Chapter 10

Painful And Surreal Homecoming

War

Three days ago I got messages from Dev, Hack and Rider. All three told me to get back home and be at the club on Thursday morning at 11:30 am, no earlier, no later, after the meeting I'm to leave immediately, and never return. So I guess it's safe to say that they're finished with me. I knew this day would come, I've been both dreading and expecting it but it did take me by surprise by how much it hurts. I kind of thought I was totally emotionally numb by this point. In some fucked up way, I thought they'd want me back, maybe try and convince me to return. But honestly, they all stopped trying to do that over a year ago. The last time I spoke with Rocky and Jax, they were fuckin livid, telling me how bad Shea was doing, and that I was fucking her up. I know they're right, but that was the last call I took from either of them.

Something must be going on, but I have no idea what.

Shea left me a phone message a few months ago, but I never listened to it, I don't even read her texts anymore, too fucking painful. I see her beautiful broken face every day, crying as she sees the rancid cunts video, crying as she learns we lost our baby, crying as she watches me leave her hospital room. I also see her laughing at her high school graduation, hearing me tell her I love her the first time, and giggling when I called her 'Mrs. Warren' after we got married. She's in my dreams and nightmares, my daydreams and daily reality. Honestly, she's always with me. I'm sure by this point she's moved on, probably found a new guy, someone good for her. I sure fuckin wasn't. I broke that girl in all ways that matter, I'm sure as hell not man enough to put her back together.

I've been all over the country, doing work for the national club. Oblivion isn't just our, or I guess 'their' club in Northern California, it's in several states across the country. And I've been all over the country, doing the down and dirty ugly work, the dangerous shit, the soul sucking shit that good men shouldn't have to do. Trying to save my club brothers, the good guys, from having their souls stained with the shit I've been doing. It's all good, I'm shit, trash, no soul, my soul and life are with Shea, far away from me.

Before I left home I signed everything over to Shea, so if I die, she gets my life insurance and whatever the club settles on her. She fucking deserves more than that for dealing with my sorry ass. All the other shit we owned I deeded over to her when I left town, so officially, I'm worth more dead than alive to her.

The guys were pretty specific about letting me know when to come by the club, down to the day and exact time, so I'm guessing they're trying to get me there when Shea won't be around to see me. The club has always loved her, she's pretty much everyone's little sister, and according to Stoner the last time I talked to him, they are all protecting her as well.

I get the most intense painful and the same time, amazing feeling of fucking déjà vu and home as I turn in off of the main road. At the front gate I get stopped by a couple of prospects I don't recognize. They obviously know who I am, they've been expecting me and don't seem to care too much for me. I drive in, park my bike, and look around before I walk in the door, again I'm hit by the raw and vivid memories, it's like a train ran into my chest of the most amazing times we shared. Beautiful memories of Shea and me, fucking around and laughing, our first kiss, the first time I told her I loved her, when I made her my Old Lady, and when we left from this very spot to drive to Las Vegas and get married.

Entering the club, I head over and wait a bit and look around, heading over to the bar, I ask for a beer, and I realize that it's Stoner behind the bar, I smile and nod my head. He just glares at me, no words, not a smile, nothing. He sends over a beer and walks away.

Guess I earned that.

Two club girls I don't know walk over and start to flirt, I just want to fucking get out of here, and they aren't getting the hint, they just keep sitting there and trying to make something out of nothing. I don't look at them, talk to them, acknowledge them, I don't fucking care.  If they only knew the last woman I touched was my wife, when I left her broken in a hospital bed, they would probably run the other way.

I hear a door slam, then Dev and Stoner walk in to the room, and sit at a table. Hearing a car drive up, I can't see who it is, but after a few minutes I hear low voices talking outside. They pause and speak softly on the other side of the door. When the door opens, the world stops, my heart explodes, the air is sucked out of my body, and I can only stare.

Shea.

My sweet, beautiful Shea.

So fucking beautiful. Her white blonde hair is in a long ponytail, she's wearing tight black leggings, a tight black shirt underneath a short fitted black puffy Patagonia jacket. She's also wearing Docs on her feet, which I know she does when she's trying to be tough and strong, it looks like my girl came to play hardball.

Her eyes adjust to the light and she looks around for a moment. When her gaze lands on me, she doesn't look surprised. I see her notice the club girls on either side of me, but there's no change in her expression, she doesn't care. She walks in, I notice that she's got a slight limp and she's using a cane. It also appears that she has a brace of some kind on her left arm. She walks over to a table pulls out a chair and carefully sits down.  Dev motions for me to sit at the table with her. I see that Rider and Hack have followed in behind her and are helping her settle into her chair, as she sits Rider passes her a file folder. Once they see she's comfortable they move over to the table with Dev and Stoner.

