Chasing Love: Chapter 17

The ten-minute cab ride to After Dark drags on for what feels like a lifetime.

The guilt, betrayal, and the momentary indiscretion all weigh heavily on my shoulders like a lead weight. It was just a kiss. It means nothing, and he initiated it. I pulled away. Therefore, I shouldn’t feel guilty. Really, Charlie?

I studied law at Yale. How stupid can I be? The problem isn’t my brain. The problem is my heart pulling it along, guiding it in the wrong direction. I can practically hear the GPS in my head telling me to make a U-turn as soon as possible.

It doesn’t take Eric long to break the uncomfortable silence. He keeps his voice low while Emma sits in the front speaking loudly on her phone.

“Okay, Charlie, are you going to tell me about Lex? The suspense is killing me.”

I can hear the anticipation in his voice, but I just want to forget tonight ever happened. This emotional rollercoaster is becoming tiresome, and I’m drained from the twists and turns, wanting desperately to get off the ride.

Every time I see Alex, the surge of anger consumes me whole. Anger for leaving me behind, for choosing her, but mostly because my heart craves him, forgetting about the giant scar it left in the middle.

The kiss replays in my mind, his desperation through his forceful nature. Then the guilt washes over me, and now I’m back to square one, again.

“There’s nothing to tell. We dated in high school.”

“So, when you say ‘dated,’ were you in love with him? Why did you break up?”

This is the type of conversation that needs to take place over a bottle of tequila, never-ending packets of Hershey’s, and a box of tissues and not in the back of a cab. Eric won’t give up, always stubborn and impatient, so I give him the best answer I can, but knowing Eric, he’ll keep pursuing his line of questioning.

Facing the window, I swallow the hard lump inside my throat, my shoulders drooping as I fumble with my clutch.

“I thought I was in love with him, but I was just a kid. I didn’t know what love was. We parted ways, and I went to college.”

“Okay, but, honey cakes, he’s drop-dead gorgeous. Don’t you want to tap that ass again?”

Here we go. Eric tends to get all dramatic when he’s had too much champagne. This is just the beginning.

“E, he might be gorgeous, but look, he’s just another big-shot CEO. His ego is so big it has its own air supply and should come with a government warning, and quite frankly, any woman is just a notch on his belt, anyway. These types of guys don’t stick around. Oh, and aren’t you forgetting a very important factor… hello!” I remind him, flashing my ring in front of his face.

“Oh yeah… but are you sure about it?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“All I’m saying is that every time you are near him, your tatas jump for joy, and your beaver is singing ‘Celebration,’ and I swear I can almost hear a gospel choir singing ‘Hallelujah.’”

“Honestly, Eric, how on earth do you come up with these things?” I laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

Eric distracts himself by taking selfies with his phone. Thankfully, the subject is officially dropped.

After Dark is a new club to hit the nightlife scene in the Meat Packing District. Several people are waiting in line, and according to Eric, it’s the new ‘It’ place. High-profile celebrities are dubbing it their new place to unwind, something Eric’s all over.

Worried we won’t get in, I suggest we find another place to have a drink.

“Eric Kennedy, party of three.”

The large security guard opens the rope, letting us in. How did Eric pull that off? I know people have been trying to get in for weeks as the list is long and distinguished.

We walk past the rope and into the club.

Eric is on a power trip as he raises his chin, walking into the club with a strut.

The club is huge compared to others I’ve been to. The bottom level is the dance floor, lit up in an aqua color. The mezzanine level where we’re standing, circles the dance floor. There are black leather booths that follow the flow of the circle, each one occupied with patrons. Facing directly opposite from the entrance is a long and crowded bar, but nevertheless, we need drinks to help me forget about my tangled love life.

We follow Eric to the bar. I motion for the bartender, which isn’t hard as he’s already eyeing me up, or should I say he’s eyeing my chest. This dress is seriously the biggest man-magnet, making me slightly self-conscious amongst these younger guys.

The image of Lex’s hand resting on my chest, inches away from the curve of my breast, flashes before me. Argh, I need to get drunk. The tequila can’t come fast enough, the bartender lining up shot glasses and pouring the liquor into them accordingly.

After we knock back our first round, I order a second, ignoring the burn lingering inside my throat. They need to keep coming if I want to erase this entire night and every image of Lex touching my body.

By the third round, Eric abandons us. As predicted, some hot guy steals him away, and for all I know, he’s probably tied up in the back room. Not complaining, of course, Eric is kinky when he’s drunk, and he is never afraid to share the details the morning after.

