Chapter 18

If Kazzi had to choose between being publicly executed in the most brutal way imaginable or sitting across Paige Bueckers while eating pasta for dinner, Kazzi would choose the first option. She really doesn't think it could get worse than this.

She was utterly mortified, like a stomach-dropping, face-whitening, heart-speeding special type of panic that she has never experienced before in her life. All because her best friend introduced herself. Kazzi had slight hope in salvaging the situation, but then Lili had to go on and say her full government name. There was no backing out of that.

She wondered which deity she pissed off enough to warrant this completely unnecessary and life-altering intervention. She prayed to every single one (just in case) in the short span of three seconds to have mercy. No such luck.

Dinner was excruciatingly awkward on Kazzi's end of the table, silence penetrated by the clinking of forks against ceramic plates and admittedly good pasta. At least Azzi and Lili seemed to be having a good time, deeply engaged in a conversation about god-knows-what since Kazzi's attention was entirely focused on not meeting Paige's eye. It was difficult, since the blonde seems to want the complete opposite.

Lili eventually caught onto Kazzi's weird vibe, occasionally shooting the girl worried looks. Kazzi waved her off despite feeling perpetually sick to her stomach, trying to act natural underneath Paige's scrutinizing gaze. She was so horrified that she didn't even know how to feel, the pasta gradually becoming tasteless as the night wore on.

Paige had tried gaining her attention multiple times, opening her mouth to start a conversation that would result in Kazzi either standing up to use the bathroom, "drop" her fork (this has happened three times already), or turn to Lili and Azzi's conversation, butting in.

Kazzi could feel Paige's irritation rolling off her in waves, and the other's anger only made Kazzi more queasy. She would give anything to sink through the floor and never emerge again. Is it too late to change classes? She doesn't think she can stand sitting two seats away from the player for the rest of the year. Maybe she should just transfer colleges, then she wouldn't have to worry about bumping into Paige on campus. She should start looking into it soon. And when Azzi and Lili get married, she'll just have to go in disguise or something, anything to never interact with Paige again–

"Kazzi."

Paige's sharp voice made Kazzi jerk in her seat, and her eyes flickered upwards, accidentally making eye contact with the other. She was startled by the hardness in Paige's eyes, immediately jolting away as if she'd been burnt. The tension was suffocating, thick enough to be cut with a knife. Kazzi said nothing, standing up and scraping her chair against the floor as she "excused" herself to the bathroom for the umpteenth time that night.

Unlike the other times, a hand shot out to grab her wrist. Paige reached over the table, fingers enclosing around Kazzi's hand with a sort of desperation that made Kazzi ache. Despite the unfavorable situation, Kazzi relished in the small point of contact between the two of them for a grand two seconds, before harshly tugging her hand away.

"Kazzi," Paige repeated, voice strained — distressed, and Kazzi almost turned around to throw herself onto Paige's lap, begging for forgiveness. Instead, Kazzi kept her face emotionless as she replied, "Yes?"

Paige's lips were pressed into a thin line, looking pained as she murmured, "Can we talk? Please?"

"About what?"

Anger abruptly flared in Paige's eyes, and Kazzi startled, trying to unnoticeably take a couple of steps back. Was she gonna get punched?

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Paige grits out, hands balled into fists on the table. Her entire body was tense, and the expression she wore was eerily similar to the one she has when arguing with referees.

Azzi and Lili were now looking over, confused at the exchange. Kazzi spared Lili a glance, catching the exact moment realization dawned on her best friend, eyes going wide.

"I have no idea what you're on about , Bueckers," Kazzi lied, face straight despite her heart tearing into pieces inside her chest. Just how disgusted was Paige to be reacting this way? "Leave me alone, I've been having stomach problems all night."

"Stomach problems," Paige echoed dryly, eyes cold, "You've been avoiding me all night, Kovers. You're not slick."

"Oh please," Kazzi glowered, the pasta she just ate threatening to regurgitate, "Am I supposed to be buddy-buddy with you? I'm here for the pasta."

"Stop playing dumb. Talk to me."

"I am fucking talking to you!" Kazzi exclaimed, suddenly feeling the urge to cry. Her throat constricted, and she swallowed uncomfortably, willing her eyes to stay dry.

