: Chapter 35

Gripping my hair, I drop my head into my hands. “Five, four, three, two, one,” I murmur, chanting it over and over until I feel more in control. We have too much to do. I have too much to do.

I still need to find out who’s betraying us before it gets us killed, and I need to deal with the Triad as well as run our legitimate business. I’m exhausted, my eyes stinging and body tiring, but I have to keep going. I can’t stop until I save my family.

I have to protect them, even if it kills me. Nothing else matters. “Five, four, three, two, one,” I whisper again, as I hear the front door open and the telltale giggle of Roxxane. Shoving my hair back, I straighten and return to checking the bank transfers from ex-employees. It would be the first sign they were betraying us. I could get Kenzo to look into it, but he’s tired and needs sleep.

I’ve set up at the table, not wanting to be in my office all night. I have papers in piles all over and my two laptops open, my phone and tablet also scrolling through information. There is too much for me to handle, but I have to. I don’t glance up when I hear them stop laughing. I hear a few whispers, the sound of retreating footsteps, and then a clearing of a throat.

Sighing, I don’t look up. “Garrett, I’m fine, I’ll sleep once—”

“Sorry, I’m better looking than him,” Roxxane teases.

My head jerks up, and I frown. “Sorry, I thought—” Scrubbing my face, I smile softly. “Sorry, love. Did you have a good night?”

She looks over the papers and me, and nods. “I’ll make coffee.”

I hold up my mug. “I have—ah, I seem to have drunk it.”

Laughing, she leans over and drops a peck on my lips. “I got this, okay? Let me look after you while you look after us.”

I blink in astonishment, but then she’s gone. I hear her in the kitchen arguing with the cupboards, trying to get them to open, which makes me smirk as I glance back at the bank records I was looking at—H. Fedred, it’s definitely not him. His bank is almost overdrawn, his bills taking all his incoming money from his job, which I tracked to make sure it’s legitimate. He used to be a security guard, front desk I think, he was a good man.

Grabbing my phone, I transfer him a couple thousand to help before loading up the next bank transfers list that Kenzo got me. He worked all day on collecting this information. I don’t ask how, I don’t care, but it’s a big help. I’ve got guards I trust checking current security, but I agree, this is someone who worked for us before. They don’t have up-to-date information.

Roxxane returns, and she places a mug next to me, her hand on my shoulder as she leans in close. I can’t help but relax back into her warmth for a moment, seeking the comfort of her body, even though I don’t deserve it. Why can’t I find out who is betraying us? Leaning forward, I get back to work, pulling away from her.

I need to find out who is double-crossing us. I have to.

“Let me help,” she offers.

“I’m fine, go get some sleep,” I tell her distractedly, and then my chair is suddenly yanked back, and she’s dropping into my lap. I automatically grab her and make sure she doesn’t fall, blinking at her incredulously.

Her face is hard, her eyes narrowed. “I wasn’t asking, now let me help or I’m going to annoy you all night. You’re tired and stressed. I know you think you have to solve everything, that the weight rests solely on your shoulders, but you have to lean on someone eventually, Ry. Please, let me help,” she says softly, as she reaches out and cups my face. I can’t help but lean into her, and she grins. “It doesn’t make you weak, you are still our leader, still in charge, but even the best leaders need help every now and again.”

“Roxanne.” I sigh. “Are you sure?”

She nods, leaning down and kissing me. “Now, boss man, tell me what to do, and if I’m a good employee, you can reward me later.”

Laughing, I help her up as she takes the chair opposite me, kicking off her shoes and getting comfortable. I can’t help but smile, she is so cute. And not going anywhere. If I don’t let her help, fuck knows what she’ll do. It sends a burst of relief through me as I think it over. Logically, it would mean this would work faster, and therefore might help us track them before they can hit us again. I push the tablet over to her. “We are checking bank records for anything suspicious. If you find something, flag it for me. Any recurring large payments over a thousand and up to probably a mill.” I nod, thinking it over. “Better safe than sorry, then we can work down that list. Oh, also flag anyone who is struggling financially,” I add as an afterthought, and feel her staring at me, so I look over at her again. “What, love?”

“You’re going to send them money if they’re struggling?” she inquires, a grin appearing on her lips as I frown. “Big, bad Vipers, who knew you were such softies?”

“Softies?” I snort. “Don’t tell anyone.”

“Or you’ll kill me,” she teases, as she starts to scroll through the log. “Threat’s a little old now, babe.”

“You know, I think we have been too easy on you, love. You’re far too cocky.” I grin as I flick through the information.

“Uh-uh, babe, I was cocky before you met me, you don’t get credit for my wit and mouth.” She grins, her eyes on the tablet. “Now, get to work, I want my reward when we find this bastard.”

Sipping the coffee she made, I lose myself in bank statements, answering the occasional email as I go. We work mainly in silence, but she fills my coffee a few times before going back to work. After a couple of hours, I lean back and stretch. “Anything?”

