Chapter 18

Milo's POV:

Adriel's silver car was parked right outside the entrance to the woods when I finished walking the trail that Monday morning.

Just like it always was.

"Good morning," my best friend greeted me, not even trying to hide the mate mark on his neck. I blushed and looked determinedly away from him, planning to ignore it and pretend that my best friend didn't have his soul entwined with Sage Thompson's.

The same Sage Thompson that was sitting in the back of the car, doing something on his phone. When I looked back, I could see his own mark just peeking out from the collar of his shirt and decided that I just needed to stare out the window. Juliana was also in the back seat, I noticed, but she looked like she had a headache so I ignored her too.

"Good morning," I replied, leaning my head against the cool glass of the window and fluttering my eyes closed. I didn't question where Liam was because his mom had said that he had to drive Paisley to school, and then offered for him to drive Sage's siblings as well, so really he got the short end of the stick in this situation.

Still, it felt slightly weird to be in the car with all of them, considering Adriel and Sage had been gone for the past week on vacation, doing... mating things. So Daniel had driven me to school instead. Liam offered but I would have rather have gouged my own eyes out than be in a small, enclosed space with Paisley and Caleb (both of whom I'd met and seemed okay) as well as Sage's younger sisters (who I was honestly pretty scared of).

We arrived at school ten minutes later and all walked together into History, minus Juliana who had gone to the nurse to get medicine for her headache. The room was empty when we walked inside, so our little group made its way back to our desks before Sage started rambling about one thing or another. I wasn't really listening; I was watching as more students flooded in, most with tired, disgruntled expressions. But just a second before the bell rang, when Julie finally entered, I turned to Sage with a confused expression.

"Where's Liam?" I asked. Sage hesitated for a moment, pursing his lips, before pointing to his head in a gesture that I assumed meant 'tell you over the mind link'. I nodded.

He's probably about done with the vampire hunting by now, Sage's voice said over the link, checking his watch with a frown as Mrs. Barnes entered the room and began to lecture about the importance of getting homework done. I frowned.

What?

Yeah, I mean, they left at like five so I wouldn't be surprised if he shows up in fifteen minutes with some excuse about feeling sick. But knowing Liam, he's just gonna bunk off for the rest of the day and force me to give him my notes, the little fucker.

I froze, prompting Adriel to shake my shoulder a little with a confused expression. I knew he could hear the words Sage was saying just as well as I could, so I didn't bother to explain the fear that was seizing my gut.

They're going... vampire hunting?

Yep, Sage obliviously replied, popping the 'p' over our link. I think they found something about the coven that, um, killed your family a while ago.

I couldn't move.

My dark eyes were wide with horror as Mrs. Barnes passed out some papers I didn't read, said something I didn't hear. Adriel was the only one in the room who could even come close to guessing the sheer amount of fear that had gripped me in its claws, and his leg was already entangled with my own under the table in a comforting way.

Breathe, his voice said though our link, low and soothing. Take a breath.

I copied his movements, burying my head in my hands.

Sage turned around in his seat and balked at the sight. "You didn't know?!" he almost shouted but managed to quiet himself down just in time. It didn't stop Mrs. Barnes' scorching glare to pass over him.

"Quiet, Mr. Thompson," she said strictly.

Sage nodded his acknowledgment, pretending to focus on the assignment. You didn't know?! he shouted in my head. I shook my head mindlessly. Fuck- I didn't know he was keeping it from you- goddessdamnit.

Breathe, Milo, Adriel interrupted his mate in my mind and I nodded, focusing on my breaths.

If it makes you feel any better, literally half of the warriors went along with him and they'd all rather die than let him get injured, Sage said weakly. And my mom's there, and Liam's dad- he's in good hands.

I nodded.

Liam could handle himself and he had a group of warriors with him.

Liam was just trying to help his pack- our pack.

Liam wouldn't turn out like... they did.

I could hear Adriel and Sage discussing something in the back of my mind, something along the lines of 'why would he not tell him?', with Julie chiming in occasionally, but I didn't really listen. Instead, I raised my hand into the air, ignoring the way all of my classmates' glances drifted towards me.

"Yes, Milo?" Mrs. Barnes sounded annoyed that I had interrupted her in the middle of her lecture.

