Heart of My Monster: Chapter 24

“I’m so close to giving up at this point. So damn close!”

I’m ranting now, but I’m lucky to have someone who listens to me without complaining.

Or more like two people.

Anton and Maks sit on either side of me. My friend has a hand on my shoulder while Anton nods silently. He’s the least talkative, but he’s an excellent listener.

It’s been three days since Kirill imprisoned Konstantin as if he were a criminal. None of us have been allowed access to the basement, so we don’t know what the hell he’s even been doing to him down there.

And the lack of knowledge is worse because it encourages thoughts of bad scenarios.

I’ve tried to comfort Kristina and Karina, but it’s impossible when none of us knows Kirill’s plans. He could kill him at any second, and then what?

Has he thought about what will happen to Kristina and her child? Her family doesn’t really like her since she went against their wishes and married Konstantin.

Then there’s Karina. Has he thought about how her state would decline if her brother killed her other brother?

But then again, Kirill has never given two fucks about other people’s emotions. He only has his plans and manipulations and gives everyone else the middle finger.

Me included.

The bastard hasn’t tried to talk to me. He took what I said that day in his office literally and has ignored my existence. It doesn’t help that he’s often outside the house until late. Or that I glare at him every time I see him.

His expression doesn’t change as he stares back and then locks himself in his office with damn Viktor.

“You know, it’s funny how he said I was creating a distance between us when he’s the one who’s digging a hole right in the middle of us.” I breathe harshly. “And what’s with staying with Viktor all the time?”

Maks smiles, and I narrow my eyes at him. I had Viktor bring me here because I needed a breather from the tension in the house.

I was glad to actually find Anton and Maks joking and teasingly hitting each other. When I came the last time, Anton said that Maks lets him out all the time as long as he promises not to run away.

Not sure how long my brother can forget about his duties and keep that promise, but it’s going well so far. He doesn’t appear strained or stressed. In fact, I don’t think he’s ever looked as peaceful as he has these past few weeks.

“What are you smiling at?” I ask Maks.

He does a shitty job of trying to hide his amusement. “Is it just me, or do you sound jealous of Viktor?”

“That’s not true.”

“It is, actually,” Anton supplies needlessly.

“Now that I think about it, you were always jealous of him in some way,” Maks continues.

“Right. She was personally offended whenever Kirill had a one-on-one meeting with him.”

“Tosha!” I nudge him with an elbow. “What’s with you two ganging up on me? I didn’t come here for this.”

“It’s true, though.” Maks strokes my shoulder. “You need to get used to the fact that Viktor is there to stay. He’ll only leave Kirill when he dies.”

Anton subtly pushes Maks’s hand from my shoulder.

I smile at him with unconcealed gloating. “Who’s the jealous one now?”

Anton side-eyes me. “I don’t like anyone touching my sister.”

“Liar. You didn’t like Maks touching anyone in the past, not just me.”

“He’s too clingy. It’s revolting.”

My friend grins, completely ignoring Anton’s comments. “Oh? What’s that about, Sasha?”

“Don’t,” my brother mouths, but I’m already turning toward Maks.

“Remember when he twisted your arm and got suddenly violent occasionally?”

“Oh, right. He had moments where he acted out of character.”

“More like, he lost control because he didn’t like how you were so touchy with everyone. Especially me since he thought you liked me.”

“Someone was jealous, huh?” Maks’s expression lights up as he looks over my shoulder at Anton, who’s wearing an unamused expression.

“Are you done?” He glares at both of us.

“No. I actually like this.” Maks leans closer to me. “How was he when he was a child?”

“An adult.” I smile. “I don’t remember Anton ever being a child, except when you dragged him into all those games during the past few years.”

Maks forms an L at his chin. “So that means I’m a good influence?”

“The best.”

“Stop inflating his dick-shaped ego,” Anton grumbles. “He already thinks he’s God’s gift to humans.”

“I sure as fuck am. Right, Sasha?”

“Yeah.” I laugh. “You’re too extra. I love it.”

“Hear that, Antosha?” Maks nudges my brother’s foot with his. “You need to take appreciation lessons from your sister. She’s more emotionally mature than you.”

“If she were, she wouldn’t have fallen in love with a literal sociopath.”

My humor dampens, and my shoulders hunch. “Ouch.”

This time, Maks hits Anton’s foot. “Read the room, dick.”

“What? It’s true.”

“She didn’t come here to be reminded of that, now, did she?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Is it better to bury her head in the sand and pretend all of this is okay and that our family isn’t coming for us or something?”

