Reborn: Chapter 20

We slept in the dining hall because apparently you could order bedding, toiletries, and other items, and the servers would bring it along. With that in mind, we swapped out our sheets for clean clothing, and I somehow managed not to ask for a vibrator, just to see how far I could push it.

The next morning, after breakfast and finding a bathroom to pee and wash up, I was ready to return to Shadow. In truth, I’d never left Shadow, at least not in my mind. It had been near impossible to sleep knowing he was so close… and yet still so far away.

Gaster and Sam waited near the barrier as I crept closer, and I expected that I’d be unable to venture through without some real power this time, and I was absolutely correct. My beast had ramped up all his securities overnight. Shadow was somewhat predictable when it came to protecting his power base, and his more animalistic form was no doubt worse than ever.

Sparks shot at me when I got closer, but I just brought fire to my skin and sent my power back in response. At the familiar burn across my body, I tilted my head back to enjoy the sensation.

My power had been locked away from me most of my life, but after being in Torma again, I looked at my energy differently. Knowing the reason my father had attacked the alpha, the reason his paranoia had grown until he’d felt he’d had no choice but to force Victor’s hand, had changed my perspective. I still had questions, that I hoped to talk to Shadow about—if he ever returned to conversing in full sentences, that was.

Like, why had my powers been so odd growing up? I’d thought my first shift and release of my wolf had triggered my Shadow Realm side to emerge, but now I knew that there had been a few other times.

It had been grief the night my father had died that had opened a doorway to Dannie, allowing her to leave the Shadow Realm. And then there’d been the night of my first shift, when the grief over my rejected mate bond had allowed me to touch the Shadow Realm, setting in motion the rest of my destiny.

Was grief the key? It clearly wasn’t torture or fear, because Torma had thoroughly tested that theory.

Another mystery to add to the endless sea I’d been wading through for years. Even when I thought I had a handle on it, something new would blindside me, and I’d realize I knew nothing.

At least I had my powers today when I needed them, strong and blinding in their intensity, and by the time the fire was near-licking the ceiling of the library, I was able to step through the barrier into the lair.

“Shadow,” I called softly, pushing deeper into the mist-strewn ice locker.

It was freaky as hell as I moved deeper into his lair, feeling the beast breathing down my neck, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. The “safe” world I’d been dropped in with Torin and the Torma pack had been very clever of Dannie. She had given me everything I’d ever wanted, dreams built in a young child’s mind of my future in the pack. Funny how dreams could turn to nightmares in a split second.

Shadow had given me such an advantage in Torma too. I didn’t know it at the time, but now that my memories were back, I had pieced together a lot of the odd occurrences that had happened to me with the pack. “You kept your word, Shadow,” I called loudly. “The one where you promised I’d never have to be vulnerable again. Torin tried to force his will and strength on me, and he was repelled away. At the time, I didn’t know why, but I do now. Your power superseded Dannie’s.”

He was probably also the reason I hadn’t been able to touch myself, since he had strong opinions on that as well, but we’d talk about that possessive piece of bullshit later.

An echoing roar rang down the corridors between shelves, an ear-piercing burst of sound that grew louder and louder until a raging beast was right there, huffing as he stared me down. Shadow looked exactly as he had the day before, a powerful mountain of muscle, man and beast, and I drank him in like I hadn’t seen him in years, rather than about eight hours.

“You kept your promise,” I repeated, my voice shaking from emotional overload. “Torin couldn’t hurt me, no matter what he tried. I didn’t have my realm powers thanks to Dannie, but she didn’t know that your promise to me was stronger. You kept me safe.”

He stalked closer, and this time, I did not run. I stood my ground, prepared for the pain he’d inflict. He towered over me as he reached out with those lethal claws, attached to hands about the size of my entire torso. This beast could disembowel me with a single swipe, and still… I did not move.