"May I please go to the nurse's office? I feel sick," I said truthfully, biting my lip when she nodded her consent and leaving the classroom quickly and quietly, trying to be as unseen as possible even when both Adriel and Sage looked at me sadly.

I'm sorry. I didn't know that you didn't know, Sage said in my head regretfully.

I cut off my link with him.

After a few minutes of wandering the hallways, wondering where I could go since I obviously wasn't going to go to the nurse's office, I came upon the always deserted side of the building, where the band and choir rooms were. I had never been in either, but every student in my grade knew the broken door nearby that wouldn't lock when closed as the perfect place for school smokers. Because of this, Adriel had always kept me away.

Now, though, I pushed open the door before I could regret my decisions and sat down on the grass right outside, my back against the school building as I tried in futile to push my thoughts and emotions away.

He'll be okay, I pleaded to myself.

But what if he's not?

My head slumped subconsciously into my hands as I tried to keep myself calm. Breathe in, breathe out, don't think about what could be happening to him. Don't think about the death, don't think about the destruction, don't think about the horrors that would surely follow the altogether stupid idea to attack the vampires.

I hated vampires.

My anger at Liam not telling me he was going to do one of the most dangerous things there was to do was nothing compared to my fear he wouldn't return and my guilt that he was only doing it for my sake.

My stupid, awful thoughts, were like fuel to the fire that was building inside my mind, and before I knew it, I could barely breathe and silent tears were slipping down my face.

This is my fault, isn't it?

The sounds of someone approaching me were what ultimately caused me to look up. A familiar woman with light brown hair in a braid, and as she drew closer, Liam's green eyes filled with sadness. "Milo," Liam's mother sighed as she sat down next to me on the grass, causing me to immediately shift away.

I didn't say anything; my voice was too weak and if I tried, I knew the only thing that would come out would be sobs.

She held my hands as I tried to look her in the eye. "Liam is fine," she whispered to me, "he's not even scratched. There were no casualties and they're returning now."

"'S not what I'm sad about," I mumbled, tugging my hands away from hers.

Her soft eyes followed me. "I know."

I let my eyes return to my pants, wrapping my arms around myself as I tried to keep calm.

"Sage linked me as soon as he realized you didn't know," she whispered. "I know how it feels... to be left behind, scared for your mate's life, not even knowing they left in the first place. My mate did it to me, too, just a few days after his birthday. The big alphas love keeping us safe and in the dark, don't they?" she laughed lightly.

"What did you do?" I mumbled the question.

"Ignored him, and then when he tried to approach me, I threw a boot at his head." She shook her head, sighing. "It only took two days of him trying to convince me he wouldn't do it again before I was right by his side, same as before."

I nodded, rubbing the heels of my hands into my eyes.

"I don't care how long you decide to keep your distance from him," she said gently, rubbing my back in the way my mother once did, soft circles. "He needs to learn that you are the most important person in his life, and not telling you exactly what he's doing will only lead to pain in the end."

"Okay," I muttered, offering her a shaky smile before pushing myself to my feet, sure I'd already reached the limit on how long a visit to the nurse could go. As I stood, extending a hand to help Liam's mom up, I caught sight of him in the distance, walking towards me with his hands palm-up like a peace offering.

We locked eyes for what felt like an hour but was probably only a few seconds before I wrenched my gaze away and reentered the school, already having resolved to ignoring him, for now at least.

-

"I'm going to ignore him," I told Adriel at lunch.

"For how long?" my friend replied, his gray eyes soft as he wrapped a comforting arm around Sage and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Sage looked stricken. His hands were trembling in his lap and he hadn't even touched his lunch, even though he would usually be half-finished with it by now. Even his green eyes looked downcast where they would usually be bright and cheery.

He didn't know who to apologize to, whether he should be saying sorry to Liam for telling me, or me, for... telling me. Like his loyalties were divided.

"I don't know," I replied truthfully. "Until I feel better about it, I guess."

Surprisingly, Sage was the next to speak. "I'm so sorry," he choked out, reaching up to rub at his eyes. My heart constricted painfully at my friend's obvious pain; even Adriel, who hated public displays of affection, tugged his mate closer to his side and wrapped their hands together under the table.

"It's not your fault," I reminded him with a sigh, reluctantly taking a bite of the pasta salad I had packed for the day.

