Saving Hailey: Chapter 34

“What kind of memory?” Carter asks, crouching before me, his hands moving to caress my thighs.

It’s crazy how much I crave him. Whenever he’s close, my heart stutters, my blood runs a fever, and my mind fills with an image of him hovering over me in bed, his muscles shifting under black ink, eyes boring into mine, hips thrusting.

He smells like the most erotic, divine mixture of scents: spicy cologne, mint, smoke, and leather. The white shirt—two buttons at the top always popped—waistcoat that matches his pants, the holster at the small of his back, bracelets, watch, tattoos…

I shudder softly, my skin tingling.

“Do you have a picture of Aalyiah?”

I’ve been dissecting the memory I saw at Blaze’s, scrutinizing my reaction and Alex’s words. Now Carter thinks I was at the warehouse on the night of the accident, meeting Aalyiah is the most plausible explanation.

Carter gets instantly defensive, his eyes crinkling in the corners. “Why do you want to see her?”

Because I think I might’ve met her at the warehouse.

It makes sense… Alex loved her and his feelings complicated his job. He was in danger and I didn’t want him dead. Maybe I thought telling Aalyiah about us would break them up and Alex would drop the case?

I’m too worried about Carter’s reaction to say it out loud. Instead, I huff out an exasperated breath. “It’s the only idea I have and it’s worth a try, so can you please show me her picture?”

“You never saw her, Hailey.”

For the first time the protectiveness shadowing his words isn’t for me. It’s against me and I realize how important Aalyiah was to him.

I cover his hand with mine, drawing little hearts in the crook of his thumb. “You don’t know that. It’s been weeks, Carter. My memories aren’t coming back. The safe house is compromised. If we move to another, how long before your father finds us? This needs to end. I can end it. I just need triggers. Right now Aalyiah might be the trigger I need.”

“When would you have seen her?” he asks.

“I don’t know. Not so long ago, I didn’t think I knew her name, then Blaze said it and I remembered hearing it from Alex. Maybe I’ve seen her.”

“It’s worth a shot,” Broadway says from behind the bar.

I’m not surprised he’s on my side. He’s been growing more anxious lately. Every time Carter’s phone rings and he leaves to answer, Broadway starts swearing while he nervously paces the room. It’s not until Carter summons him to explain what was said that he calms down.

“It’s just a picture,” he adds. “What harm will it do?”

“None,” I insist. “You can tie me up again if you want.”

“Tie you up?” Koby cocks an eyebrow, his eyes sparkling. “Do tell. This sounds interesting.”

“I don’t exactly know what’s happening with me whenever I have a flashback, so last time, Carter tied me to a tree.”

“Fuck that’s kinky.”

I look away, hiding behind my hair because kinky sparks another enticing reminder.

“I want to see how many kinks I can unlock.”

I meet Carter’s gaze, and the heat burning in his eyes tells me both our minds are reliving our intimate moments at Lakeside while his men wait for a decision.

“Ryder,” he finally says, his knuckles white around the crystal glass Koby shoved in his hand a moment ago. “Get me a picture of Aalyiah. As recent as you can.” Leaving his drink on the coffee table, he sits beside me, his knees spread wide. “Here, Hailey.” He taps the space between his legs. “You know the drill.”

I move, drawn to him like a moth to a flame. He’s been gone less than twelve hours. We had sex first thing this morning but, after weeks of self-imposed distance, I need him close all the time.

His barely audible, sharp inhale when I sit between his legs sparks goosebumps down my body and his arm around my middle molds me further into him.

It’s a small gesture, insignificant to a passive observer, but I’m a goner once his thumb starts grazing my ribs. He’s not unaffected either. I feel the way he reacts to the faintest touch; how much he craves me this close and closer still.

His chest expands, the hard pane of muscles both a cage and the safest place on earth.

“Got it!” Ryder announces, coming over with his laptop.

“Eyes, Hailey,” Carter orders. “Keep them closed until I say otherwise. You try running and I’m snapping you out of it.” His two-day old stubble tickles my skin as his lips brush my ear. “Quiet. All of you. Not a word.”

“Yeah, alright,” Broadway says somewhere behind us, his heavy boots shuffling closer.

“Ready?” Carter asks, splaying his fingers across my ribs.