She looks up and places the tablet down next to a list she has. “A few, three to be exact, but I still have four names to check. What about you?”

“I have four to examine in depth and seven names left.” I sigh, rubbing my eyes. It’s the middle of the night, but I can’t stop now. “Let’s get through these last ones, and then I’ll make us some food.”

She smirks at that. “It better be good food.”

Laughing, I quickly scan through the remaining names. She’s done before me, of course, and I notice her looking over the list with a frown, so when I’m done, I grab it and cross a few names off. “Some of these still do odd jobs for us, hence the transfers.” That leaves us with ten names between us. “Okay, I’ll get Kenzo to check these out tomorrow, maybe wire them and put tails on them. You hungry, love?”

“Starving.” She groans as she gets up and stretches, making my eyes drag down her delicious body. She grabs our mugs as I stand and roll back my sleeves.

“Homemade pasta?” I ask, and she stops.

“You cook? Make homemade pasta?” she murmurs, and I smirk.

“I do.”

“Fucking assholes, is there anything you lot can’t do?” she grumbles as we head to the kitchen again. She hops up on the island to watch as I grab the ingredients I need.

But her words stick with me. There’s something I’ve been thinking about, running around in circles in my mind. The only way I will ever know for sure is to ask her so, leaning back against the worktop, I narrow my eyes on her and settle in. “Roxxane?”

She tilts her head. “Uh-oh, am I in trouble? Is it about the guy I beat up?”

I blink in shock. “You beat someone up again? What—never mind, we can come back to that. I need to ask you something.”

“Sure, what’s up?” she inquires casually.

“Do you want to be here?”

She freezes, her eyes widening.

“I mean it. I know…I know we didn’t give you a choice. But now, it seems like you are almost happy. I see the way you are with my brothers, I have to know, I have to know if you’re going to try and escape again, or if you could ever stay and be happy with them?”

“And if I say no?” she asks slowly.

“I-I need to protect them, love, even from their own feelings. This is getting more serious than I could have ever imagined. Tell me the truth, Roxxane, do you want to stay? With us?” I hold my breath, waiting for the answer, because the truth is…I want her too.

She is the best debt I ever collected, and the most important business deal.

But for her, did she accept the inevitable? Are we just a decision to give up fighting? If it comes down to her or my brothers, would I choose wisely? Could I even choose anymore? For all my intentions at keeping her at bay, the little minx has got behind my armour, and now, even my own heart is on the line.

Held in this woman’s grasp.

She has the power to destroy us all. Does she know it?

She seems to be thinking, debating her answer. “Love, look at me. Are you happy? Do you still want your freedom…or do you want us?”

“Are those my only two choices?” she queries, and then glances away for a moment, the light of the city arcing across her heartbreakingly beautiful face. “I don’t know. If you asked me a week ago, I would have taken my freedom…but you’ve gotten under my skin. You’ve got your venom in me, and in this last week, I have felt more alive than I ever have. D keeps telling me I belong, Garrett is finally letting me in, and Kenzo is so sweet and shared his past with me…and you. You, Ryder, are giving me a chance to be part of a real family…”

“But?” I prompt, my hands digging into the granite as fear surges through me. I hate fear, it makes us weak. She makes me weak.

“But…how can I be completely happy as a captive? Don’t you want me to choose you? To not need you, but want you? I’ve lived my own life, I have my own place, my own business. I earn my own money and pay my bills and buy the shit I want. I’m not rich, but I’m comfortable. I learned to change bulbs, to mow the fucking grass, to change a goddamn tire. To build furniture, to travel and be alone. In all that, I learned I didn’t need a man to be with me, to do things for me, I could do it for myself. Nothing is too difficult, you can always find a way. But that means, when I’m with someone…when I choose someone, it’s because I want them. Not because I need them for something, because I have to be with them, but because I can be with them. Don’t you want that?”

It’s my greatest fear and what I knew from the start. Why I tried to stay away. Roxxane wants to be free. From us. To leave…but would she come back? She’s asking for that choice, and who am I to keep that from her? If I truly care for her, surely I should let her choose us. But what if she doesn’t? D will never let her go, it would break Kenzo’s heart, and Garrett—fuck, he’s finally letting someone in again, trying to heal.

She would kill us all, and break everything we have worked so hard for.

But the other option is that she will slowly begin to hate us again when the glamour and kindness isn’t enough, when we aren’t enough to stop that hate, the hate from having her own choices taken away. After all, isn’t that what her father did? She despises the man. Are we any better than him?

We aren’t good men, we’re criminals, but for her? Could we do something good, just this once?

I turn around and start making the food, debating my answer.

“Ry?” she whispers. “I don’t want to hurt anyone, I really don’t. At first I did, I hated you all, and I think a part of me probably still does, but I also care. D told me something which makes sense now. If I really hated you, I would have killed you that first night, and he’s right. I’m strong, I know that, I could have killed you, I had plenty of opportunity. But I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to earn my freedom that way. But like D’s name for me, I am a bird, I need my wings. I need my freedom. It was taken from me as a child, I lived in constant fear and hatred so strong it warped me, and when I was free? I could be me, I found who I was. I don’t want to lose that again. I don’t want to hate you.” Her words end on a whisper, and I shiver.