“Look, Charlie, I don’t want to upset you, but if you ever need to talk you know I’m here, right?”

Emma’s offer is genuine. I know I can confide in her without the biased judgment. Plus, she’s a great listener.

“Thanks, Emma, but all I want to do is forget tonight ever happened. How did I go from no men in my life to a fiancé and ex-boyfriend?”

“Maybe it’s fate. Have you thought about that?”

Emma is a believer in fate, love, and destiny. It wouldn’t surprise me if she attends those finding-love seminars and writes affirmations on her bathroom mirror. Great for some, definitely not for me. Love has always screwed me sideways, and we didn’t have a great relationship until Julian came along.

“Or maybe it’s just the universe wanting to fuck me up big time,” I holler, throwing back another shot.

We laugh so hard, and for the first time tonight, my tense muscles begin to relax, and the world feels like a chilled place. The tequila is just what the doctor ordered.

A young, good-looking guy comes up to Emma and starts chatting with her. There goes my drinking buddy. I order another shot, but this time there’s no counting down. I down the shot, the burning no longer apparent.

“Hi, baby, can I buy you a drink?”

My skin crawls as the words linger. Oh God, what a loser. The man beside me looks like he stepped out of one of those muscle magazines, wearing a shirt that reads, ‘I Love Ass.’ Seriously, do guys think that will get them laid? I’m just about to tell him where to shove his drink and T-shirt when another voice stops me.

“She’s with me.”

I don’t have to turn and look, that familiar pull, the familiar scent forever engrained in my memory like a permanent fixture unable to move.

Sliding to my left, Lex is standing beside me, still in his suit but sans his tie. His chest is slightly exposed, revealing his tanned skin. He looks just like Eric had described him—drop-dead gorgeous. My walls are breaking, unable to deny how much I crave him, but the rational Charlie is now controlled by alcohol and is trying her best to wave her flag—the one with the poison symbol on the front also marked danger.

Mr. Muscles appears amused. “I wouldn’t leave her wandering the bar alone. A sexy little thing like her can really do some damage.”

Lex’s lips pull back, baring his teeth with an icy glare. The guy, a coward, backs off with his hands raised in the air calling defeat. I want to laugh, given the size of the guy, but I’m distracted by Lex’s presence. Suddenly, I’m aware that once again, Lex thinks he can control me. Inside my chest, my heart pounds loudly as I clench my fists into a tight ball.

“You didn’t have to do that. I can take care of myself!”

Just as he opens his mouth, Eric practically throws himself between us.

“Lex, thank you so much for sorting the door for us.”

What? How can Lex get us in, and when did Eric become best buds with him? I remind myself to grill him later, unable to think straight right now. I need to escape this torture, and scanning the room in panic, my thoughts to exit via the back door are foiled when Eric grips onto my arm, predicting my escape.

“Charlie, did you know Lex owns this place? I mean, seriously, how hot is this club.”

A wide smirk appears on Lex’s face as Eric continues, rambling on about every detail like the suck-up he is. I’m ready to kill Eric with my bare hands. Didn’t his parents teach him not to play with fire?

“Good evening, Mr. Edwards.” The bartender is quick to attend to Lex. “What’ll it be?”

“A round of tequila shots, Dylan. Can you send them to the VIP area?”

“Coming right up, sir.”

The bartender grabs the bottle and starts pouring the shots, aligning them on a tray.

Lex grabs my hand, much to my disapproval, and weaves me in and out of the crowd. Perhaps the earlier shots worked to my detriment, the room is spinning as we walk past people dancing. Eric, Emma, and her new boy-toy follow close behind us as we take the stairs up to another level.

The hostess greets Lex, practically throwing herself on him with her tits out on show. Stupid whore. He still holds onto my hand, burning through my skin like fire, yet I’m unable to pull away.

He’s just a friend, and friends can hold hands.

But you’re not even friends.

Okay, shut up now.

The VIP area has a quiet ambiance to it, not like downstairs. There’s another bar, less crowded with gold leather bar stools in a row. Lex directs us to a secluded circle-shaped booth like the one downstairs but with sheer golden curtains surrounding it and a full view of the entire club.

I sit down in the booth, willing the dizziness to stop. Lex slides in beside me, sitting as close as possible—the heat of his body pressing against mine. I try desperately to distract myself, but the butterflies are working overtime, fluttering inside my stomach working back-to-back double shifts.

