's why!

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