Last night in the dining hall, when sleep had been an elusive bitch, I’d debated how to bring Shadow back to me. There were two options. The slow path, where I patiently spent months coaxing him into his humanity, little by little, until I eventually wore him down and he released the beast. This was an option I had neither the temperament nor the time for. Which left number two: all in and hope for the best.

“I missed you,” I whispered, the words dragging up from deep in my chest. “I hate that I wasted the time we had together, always keeping my distance. Always telling myself that you weren’t mine and I was beyond stupid if I grew attached. I fought the connection, the bond between us because I knew it would hurt like this. I knew it would tear me apart in a way that nothing else ever has, not even the rejection of my mate. And you know what?”

He’d stopped moving; it was the first time his predator stalk had ceased.

Now I took a step closer. “It was worse, Shadow. The pain I thought I’d feel when you finally walked away from me was nothing on what I feel right now. Nothing!”

Another step closer, and he could reach me now if he swiped, but again, I didn’t care. “Our demons match, Shadow. Our souls match. Come back to me.”

Flames grew around him, fast and intense, and any normal being standing in his vicinity would be dead. Not me, though, as I sent my own power out to join his until the swirls of fire carried up into the ceiling above.

“Our souls match,” I repeated, the burn of our loss deeper than ever.

In the split second it took for me to blink, I was in his hands, a biting grip around my stomach as he stole me away. Flames continued to swirl around us as death held me in its grip, and I’d never been happier.

Shadow took me deep into the library, way past the point I’d ever ventured in the never-ending hall of shelves and books. His grip on my stomach did not ease, his claws cutting into me at times, leaving behind minor flesh wounds that healed instantly. In his own beastly way, I had the feeling he was actively trying not to hurt me. A nice and positive step forward.

Unless, of course, this entire venture was all to keep his prey intact until he reached his torture chamber, where he planned to kill and eat me. But, I mean, why bother taking me away from the main entrance? Plenty of room to dismember a body right there… and I really had to stop with that line of thought.

Shadow just kept running, and I didn’t fight, allowing him this time to work through whatever he was working through. The beast-man was walking on a thin line, and I sensed he could be tipped either way if I screwed up my next move. If one potential result here was losing him to the darkness forever, I had to ensure that never happened.

The running went on for hours, and by the time he was done, I could see he’d been trying to exhaust himself. Had that been his life since he’d returned to the lair? Running to forget… to not feel?

When he was finally ready to rest, a doorway appeared in front of us, huge, shiny and black. His massive frame fit through easily, leaving behind the icy chill of the lair to enter his bedroom. I’d been here only one time before. Once when I’d been near death and he’d taken care of me. Now, it was my turn to do that for Shadow.

I just had to make sure that he didn’t murder my ass in the process.

He prowled forward and I would guess by the general warmth and untouched look in here that this was the first time he’d entered since Dannie had betrayed us. Ignoring the bed, the beast prowled to a thick olive-green rug, and there he curled up, tucking me securely against his chest.

My breathing grew shallower thanks to his tight hold, but I didn’t complain. For the first time in what felt like forever, I was comfortable and warm, if not a little overwhelmed at whatever was happening right now. Trying to snap him out of this quickly was not without its risks, and while it was too soon to feel overconfident, we were definitely moving in a positive direction.

I was still alive, for one.

Shadow’s beast form had claimed me, treating me like a possession it was quite fond of, and I was almost certain that was progress.

Despite the exhaustion I felt seeping from his aura, the massive body behind me remained tense. Eventually, I managed to free one hand so my fingers could run across his fur and skin, stroking the beast softly. “Sleep, Shadow,” I whispered. “I’m going to hazard a guess that you’ve barely rested since Dannie fucked both of our worlds, but you can now. I’ll still be here in the morning.”

His tension remained for a beat, and then… he relaxed.

My chest grew tight, emotions forcing their way up until my eyes burned and watered. I beat them down, focusing instead on Shadow. I could deal with my mental scars later. For now, he was my only worry.