“You own this club?” I blurt out, willing my mind to focus on anything else.

“Yes, this and another one. Perhaps if you took the time to talk to me, you would know what I do with my spare time,” he answers sarcastically.

Asshole.

Eric asks more questions about the club while my thoughts remain silent. Throughout the conversation, Lex manages to drape his arm over my shoulder, twirling his fingers around a lock of my hair like he had done so many times before.

I pretend not to notice, though every twirl is like fireworks exploding inside of me. It’s the tequila—hard liquor makes you desire forbidden things. This isn’t you, Charlie. It’s the tequila.

“Let’s dance, Em,” Eric says, eyeing me with a mischievous smirk.

Eric and Emma, along with her male friend, disappear, leaving me alone with the hungry wolf. I want to scream at them to come back, traitors for telling me they had my back when, in fact, they have left me to be chewed up and eaten to pieces.

The bartender, Dylan, arrives and begins lining up the shots in front of us. Without even thinking, despite my earlier blame of the bottle, I down the shot, letting out a rasp as my tongue burns once again. Within seconds, a calm wave washes over me, the anxiety fading away as I relax into the booth.

Lex hasn’t touched his yet. Instead, he grabs my arm and twists it, so my wrist is facing him. He pours the salt on it, slowly sliding his tongue up my arm, his eyes never leaving mine.

My body begins to tremble, my legs parting slightly as he drinks the tequila then sucks the piece of lemon, slowly swirling his tongue around it. There’s a delayed reaction as my head is trying to push the desire away, but the force is so strong it causes my skin to flush. Just for a moment, I imagine his tongue between my legs, my nipples hardening under the silk fabric I’m wearing. I desperately want to reach out and assault his beautiful mouth. Like a moth to a flame, I’m drawn but scared, and I fly away.

“Another shot?”

He knows what I’m like when I get drunk. Hell, I know what I’m like when I get drunk, but for some reason, it doesn’t stop me. I’ve lost all sense of reason, allowing my desire to guide me rather than my morals.

“Are you trying to get me drunk, Mr. Edwards?”

Oh fuck, my tone sounds too flirty.

The tequila is in full-on assault mode, and Lex is so close, my body is in overdrive. It doesn’t help that I’m barely wearing anything under my dress. I squirm beneath the table, his expression amused. Yes, I want to tell him I’m fucking soaked, and I’m sure your mouth on my pussy will scratch the itch, but instead, my face remains poker-straight.

“The last time I recall you drinking this much, it ended up being a very interesting night, indeed,” he teases.

Breathe, Charlie.

Know your boundaries, you’re a strong, independent woman who knows a player when you see one. He just wants to get laid, nothing more.

I make the mistake of lowering my gaze toward the crotch of his pants, undoubtedly the hard fixture is impossible to ignore. My eyes widen, watching him squirm just like I did. Two can play at this game. I’m just about to say something when my clutch begins to vibrate. Welcoming the distraction, I pull out my phone, the caller ID—Batman.

Lex leans over and sees the phone lighting up. His face is furious, and with his jaw clenched tight, he yanks the phone off me and hits the reject button on the screen.

“Why would you do that?” I berate him.

Fuming, I grab the phone from his hands. Not once have I said to Lex we are back on. Just because I kissed him, it doesn’t give him the right to go all caveman on me. In fact, I told him to leave me alone, something he’s chosen to ignore.

The phone vibrates again, but this time a message appears on the screen.

Julian: Hey, gorgeous, just wanted to make sure you got home ok. Sorry I had to leave. Can I make it up to you tomorrow night? Dinner at my place. I’ll make sure Alfred has the night off.

Lex snatches the phone back from me and reads the message. The steam is practically pouring from his ears, his knuckles white as his grip tightens around my phone. He bows his head, refusing to look at me. How dare he read my private messages? I’m ready to blast him, give him a reality check his arrogant ass needs, but a tall, lean man comes up behind him and starts whispering in his ear.

Lex’s demeanor changes, a concerned expression that doesn’t bother me the slightest as I’m grateful he’s distracted.

“I have to take care of something. Don’t even think about responding to that message,” he warns before quickly following the man down the stairs.

Arrogant prick! He has no right telling me what to do. I’m no longer at the mercy of Alexander Edwards. Julian is the man I’m going to marry, he’s who I choose to build my new life with.

So why am I sitting here in Lex’s club flirting like a fucking sixteen-year-old?

Another mistake.

Take a shot and have fun without Lex, you don’t need him.