He’s way over the top with those safety measures but I don’t point it out because my stomach’s twisting like a wrung-out rag. I’m seconds away from seeing the girl Alex considered more important than me. The girl who took him from me. The girl who got the best parts of him, and left me the worst.

I bob my head, quickly grasping Carter’s arm with both hands, my nails biting his skin.

“Open your eyes.”

I take a second before I do, steeling for whatever might come. A part of me is so resigned after weeks of no flashbacks that it doesn’t think it’ll work.

But a much bigger part knows it will. If I ever did see this girl, it will work. She’s been an enigma at the front of my mind, at the center of my flashbacks, even if indirectly, for weeks. Every encounter with Alex somehow oscillated around her. She was always present even though she wasn’t there.

Whenever he came over, I knew he’d either just come back from her, or was heading out to see her. I knew he’d give her everything I craved: cuddles, kisses, attention—love.

The hatred I feel for a girl I never met is so potent it’s been slowly poisoning me since my memories started returning.

What did she have that I didn’t? Why did Alex choose her even though I did everything to please him? Why did I care about a man who loved someone else?

My nails sink further into Carter’s skin. On cue, he resumes the slow path of his thumb gliding over my ribs. His warm breath fans my neck and his scent makes me feel safe. It helps douse the jealousy inside me… the insecurities peeking out their ugly head whenever I think about Alex and Aalyiah.

Letting a steady breath past my parted lips, I peek a little and I see her. Between the curtain of my eyelashes, I see the girl who was more than I ever could be. The girl who gave Alex everything I couldn’t.

She’s gorgeous.

So pretty she looks photoshopped. Her young face is immaculate, not one scar or blemish. Long, brown, shiny hair tumbles around her arms in thick waves. She has dark eyes—almost as dark as Carter’s. Dark eyebrows and lashes. Small nose, full lips the color of roses blooming in full sun and twisting into a genuine, carefree smile.

A lump forms in my throat while my eyes dart all over her face, scrutinizing every detail. My eyes move lower, tracing the column of her throat, and it feels like I’ve been sucker-punched when I spot a silver pendant dangling from a delicate chain.

It’s a heart. Almost identical to the one Alex gave me. Almost… but not broken. Perfectly intact.

I sink.

I dive into the past so quickly it gives me whiplash. The living room shakes around me while I fall like Alice until everything stops and my surroundings sharpen, revealing a bedroom I’ve seen many times before.

My bedroom in Ohio. Clearer than ever. Light-gray furniture, navy-blue bedspread, fluffy cushions. The closet is open, my flimsy little dresses on display.

A knock at the main door jars the empty, silent house. It’s almost seven in the evening and Dad rarely comes back before midnight these days.

Besides, he wouldn’t be knocking.

My heart leaps and my veins fill with hope that it’s Alex, here because I texted him about the pie I baked. I take the stairs two at a time, then my feet skid across the wooden floor in the hallway until I halt inches from the door, flinging it open.

A big, bright smile twists my mouth when I see Alex, his car parked by the curb. He came…

My brows bunch in the middle, euphoria fading fast as he starts speaking.

“Hey,”he slurs, the stench of booze heavy on his breath. “I need a nap. I had one too many.”

Hope hisses out of me faster than it arrived, leaving a hollow feeling behind. Of course he’s not here to spend time with me. It’s been days since I last saw him. Weeks since he came over for me, rather than Dad. I wish I had the courage to shove him out of here. I wish I could tell him to leave but the words won’t leave my lips.

The sad reality is that he came because he needs a favor but he is here and his presence always makes the hole Mom’s death left in my heart heal a little.

He sways forward making me step out of his way.

“You’re drunk. Where have you been?”I ask.

The dark circles under his bloodshot eyes look more prominent, like he hasn’t slept in days. His clothes are crumpled, hair disheveled. Jealousy enters my bloodstream, but Alex doesn’t tell me whether he’s been with her tonight. He shoulders past me and stumbles inside.

I’ve seen this memory before. It’s like the one I had at Blaze’s. Though it’s sharper now, no blurriness around the edges, no darkness outside the windows.

While Alex explains the case he’s working on, I listen, react, and pay attention to my surroundings.

