38.

Boom Issa long chapter leave me alone -Dajah💕

🤍Y/N🤍

I was discharged from the hospital around 10:45 and we were on our way back to my place. Chris didn't say anything to me since he found out that I took the pills. We pulled up in my drive way as he opened his side door and I looked at him crazy. I got out the car unlocking the front door as he followed behind me. "Chris I don't want to argue" I warned. "When the fuck were you going to tell me you had the abortion?!" He questioned. "And you did that shit after I told you I didn't want it!" He shouted as I was trying to remain calm but he was really taking me there.

"Chris I just said I didn't want to argue with you" I started off "I'm in pain, I want to get in my bed and go to sleep" I said calmly. "No I need an explanation for the shit that you just pulled. I should have a say also! those were my kids too!" he expressed. "Can we fucking argue about this shit some other time?! I'm bleeding heavily and got fucking clumps of blood coming out of me, I have a fucking headache, I have a fever and cramps that hurt like a bitch so please if you don't want me to be a bitch leave" I said snapping.

"Whose fault is that?" He asked as I just shook my head "fuck you" I simply said as he walked out of the house and I closed the door locking it and turning out my porch light along with my living room light going upstairs. I took a Motrin and got into a hot bath feeling it soothe my cramps and the pain I was having in my lower back.

I brought my knees too my chest as I placed my my chin on my knees beginning to cry to myself. I stayed in this position for about 30 minutes and finally stopped crying beginning to wash myself. I got out the tub placed lotion on my body and got dressed for bed. My phone started ringing as I just ignored it placing a heating pad on my stomach and curled up in the bed watching Looney Tunes rerun cartoons.

My phone then vibrated as I seen it was just a text from Abriana I just ignored it continuing to watch TV I soon drifted off to sleep.

_________

It's been almost weeks and I feel much better I only bled for three days and it cleared up. I got an ultrasound and the pills did what it needed to do as far as Chris I've literally haven't spoke to him or anybody else for that matter. With Chris it was he dropped Christiana off and vice versa no words were spoke at all and honestly we could keep it that way I don't care no more at this point.

I was currently getting ready to take a drive to New York so I can see my grandmother and treat her out to a day in the city. Christiana was with Chris out doing something with his family and I just missed my grandmother so I thought to go and spend time with her. I placed my hair in curls and combed it out some. I then fluffed them

My make up was done natural matte glam like how I liked it. I placed some lip gloss on over my black and brown lined lips. I then sprayed my face with setting spray and stepped into a strapping dress. I placed on some sandals grabbed my purse , phone and keys walking out of the door.

After a four hour car ride I was soon at my grandmothers house as she stepped out excited as hell making me giggle. She started dancing in front of my car as I just recorded her "look at my grandmother" I said as she started trying to twerk "Miss no!" I said out my rolled down window as she laughed and I stopped recording her. She then got in the car "Hey baby" She said as I giggled "hey grandma" I said as she kissed my cheek and I kissed her.

I then placed the car in drive "you smell good and look good What you got on?" She asked looking at my dress

"I got on something from bath and body works you want some?" She asked "yeah what's it called?!" She questioned "hibiscus paradise" I said showing her it on my phone. "Shit I want some" She said making me laugh. "We can go to bath and body works when we're done with lunch" I said as she smiled "okay" She said cheesing as I just giggled.

"What's been going on with you?" She questioned as I just shook my head and sighed. "I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out what to do" I said getting onto the highway.

"About what?" She asked as I just looked over at her then back at the road. "Is it your mother because you know I'll whoop her ass" my grandmother expressed making me laugh and catch my tear before it fell.

"Oh God, don't cry while you behind the wheel I'm too young I'm only sixty five" she said making me laugh. I ain't going to lie my grandmother looked so good for her age and she was active too constantly doing something. "We'll talk about it when we sit down" she said.

We were talking about light stuff like how Christiana was doing and how Chris was doing along with Aaliyah and everyone else. We got to our restaurant and got seated as she smiled at me. "What's going on?" She asked as I faintly smiled. "Where do I even begin?" I asked sarcastically making her giggle. "First off I got one red carpet look from you and that was it. What happened?!" She asked as I just shook my head. "I didn't finish it" I started off.

"Last year around September time Chris started talking to his ex again keeping it casual you know. But this was an ex who have disrespected me and I told him time and time even before we were married she's disrespectful and I don't like her. He said he was done talking to her and he handled it but he went back to talking to her." I explained.

"I let it go because you know I'm not confrontational like that and I rather take the high road with certain situations. He started pushing for a baby and at that moment and still I felt like with things going good for both you and I along with Christiana about to go to school I felt it wasn't right to have a baby then and there." I said as she nodded.

"Along with that when I had Christiana my body went through some things, I went through postpartum depression not knowing and I struggled with depression and nobody even knew." I said as my grandmothers face softened

"So he kept pushing and I kept saying no not at the moment which sparked a lot of tension and arguments between us. Then I found out he was talking to another Ex and he actually left to the UK to hang out with her as a friend and I found out social media like with everything else. I was pissed about that asked if he had sex with her he said no but she kissed him and he left immediately." I said.

"He's not lying about that" my grandmother interrupted "if he was willing to tell you they didn't have sex but they kissed then he told you the truth because a guy will sit there and deny both of it if he can keep his significant other. Chris told you the truth whether you left or not" she explained as I nodded.

"Then there was arguments about me spending time with Henry, me receiving gifts on Christmas from Henry along with working with Henry. Chris received a gift from Henry and so did Christiana so it wasn't like I was the only one who received one" I said as she listened.

