3. Outrunning the past

I hadn't texted or called any of my friends, besides Sian, since I returned home and I was starting to wonder if that was a mistake. Any awkward encounters could have easily been avoided if I had left her to it.

But I was a master at putting things on the back burner, and no amount of shame would break through this stubbornness that kept me from texting them any faster.

After helping my mother all morning with menial tasks, my body longed for a run.

I stripped out of my day clothes, throwing them on the chair in the corner of my room, and pulled on a pair of navy cropped leggings and a pale blue sports bra.

Taking the stairs two at a time, I headed to the front door, only stopping to put my trainers on and tie my long, thick hair into a high ponytail.

The heat from the sun was sweltering, and I regretted my choice of a lay-in over early morning exercise.

It was a myth that England was dreary all year round. A hot spell in summer could get quite suffocating, especially when you're not used to it. And despite having lived in the South of France, I still wasn't a fan of the weather.

Give me autumn days and thick knit jumpers any time. There was something so beautiful about crisp mornings and gusts of wind swirling yellow, orange and red hues across the countryside from the fallen leaves.

Being three pm on a Thursday, I wasn't expecting to bump into anyone with most people at work or still at school. Those off for the summer from Uni were far and few between and no doubt in one of the livelier, neighbouring towns.

Finding my favourite indie rock playlist on my phone, I popped my earphones in and set off for a quick five miles before everyone started heading home for the day.

***

A mile away from being back at my house, a black Ford Fiesta drove past, came to a halt, then reversed until it was beside me.

I knew who it was before I even glanced up. I stopped dead in my tracks and pulled my earphones out.

My heart felt close to jumping out of my chest and I couldn't catch my breath. It wasn't the time to appear flustered. I needed to seem unfazed. After all, I planned on confronting him at some stage so fate was helping me out.

Sure enough, as I peeked at the person trying to get my attention, I saw him sitting there looking ever so certain of himself.

"Hello, Max!" I said, sounding calm while feeling anything but.

The first person I had to bump into was the one and only ladies' man, Max Reed. What were the chances!

My heart beat faster as I took in my favourite features. I had fantasised about that moment for nearly a year, but I definitely wasn't a hot mess in my dreams.

His dirty blond hair was still as unruly. Picturing myself running my hands through it, I ached to get closer. I could only catch a glimpse of his torso while he was in his car, but it was not hard to tell that he stayed in shape and had a lovely tan from working outside.

"Well hello, little Nat-Nat! I see the year travelling has treated you well. Looking very fit." His eyes raked all over my body, lingering on my chest for longer than necessary before he gave me one of his knee-weakening smiles.

Yep! I was doomed. The redness in my cheeks from running deepened as heat spread up my neck.

He flicked a stray blond curl out off his forehead. "Is this a quick visit or have you decided to stay? I missed you." He gave me a small pout before winking at me.

I couldn't help but laugh. "You didn't miss me, Max. I'm sure you had plenty of distractions." Deep down, I wished for his words to be sincere.

"No, it's true. It's not been the same. What are you up to right now? I'm heading to the lake to meet some of the guys. Maybe have a small barbecue." He patted the passenger seat of his car. "Come with me. We can catch up."

There was that smile that sent my pulse into overdrive.

I probably looked a mess. I definitely didn't feel attractive at that second so couldn't see myself just tagging along.

I pointed to my soaked top and glistening, and luckily very toned stomach. "I can't go like this! I'm dripping."

"I'll wait for you to freshen up. I'm early anyway. I took a half-day to see my old man, but he left."

I should resist and not fall back into familiar patterns, but how could I say no when he was my weakness. He just wanted to catch up but the fact he was willing to wait for me, take me to meet his friends and not pretend we bumped into each other like he used to, I couldn't help but get my hopes up.

"Okay, I'll head home. See you at mine in thirty?"

"Don't be silly, jump in! I'll wait at yours. If your parents don't want me in your house, I'll just sit in my car."

