Chapter 11

Milo's POV:

When I woke up, there was no light streaming in from my window. It wasn't an unusual occurrence, but when I looked around, I realized that it must be quite early since the moon was still visible in the sky.

I took a moment to collect my thoughts and what exactly had happened last night. When I thought back to my last memories, my heart nearly stopped as I mentally cursed myself.

"Did I really have to pass out?" I wondered aloud before looking around, noticing Adriel and Liam sleeping on the floor. "Goddess."

Careful not to wake either of them up, I tiptoed around them and cautiously made my way down the stairs and shut the door at the bottom. Then, sighing in relief that I hadn't woken them up, I looked at the clock on the wall. I was right; it was only four in the morning.

Upon inspection, I found Bubbles asleep on the couch and felt guilty that she had spent the night alone, so I spent a few minutes just petting her and thinking.

Why am I so weak? was the first thought to come to my mind. Why did simple shows of familial affection push me over the edge into bottomless pits of memories? Why couldn't I stomach more than a bite of pasta? Why did Liam's mom calling me 'honey' send back memories of my own mother with her own pet names?

So many questions, so few answers.

And then another memory: being held in someone's arms, feeling safe and warm and as though nothing bad could happen. And then the worst possible thing happened. I fell back asleep.

Well.

I stood up again, dusting my hands off on my pants- thank the Goddess I was still wearing my clothes from yesterday, I'd love to change but since Adriel and Liam were both asleep in my room, it seemed unlikely that would even have a chance of happening.

Since I had nothing else to do and going outside in the dark absolutely terrified me, I decided I should make breakfast since they went through the trouble of staying with me last night. I had just gotten groceries a day or so ago, and that included a box of pancake mix that I'd gotten for the sole purpose that it might work similarly to bread in my system, that I could eat more than anything else. So I decided to mix up a batch and cook them individually on the stove using my small pan. Some of my butter was gone, strangely.

Once the pancakes were kept warm in the slightly heated oven, I got out some eggs. Honestly, I had no clue how much scrambled egg one egg could make because I didn't like them, so I just decided to make three and figured I could make more if needed.

"You've been busy," Adriel commented from behind me two hours later. I turned around, smiling. "How did you sleep?"

"Pretty well."

"I heard you had quite the night last night." His voice dropped an octave. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I hesitated, wondering if he actually cared or if it was more of a politeness thing, but finally decided that he wouldn't have asked if he wasn't interested and I probably didn't give him enough credit and sighed. "The way Liam and Paisley were acting- it reminded me of M-Malena and I." My voice trembled. "And then I remembered th-the way they'd-" Died, I wanted to continue, but my voice was stuck in my throat. "And then I passed out, I guess," I finished in a whisper.

Adriel sighed, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry," he muttered before leaning forward to press a light kiss to my forehead. When I wrapped my arms around him, he complied and pulled me into a tight embrace. We usually didn't show so much affection, but it felt good.

I let go when I heard Liam walking down the stairs, seeming to hit nearly every creak as though he didn't have the ability to simply jump to the bottom and land soundlessly. Adriel gave me a smile before moving to pick up three plates from the cupboard and place them on the table. I bent to get the pan of pancakes out of the oven as Liam appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

"Good morning," he smiled, though it seemed slightly strained. I worried that he was uncomfortable after a night on the floor and opened my mouth to say something, but Adriel beat me to it.

"Good morning," he said curtly, placing a plate of pancakes in front of him. "Eggs?"

"Thank you."

I looked back and forth, a bit confused at the way they were speaking to each other. It was as though they understood each other better, yet still... hated each other's guts? It was a mix I couldn't say I'd seen before, at least not to quite this degree.

I decided to ignore it and slid a single small pancake onto my plate before sitting down.

For a moment, no one said anything, and then Adriel cleared his throat and said, "Thanks be to the Moon Goddess." He seemed to nearly spit the words out as if they were bile in his throat. Liam cocked his head in curiosity but I understood, so I knocked our heels together under the table and repeated his words, Liam echoing mine.

It seemed I was right about pancakes not upsetting my stomach as much as some other foods, at least.

Liam cleared his throat a while later, when I was cleaning my plate at the sink, trying not to stare too long at the pancake bits and flush them away before I felt sick. "So what are you guys going to do today?"

"I actually have to go to the library," Adriel said. I tilted my head at him; we usually went to the library on Tuesdays after school together. At my confused look, he continued, "I finished my book last night and I'd like to get the next in the series."

"How was it?" I asked.