Azzi's panicked 'guys?' was lost on both of them as Paige glared.

"Outside. Now."

Kazzi's heart dropped, panic rising with enough vigor to make her want to keel over. Her world spun, face twisting into a scowl as she forcefully choked out, "Fuck no! Leave me alone!"

Paige looked indignant, tone vehement as she tried to reason, "I'm giving you a chance to explain yourself–"

"Explain what?" Kazzi bit out. Deny, deny, deny. She refused to let Paige know, refused to let Paige trample over her weak heart, refused to admit she loved her.

Paige shakily exhaled, looking resigned. She closed her eyes for a couple seconds, as if trying to regain her bearings, and when she opened them, Kazzi could see a new sense of clarity within them. She didn't want clarity, she wanted Paige to forget.

"Your twitter," The blonde breathed, voice soft — pleading.

It was quiet, Kazzi barely picking up Paige's words amongst the bustling of the restaurant. But she heard it, and those two words were enough to make Kazzi's world crash and burn. Despite everything alluding to this moment, actually hearing it from Pagie's mouth made it infinitely worse, and Kazzi fought back a fresh wave of tears, desperate to see her act through.

"What twitter? I don't use twitter."

Her self-assured voice sounded surprisingly confident, a shock to her own ears as she wearily registered the darkened expression on Paige's face.

"Don't fuck with me!" Paige suddenly snapped, rounding the table and causing Kazzi to stumble back. "Just tell me the truth–"

"There's nothing to tell!" Kazzi argued, her heart jackrabbiting inside her chest. All it took was one more step from Paige, and Kazzi was turning around to book it out of the restaurant. In hindsight, running from a famous D1 athlete was not the best course of action, but Kazzi gave it her best as she weaved between the tables, ignoring the yells of the three she left behind.

The moment she burst through the doors of the restaurant, her current predicament hit her like a truck – it felt real then – sinking deep into her bones as tears finally spilled over.

She really did like Paige. Behind all the walls, lies and personas she carefully crafted was someone that deeply admired the UConn Basketball star, someone that gave her unwavering support from the safety of her room – hidden behind a screen.

Kazzi loved Paige's resilience, her strength in getting through hard times. She loved the way Paige cared for others – her selflessness, and how her smile brightens any room she walks into. Kazzi could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve to talk to her – let alone be with her. And now she was reaping what she sowed. Paige's anger – her disgust – was a knife to Kazzi's heart, the organ bleeding crimson onto the concrete as Kazzi's feet thudded against the floor.

As Kazzi ran, she couldn't take the image of Paige's furious expression out of her mind, the memory causing her heart to twist painfully. She wants to apologize, wants to grovel at the blonde's feet and beg for forgiveness, for her love, for everything she doesn't deserve.

Kazzi's foot caught onto an uneven section of pavement, causing her to trip and sending her colliding painfully with the floor. She reached out to catch herself, hands smacking the rough ground, scraping her knees and arms in the process. She barely registered the stinging pain, in too much emotional turmoil to care about her external injuries.

"Hey, are you okay?" The voice sounded worried.

Kazzi choked back a sob, embarrassed that meaningless words of comfort from a stranger was like a soothing balm to her aching heart. The other person seemed to realize she was crying, and they hurriedly crouched down to try and inspect the injuries. Upon looking up, Kazzi's breath hitched, making eye contact with none other than Caitlin Clark.

"Caitlin..." Kazzi sniffled, fresh tears streaming down her face. Clark's surprised expression immediately melted into one of concern, hands instinctively reaching out to wipe Kazzi's tear-streaked cheeks. Caitlin's fingers were soft against her skin, and Kazzi only cried harder at the comfort. Why is everything so much harder to bottle up when someone consoles you?

"Shit..." Caitlin murmured, hands cupping Kazzi's face and moving upwards to brush away the hair sticking to Kazzi's cheeks. "Are you okay? What happened? Does it really hurt–"

Caitlin was cut off when Kazzi wrapped her arms around her middle, burying her face into the crook of Caitlin's neck. Clark wasted no time in returning the embrace, threading her fingers through the other's hair as the pair sat in the middle of the pavement, doused in streetlights and moon rays, silent – if not for the rustling of trees and the passing of cars.