I walked over to the passenger side of his car, discretely trying to make sure I didn't smell.

Once inside, he sped the short distance to my home.

As my luck would have it, my mum was in the front garden, trimming her beloved roses. She was never Max's number one fan, so this should be fun, knowing how blunt she could be.

I glanced over at Max who was taking off his seatbelt. "Do you want to come in?"

"Love to."

As soon as we near her, she stopped pruning. "Max, dear, it's been a while. How is Joseph coping in that house, by himself, now you have moved out?"

Well, this was news to me. Last time I was here, Max was still living at home, taking care of his father since the sudden split from his mother. Max's mother had decided she needed to rediscover herself, after twenty years of marriage and just left her husband and sons with no notice. As far as they were concerned everything was rosy. Mrs Reed obviously didn't feel the same. Her departure had crushed him.

"He's doing really well. He has met someone, so I thought it was time I grew up and started taking care of myself. I'm renting a small studio flat, nearby. I still check in from time to time, but he says I'm cramping his style."

My mum burst out laughing. Since when did she get on with Max or laugh, for that matter.

"Send him our regards next time you see him and we must have him and his new friend round for drinks soon."

"I'll let him know. I'm sure he'd love that." Max flashed my mother a broad smile, and she giggled, touching his arm.

"Ahem," I interrupted whatever moment they seem to be caught in. I didn't want my mum to have guns cocked, ready to fire at Max, but I also wasn't expecting her to be fawning all over him. It felt so out of character.

"Oh yes, Max, would you like a cup of tea?" She stepped inside the house and we followed her in. "I'm sure Natasha needs a shower. I can smell you from here, darling. Have you injured yourself running? Why has Max driven you home?"

I rolled my eyes and went to answer, but Max got to her first. "Love a cup of tea if that's no trouble, Mrs Wilson. I'm actually here to take Natasha out for the evening- if you don't mind." He grabbed my hand and squeezed lightly for moral support.

"Of course not, dear. Take her off our hands for a little while. You would be doing us a favour," she chortled and winked at me.

Okay, something was up with my mother. Yes, she had used a few snide comments in my favour, like my sweaty pits. But she was laughing and not huffy. Where was my dad? I bet he wasn't home yet.

I left them both in the kitchen, laughing away and exchanging pleasantries while I jumped in the shower. After I was washed and no longer smelt like stale sweat, I changed into some new underwear, a pair of cutoff, stonewashed denim shorts, a simple white tee that I tucked in the front and a short blue floral cardigan. My hair was soaking, so I blasted it with the hairdryer and because I was rushing, just pulled it into a high messy bun. I used a tinted moisturiser to speed up my make-up, applied a dusting of bronzer in the right places and finished it with a few coats of mascara to my eyelashes and a subtle pink matt lipstick to my lips.

I gave myself a quick once over in the mirror not wanting to leave those two for longer than necessary. My sandals were downstairs, so I grabbed a small messenger bag, threw my bank card, some change and my phone into it and headed back into the kitchen.

A mixture of nerves and excitement raced through me before I pushed the door open. Maybe things would be different this time. As I entered the room, they both stopped their conversation and stared my way.

"Natasha, don't you look lovely. Max, hasn't she really blossomed this past year?" Mum smiled at me.

"She certainly has!" But Max wasn't staring at my face. I was glad my mum kept her eyes on me or I would have turned bright red. Max Reed was not subtle. He got up from the chair he was sitting on at the kitchen table and came to stand next to me. "Thank you for the tea, Mrs Wilson. We better be off. I won't keep Nat out for too long."

"It was lovely seeing you again. Take your time and have fun."

I leant into Max and asked him to wait for me in the car so I could quickly speak to my mother, who was already washing up the used cups and teapot.

"What was that all about? Since when have you been nice to Max, and what's up with the giggling? What have you done with my mother?" I lifted up her arm and pretended to inspect her to emphasise my comment.