“I don’t want you to either,” I tell her, “but I don’t know how to let you go.”

“I know.” She sighs before her arms wrap around me from behind. “I’m your worst nightmare, Ryder Viper, something you never saw coming. Something you can’t control.”

I grip her hands to my stomach as I lean into her. She’s right. But she’s also the best thing to happen to us. She’s filled with such life, such capability for laughter and joy. She brings out the best in us and accepts the worst. Could I love her?

And if I do…

Can I really deny her?

Could I bear for her to actually hate us in the future? Like my mother hated my father?

“Maybe I’m more like him than I want to admit.” I sigh.

“Like who?” she questions.

“My father. I know you know some about him, but he was a bastard, love. A true bastard. He moulded me to be like him, but what if I am? What if all that moulding, all those lessons, made me into the very thing I fucking hate? Kenzo sees it, so do you. I am capable of such destruction, such vile acts, yet I excuse it with the need to save my family. Yet here you are, my prisoner, and I don’t want to let you go. I want you to ourselves, to lock you away in here so no other can ever have you. Just like he did to my mother. Am I doomed to repeat his mistakes?”

She’s quiet for a moment. “Am I doomed to repeat my father’s actions?” she counters. “To be a person so weak and cruel? I don’t know, I could be. But I think the fact we are worried about it shows that we won’t, because we don’t want to be, because we are aware. Yes, you can be cruel, cold, and manipulative. I can be mean, a bitch, and cruel too. But that doesn’t make us them. It makes us, us. Stop fighting who you are, Ryder, stop fearing who you might find if you do. You never know, you might even discover you love yourself.” She pulls away then, and I let her go, because I have to.

I could keep her here with me, but that might kill the part of her I love. The strong, crazy, unpredictable Viper, because that’s what she is—one of us. There is no use denying it, I knew it when I first saw her. Which is why I was so afraid. Because if she is one of us…what happens when she leaves?

I’ve done some evil shit in my life. I’ve stepped on people. I’ve killed them. I’ve destroyed their lives and families and businesses without a blink. My hands are covered in more blood than she could ever imagine. All for them. My family.

So what will I do for her?

Everything.

It comes to me easily. I would do anything. Everything. I would burn this whole fucking city to the ground and find her in the cinders. I would kill, I would steal, I would lie. But what about letting her go?

Can I do that?

To everyone else, we are the villains, we are the evil in this city. Men immersed in power and money. We are the ones they fear, whom they hide away from. Yet she doesn’t, she basks in it. What if I kept her? Here, forever? Would that really be so bad?

I’m turning to grab the pasta cutter when something hits me in the face. Coughing, I swipe away the white powder and spin to see Roxxane laughing, holding a bag of flour in her hand. She smirks at me, the one that makes me want to do bad things to her. One smile, and it pushes away all my demons that are longing to be free.

“Run,” I snap.

She giggles and backs away.

“Run, love,” I warn, as I prowl around the island towards her. Laughing harder, she tries to escape, but I grab her, capture her again, and yank her to me. “You should have run faster,” I murmur in her ear.

“Maybe I wanted to be caught.” She laughs as she wiggles, trying to break free.

Grabbing the eggs from the side, I crack one open right over her hair. She screams and lurches away. Watching it drip down her face, I can’t help but laugh. Her nostrils flare, her eyes narrowed. “Oh, you’re dead. Now it’s your turn to fucking run!”

She grabs the butter on the side and throws it at me. Ducking, I chuckle as I grab some pasta and lob it at her. She screams and chases me with some milk, making me laugh as I swerve and avoid her. She turns to snatch something else, and I wrap my arms around her waist from behind. “Truce,” I cry out with a chuckle as she kicks and laughs.

Stilling, she giggles and leans back into me. I turn her in my arms and grin down at her as I brush away a scraggly strand of egg-covered hair. She smiles up at me, her dark eyes shining with happiness. How did she do that?

She set me free from my demons without even trying. Never has this home had such laughter or happiness. It echoes around these silent, miserable walls, filling it with life. Filling it with her.

Flour covers my face, I have food in my hair and on my clothing, and I’m smiling so large, I don’t remember the last time I kissed her. A desperate, clinging kiss. A goodbye, because I know now. I have to let her go.

Even if she doesn’t come back to us.

Because Roxxane was never meant to be locked away. She is meant to be free, wild, and uncontrolled. Even now, with laughter on our lips and happiness coating her expression, I know she’s pondering if she would really be here if she had a choice.

She’s too strong, too fucking strong for this.

If she chooses this life, I could accept it, but she didn’t, she had no choice, and I have to give her that. Even if it ruins my family.

Even if it means the end of the Vipers.

I have to let her go.