chapter thirty-seven: the longest night

"Some see death as having some greater purpose, but when it is one of your own, it is hard to grasp anything good comes from it."

~Warcraft

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Ethan yanked his coat back on and smoothed his hair down, the music playing on the speakers pounding his head in time with the beat.

The blue lights were nauseating, like he was drowning in the ocean.

Why had he said all those things to Kelsey? Why did he take out his panic from seeing Althea on her? He hadn't meant any of it, it just all came out before he could stop it.

He passed by the ice statues and was almost to the door when a voice stopped him.

"You really showed her your true colors. Finally."

Ethan clenched his jaw and turned around. "Althea, please. Not now."

Althea looped a strand of her short blonde hair around her finger and crossed one arm beneath her elbow, offering that coy smile that used to make Ethan weak. Now it made him sick.

She stepped closer. "See? You're not that different from me, now are you? When one tiny thing goes wrong, you slip right back to where you belong."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I don't? Really?" A smile slid across her face and Ethan felt like she was digging into his soul. "I spent four years with you," she said, "and you don't think I know you? You were the guy everyone liked just because of what you could offer them. They all tried to stay on your good side because it benefitted them. You've always been a pushover; a coward." She rolled her eyes. "I know you better than anyone."

Blood throbbed in Ethan's veins, but he inhaled for a moment before speaking. "Maybe you would've known me better if you could see past anyone but yourself."

Althea pursed her lips. "How—"

"Look," Ethan interrupted, "I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Althea sneered.

Ethan nodded. "I know I was a jerk back then. I know it better than anyone. And I regret it. I wish I could've done things differently, but I need to move on. And so do you."

Althea flinched, showing the first sign of emotion since they'd met. "How? How could you do that?"

"Do what?' Ethan asked.

Althea blinked and Ethan thought he saw tears in her eyes. "Move on! How can this be so easy for you?!"

Ethan bowed his head and faced her squarely. "It's not."

"Oh really?" she scoffed.

"Yeah," Ethan deadpanned. "I lived four years with you. And now I realize how awful it was. For both of us. The life we used to live was so empty."

"And now you just pick up your new life and get some nobody to fall in love with you?"

Ethan gave a small smile. "Kelsey isn't a nobody."

Althea's lips pursed before she shouted, "Why do you get a happy ending?!"

Ethan looked down.

"You always get everything," she said, her voice shaking with barely contained rage. "I even tried to ruin you! Now you come out as a hero, and I'm still left behind. Why can't I win? Just once?"

Ethan sighed and took her hand. He couldn't change her. "Goodbye, Althea."

He turned and left, feeling lighter somehow. Like the chain attached to his ankle all these years had been broken off.

He stepped into the lobby of the hotel and sat down on one of the benches.

It didn't take long for thoughts of Kelsey to fill his mind.

How was he going to make this up to her? Would she even speak to him again?

His phone rang in his coat pocket, interrupting the questions rolling through his brain.

He fished it out and stared down at Kelsey's name, a flood of relief washing over him.

He had another chance to apologize, to tell her how much she meant to him, that he was going to change, to tell her—

"Is this Mr. Ethan Glenn?"

Ethan frowned at the man's voice on the other end of the phone. "Uh, yes."

"Mr. Glenn, this is Paramedic Halloway. Are you of any relation to a Ms. Kelsey Harris?"

Ethan frowned. "I'm her boyfriend."

There was a pause. "Mr. Glenn, I'm sorry to inform you that Miss Harris has been in a car accident."

Ethan's mouth went dry. His body went weak and his mind blanked before he could speak. "What?"

"We are en route to California Hospital and are unsure of her condition. I'm sorry to alarm you, but you were the first contact in her phone."

Ethan couldn't think of a response, so he hung up.

His heart pounded and for a moment, he was immobile. He couldn't think. Couldn't breathe.

Kelsey.

He stood up and raced outside.

The chauffeur stood waiting by the car door.

"California Hospital!" Ethan shouted. "Hurry."

"Of course. Is everything alright, sir?"

"No, I don't know," he murmured.