"I tried speaking to mommy about the situation" I started as my grandmother made a noise while drinking her strawberry lemonade. "Mm and what did she say?" She questioned. "If Chris wanted a baby then I need to make the compromise and give it to him anyway. I was trying to tell her my feelings on having a baby at the time along with Chris but it seems like no one was listening. I said to mommy I wasn't in the right state in my mind to have one but she insisted on me having one because I needed to make a compromise with Chris because that'll make or break a marriage" I explained.

"Which is true it will but if you're telling people and crying out for help letting it be known that, that's not what you want at the moment and you're not in the right state of mind to do so then that needs to be respected. You never said you wasn't having another one, you just said at the time you didn't want one which you had a valid reason" my grandmother explained as I agreed.

"Are you talking to anybody else about your relationship besides me?" She questioned "I told Aaliyah I didn't want to discuss it with my family or Chris's family" I admitted "good because this is something for one that doesn't need to make to social media because that'll make it worse and two his family and especially your family and I'm talking about your mother don't need to be in it because it's about you two." My grandmother expressed as I then started back my story.

"I decided that we could have a baby after the Man of Steel press tours and premiere tours listening to my mother and scared that I was going to lose my marriage. So in the midst of that we had an argument I gave in and everything just didn't feel right. My mood was down, I felt that if I wanted him to love me, all the tension to stop and us not divorce then I needed to get pregnant" I said.

"Don't tell me you got pregnant" she said looking at me in disbelief as I nodded then looked in my lap. "I slowly removed myself from the birth control pill, we had sex Valentine's Day and I found out I was pregnant a couple of days after my man of Steel red carpet premiere." I explained.

"After finding out I was telling Chris that I don't think this was the right move and I had a strong feeling grandma with everything going on this wasn't the right move. I wasn't happy, I wasn't in the right state of mind for one, I was worried about how postpartum depression was going to affect me this time around with me already not going into pregnancy stable, along with Chris and I arguing. I didn't want to bring a baby into that" I said truthfully.

"But I was told that I have everyone by my side to go through this pregnancy with and whatever I needed that everyone was here. But I didn't feel that way. I feel alone, unwanted and sometimes I feel why the hell am I still here?" I expressed.

"Do you feel suicidal?" My grandmother asked as I just looked down. "It's okay to answer that question baby at some point everyone goes through that but it's my job to make sure nothing happens to you" my grandmother expressed as I looked at her and she handed me a tissue as I dabbed under my eyes.

"I can't do it because I have a daughter who needs her mother. I just feel like there's something wrong with me. First my father and now Chris out of all people. Sometimes I feel like why be here if it feels like I'm going to feel like this " I said and felt my grandmother grab my hand. "You are loved baby, your family loves you and I know for a fact if something was to ever happen to you Chris wouldn't know how to take it" She said.

"I brought up abortion to him because I didn't feel secure, comfortable or even happy to have the babies" I started "babies? They were twins?" She questioned as I nodded "yeah" I said as she faintly smiled. "He didn't want it but at the end of the day I was the one feeling these emotions, carrying them, going through pain and depression and have the feels of suicide and I didn't want to worsen my emotions by having not one but two babies. Because I knew for a fact that once I got done delivering them I was going to emotionally check out and all that would do is cause issues between me and everyone else in the house with me " I explained.

"So you got the abortion?" She asked as I nodded "if I was in the right state I would've kept them but I couldn't do it to them nor myself and then the possibility of divorcing regardless." I said shaking my head then shrugged. "You did what you needed to do" my grandmother said "and if that's a secret you want to keep then that's a secret you keep." She said holding my hand as I faintly smiled. Our waiter came as we ordered our food and continued to talk.

There was another incident that happened that I brushed off my shoulders and didn't look too much into it because I was trying to stay off of social media" I started off "there was DMs between Chris and lizzo the singer and I uh" I started off and shook my head "I didn't bring it up because I didn't feel like arguing but chris, Christiana and I was out last week and we were leaving a restaurant someone asked Chris how was him and lizzo right in front of me and I just wanted to cry" I admitted.

"First off how everybody else know about the messages?!" My grandmother asked. "She put them out there, I guess she sent him a drunk DM and he was being nice" I said waving it off. "And that's your problem right there" my grandmother said looking at me as I looked at her confused. "What?" I asked "you sit there and brush shit off that needs to be talked about and you get that from how your mother. Your father used to yell and do things to her and she just brushed it off til she had enough" my grandmother said.

"Baby if you keep just brushing things off and not putting your foot down you're going to reach your breaking point and if you think it's not pretty now it's definitely not going to be nice then" she said as I sighed. "Im just over it" I admitted. "Marriage comes with its ups and downs and I rather you two go through this now and figure out whether or not you two keep fighting to keep the marriage than years down the road and you end up like your parents" She said.

"Marriage comes with its challenges baby but it's up to you and Chris on what you two should do. If you want to forgive him because you see potential in him that's your business and if you want to leave him that's your business too." She started off.

"But don't let others try to dictate what you do when it comes to YOUR marriage because it's all cool if it's not their marriage and them going through hell. People are quick to give opinions or advice on someone else's relationship but don't endure the repercussions of that advice they just gave" my grandmother expressed.

"So with that being said Chris is not wrong or right and neither are you wrong and right this is something that husband and wife should come together and talk about everyone else can shut the fuck up" my grandmother said as I giggled "it'll get better for you I promise it will and even if it ends with Chris YOU will get better." She expressed pointing to me as I faintly smiled and nodded catching my tears before they fell.