Chasing Love: Chapter 30

The rain doesn’t deter me from my usual morning run. Instead, it cools me down, allowing me to run even harder.

I stop off at my usual bench trying to catch my breath. The last forty-eight hours have been draining, to say the least. Apart from a heavy workload I was struggling with due to my unstable personal life, I have Lex to deal with.

“Hi again!” The familiar blonde girl stops by the bench.

“Hi. Haven’t seen you for a few days. Did you leave Manhattan?”

“Yes, briefly, but here I am again.” She laughs, then reaches out her hand to introduce herself. “I’m Kate, by the way.”

I shake her hand. “Charlie.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m laughing.” She clutches her stomach, letting out a sigh. “I’m so stressed out with work right now I think I’m losing my marbles.”

“I know how you feel. I’m in the same boat. I have so much going on, and it doesn’t help that my love life is like a rollercoaster ride right now.”

“Man troubles?”

“Man troubles, plural,” I confess.

“Oh, wow. I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes. I’m glad I’ve got myself a good man, just happens he’s on the other side of the world,” she says while catching her breath.

We both take a seat at the bench, resting while we watch other runners woosh by.

“A long-distance relationship requires patience. I don’t know how you do it.”

“It’s not easy. Love is great, but at the end of the day, every couple has needs. Hard to fulfill when you’re across the other side of the world,” Kate complains.

“How did we end up with complicated relationships?”

“I know, right?” Kate laughs. “So, I’m thinking…” she scrunches her eyebrows together, “… you pick who you like best and roll with it. Maybe start with who’s most attractive?”

We laugh in unison. There’s something comforting about confiding in a stranger.

“Well, man number one is gorgeous… like Christian Bale gorgeous.”

“Oh, holy hell! And number two?”

“There are no words… he’s beautiful.”

“Sounds to me like number two is a lady door knocker.”

I burst out laughing, again. Lady door knocker! British slang has me in hysterics. As I wipe away a tiny tear from my eye, I compose myself enough to respond to Kate.

“I guess you could say that, but it’s so complicated.”

“I’m no love expert, but I swear there must be a full moon or something because weird shit is happening everywhere.”

“That would explain a lot.”

“Take my boss for example… he’s the most arrogant bastard you could ever meet. I mean the number of times I’ve had to clean up his mess is, well… it’s a lot.” She sighs heavily with exaggeration. “After every girl he fucked and left hanging, who do you think was the one dealing with all the clingy-girl bullshit? You got it! Me! Seriously, I deserve a pay rise because that’s not in my job description.”

How unprofessional of a boss. In our office the only males we employed are Tate and Eric. Eric is interested in men, so no clingy-girl bullshit, and Tate, thankfully, is as professional as you can get. The real deal which is why we hired him.

“So anyway, something weird is going on. I only know that a woman has come into his life, and I think he has feelings for her. I nearly fell off my chair when I found out. I’m telling you the man has no heart. But gosh, something has changed,” she finishes.

“Sometimes, that one person can change everything you believe in. Maybe she captured his heart. Is he at least nice to look at?”

“He’s a drop-dead BILF.”

I raise my brow. “Uh, what’s a BILF?”

“Boss I’d like to fuck… although I never would. I love my job and get great perks. I’ve just learned to tolerate him and always be one step ahead.”

“Nice body?”

“Oh, hell yeah.” She chuckles, shaking her head with a knowing grin. “He works out so much he looks like a Greek god. I’ve never seen him shirtless, though.”

“Sounds to me like you got yourself a great job.”

“Yes, I do, but right now I need to focus.” Kate looks at her watch, instantly dropping her shoulders. “Oh shit, it’s seven. I had better head back. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

I smile. “I’ll be here.”

“Cheerio, then!”

I run back home thinking about how the last few days have unfolded. I know I was taking a risk by asking Adriana to get involved with planning for me to be in Lex’s office, but I wanted him to know it isn’t just him who gets to call the shots. Looking back, I can’t believe I allowed myself to be so bold and carefree. Yeah, I’d fantasized about that shit all the time, but to make it a reality is surreal. He was barely able to control himself, and that’s what I wanted— Mr. Control Freak to lose himself.

