Heart of My Monster: Chapter 14

Sasha has been actively avoiding my presence, touch, and company.

In fact, she could bag an award for being irritatingly consistent in her no-touch rule.

It’s been a week since she returned to the place where she belongs—by my side.

However, there’s no sense of closeness whatsoever. Yes, she’s here in body, but her soul is either scattered somewhere or she’s suppressing it until it’s almost invisible.

She goes to sleep before I do with her back facing me. If I try to touch her, she slaps, hits, or pushes me away as if I’m the most disgusting thing to ever exist.

It doesn’t matter how many methods I use or how far I go to reignite any form of connection.

The more I try, the harder she works to demolish those plans.

I know she’s forcing it. I can feel it in the subtle tremor of her skin whenever I touch her. I see it in her parted lips and chameleon eyes. I hear it in the hitch in her breathing whenever my body is near hers.

But she’s determined to not give in to those emotions.

Sooner or later, she will.

I won’t give up until she becomes my wife again.

Lately, she’s been spending time with the guards, catching up and what-the-fuck-ever. I don’t like that she smiles with them, Konstantin, Karina, and even damn Kristina, but those smiles are never directed at me.

Have I considered punishing my guards for that very irrational reason? Absolutely. The only problem is that no matter how much I subject them to my wrath, it won’t change Sasha’s position toward me.

The day I announced to everyone that she’s my wife, she stiffened in my hold as if I were announcing a death sentence.

The others had all sorts of questions, to which she answered that she had no choice but to be a man. But now, she’s snatched back her power and is choosing to be herself again. She also apologized for ‘lying’ to them all this time.

Admittedly, they took it a lot better than I expected, probably because they already knew she was a woman after I buried her fake body. Their acceptance, however, brings up the issue that she’s too close to them for my liking.

The same applies to the damn members of my organization. We just finished our general meeting and I brought her into the dining room, held her by the waist, and introduced her as my wife.

Most of them have their mouths open, except for Rai, who has the audacity to pull my wife from my grip and hug her.

“I knew your time wasn’t up!”

Says the woman who’s been threatening me with bodily harm every time she’s seen me because she thought I’d killed my wife.

Even I started to believe that damn theory deep in my deranged heart.

I thought I’d taken things too far and I was paying the price for my failure.

Sasha hugs her back, though tentatively and with enough awkwardness to show in every line of her delicate face.

My wife has never been the best with social interactions—at least, not when it comes to touch.

A few months ago, I was the only one whose touch she craved. Anytime, anywhere.

Now I’m the only one she desperately wants to escape.

Do I want to punch Rai to the next planet because of that? Yes. But I’m always plagued with thoughts of violence when it comes to that shit Rai.

Mikhail and Igor pretend they’ve never seen Sasha before. Vladimir narrows his eyes, but keeps his unnecessary opinion to himself.

Damien, who was either asleep or stuffing his face with cookies during the meeting, watches the scene with a furrowed expression. It’s weird that he doesn’t call Sasha out on it, but no one actually knows what goes on in that crazy man’s head.

Adrian raises a brow, but it’s more out of amusement than anything else.

Kyle is standing behind Rai, probably to protect her from me if I decide today will be the last one she’s allowed to breathe.

If she didn’t have him, her corpse would be in the concrete of some upcoming shopping center as we speak.

Rai finally breaks away from Sasha. “We have a lot of catching up to do.”

“No.” I yank Sasha to my side, my hand tightening on her hip. “I refuse to share her time.”

My wife subtly pushes my hand away while smiling at Rai. “I’d love that.”

My jaw tightens and I glare at Kyle with the clear message, “Take your wife away.”

He lifts a shoulder and fails to hide a smirk that I’m going to shoot right off his face.

Everyone starts to filter out of the room, Sasha and Rai preceding them, chattering happily about fuck knows what.

Adrian lingers behind. He approaches me and taps his index finger on his thigh with his stupid eyebrow still raised.

My attention remains on the exit through which Sasha just left and I say absentmindedly, “You have something to say, say it and stop standing there like a clown.”

“I’d argue that someone else in this room is a better fit for the clown’s position.”

My attention slides to him. “Is that the point you wanted to make?”

“Hey, don’t be irritable toward me. I’m not the one who took away your wife.” He pauses. “Does this mean you’ll stop being a crazy motherfucker now that she’s back?”

“Too early to tell.”

“I can relate.” He squeezes my shoulder. “Want her to stay?”

I narrow my eyes. “What makes you think she won’t?”

“A hunch. Besides, why do you think I can relate?”

I face him. “I can’t believe I’m taking relationship advice from you.”

“At least my wife is with me, unlike yours, who seems to already have one foot out the door.”