"Liam probably had some- some great reasoning, or something, that he was planning to tell you afterwards, or maybe like woo you with a decapitated vampire head-" he released a small chuckle at that- "but then I had to go and ruin it all and just assume that you knew everything."

"Do you honestly think I would have been more upset if you had lied to me?" I asked with a tilt of my head, spooning another quick bite into my mouth. "You telling me the truth proves how great of a friend you are, Sage."

In all honesty, I wasn't sure it proved anything but his inability to read the room, but I wasn't going to say that.

"Thanks," Sage chuckled, wiping his eyes again before finally looking up, some of his usual cheer returning to his features. "It means a lot, coming from the future luna."

Right.

Still, I forced a smile as Julie, sitting near the end of the table, steered the conversation in the opposite direction by questioning if a hotdog was a sandwich. I didn't participate, seeing as I was a vegetarian, and even if I wanted to try a vegetarian hotdog, I wouldn't because I had nightmares about those sorts of things.

Factories pumping out weird tubular sausages made of pink gunk? Gross.

Instead, I pondered the title Sage had called me. Luna.

Goddess, I wasn't ready to be the luna.

Lunas were supposed to be kind, motherly figures, but strong as the second head of the pack. They helped others get through their tough times, they didn't keep the attention on themselves. They gave and gave and gave so much of themselves away, but they always seemed to keep on giving.

That wasn't me.

I couldn't pick out a single time in my life when I'd felt entirely confident in myself, even wrapped in Liam's arms where I was still wondering what I was doing wrong, where I could improve myself for him. It didn't help that he called me perfect, because I knew I wasn't perfect.

I was broken inside and he just didn't see it.

Maybe that was why him leaving without telling me hurt so much.

If he died, I knew that I would break further until I was unfixable.

It would break me until I died, too.

And it hurt that he didn't acknowledge that side of me.

I know that he likes me enough to keep me around, but what will happen when I'm shown I can't keep up with the pressure of being the alpha's mate?

Goddess, I'm really not ready to be a luna.

-

Liam's POV:

"Goddess, I fucked up," I muttered to myself as I paced around the living room.

I'd never really understood it when my father paced, not understanding how it could help him think, but it was kind of like a calming thing.

Speaking of my father, he just replied, "Yep."

"Darling, you just need to accept that you fucked up and tell him you're sorry," Mom told me soothingly from where she was sitting next to Dad on the leather couch.

"And that will work," I deadpanned.

She winced. "Well, it'll be a start."

"Your mother's right, Liam," Dad interjected. "Look, at least he hasn't thrown a boot at you yet. That shit hurts."

Mom smacked his arm lightly. "Be quiet or I'll do it again."

Dad shuddered.

"Just trust your heart, Liam," Mom sighed to me. "Every couple fights because of stupid things they do, and a lot of times, they work out with a little elbow grease."

So reassuring.

"But right now, he's at school and you can't very well go in professing your love, so come help me with lunch and then you need to go do your homework, young man." She fixed me with her 'mom look', which was just a modified version of her 'luna look'. Well, more accurately, her 'luna look' was a modified version of her 'mom look', since she had given birth to me before taking the title- whatever. It didn't matter.

You doing okay? I called to Sage through our link as I helped Mom mix the batter for the pancakes she was making, remembering how beat up he had sounded earlier when he linked me to let me know his slip up.

I'm doing great, he sighed back. Adriel's basically hugging me and Milo said he wasn't mad at me and Julie is talking about hotdogs. Lunch is great without you here.

Excuse me, I frowned jokingly through our link. Is he mad at me?

Very, Sage agreed. You're in for a tough time, my friend.

Fuck.

Fuck indeed.

You're so helpful.

Glad to be of service. I'm going to go now, because I have to go to government class now and Goddess knows I need all the help I can get to pass that class.

Good luck, I sighed sullenly, cutting off our link as I flipped pancakes on our griddle. Mom was watching me from the other side of the room, a deep frown that she probably didn't even realize she was making on her expression.

If my own mother thought I would have a difficult time winning back my mate's trust, I shouldn't underestimate it.

Goddess help me.

--

well shit.

i guess this happened. lol

anyway, im outta here, see ya next week, stay hydrated

-bloom