The drive was long, the wheels turning at a snail's pace. Couldn't the chauffer go any faster?

What if Ethan never got the chance to tell Kelsey anything?

Finally, the limo pulled up to the hospital, and Ethan bolted out.

His words to the lobby receptionist came out in a rush and he couldn't remember his own name for a second.

"Ms. Harris was just admitted to critical care a few minutes ago," the receptionist explained.

"Critical care?" Ethan repeated breathlessly. "Is she... will she...?"

"We don't receive that information here." She wrote the room number on a piece of paper and handed it to him.

Ethan snatched it off the counter and walked briskly down the hallway, bumping shoulders with several people who were going the opposite direction.

He found the room number and opened the door.

A wall of doctors and nurses obstructed his view of anything, but he caught a glimpse of a hand—Kelsey's hand—dangling off the edge of the bed. Limp. Lifeless.

"Sir, we can't take any visitors now," a nurse said, stepping in front of him and ushering him outside.

Ethan backed up wordlessly and stared at the door as it was closed in his face.

He blinked several times before sitting down against the wall.

He rested his head in his hands, struggling to fill his lungs with anything but shudders.

This was his fault.

If he hadn't been such an enormous jerk, if he hadn't yelled at Kelsey, if he hadn't made her mad, she wouldn't have left.

He should've been the one to take her home. To keep her safe. And now—

"Mr. Glenn?"

Ethan jerked his head up and hauled himself to his feet. The doctor stood in front of him, a clipboard in hand. "Yes?"

The doctor shook his hand and said, "You're Ms. Harris's boyfriend?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry for all of this," the doctor said.

"Is she okay?" Ethan asked. "What's happening?"

"We're not sure yet," the doctor said slowly, as if he were trying to brace Ethan for another blow. "She's unconscious. She has fluid in her lungs, broken ribs, and spinal trauma."

Ethan gulped. "Will she...?"

"Be okay?" The doctor rocked back on his heels. "It's too soon to tell, really. We're running tests and trying to drain that liquid out of her lungs right now."

Ethan tried to still his spinning head. "What—what happened? Do you know?"

"The report says that she hit a deer on the highway. She swerved to the right and flipped her car into a ditch. Thankfully no one else was hurt."

But Kelsey was...

Ethan nodded. "Have you called her family?"

"Not yet."

"Okay," Ethan choked. "Uh, thank you. Is it... is it okay if I stay here until I hear something?"

"Of course," the doctor said. "The cafeteria's closed for the night, but we always have coffee down there, and the waiting room is available."

"Thanks."

"We'll let you know when we find out more."

Ethan put his hands in his pockets and turned down the hallway, walking absently until he almost ran into a row of chairs.

He lowered himself down, staring blankly at the wall.

He couldn't imagine Kelsey unconscious, laying in a hospital bed with blood staining the sheets.

Suddenly, a wave of emotion overcame him and silent tears rolled down his cheeks.

He steepled his fingers and rested his forehead against them.

He couldn't believe what was happening.

This was his fault.

He'd always been so scared of people dying. Ever since Micah.

Why couldn't he stop the people he loved from getting hurt? Why couldn't he stop the pain he kept causing?

It was like he was a land mine, waiting in a field for someone to get close enough just so he could explode.

His phone rang and he sniffed, wiping his face before answering. "Hello?"

"Where did you go?!" Becca's voice was muffled by music in the background. "I saw Kelsey leave, but I figured she was just having an introvert moment or whatever. Where are you?"

"I'm at the hospital."

"What?! What happened?"

Ethan swallowed and gripped the phone tighter. "It's Kelsey." His voice was raw. "She got in a wreck."

Silence crackled at the end of the line for a moment before Becca spoke. "...Is she...is she okay?"

Becca's voice was softened to a whisper, her gentle, frightened tone foreign to Ethan's ears. It brought new tears to his eyes. "I don't know, Becca. I don't know."

"I'll be there in a few minutes."

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Hey everyone!

This was a pretty intense chapter, eh?

~What do you think of Ethan and Althea's conversation?

~Do you think Kelsey will be okay?

~General thoughts?

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