With my purse in hand, I abandon our table and scurry down the steps until Eric meets me halfway.

“Why didn’t you tell me Lex was going to be here?”

“Because you basically said you were over him and that Julian was the love of your life… yada, yada, yada.”

Is that what he got from our earlier conversation?

“I’m over h-him,” I stammer. “It’s just awkward because there’s a lot of history, and I’m not perfect, you know. Seeing him is very… uncomfortable.”

“Well, Charlie, you would have to be blind not to see how much he wants you. Julian’s a great guy, but why not play the field a little?” Eric raises his perfectly shaped eyebrows up and down in a suggestive manner.

The laughter is echoing in my head. Lex is not the field-playing type, and that was evident two minutes ago. Back in high school, someone had spread a rumor that Carter, another senior at school, and I had sex in the janitor’s closet during our study break. It took weeks to calm Lex down, and I had Carter openly admit to the biggest school gossip, Stacey, that it was another girl, not me.

“C’mon, Eric, let’s dance.”

I yank his arm, pulling him toward the dance floor. As I make my way to the middle, sweaty bodies press and rub against me. It’s even more crowded than I thought. I move my body in rhythm with the music, closing my eyes, intoxicated by the beats and the sway of bodies around me. As I open my eyes, Eric has turned around to dance with some guy. I don’t want to watch Eric play who’s-the-bigger-tease, so I spin back around falling straight into Lex’s arms.

His emerald eyes burn into mine, the touch of his hand sliding down my arm and settling on my hip. Unwillingly, I close my eyes again, this time inhaling his scent, forgetting what happened upstairs, and surrendering myself to the moment.

It’s only one moment, Charlie, and then it’s over.

Lex moves in rhythm with me, our hips swaying to a remix of ‘Red Red Wine.’ He continues to slowly grind himself against me, spinning me around, so my back is against his chest. With his arms wrapped around my waist, my vision is compromised with all the movement making me slightly dizzy. To drown out the nauseating feeling, I close my eyes, welcoming the darkness.

With his lips brushing my ear, he sings the lyrics, every word sending my body into a complete frenzy. His hands slowly move upward from my stomach, grazing my breasts.

The urge to resist him is a battle I can no longer fight as a warm sensation floods every inch of me, leaving me breathless. I reach my arm behind me to grab his head, burying him into my neck. The pain he’d left behind is buried and caught in revenge. I want him to feel what it’s like to want me and be unable to have me.

Desire is driving me to tease him with my touch, but my passion stems from a very bitter place. I need him to feel what it’s like to taste what he can’t have. Our tables have turned, and this time, I hold the cards in this sick and twisted game my mind is playing.

But then, I lose control of the moment. I don’t have a single minute to think, caught in the speed of which he drags me off the dance floor and through a door marked ‘Staff Only.’ The doorway opens into a dark hallway leading to a kitchen.

The kitchen is dark, but I can see the large stovetops backing against the wall, the rows of stainless-steel counters creating an island in the middle, and the refrigerators lined up, side by side.

Confused, I turn to question him only to be pushed against the fridge as his lips crush against mine. The glass door is cold, making me shiver, yet my skin is on fire, melting away the moisture.

His tongue battles desperately with mine, wanting more. Letting out a moan, his hands grip my face, pinning me down before he releases and runs his palm down the middle of my chest. There’s no wasting time as he slides his hand beneath my dress, my body convulsing at the graze of my hardened nipples.

I moan into his mouth, my legs threatening to give way while he forces them to spread even further.

“Charlotte, can’t you feel how right this is?”

I want to give him all of me and take everything he has to give me—nine years’ worth of suppressed sexual desire. And foolishly, I want him to taste the forbidden fruit. Poison him with just one bite.

He greedily sucks my lips while tugging on my hair, then continues kissing down my neck until his mouth is on my breasts. A groan escapes his beautiful lips as he sucks the left one hard while pinching the right nipple, then quickly alternating.

I’m lost, drowning in a pool of pleasure. My hands are running through his hair, guiding his head as he tastes me. As I open my eyes to watch him, the sparkle in my ring nearly blinds me. Like a splash of cold water, reality is staring at me, judging me for my poor decisions.

I push him away, creating distance.

“Fuck you, Lex. You don’t own me,” I shout with uneven breaths.

“I’m taking back what’s mine.”

