Chapter 59

The heated marble floors are pleasantly warm under my bare feet, unlike the wooden floors of Tyler’s apartment. The smell of coffee makes my mouth water. Nathan is already at the machine, pouring himself a cup with his back to me. He’s dressed in gray sweatpants and a tight-fitting T-shirt, and I lean against the doorframe, taking him in. He really is a good man. He was so sweet last night. After we ate dinner, we watched mind-numbing TV. I fell asleep with my head on his lap, and I’m pretty sure I woke up to him stroking my hair.

Then he walked me to my room, and I was so close to asking him to stay with me, but he kissed me on the forehead and wished me goodnight. It felt like asking him to spend the night with me, if only to have comfort from the warmth of his body next to mine, would be crossing a line.

He spins on his heel, and I clear my throat, pretending like I wasn’t staring at him.

“Morning. Did you sleep?”

I nod and stretch. “I did. I forgot how comfy that bed was. It beats Tyler’s old fold-out couch any day of the week.”

He offers me a faint smile, and I ask, “Did you sleep well?”

“Not really, but that’s nothing new.” He takes a sip of his coffee. “You want a cup?”

“Yes please. Caffeinate me up.” I sit on a stool and watch him fill a clean mug. “No reason for me to drink that decaf junk any longer, huh?” The swell of emotion takes me by surprise, and I swat away a tear that dribbles down my cheek, hoping he doesn’t see. I’m not quick enough. The concern on his face makes me feel guilty for putting all of this on him.

He places the mug on the counter in front of me and rests his lips on the top of my head. “I’m sorry I can’t seem to stop crying,” I say with a sniff.

“You went through something horrific, Mel. You’re entitled to cry as much or as little as you want.”

I grab hold of his T-shirt and press my face against his chest, inhaling his comforting masculine scent. “Why us? Why couldn’t I have kept this one?”

“I don’t fucking know, corazón.” He sighs. “I wish I did.”

I look up at him, and the sorrow etched into his face makes my heart break all over again. “I know it was early, but I imagined what they’d be like, you know? Would they be super smart like you, or into animals and nature like me?”

He nods, his eyes glistening with tears. “I imagined too.”

“You did?”

He brushes my hair back from my face. “Yeah. Whether I’d be going to dance recitals and little league games, or science fairs and debate competitions. Or all of the above.”

My chest throbs with a dull ache. “I’m sorry we won’t get to do any of those things together. You would have been the best dad.”

A tear leaks from the corner of his eye, and it damn near breaks me in half. He rests his chin on the crown of my head. “I’m sorry too, Mel.”

I glance at the clock on the high-tech oven, the one that hates me. “Don’t you need to get to the office? You told me you’ve been working Saturdays.”

“Not today. I’m going to do a little work from home.”

Nathan never works from home. “You don’t have to babysit me, you know. I’ll be fine.”

“I know.”

I take a deep breath. “In fact, I should probably get back home and leave you to your space. You know, in case your friend from the other night wants to visit again.”

His eyes darken and his jaw clenches. “She’s an old friend, Mel. I swear to you there is nothing at all between us. We were two friends going to a law society event together. I am not that guy.”

In my heart, I know that’s true, but it doesn’t change the fact that I should leave. “I should go anyway.”

A sigh rolls out of him, and he pulls back, gripping my chin and angling my head so I’m looking into his eyes. “Do you want to be alone right now?”

I don’t, but I also don’t want to be a burden to him. I say nothing.

“Tell me the truth,” he pleads. “Because I sure as fuck don’t want to be alone. But if that’s what you really want, I’ll take you back to Tyler’s and I’ll go stay with Mason or Elijah.”

His admission knocks the wind out of me. I was sure he’d want to get as far away from me as possible, given everything that’s happened between us. “I’d prefer to stay here with you.”

“Good. It’s settled then. When does Tyler get back?”

“Two weeks.”

He wraps his arms around me and murmurs, “Two weeks then.”

“Yeah, and then I’ll be out of your hair for good.”