Both Maks and I tense.

“And you can’t wait for that, right?” my friend asks in a tight tone.

“Of course. You think it’s my dream to be locked up in here?”

Maks’s face hardens, and his muscles tighten to the point I think he’ll punch something—or, more accurately, someone.

Instead, he stands in one swift movement. “I’m going to see if Viktor has anything for me.”

“Maks…” I say, not sure how to dilute the tension.

“You’re a fucking asshole,” he tells Anton, then storms out of the room.

My brother watches him the whole time, his brow furrowed. When Maks is out, Anton rubs the back of his head and curses under his breath.

“You shouldn’t have said that, Tosha.”

“I’m not you or him. I can’t just forget about the looming battle that’ll take place sooner or later.” He rubs his hair again, harder this time. “None of us can stop it.”

“You can. If you talk to Uncle and Babushka, they’ll listen. You’re their hope for the future, and if you tell them you’ve given up on whatever crazy coup they’re thinking of carrying out—”

“That’s not how it works. Picking up where Papa left off is my duty.”

“What’s more important to you? Maks or your duty?”

His Adam’s apple moves with a swallow, but he says nothing.

“If you go down this path, you’ll lose him. So if you’re fine with that, by all means.” I touch his hand and soften my tone. “I can see that he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you, Tosha. You need someone like him by your side so you’ll stop thinking about duty and wars. You’ve never lived your life or had dreams of your own. This is your chance to.”

“It’s not as utopian as you’re thinking. Reality is much more nefarious than dreams.”

“How would you know if you never fight for that dream?”

“What about you? Are you going to fight for Kirill again?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll definitely fight for this.” I take his hand and place it on my stomach.

Anton’s brow furrows, but then his lips part with recognition. “Are you by any chance…?”

“Pregnant. Yes.”

“Wow. That didn’t take long.”

I hit his shoulder jokingly. “It happened before I left. I’m in my second trimester now.”

“Kirill must be ecstatic that he has a reason to keep you by his side.”

“I haven’t told him exactly because of that.” I release his hand and intertwine my fingers on my lap. “I don’t want him to force me to stay because of the baby, but at the same time, I don’t know how long I can hide this from him. I just want him to…I don’t know…”

“Love you like a normal human being?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“No one in that family is normal. Least of all, Kirill.”

“And you are?”

“I could be.”

“As if. You went all defensive mode on Maks just now because you’re scared of the unknown.”

“That’s different. Maks has a soft core, but Kirill doesn’t. He’s more interested in the success of his plans than anyone or anything else.”

I wanted to believe otherwise, but after he imprisoned his own brother, I’m not sure what to believe anymore. Maybe Anton and everyone else who described him as emotionless is right.

After all these years, I have to admit that I was wrong to believe there’s another side to him that he keeps under wraps.

A side dedicated to only me.

Maybe I was the delusional one in this equation.

“What do you plan to do now?” he asks when I say nothing. “You and I both know we can’t keep the status quo forever.”

“I’ve been trying to contact Uncle Albert to no avail.”

“Try using my code of emergency. He’ll come for me.”

“But not for me?”

“Probably not.”

“Ouch.”

Anton offers me a sympathetic look. “They never trusted you after you saved Kirill when they were close to killing him. They think you’d do it again, and they’re probably not wrong.”

“Do you expect me to let them kill the father of my son?”

“You wouldn’t let them kill him even if there was no child involved.”

Well, that’s true.

A part of me will always be protective of Kirill, no matter what he does. I might hate him, want to slap and kick and punch him, but I’d never allow anyone to hurt him.

Which is the definition of a toxic relationship.

“At any rate, get me out of here already,” Anton says.

“Only if you promise to help me.”

“Help you kill our family?”

“No, just make them see reason for once.” I squeeze his shoulder. “Do it for Maks and, most importantly, for yourself, Tosha. You need a fresh start.”

He grumbles but doesn’t say anything.

On my way out, I cross paths with Maks at the door.

“You going, Sasha?”

“Yeah. I can’t leave Kristina and Karina alone for too long when they’re miserable.”

He clutches me by the shoulders. “Don’t listen to the nonsense your asshole brother says. I’ve never seen Kirill care about anyone as much as he cares about you. According to the men, he was at the point of self-destruction when he thought you were dead. He’s not the best at expressing his emotions, but I know for a fact that you mean the world to him.”