“That’s not funny.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be. At any rate, if you want her to stay, don’t give her a way out.”

“If I don’t, she will leave.”

“She’ll leave anyway, but if you use the method I mentioned, there’s a higher success rate.” He releases me. “All I care about is your head being in the game.”

And then he strides out of the dining room.

I take a few moments to compose myself and stop the constant creative murderous thoughts I have toward Rai, then go outside.

In the living room, a few voices reach me, namely that of Damien, who thinks it’s a wonderful idea to test my hospitality and join my wife and Rai.

“I must say.” He pokes her cheek as if she’s a lifeless doll. “You look like this pretty boy Sasha who was Kirill’s guard. You even share the same name.”

“Are you serious?” Rai rolls her eyes. “She is Sasha.”

“Oh.” He studies her closely again, and I’m tempted to poke his eyes out and break that finger he’s touching her with.

“You became a woman?” he asks like a fucking idiot.

“I was always a woman, Damien.”

“Oooh. That’s why you were a pretty boy. Makes sense.” He pokes her cheek again. “You look much better as a woman.”

That’s it.

I stride to them and seize his finger, then twist it back and away from Sasha.

She stiffens, her lips resting in a line. Although she’s wearing jeans and a simple T-shirt, she’s glowing and looks enticing.

Or that could be my cock speaking in an attempt to finally get a taste.

“What the fuck?” Damien releases himself from my grip and inspects his finger.

“If you don’t want the rest of them broken, don’t touch my wife again.”

Rai rolls her eyes. “Let’s get away from all this revolting testosterone, Sasha.”

“No,” I say.

My wife glares at me, then gives me a sweet smile, which looks forced at best and evil at worst. She’s probably going to spend the rest of the day with Rai just to fuck with me.

Like she spent the last few days either with the guards or Anna and Karina.

In the beginning, I thought I needed to give her space and she’d eventually come back to me, but she’s been using that opening to drive an even bigger wedge between us.

Since that method is obviously not working, I’m going to have to up my game.

I capture her elbow and tug her close. In Sasha’s book of How to Avoid Your Husband, any form of touch is completely prohibited, so she tries to wiggle free.

She does it more subtly in public, though, which means it’s less efficient.

I lower my mouth to her ear and whisper, “If you’re in the mood to see your brother today, stay fucking still.”

She freezes and all her attempts to struggle stop.

I smile at both Rai and Damien. “My wife and I have business to attend to. You can leave now.”

Rai tries to protest, but she reluctantly gets her unwelcome presence off my property when Sasha says they’ll meet up some other time.

Not on my watch.

Damien says he’ll be back, too, and I really wish he was being an asshole just to get on my nerves and not for some other reason.

Once they leave, Sasha steps away from me. “You’re taking me to see Anton?”

“Only if you’re a good girl.”

Her lips purse, but there’s a pink hue that covers her cheeks. I bet she doesn’t even know it’s there, but then again, she can’t really control her body’s reactions.

One more reason why I’m sure she’s just suppressing at this point.

Looks like I need to take matters into my own hands.

Contrary to what Sasha prefers, her hand is in mine.

It’s for an entirely necessary reason other than touch or seduction, and she doesn’t have any choice but to hold on to me for dear life.

“Can’t I remove the blindfold? I was wearing it during the whole car ride and you made sure I had no clue where this place is.”

“You could still pinpoint this location, so the short answer is no.”

Her nails dig into the flesh of my hand with the sole purpose of inflicting pain, but that’s okay. Her being angry and frustrated with me is still better than the bitter pill of indifference.

“Careful, we’re walking on an unsteady bridge and there’s a strong current underneath us,” I say as I lead her down a slippery dirt path with the water far enough not to reach us but close enough for her to hear the sounds.

What? I have to keep her close as much as possible.

“I know how to walk—” I start to remove my hand and she slips, then grabs onto my bicep with both hands, her nails clenching my jacket.

The late afternoon sun casts orange shadows on her pale face and parted lips. Her blonde strands fly in the wind and get in her mouth and blow over the blindfold.

She looks so beautiful with her hair down, especially since it’s grown to reach her shoulders.

I wrap an arm around her waist and whisper in her ear, “I told you to be careful.”

She purses her lips and starts to push me away.

I tighten my grip. “If you don’t want to fall to your death, stay still.”

She gives up, but only slightly. “I’m just doing this out of necessity.”

“If you say so.” I lean down and catch a whiff of her scent. It’s…like her old self, but she started wearing some perfume Karina bought for her. Its floral fragrance has a subtle note of mystery.

Note to self: Thank my sister for her immaculate taste.