The living room is huge, twice as large as the one we had in Florida. Houses in Ohio must be much cheaper…

Or maybe Dad spent everything on the building, not leaving much for the interior; the space is bare, save for necessities. A couch, two chairs, wall-mounted TV, and a rickety coffee table. It’s a far cry from how Mom would’ve decorated it.

She paid attention to the smallest details, littered every flat surface with dust-gathering trinkets, kept lots of plants, and loved piling cushions wherever possible.

There’s only one cushion here. Not a blanket in sight. Not one plant or candle… but there are pictures, hundreds of them. A gallery of Mom’s smiles covers every wall.

Alex grunts, adjusting the lonely cushion under his head.

“You’re scaring me, Alex,”I whisper, the danger he’s in dawning on me and tightening my voice. “You need to quit.”

“Quit? I can’t quit. That’s not a fucking option.”

“Of course you can. You’re not safe! You can’t risk your life for work. My dad will understand.”

A low chuckle vibrates his chest. “You don’t know your dad all that well, Hailey. If I quit, I’ll spend the rest of my life in jail. You think I’ll risk everything to put Rhett Willard behind bars?”

“Rhett Willard?”

“I’m doing this because I don’t have a fucking choice,” he rants over my question. “I can’t quit. Even if there wasn’t a life sentence hanging over my head, quitting means risking Aalyiah’s life. But if I don’t quit it’s just a matter of time before Rhett puts a bullet in my head.” He sits up, running a hand down his face. “Like I said… unless I figure out a way to end this, I’m dead for real, or dead inside.”

He reaches for my hand, grazing his thumb down my palm. “Don’t worry, Hailey. You’ll be fine. Sad and broken, but alive.” The acceptance layering his voice makes my eyes sting with tears.

“I want to help. What can I do to help?” I ask.

“You can’t. No one can. All I can do is figure this out before Rhett discovers who I am and realizes I’ve used his daughter to get the evidence your father needs.”

“What have you gotten yourself into?”My voice is barely above a whisper, fear seeping into every word.

“I was sent to infiltrate Rhett’s organization. To gather evidence… but I met Aalyiah.”

I sink down onto the armchair opposite him, my mind racing. “And you fell in love with her.”

“The heart doesn’t always make wise choices, Hailey. You should know. We both chose wrong.”He avoids my gaze, his hands trembling, a hollow laugh escaping his lips. “I told her who I am, what I’m doing. Instead of ratting me out, she asked to help. But she had one condition: that her brother stays safe. That he doesn’t go down with Rhett.”

The pieces start falling into place, forming a picture so dangerous, so fraught with peril, it makes my heart race. “So you have the evidence my dad needs?”

“Yes.”One small word, but it carries a powerful load I can’t decipher. “I can’t hand it over to Charlie yet. Not until I find a way to keep Aalyiah’s brother out of this mess. If I don’t, I’ll lose her. But Rhett will surely figure out there’s a rat in his ranks soon. He’s already suspicious.”

My thoughts whirl, trying to grasp the magnitude of his predicament. “That’s… it’s…”

“A fucking shitshow,”he finishes for me. “I know. It’s a no-win situation. I’m trapped, Hailey. And so are you.”

“No. There must be a way out. Maybe I can talk to my dad, explain the situation—”

“No! You can’t. Not yet. Not until I have Aalyiah somewhere safe, away from—” Alex trails off, then shakes his head. “Charlie won’t care about her. It’s too risky.”

Frustration gets the better of me, mixing with fear and helplessness to create a potent mix. “So what will you do?”

He doesn’t answer immediately, his gaze somewhere in the distance. “I don’t know,” he finally murmurs. “But whatever I do, I have to do it soon. Rhett’s not someone you play games with.” Heaving a pained grunt, he sits up, then hauls himself off the couch. “Can you make me a cup of strong coffee? I need to sober up.”

In his usual fashion, he dismisses the conversation, heading down the hallway. The bathroom door closes behind him a moment later, sending my thoughts on a rollercoaster ride until one idea stamps down the rest.

I dart to the couch and rifle through his jacket pockets, searching both sides at once for his phone.

I find two.

Of course he has two.

That’s why I never found any texts between him and his other girl. There was nothing on the cell he sometimes carelessly left in my bedroom, save for a few clipped messages to me and my father.