“Aww, thanks, Maks.” I touch his hand that’s on top of my shoulder. “And if it’s any consolation, my asshole brother goes on the defensive when he thinks he’s cornered, so don’t listen to his bullshit. You said you’ve always wanted someone who looks at you the way I look at Kirill, right? Well, that someone is Anton.”

His lips part, but he soon clears his throat. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Don’t be blind. You didn’t see the look on his face when you left.” I kiss his cheek. “Take care of each other, okay?”

He releases an affirmative noise, and I leave with a smile on my face.

But it soon disappears when I find a grumpy Viktor waiting by the car. He definitely hates driving me here instead of being glued to his boss’s side.

I could probably ask Kirill to let me come on my own since he has the damn tracker on me now.

Viktor starts to open the back door for me, but I settle in the front passenger seat.

“You can just ride in the back,” he says after taking his place behind the wheel.

“I don’t like the idea of you being my driver.”

He grumbles in his signature displeased voice as he drives down the dirt road. When we’re on the highway, I ask, “Are you really okay with the way Kirill is torturing his own brother?”

“My opinion, or the lack thereof, has no importance whatsoever.”

“Well, it should.”

“We’ll agree to disagree.”

“Viktor, come on. This isn’t some member of another gang that he’s teaching a lesson to. It’s his brother. If he hurts him, he won’t only lose Konstantin, but also Karina and Kristina and his niece in her belly.”

“You’re saying that as if he didn’t think about the consequences before deciding to do this.”

“That’s way worse! Does that mean he doesn’t care, even if he causes irreparable damage to his family?”

“Why are you asking me? Ask him. Besides, are you sure you’re his wife?”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

“Is there something I’m supposed to know?”

“Possibly.”

“Like…”

“I’m not at liberty to tell.”

Ugh. He’s as infuriating as Kirill sometimes. No wonder they get along so well.

“Stop the riddles, Viktor—”

My words are cut off when a bang sounds, and the car swerves to the right. I hold on to the seatbelt as Viktor tries to keep it on the road.

“We’re hit in the rear tires. Stay down!” Viktor grabs my head and shoves me forward. I fumble for my gun and then the extra ammunition I know we always have in the glove compartment.

I push at Viktor’s hand, and he has to release me, or he’ll lose concentration on the road.

His blazing eyes fly to me. “What are you doing?”

“Taking a shot while you drive.”

“Don’t even think about it. If you get hurt, Boss will kill me.”

“I don’t give a fuck about your boss when both of us are in danger right now.”

I slide the window down and take a few shots at the two vans that are following us. But they hit us with more since they have damn rifles.

Shit.

“Just stay the fuck down!” Viktor’s harsh words echo in the air.

He struggles with driving a faulty car while trying to evade the shower of bullets directed at us.

We can’t hold on forever.

My ammunition is running low, and my adrenaline level is being affected by damn fear.

I wouldn’t be this scared under different circumstances, but now that I’m carrying a child, I can’t go all out or else he’ll be hurt.

My aim isn’t as great as I want it to be, and my heart is thundering harder in my chest.

Finally, we swerve to the side of the road, but thankfully, Viktor manages to stop the car right before we tumble off a steep cliff. It teeters on the edge, threatening to take us down the abyss.

We exchange looks and rush out at the same time. The moment we’re out, the car falls to the ground below.

Before we can release a breath, however, the two vans stop not far from us.

“Run,” Viktor says as he holds his gun with both hands. “I’ll take care of this somehow.”

“No way in hell. You’ll just get killed.”

“Don’t be an idiot. If you stay here, you’ll also be killed.”

“I’ll be killed even if I run away now.”

“At least try.” He glares at me. “Kirill won’t forgive me if you die.”

“He has nothing to forgive when you’re also dead, genius.”

“Aleksandra…” he warns.

“What?”

“You’re the Pakhan’s wife. Act like it, for fuck’s sake.”

“And you’re his senior guard. You think he can function without you?”

He releases a long breath, but there are no more words exchanged as several men step out of the vehicle.

I’m so sorry, baby. I’m sorry you were conceived to stupid parents who live on adrenaline and can’t protect you.

Tears cling to my eyes at the thought of not meeting my son. Not holding him in my arms. Or kissing his cheeks.

On the bright side, we’re going together.

The last thought that comes to mind is Kirill. I hate that I won’t see him one last time, or that the last time I saw him, I glared at him, or that—

My thoughts scatter when an elegant Mercedes stops behind the vans.

The person who comes out of it causes my lips to part.

Babushka…?