Every touch, every sound was sending me over the edge, but then he said he wanted all of me. I knew what he meant, and not one part of me hesitated. As he filled me, I groaned with pleasure. He’s the only one who has ever been inside there. The pressure was intense, and it didn’t take me long to come. He followed quickly, gripping me tight as the waves of pleasure died down slowly. It felt amazing, but then he kissed me softly and I pulled away. I wasn’t prepared for emotions to be involved. This was strictly hardcore, nothing-off-the-table kind of sex. Just fucking. I reminded him of that, and he was quick to acknowledge it, which hurt slightly, but I had to convince myself that’s all this was. Who am I kidding?

As I sit in my office daydreaming about the night before, Eric and Nikki walk in, both of them taking a seat. Eric grabs a handful of M&Ms as Nikki scolds him for putting the brown ones back in the jar. What the hell is his problem with eating the brown ones?

“So, the lady who walked into my office yesterday was Samantha Benson.”

“Wasn’t she that chick at the club that Lex was trying to offload?” Eric asks, raising his perfectly sculpted brows.

“Yes, she was.”

“How do you know her?” Nikki questions.

Answering this question is inevitable. I’ve been dreading it, but I knew it would come out sooner or later, so it might as well be now. “She was Lex’s wife.”

“So, they got married after you guys split up?” Eric’s eyes widen with curiosity. “When did she remarry and have the kid?”

“Eric, I don’t think they got married after Charlie and Lex split up,” Nikki says, turning back to face me. “Am I correct in assuming you were together while he was married?”

“Something like that.” I lower my tone, feeling ashamed at the situation. I know it had been more than me just being a homewrecker, but how can I explain what our love was to them?

Eric clasps his hand on his mouth. “Oh…” and then it dawns on him, “Oh!”

“Guys, look, it wasn’t like that. We were in love, like earth-shattering love. At least, I thought it was.”

Nikki leans over the table, placing her hand on mine. She knows me well enough to know that it had meant something. After all, she was the one who would hold me tight when I screamed Alex’s name in my sleep.

“Charlie, what happened?” Eric narrows his eyes, still confused. “And what’s going on between you two now?”

“He left, didn’t say goodbye. I found out from the town slut that Samantha was pregnant.”

“Hold up, the kid is his?” Nikki exclaims.

“No. She was screwing around as well, but she did tell him it was his. His family put pressure on him to stay with her after Samantha told them about me. Apparently, months later, she confessed to him that the baby wasn’t his, and he left her. He told me he looked for me but not in the right place, and my mother had told him I moved on.”

“But you hadn’t, Charlie. I was there…” Nikki trails off.

“No, I hadn’t. He believed what she said and decided that I deserved more.”

“I’m sorry, Charlie. I knew he meant a lot to you. I mean, you didn’t start to date till the end of college, no matter how much Rocky and I tried to set you up.”

“Oh, gee, Nikki, the blind dates Rocky set me up with were so hideous.” I shake my head, smiling at their pathetic attempt to set me up with so many losers.

We laugh, reminiscing until Eric breaks us from our trip down memory lane. “So, what did she want to see you about?”

“She needed to tell me how sorry she was and asked for forgiveness. We all make mistakes, Eric. Sometimes we need to forgive to move on.”

“And Lex?” he asks, reluctantly.

Letting out a sigh, I lean back into my chair. These two people are my best friends, and yet I always held this part of me close to my heart, tightly closed up in a sealed box. Is now the time to spill my heart and soul and reveal all the scars?

“Lex is… it’s complicated.”

“It can’t be that complicated, Charlie. I mean, you’re fucking him all over Manhattan,” Nikki points out.

“I am not fucking him all over Manhattan!”

“Woman has a point, Charlie. You’ve had a certain glow all week. You know… that I’ve-been-done-in-every-orifice look.”

Nikki and Eric both laugh. My face turns crimson. Is it that obvious?

“We’ll take your silence as a yes. Nikki, you notice how she’s been walking funny as well, almost with a limp?” Eric jokes.

I throw a pen at Eric.

So, at least they know that part. The rest will remain my secret, for now.

“Hey, Charlie.” Eric peeks his head through my door. “There’s someone here to see you.”

Who now, I wonder? As I stand up, flattening the crease in my skirt, Julian walks into the room. Oh, fuck. I haven’t seen him since movie-night, and in that time, I have screwed Lex more times than I care to admit.

“Hey, gorgeous. I was starting to think you had disappeared.”