"Pretty good. I swear I caught at least three grammar mistakes, which is never a good sign. If a high school student who also happens to be a mythical creature can catch your mistakes before you or your editor can, that's always a red flag."

"Well, you know all the obscure rules," I wrinkled my nose at him.

"The adjective order isn't that hard to understand, Milo."

"Bold of you to assume I remember what an adjective is," Liam commented, and I was sure both Adirel and I had our mouths open, gaping at his statement. "What?"

"That is the biggest red flag I've ever seen," Adriel sighed, turning away. "We learned that in first grade. First. Fucking. Grade."

I reached over and slapped Adriel lightly across the chest. "Language," I commented quietly. Adriel should have known better than to swear in this house. I heard Liam stifling laughs behind us but I paid him no mind as I left my best friend with an annoyed gaze and left to go find my chicken. She was still sleeping on the couch.

While I was sitting there, my chicken in my lap and softly stroking her feathers, I heard Adriel muttering something to Liam that I assumed he thought I couldn't hear, or maybe he knew I could and that's why he was saying it. Adriel was confusing. "I swear to the Goddess, Liam Cole," he said sharply, in a tone I'd heard before but never directed toward me, "if you hurt him I will turn up at your house and tear your tendons out and use them to make a lyre."

A gulp. "Okay. I'm going to pretend I understood every word you just said."

"Great. Glad we're on the same page." Adriel poked his head into the living room, where Bubbles and I were sitting, and called, "I'm going to get going now, okay Milo? I can come back over after lunch."

"Okay, see you later," I nodded, smiling at him until he disappeared out the door.

Then I gulped, only just now realizing what him leaving implied. Was it his plan to leave me alone with Liam- my mate? Probably. Adriel rarely did anything without a plan.

A few minutes later, Liam finally entered the living room. I didn't look up, my heart beating faster than normal pace, but I could hear him as he sat down in the chair across from the couch I was on. The room was small, so I locked my legs in place, knowing that if I shifted even a bit, I would end up brushing him slightly, a thought that scared me more than it should.

"So how did you sleep?" he asked, though the question seemed forced.

"Good."

He nodded, looking deep in thought. "My mom was worried when you... you know."

"Sorry."

"Well, there's nothing to be sorry about. It wasn't your fault." A pause. "But, um, would you mind telling me what was... wrong? So I can avoid it in the future." His words came out all in a rush, as though he'd been mentally rehearsing it for the better part of an hour but when the time came for them to be spoken, they just didn't come out right.

I thought for a moment about what to say. "It was a collection of a lot of little things," I finally said honestly. He nodded, as if processing the information. "I didn't feel very good, either."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

I subconsciously flicked my eyes up to take a quick glance at him, only to find that he was also staring at me, a deep, contemplative expression on his face. When we locked eyes for a split second, we both looked away, a deep blush covering my cheeks.

"I've also been meaning to ask," he said, pretending the too-long glance had never happened, "my mom was worried- do you eat enough?"

I flinched, and he noticed.

"Fuck, I'm sorry- that was really poor phrasing."

"Language," I whispered, "and I know what you mean. I don't think I eat enough, either. I just feel sick when I eat too much."

"And too much is two bites?" A raised eyebrow as his words struck me across the face. I just shrugged, folding further into myself and tucking my legs up by my chest. "I'm sorry if that was rude. I'm not a health expert or anything, my mom was just worried and asked me to check."

I nodded, biting my cheek harshly. "I'm going to go get dressed," I said, not wanting to continue on this topic any further.

"Okay," Liam replied, looking regretful. I brushed past him with sharp tears stinging my eyes, and as I climbed the stairs, shutting the door at the bottom, I felt one slip down my cheek.

I had to be careful to hide as much noise as possible, since werewolf senses were amplified to some degree (I wouldn't know, I'd never been a human and there wasn't exactly science on the subject) and I was sure even a human could hear me if I started sobbing in my room directly above where Liam sat with Bubbles. It wasn't a sobbing type of cry, anyway, just kind of letting a few tears fall before sighing, standing up, and wiping my eyes. Then I got dressed.

The room was a mess, that much was for sure.

"Goddess's sake," I muttered as I started folding the blankets, putting them in a basket to remind myself to wash them later. Adriel must have taken his clothes when he left, because there were none on the floor or in my laundry basket, and a shirt and jeans were missing from the drawer. Once the floor was spotless, I made my bed before sitting on it, my legs crossed, and wondering what I could do.

Goddess, why am I like this?

-

Liam's POV:

I started getting worried when I heard shaky steps, uneven breaths, and the sound of Milo collapsing on his bed.