He latches onto my waist, pulling me back to him. I moan loudly, the fabric of my dress sliding above my thighs in a mad rush. Lex clasps his hand around my panties, a tight grip as he growls into my ear. Pushing them aside, he plunges his fingers inside me, my scream echoing in the room. Biting into his shoulder, he pushes his fingers deeper, relishing in the pool of wetness surrounding me.

Every thrust is bringing me closer, my moans expelling at a fast pace. I’m almost there, begging him to finish to the end, but all of a sudden, the thrusting stops.

My chest, still heaving, begins to slow down. Opening my eyes, I demand to ask him why he stopped. Staring into my eyes with forbidden lust, he raises his fingers to my mouth, smothering my lips with my own desire.

What a dirty bastard.

Running his tongue along my bottom lip, he tastes all of me that’s left, leaving me wanting more of him. My hands drop to his waist, fumbling with his belt. I need his cock to ease the fire that’s ravaging through me.

Just one time, that’s all I need.

One time.

There’s a commotion near the door, and in sheer panic, we pull away from each other as I straighten my dress, double-checking my breasts are positioned back behind the fabric.

A janitor opens the door to the kitchen, pushing his mop and bucket.

“Apologies, sir. I was sent to clean the floor.”

“That’s fine, you can continue,” Lex orders, barely able to speak.

I quickly head out the door without a goodbye.

You can do it, Charlie, just walk away and pretend it never happened. But Lex is quick, pulling me back to him and pinning me against the wall.

“We’re not finished, not until my cock has been inside every part of you, and only I’ll be the one to touch you. You understand that, Charlotte? You belong to me. You are mine and always were.” I close my eyes as he trails kisses down my neck. “This dress, Charlotte, what are you doing to me?”

“Nothing you haven’t wanted since the moment we saw each other at the restaurant,” I tell him, unable to catch my breath.

He stops kissing me and lowers his eyes to meet mine.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Charlotte.” His intense stare rattles me, the anger driving his eyes to shades of black. “It’s not since the moment I saw you in the restaurant, but since the last time I saw you on the cliff top.”

The memory comes barreling like a cyclone ready to destroy.

How easily you forget.

How easily the pain subsides by the touch of his lips on your own.

He broke you, Charlie.

Broke what you had even though he promised never to hurt you.

He chose someone else.

I need to hurt him the same way he did to me.

“Don’t fucking do this, Lex. What happened back there meant nothing. It was just the curiosity of what it would feel like again. Don’t go reading more into this.” I pull away from him, suddenly finding my strength. “Yes, Lex, I’d have fucked you because I was turned on… plain and simple. I’ve fucked you before, so I know what I’m in for, but it would’ve been a mistake if we did. You’re nothing to me. My fiancé will be back tomorrow, and I plan to marry him. I’m not yours, and the quicker you realize that, the better.”

I storm out of the kitchen, searching for the nearest bathroom. As soon as I see it, I push past the women waiting and rush inside, closing the door behind me. My heart is beating fast as I touch my swollen lips.

He does it to me every time.

But I asked for it.

I allowed it.

I craved it.

What have I done?

I spent nine years trying to forget him. And in just one moment, time stood still, and every part of me that had let him go is crying out for him.

I calm myself as best as I can, knowing I can’t face him again. Walking out of the stall, I stand in front of the sink and splash cold water on my face, willing the guilt to disappear down the drain along with my sins. Adjusting my dress and fixing my hair, I walk back into the main area to find a very disheveled Eric.

“Charlie, where have you been? I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“Well, for starters, I wasn’t in Chris Pratt look-a-like pants, and that appears to be the only place you were looking.”

“Time to go?”

“Yes, please,” I beg.

It’s three in the morning, and I’m beyond ready to leave. Physically, I’m exhausted, and everything’s becoming a giant blur. Emma left with boy-toy, so Eric and I walk hand in hand as we head out of the club.

The cool night air is refreshing against my skin and stops the nausea that has threatened me all night long. The streets are quiet with an occasional cab driving past. There’s a commotion at the front of the club, prompting Eric and me to stop in our tracks to see what’s happening.

“Why won’t you let me in? For old time’s sake?”

The voice sounds familiar, but I’ve had several shots and am possibly hallucinating. I have no energy to turn around, telling Eric to continue walking.

“Look what the cat dragged back. Is she the reason why, Alex?”

I stop dead in my tracks, my posture stiffening at the sound of that voice again. Squeezing my eyes shut, I listen to the sound of my beating heart before they burst open, forcing me to turn around.

Lex is standing at the entrance with that same tall man and the familiar voice.

I can’t believe my eyes.

Samantha.