This is what I would’ve imagined Sasha to smell like if I’d first met her as a woman. Soft but shrouded in mystery.

“Have we left the bridge?” she asks.

“Not yet.”

She wraps her arm around my back to get better balance. Am I enjoying this? Definitely. Maybe more than should be allowed.

This is the first time she’s willingly touched me since she came back. Some would argue I gave her no choice, but I don’t give a fuck.

I still enjoy every minute of having her warmth mixed with mine. Yes, I could’ve had Viktor drop us off in front of the safe house, but how else would I get Sasha clinging to me like this?

Too soon, we arrive at the safe house that’s about a two-hour drive from home, plus the twenty minutes in which I thoroughly enjoyed Sasha’s touch.

Also, I’m obviously sexually frustrated, because my cock won’t be on speaking terms with me until I get him in my wife’s cunt. However, he likes to twitch to life at the merest touch, so his current state is that of complete irritation.

“Are we here?” she asks tentatively.

“Almost.” I open the main door with my thumbprint. Only Viktor’s, Maksim’s, and mine can open this door, or any other door on the property.

After we’re inside, we cut through the garden and head to the annexed garage, where Anton is. I open it with my thumbprint again then remove Sasha’s blindfold.

She squints even though the sky is getting darker.

I motion ahead with my chin and she eyes me suspiciously before she carefully goes in and takes a few steps down the stairs.

The walls of the underground bunker that’s hidden beneath a garage are both soundproof and shockproof. It was built by my father to withstand bombs if need be. Not sure who he thought would bomb him, but he was always paranoid to a fault.

Other than that, the space is large, so the metal bed in the corner and the few shelves scattered around look like a toddler’s attempt at decorating.

Sasha stops when she spots her brother sitting cross-legged on the bed, eyes closed and hands resting nonchalantly on his knees as if he’s in a meditating position.

The cuffs that should be around his wrists are hanging from the wall.

Maksim is doing one-handed push-ups on the other side of the room, but he stands upon seeing us.

Sasha runs to Yuri—sorry, Anton. Don’t expect me to keep track of his multiple personalities.

“Tosha.” She stops beside him.

He opens his eyes, stares at Maksim and me, then focuses back on his sister with a cold expression. “What are you doing here?”

“What do you mean? I came to check on you.”

“Leave,” he orders. “And I don’t mean here, but the country.”

I’m going to kill the bastard.

Maksim stiffens beside me, his arms crossed.

“What the hell are you talking about? I’m not abandoning you,” she argues.

“I’m ordering you to.”

“No.” She lifts her chin. “I’m done taking orders from you, Uncle, and Babushka. From now on, I’ll only execute my own decisions.”

That’s my woman.

“Sasha…” he warns.

“I’m not going, Tosha. Not without you.”

He closes his eyes briefly and releases a frustrated breath. “Can’t you see that he’s using you against me?”

The he is me, in case no one noticed.

“I don’t care.” She squeezes his hand. “I’ll be fine.”

I approach them and wrap an arm around her shoulder. “I’ll take good care of my wife.”

“You motherfucking—” He lunges up to punch me, but Maksim gets to him in no time and pins him against the mattress with an elbow on his throat.

“Stop, stop it!” Sasha fruitlessly pulls on Maksim’s shoulder.

Anton’s face reddens as he hits Maksim’s arm, but the more my guard crushes his trachea, the weaker his struggle gets.

“Maks!” she shrieks, but he’s not hearing her. “Please, let him go.”

Finally, she realizes who she should be talking to and turns to me. “Tell him to stop.”

I stare down at her. “Say you’re sorry first.”

“Sorry for what?”

“For leaving me. For making me believe you were dead. I want you to say you’re fucking sorry.”

“Fuck you,” she grinds out.

I lift a shoulder as Anton’s thrashes mixed with his raw struggles for breath echo in the air.

“Maks, please,” she begs him, but he’s still not hearing her. Judging by the reddening of her brother’s face, he probably has about a minute left before he crosses to the other side. If not less.

Sasha looks at me with tears clinging to her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For ever loving a monster like you.”

My jaw clenches and I’m tempted to suffocate the fuck out of her, but I’m not sure I won’t kill her if I do that.

“Let him go, Maksim.”

My guard doesn’t seem to be listening, so I push him, destabilizing his elbow from Anton’s neck.

“I said to let him go.”

He stares at me as if he just came out of a trance, which might as well be the case.

Anton coughs, the sound raw in the giant space. Sasha sits beside him and pats his back. Her expression is that of pure horror.

Not the one I was hoping for.

I glare at Maksim. He slowly lowers his head because he knows exactly how much he fucked up.

Maybe I fucked up, too, because I’m not sure my next plan will work as I’d hoped.