Chasing Love: Chapter 40

I held onto him, my breaths shallow, head thrown back with my eyes half-closed as he slowly grinded himself against me.

He took his time, savoring every part of my body. His fingers trailed down my body, causing me to shiver. My nipples became erect, I knew he loved that. Like a hungry beast, he slid his hands back up, cupping my breasts then lightly pinching them.

Like my body is possessed, I moved faster, pushing myself down harder and that feeling, it’s climbing, soaring high, almost there.

Pulling me down to him, he stopped. Softly caressing my lips, he kissed me like it was our first kiss. His soft tongue rolling over mine, tasting me, and slowly he moved his hips.

The climb started to build again.

He grabbed my hand and entwined his fingers with mine. I held on, and then he kissed me, on my finger where the gold band sat.

“I love you, my wife.”

I wake up startled, drenched in sweat, unable to determine where I am.

It’s just a dream.

Shutting my eyes, I try to return to the amazing dream, throwing the blanket over my head looking for that blissful escape. It’s pointless. I’m wide awake, and now I am trying to interpret what the dream means.

Marriage and Lex. Is that what I want?

Could I be his girlfriend and be happy with just that?

I’m seriously overthinking this.

After our dinner last night, I left feeling even more conflicted over the situation. Frustrated, I throw my blanket off and head out for a run.

It’s five in the morning, quite possibly my earliest workout ever, but I’ll be damned if I’d lay there in bed trying to relieve the frustration. After last night’s three attempts with a mild and unsatisfying finish, I called it a day after my wrist could no longer physically move, and that damn crystal vibrator was weighing me down.

I have to face the facts that nothing can measure up to the real thing.

I run for an hour straight until my legs feel all wobbly, and my sweats start to stink.

“Charlie… Charlie,” I hear my name, slowing down my pace.

It’s Kate, and much like me, she’s sweating bullets and trying to catch her breath as we catch up.

“Hey, Kate. Sorry, I was off in la-la land again.”

We take a seat on the closest bench, both of us letting out a sigh. We laugh as we realize how pathetic we look as the other runners speed by looking so Olympic-medalist like with their fancy running outfits and ridiculous arm weights.

“Oh no, haven’t you solved the love triangle yet?” She pants, still trying to catch her breath.

“Argh, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m trying to take the mature road and be friends with one of them, but it’s backfiring. I miss him and I’m having withdrawals,” I moan.

“Great sex will do that to you.”

“I wonder if this is what it’s like to be a crack addict in rehab? No wonder they fall off the wagon so many times,” I wonder out loud.

“Well, have you fallen off the wagon yet?”

“No, but I was so close to asking him to spend the night last night. I mean the words were there hanging off my tongue. My body was in hell because he looks like a sex god. And all night, the flirting…” I shake my head, trying to clear the image.

“Good for you. A little willpower never hurt anyone. What about the other guy?”

“He gave me the key to his place as a birthday gift. Julian is flawless, you know. I can’t ask for a more perfect fiancé than him.” Bowing my head, I don’t want to admit what I already know.

“But he’s not the one who’s rocking your world so bad that you can’t even get up in the morning without waking up in a pool of sweat because you spent the last eight hours dreaming about him.”

Is she seriously psychic?

“You said it, girl. How are things with your honey down under?”

“I’m confused. I thought I trusted him, but I keep hearing stories from friends, and they don’t match with what he tells me, and so… I’m not sure.” She buries her head into her hands, lifting her gaze moments later, her face troubled. “Like for instance, I called up, and his mom said he was asleep, and then I checked Instagram. One of my friends posted this pic of her at the club with some girls, and in the background, I saw the back of his neck. I knew it was him because the shark tattoo is easy to spot. I tried to call him, and he was like ‘yeah, sorry, babe, I had a headache and went to bed.’”

“I’m sorry, Kate. It doesn’t sound right. I’d be feeling the exact same way as you. Look, you need to confront him. If he’s doing this, then you have to walk away and stop wasting your time.”