Sitting across from Shea I see she's more beautiful than ever. But fuck, she's so much tinier than I remember, she looks so godamned fragile and tired. She won't really meet my eyes, just begins to pull out some papers from the file folder, I'm trying to force her to look at me, but she's actively avoiding looking at my face, so I just glare at her, willing her to look at me, but my girl barely even acknowledges my presence.

"I'm moving on, you already signed over our joint financial interest to me, so I sold the house, here's a cashiers check for half the profit, as you can see I got a good price for it. Here's another cashiers check for half the amount I got for selling the cars and the contents of the house. This last cashiers check is for the money you put in my account every month after you left. I never used it, not a penny, I didn't want it then and I don't want it now, keep your bloody guilt money. It's yours. I've had everything put in cashier checks so that you have to take them. I've closed all the bank accounts that we previously shared, you no longer have access to my financial life, my business life, my personal life, no access to my life at all. If you don't cash these checks, then the money goes to waste. Here are the divorce papers you need to sign. If you sign them now I can drop them off when I leave here and they can be filed in the court as soon as tomorrow. At that point depending on how fast the court moves we can be officially divorced any where from 30 to 180 days from now. I'd appreciate it if you'd sign right now."

She pushes the papers and a pen across the table to me, tapping where she has some fucking sticky notes that say 'sign here'. I'm stunned, I can't breathe and I can't look away from her. I'm getting pissed because she won't look me in the eye or talk in her normal voice, just this fucking cold and robotic voice she has going on.

"You look like shit babe, what's going on here? Is movin on wearin you the fuck out?" Fuck, even I know that wasn't the way to start this conversation.

She cocks her head, takes a deep breath and finally looks me dead in the eye.

"I look like shit huh? Thanks, well I guess I look better than I feel then. Enough small talk Warren,  just sign the papers. I'm on a tight schedule. I don't have the interest or time to waste here with you, I have to be somewhere, and I'm leaving now. Sign the papers now and give them to me, or sign them later and give them to Dev. Either way you do it I don't care, I only care that you sign them as quickly as possible." She fucking taps the papers with her pen like she can't wait to be rid of me, fuck, that's probably exactly what it is, she can't wait till she isn't sharing the same air space as me. I notice that the finger that once held her wedding rings is now covered in little pink and white scars, fuck, her other fingers and both hands are totally covered in scars too.  I look up at her questioningly, she notices that I've stared at her hands so she drops them to her lap.

She starts to stand, wobbles a bit, I begin to get up to help, or hold onto her, or stop her when, Rider, Hack and Stoner jump over and surround her, Dev yanks my chair backwards and away from Shea. Before I realize what's going on, she's almost to the door.

"Babe, no, I'm not signing these fucking papers, and I'm not taking the damn money. Come back here and talk to me. Tell me what the fucks going on with you! And I'm not Warren to you, I'm War or Jeff, you don't call me Warren!"

"Sign the papers Jeffrey War Warren, whatever you want to be called, I don't care, but sign them, because in the immortal words of my soon to be ex husband, who so kindly told me to, 'I'm moving on'."

And she's out the door. Fucking gone like a ghost who was really never here. Except I can still smell her, her grapefruit shampoo, her perfume, I hear her walking off the porch outside and onto the drive, getting farther and farther away from me.

I feel my body break into a sweat, my heart's racing and I'm running to the door before I realize it. Throwing open the door, I see Shea and the guys standing by Rockys big Suburban, I think that's Rock coming around from the driver seat to stand by Shea. He's gotta be 16 now, he's tall, like his dad. He looks up at me, I smile and give him a chin lift, he stares coldly at me and gives me the finger, then he turns and gives me his back. Some of the Old Ladies are standing around talking, they're throwing me the shittiest looks, which I deserve, most of the guys I recognize, some I don't, the guys are all sending me death looks, even the ones I don't know. Two little girls come running up to the car, they stop in front of Shea and gently wrap their arms around her, like they're trying to protect her. The girls look around her to see me, and just like Rock, no emotion, but unlike Rock, no finger action either. Teller then gets out of the car, flips the middle seat back and gently helps the girls jump into the rear of the SUV. Teller turns, sees me, flips me off, and mouths, "fuck you", then gets in the car and shuts the door. Rock is helping Shea into the passenger seat, with Rider and Hack holding her cane while she loads in. I can tell by her body language she knows I'm watching and she's intentionally not looking my direction, I can also see that with the way she's moving so stiff and careful, that something really bad happened to her.

Fuck this, I want answers.

I start to hop down the stairs to run to her when I hear Dev behind me.

"Don't you fucking move. Leave that girl alone, you've done more than enough damage. The last thing she needs is more shit from you. That girl loved and trusted you, and when she needed you most, you fuckin ghosted her man. I'm so fucking ashamed of you, you're just shit, not the man I thought you were at all, sign those papers and then get the fuck away from us."

I watch as Rock walks around to the driver side, over the top of the car he catches my eye, gives me another deadeye stare and mouths "fucking loser".

Then they drive off.

What the actual fuck?