Well, that was a lie. I started getting worried when I just had to open my big mouth and spew some nonsense that I knew I regretted the moment the last syllable was uttered and I realized what I'd said.

Is he... crying? I wondered, mystified, silently cursing myself for being so... I wasn't sure what the right word was. Unsympathetic? Unapologetic? A Goddess-awful mate? All could work, none were exactly what I was looking for.

Only a minute or so of absolute silence later, I heard the bed groan as he stood, then steps around as he changed and presumably cleaned up the mess Adriel and I had left behind when he came down and I sort of spied on them from the top of the stairs. The door wasn't closed and I stayed out of the way, but... I did get jealous by the comfortableness they felt with each other. And I was sure Adriel had done it on purpose.

I started getting worried again when the noise just stopped.

I sighed, looking at Bubbles, sitting quietly on the sofa in the small living room (so compact I could probably reach one end to the other if I laid down on the floor), and decided I probably needed to apologize.

Knock, knock, knock. Milo inhaled sharply as I knocked quietly on the door separating the stairs upstairs from the kitchen. I winced slightly at the sound.

"Um, come up?" His voice trembled slightly; unsure. I sighed to myself and opened the door. When I reached the top of the awfully creaky staircase, I saw him sitting on his bed, his legs crossed and his head bent. I wondered how to approach this situation and decided the best course of action was probably to sit on the floor, sort of beneath him, in a pitying sort of way. It didn't work as intended because he just immediately sat down next to me on the floor. At my questioning glance, he just said, "I don't like to be higher up when we're having a conversation. Adriel used to always sit down when we were talking because he thought I'd feel more empowered."

"Hmm," I hummed before sighing. "I'm really sorry I pressed the topic of conversation too much. I didn't know it would upset you and I realize now that I'd hate to be pushed on like that, so it was very unfair of me to do it to you. I apologize."

I held my breath for a moment, waiting for any indication he'd accepted or declined my words. When he finally nodded, looking up through a thick fringe falling into his eyes with a shy smile, I felt my heart melt slightly.

"It's okay," he said slowly. "I'm just... extremely fragile right now. Panic attacks make me feel so... drained."

"Is that what last night was?" I asked quietly, aware of the serenity of the room with the sunlight filtering in through the window and birds softly chirping in the distance. Almost subconsciously, I reached for his hand, wondering if the way we'd acted walking to my house last night was a one-time thing. But he gave it to me, relaxing it entirely into my own as he stared at the ground.

"I don't know," he whispered. "It felt like it. But I was also unconscious."

I nodded.

"Do those happen... often?"

"Sometimes. If I have to give a class presentation or I'm around a lot of people that I don't know and I'm the center of attention... It's common then. It's nice during the summer, though, because I really only talk to two people. Daniel and Adriel."

"Your family," I said slowly.

"In a way. Adriel and I are legally brothers, but I don't really think of him that way."

"In what way do you think of him?" I tried to keep my suspicions that he and Adriel were in love out of my tone.

He narrowed his eyes, seeming to see right through my act. "Please don't tell me you think-"

"I would never," I swore, only partially lying.

He laughed. "No, I'm not in love with my best friend. He's... a lot of things to me, but not that. Never that."

I found myself laughing along.

"It would be like if I thought you and Sage were dating," he said, smiling up at me, worries forgotten for a moment.

I sputtered to get the bad taste out of my mouth. "We're cousins!"

"And Adriel and I are brothers, legally!"

"You don't share DNA!"

"Maybe not," his laughter died down, "but it's the same principle, really."

"I can't believe it," I muttered darkly, looking away. "My own mate thinks that my cousin and I seem like a couple."

He started laughing again, but quieter, his shoulders trembling with the force as he pressed a hand to his mouth. "You started it."

"It was an honest question!"

"A stupid honest question."

"I was curious!"

"Don't be, then."

I sighed, exhaling the last of my laughter, and stood, offering a hand to the brunette, who took it and stood next to me.

"What do you want to do?" I asked him.

He thought about it. "Not a lot."

"Any examples of things you would want to do?"

"I've got stuff to make baskets downstairs if... you'd want to do that."

I smiled at him. "I've got no clue how, but it sounds interesting."

The beaming smile he gave me in response nearly broke my heart into two, as though this was the first time in a long time he'd been able to share a passion he had with someone else without judgement and with genuine interest in what he had to say.

It wasn't as though I thought Adriel and Daniel weren't supporting him.

It was that I thought he wasn't opening up to them.

--

They give me so much serotonin, I swear.

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-bloom :)