“I know, but I want to confront him in person. He’s coming to the States in three weeks for some surfer convention, so I’ll do it then. I’m sick of worrying about this on top of work. Blimey, I need a bloody holiday.” Frustrated, she throws her hands in the air.

“Oh, is the bastard boss still acting all weird?”

“Yes, I want to ask him about it. His recent behavior has me all curious, but you don’t ask him questions about his personal life. You should have seen him all last week. Screaming down the phone, slamming doors… I swear this bird is riling his feathers, and she must be stupid not to see it.”

“Maybe if my love life falls through, you can set me up with him if he’s as good-looking as you say.” I chuckle.

“Ha! Something tells me he won’t stop till she’s his. He’s that determined. Listen, I’ve got a few things to do, but I’ll be back in the city in a few weeks. Do you want to catch up for a coffee or something?”

“Sounds great.”

I give her my number, and she returns hers. We agree to meet up when she’s back in the city. I’m looking forward to it. Kate is different from my other friends, not as dramatic. Yes, Nikki, Eric, and Adriana are all drama queens.

“Thanks for listening. Hope you get closer to solving your problem with Mr. Right, who’s playing Mr. Wrong but is secretly Mr. Right.”

She waves goodbye and runs off.

I try my best to dive into our Monday morning meeting and distract myself with work, but that dream keeps replaying in my mind. After lunch, I cave and text him. I know he’ll be on the plane, so I don’t expect an instant response, but when his text finally comes through, my heart jumps around like a lovesick moron.

The rest of the day, we text back and forth until he asks me if I miss him. I want to call him and tell him about my dream, how the thought of it becoming a reality sends shivers throughout me but in a good way. Still, I don’t know exactly what type of relationship he wants, and so the guard stays up. The one that reminds me every day to be cautious, not to get hurt because if that were to happen again, there’s no way I’ll ever recover.

After a long day, I head home and fall into bed tossing and turning the entire night, not sure if I actually fell asleep or not. I grab my phone and do what I’m desperate to do—I answer his question and tell him I miss him.

The next few days drag on, but I keep myself as busy as possible. Spending time with Will brightens my mood.

Shopping with Eric proves to be a stress reliever right up until we enter Victoria’s Secret with Eric’s intention of buying stuff for Lex to see on me.

“Charlie, seriously, you would rock this.” He holds up a fluorescent pink thong which actually is just a piece of string.

“Eric, what do you think is the purpose of that?”

“I don’t know… to floss the folds?”

I burst out laughing unable to control myself. Eric joins me. He seriously has no clue about women or what goes on down there.

“How about this?” He holds up some lacy number.

“Let’s get out of here,” I tell him, grabbing the panties and taking them to the counter.

As the days pass, I’m amazed at how much work I achieve. Tate finally closes the Vandercamp case and, of course, Mrs. Vandercamp is elated. Turns out Mr. Vandercamp’s mistress left him as well, so she’s celebrating for two reasons. I normally don’t mix business with pleasure, but when she invites me out for a celebratory drink, I don’t hesitate.

It’s probably my first weekend in God knows how long where I spend it by myself. Apart from Saturday morning attending Will’s ball game, I spend most of the day doing boring stuff. The usual laundry, cleaning the apartment, and so on. By late Saturday afternoon, I’m feeling restless and text Adriana asking her if I can come over.

Dressed in a pair of jeans and my leather jacket, I grab my helmet and make my way downstairs to the garage. I still remember the day when Rocky and Nikki scolded me for purchasing a motorcycle, an impulse buy a year ago when I sold some shares which I had invested in years ago.

During my high school years, I’d jumped on the back of Finn’s bike and loved the adrenaline rush. It had always been on my bucket list to own a bike, and I promised Nikki I’d take lessons.

The instructor was smokin’ hot, and yes, he was one of my five. It lasted three minutes. Three minutes of my life I’d never get back.