With trembling hands, my pulse pounding in my ears, I unlock the other phone. It’s the same passcode. My breath flattens out before the phone unlocks and then catches in my throat when a gorgeous brunette smiles from the screen. She lays in a tangle of white sheets, sporting Alex’s hoodie. Her hair’s disheveled, pink lips swollen, glossy eyes looking straight at the camera, the glee painting her face so genuine it’s blinding.

I’ve never seen anyone look so happy. So carefree.

No wonder Alex fell in love with her. She’s the embodiment of everything he values in a woman: young, perfect, girly, delicate, happy… my exact opposite.

Alex flushes the toilet and the sound sets my heart rate soaring. Tears sting my eyes when I open the contact list and find one phone number there: Baby Girl.

Water starts running in the sink.

I have less than twenty seconds before he comes back and I desperately need Aalyiah’s number. Whipping my phone out of my pocket, I snatch a picture of the screen, then quickly close everything down and shove Alex’s phone back where it was.

I dart across the room, so scared he’ll realize what I’ve done that my jelly-like legs barely carry my weight. The door to the bathroom opens just as I slump into the armchair and push my phone between the seat and the armrest.

“I better get going,”Alex says. He sounds tired, resigned. Like he doesn’t have much hope left. The longer he’s working on the case, the worse he looks. “Don’t tell Charlie about any of this.”

“I made your favorite pie,”I whisper.

This once, I want him gone, but if I make no attempt to keep him here, he’ll wonder what’s wrong.

“Don’t start, Hailey,”he huffs, shimmying into his jacket.

“You shouldn’t drive… you wanted coffee.”

“I’m fine. Cold water did the trick.”The usual bounce to his step returns with every step toward the door.

I stop pleading when he rounds the corner, his footsteps echoing down the hallway until the front door closes behind him.

I’m alone.

My heart rams in my chest like a caged bird once I grab my phone but I can’t see Aalyiah’s number through the tears spilling down my cheeks. I shut my eyes tight, breathing on the count of four.

A cool breeze breaches the room, making me shudder and my insides twist so hard I feel sick.

“There you are.” Carter’s voice shatters the silence ringing in my ears. “You’re okay, Hailey. It was a memory.”

I swallow hard, the remembered tears that stung my eyes in the past coming back stronger. Slowly, I peel open my eyes, locking gazes with Broadway who sits across the room, his elbows perched on his knees, a frown marring his brow.

“Get her some water,” Carter says.

Whenever I’ve dipped into my memories before, the return was like crashing into a wall, immediate, jarring. But this is like I’m waking up from a tiring dream. I’m half here, half there, unsure where I should stay.

Koby rises from the couch, his footsteps echoing away. The fridge behind the bar opens, water sloshes into a glass, and he’s back, holding it out for me.

“What did you see?” Carter asks, his arm still wrapped around me. No… both arms. Like a straitjacket, my wrists in his hands, pinned to my sides.

He releases my right hand so I can take the glass, and patiently waits until I’m done drinking. I feel like someone whacked the back of my head.

“The same memory I saw at Noretto’s… longer, though. Sharper. Alex came over drunk.” I hide my face in both hands, my temples pulsing with an incoming headache.

“Alex?” Carter asks, the surprise in his tone not escaping my attention. “You saw Aalyiah’s picture and the flashback was about that piece of shit?”

I nod, inhaling deeply and shaking the stiffness off my limbs. The flashback loops behind my eyes, answering less questions than it poses. They multiply like bacteria in a petri dish. I weigh the significance of what I saw, annoyed that it dissolved at the most crucial moment.

Did I call Aalyiah?

Did we set up a meeting?

Carter might be able to check. He has the means. Ryder could pull the information out of his computer in ten minutes but if I did call her, if we did meet…

She took her own life when she found out about me and Alex.

A pained whimper leaves my lips. More puzzle pieces snap into place. Alex would never have told her about me. He loved her. He wouldn’t risk their relationship, which means I did it.

I told her.

I dissect all the possibilities, assembling a timeline of events based on what I know. That memory my brain just showed me wasn’t random. None of them were. Each one brought me closer to an answer and this one… this one might be crucial.

I must’ve called Aalyiah, told her about Alex and me. Maybe demanded she stop seeing him.

My intentions were good. I wanted to protect him, but the result was far from good.

Carter was right all along… I killed his sister.