Julian strolls over to me, grabbing my waist and pulling my body against his. Tilting his head, he plants a kiss on my lips, an uneasy feeling consuming me as I force a smile.

“Sorry, Julian. Work has literally kicked my butt all week.”

“I see. I know there’s something I’d like to do to that butt,” he teases, placing his hands on my ass, caressing it slowly.

I pull his hands off. “Mr. Baker, this is a professional environment. Plus, Eric is known for barging in.”

The guilt deepens at the mention of a lie.

“Fine, but later, you’re mine.” He winks, cupping my chin before kissing my nose. “I brought something for you.”

He places a white shirt box with a red bow in front of me. I look up at him, curious as to what’s inside. He motions for me to open it, and I do, stunned by what’s there.

“We haven’t spoken about the actual wedding plans,” he mentions, eyes watching for my reaction.

I force another smile, afraid that with one look, he’ll know what I’ve done. Pulling the bridal magazines out of the box, I pretend to be interested while flicking through them. Yet my stomach becomes queasy, the reality hitting me hard as I watch my hands shake slightly as I hold the magazines.

“So much to organize…” I trail off, the enormity of the situation overwhelming.

“We can always hire a wedding coordinator. However, that would be a disappointment to my mother.”

“Your mother?” I ask nervously.

“Yes, she’s dying to meet you. She’ll be traveling through New York in three weeks on her way to some sort of book convention.”

“As in, erotic romances?”

I’m trying my best to push away how awkward this conversation has become. I’ve never met his mother, so this is a big deal in a relationship.

“Thanks for the visual.” He laughs, running his hand through his hair. “So, a little birdie reminded me it’s your birthday on Saturday.”

“Little birdie has a big mouth. Yes, it is.”

“Any plans?”

“Big-mouth birdie said he’s taking me out to dinner. You’re welcome to join us,” I offer, taking note to scold Eric for even mentioning it.

“I’m sorry, I have an important function to attend. However, I’ll join you after dinner, plus I’m free for breakfast on Sunday morning. Preferably in bed.”

“Oh, Batman, you sure know how to use those cheesy lines.”

“Hey, Batman resents that.” He kisses me goodbye, promising me he will call me tonight when I’m done with work.

As he leaves the room, I breathe a sigh of relief. What the hell am I doing? These are not the actions of a sane person, so far from it. I sit in my chair opening a magazine, casually flicking through the pages. Not an ounce of excitement stirs within me. Surely, my bridezilla gene is supposed to have kicked in by now. I sit here almost numb—almost. The Valentino gown is to die for.

I’m reading an article on the dos-and-don’ts of wedding planning when a loud sound startles me. The commotion comes from my doorway where Lex is standing tall, and an extremely panic-stricken Eric and Emma stand behind him trying to catch their breaths.

“I’m sorry…” Eric gasps for air.

“It’s okay, Eric.”

Lex catches sight of the magazines, forcing Eric and Emma to scurry away like two timid dogs.

“You have no right barging into my office like this,” I tell him, trying my best to speak in a flat monotone, but the anger is rearing to go, ready to bite his head off and give him an earful about workplace protocol.

“What do you expect? You won’t talk to me, but you talk to everyone else. In fact, you forgive everyone else but not me. Why?” he asks, exasperated.

What the hell is he talking about?

“Excuse me?”

“You easily play make-up with Adriana and Samantha, but with me, you shut me down every time I try to apologize.”

“Please leave,” I warn him. “This is my place of business. I don’t bring my personal life to work.”

He stands before me with flared eyes and unruly hair, his body language is enough for me to realize he’s deadly serious. His eyes dart to the magazines on my desk.

“Answer me!”

“I’ve nothing to say to you.”

His lethal stare is painful and piercing with a purpose to tear me apart. Lex may be angry, striking at me fueled by the pain he’s feeling, but nothing and I mean nothing, can erase the pain that seeps into every part of me like poison.

I crave his words, hurtful as they may be, they are his soul coming out in pieces for me to hear. But the deadliest sound of all—is silence.

Turning his back, he leaves my office without a goodbye.

I can’t cry, the tears long gone and dried up. Instead, I sit here dazed, unable to cope with the burst of anger I bestowed upon him. He deserved it. That was nothing compared to what I went through.

He hasn’t won.

I’m still standing here.

This time, I am the one wearing the ring.

And soon, I’ll become Mrs. Baker.