As I rev the bike, the adrenaline runs through me. With my helmet on, I ride out of my garage and through the city then over the Williamsburg Bridge. The thrill of the ride is exactly what I need. I don’t know why I don’t do it more often—lack of time, I guess.

I park the bike and yank my helmet off, letting my hair loose. Securing the bike, I make my way up the steps, then press the buzzer on the brownstone building to be greeted by Adriana.

“Char, that was quick. How on earth did you… no freaking way!” She races down the steps to my bike. “OMG, I love it! It’s so Dylan McKay back in the 90210 days.”

She sits on the bike, pretending to ride it. “Take me for a ride, pretty please?”

“I didn’t bring my other helmet. Actually, it’s permanently in Rocky’s closet now. He rides the bike more than me.”

Adriana pouts before peeling herself off. Disappointed, she takes me upstairs.

Elijah is on the couch playing some Xbox game. He stops to hug me, then resumes his battle with some ax-wielding lunatic. Adriana leads me to her guest room. Upon entering, I’m not surprised it has been turned into wedding central.

“Okay, so I’ve narrowed it down to the pale pink or lilac dress. Can you please try them on?”

I don’t mind, happy Adriana will finally get her fairy-tale wedding. In true Adriana style, this will be one extravagant event. Every tiny detail is written, drawn, or pictured on her drawing board.

“Where’s your dress, Adriana?”

I have been waiting a lifetime to see this. She has been picking out wedding dresses since we were eight, but I can only assume her taste has changed a lot since then.

“Ahh, yes, all will be revealed. I want you, Eric, and Nikki at the final fitting.”

“We’ll be there. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I smile.

As I try on both dresses, we agree the pink one is the one, although it’s a little tight of course, in the bust area.

“Char, you have a killer body. I’d die to have your boobs. They are so full.” She grabs my breasts catching me off guard, so I smack her hands away. “I’m guessing Lex doesn’t complain.”

“Haha, very funny.”

Adriana sits on the floor placing pins in the hem where she’ll alter the dress. I stand still, a little caught up in the moment. I wonder what it will be like to be standing one day being fitted for my own wedding dress. It will be lace, something simple yet classic. I’m not one for big weddings, just something intimate with close family and friends.

Shit! Why am I thinking about this again?

“Do you think that one day you will marry him?” she asks, hesitating slightly.

“I don’t know. You know I was never one of those chicks who dreamed of their wedding day since they were born like you.” I grin at her knowingly. “I didn’t think of the future, I only ever thought of that very moment. We were young… well, I was young. Eighteen was too young for me to consider marriage.”

“What about now?”

“Adriana, it’s complicated.”

“What’s so complicated? Break it off with Julian. Lex loves you… you love him. You’ve forgiven him. Time to move on and spend the rest of your life with each other and make beautiful babies that I can spoil rotten.”

The weight of her words bares heavy on my soul. It seems too surreal, having this conversation about marriage and babies with Lex. I try to hide my feelings, but the wave of panic rushes through me like a wild storm kickstarting my heart into overdrive.

“Char, are you okay?”

I kneel on the floor and place my hands over my face. The weight of the phoenix is swaying as I rock back and forth. The tears flow, and I beg myself to stop crying, not to break down anymore but the feelings are too forceful.

Adriana drops her sewing kit, holding onto me tight. There are no words, she doesn’t ask, and I don’t offer. She just holds me. In that moment, I realize how much I’ve missed and needed her, my best friend, to wash away my anxiety over this whole sorry ordeal.

“I’m so sorry, Adriana,” I choke as the tears trickle down my cheeks.

“Charlie, look at me.” I gaze into her eyes, praying she understands. Adriana knows me better than I know myself sometimes. “You need to open up. This demon you’re carrying, you need to set it free.”

“I thought I did. I was fine and had moved on, but then he came back into my life, and I’m a mess. I miss him so much, but I loathe him at the same time. I don’t want him to hurt me again.”

She holds onto me, quiet for what seems like forever until I manage to compose myself. Passing me a box of tissues, I clean up my face then she tucks my hair behind my ear and smiles.

“I don’t mean to push you. I’m sorry. But Charlie, you have to realize Lex knows the mistake he made, and it pains him every day that he put you through that. There’s nothing in the world he wouldn’t do for you, and hurting you again isn’t an option. He loves you way too much.”

“But Adriana—”

“Charlie, Lex was a stranger to our family after you left. He barely spoke to us, to anyone for that matter unless it was work-related. He shut himself off from the world. He caused my mother endless worry. Suddenly, you have brought him out whole again, and…” she chokes up, grabbing a tissue, “… I can’t thank you enough. We’ve missed him.”

“Your parents know about me?” I ask, shocked at the thought.

It might have been years ago, but I still feel guilty for how I treated them. They were such good people, treating me like their own, and I ruined their family.

“They saw a change in Lex the past few weeks and asked me what’s going on. I told them about you.”

“And?”

“Mom was happy. She always felt terrible for how she treated you on the street that day. Dad, well, he’s very hard to read… much like Lex sometimes.”

“Adriana, I don’t know if I’ve fully forgiven him. I’m reminded of the hurt when he’s near me. How do I even get past that?”

“You talk to him. You tell him exactly how you feel, exactly how you felt back then. You be one-hundred percent honest with him.”

“It’s too soon. I can’t pour my heart out yet. I’m not ready.”

“It’s been a month. I don’t u-understand…” she stammers.

“Because the moment I do, I’m scared he’ll look at me differently. I need to be prepared for that, know that I made the right decision in being honest with him, and be able to handle his reaction.” That’s the truth. There’s so much more he doesn’t know, and I’m scared he’ll run. I need to be strong, it’s the only way I can battle this so-called demon I carry.

“I understand, Char.”

We talk more about the wedding, the reception and, of course, the honeymoon. They are staying in a private resort in the Virgin Islands as a wedding present from Lex. Apparently, he is chummy with Richard Branson. Sometimes it’s like I don’t know him at all. He’s some billionaire mogul who mingles with the elite of the world.

“Adriana, is Lex really that wealthy?”

“We lost count years ago. God knows how many properties or investments he owns. We all got a fair share when my grandfather died, but Lex built this empire. He was unstoppable, but in saying that, he never spent his money either. He was either working, or… no wait, he was always working. I don’t think in eight years he has even taken a vacation.”

“Wow. He was never into that whole money thing before,” I mutter.

“No, he wasn’t, but it was like it possessed him. Not the money, per se, but the control. It was the only thing he could control in his life.”

I change the subject quickly, slightly uncomfortable talking about Lex’s wealth even though I’m the one to bring it up. I am not one of those women hung up on money, probably because I have my own. When my grandmother passed away, she left me her house in Connecticut and some money which she inherited from her father. I can never bring myself to sell the house, so I rent it out to a nice family who takes care of the place. I paid for my college and put a deposit on my apartment and used some to start our practice. The rest I placed into a savings account. Most of the time, I forget it’s even there. I don’t consider myself rich or anything, but I don’t have to worry about money either.

“So anyway, I forgot to tell you… one of my designers has a house in The Hamptons which she’s offered to let us use next weekend. Are you free? I’ve already asked Rocky and Nikki, and they are in with Will, of course. Eric has some festival thing on, so he can’t make it.”

“And Lex?”

I’m desperate to see him, hoping he’ll fly in earlier than anticipated. Several times I have contemplated flying to London for a few days, but the mixed messages I would give him could cause more harm than good.

“I haven’t been able to reach him this week. He must be busy or something. I’ll try again or maybe speak to his assistant. She’s my go-to when he ignores me.”

“Sounds like fun,” I tell her, grinning. “Count me in.”