My mum swatted me away. "Natasha, stop being so insolent. I've never had a problem with Max. Well, okay, you might be right. But I feel sorry for the poor boy. It can't be easy since his mother left them. She was always so classless. I'm not really surprised she couldn't stick it out. Being a wife and a mother is not an easy task, but a very important one."

There it was. I knew my real mother wasn't far. Her life was so focused on those two roles that she had never actually had time for herself. Whenever I had tried to ask her if she regretted giving up her career to look after us and my dad, she would get snappy and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the day. It wasn't an argument I wanted to start.

"Well, Max is waiting so I'll head out. I'm not sure when I'll be back. There's food there so no need to save me any dinner. See you later." After I slipped my tan sandals on, I headed straight out of the house and joined Max so we could finally catch up on our year apart.

***

The twenty minutes it took to drive to the lake were almost painful. I sat in the front of Max's car, wringing my hands in my lap, my eyes focussed on the passing countryside. We kept the conversation light, neither one of us in a hurry to address the events leading up to our break-up. I was lying to myself if I denied my attraction to him. But I was also stupid to think he had changed in that short amount of time. Sian would call me a glutton for punishment; never knowing when to walk away for good. Just like with my parents, I always came back for more.

Despite the main parking area being deserted, Max steered us into the overflow car park that was basically a field where his friends had all gathered. They were still unloading their cars when he drove into a spot and killed the engine.

Without a word, Max headed straight for his friends, leaving me alone. I wasn't expecting him to open my car door, but he could have at least waited for me to walk over with him. My throat tightened as I watched him laugh with them.

All of Max's close friends were there, and a few people I hadn't met before. Jake, Aidan and Matt carried crates of beer and bags of food over to the barbecue area that was out of eyeshot. Girls I knew from school came tumbling out of a white BMW.

I let a steady breath out and pulled myself together. Nothing I hadn't done before. Max was mid-conversation with Andrew Jones, my sister's boyfriend's brother, when I made my way over.

"Hey, Andy!" I gave him a small wave.

Andy's eyes widened, and he pushed Max out of his way, wrapping his arms around me. He was squeezing me so tight, I could barely breathe.

"Finally, the funnier sister's back! We missed ya."

"Andy-, you're crushing me," I giggled, easing my slight annoyance over Max's actions.

"Sorry Nat, couldn't resist. How are you doing? Please tell me you're not leaving us again?"

"I'm actually doing great and I have no idea how long I'm staying for. I just want to enjoy my summer and then we'll see."

It was true. I hadn't decided if I was staying here, heading back to France or jetting off to some other place. I wanted to take each day as they came and not get so caught up in planning my entire future.

"Great! Well come and enjoy it with us," Andy said with an enormous grin on his face.

Max, quiet during our exchange, looked bored. He grabbed my arm and started pulling me away from Andy.

"We're going for a walk around the lake. See ya later."

My eyes widened, looking back at Andy who shrugged before walking off. Max marched us past the group, towards the water, missing the barbecue area completely. I barely managed a quick hello to those that noticed us. I bet they thought we were so rude.

"Why are we in such a hurry? I'm sure it wouldn't have hurt to spend some time with everyone first," I questioned while stumbling behind him.

Max wasn't looking at me and continued on his mission to the lake. Some things really didn't change. Just as I was starting to think we would spend time together with his friends, he pulled me away from them all so it was once again only the two of us. I was in no way insecure, but Max always had me doubting myself. Was I really not worth more than being his secret? I doubt any of them knew we were once together.

"We'll talk to them all later, promise. Come on, it will get dark soon. I want to show you something while it's still light," he explained.

I guess he had a point, and maybe I was being a little sensitive because of his past habits.

"Okay," I sighed.

It really was beautiful out here. The sun, lower in the sky, cast a warm orange glow above and through the trees, surrounding the vast body of water.

Everything seemed so calm and at peace. Further away from the gang, their shouts sounded like mere whispers in the distance.

Max slowed down, letting me catch up with him, and took my hand in his while we walked side by side along the bank.

Max dropped my hand to rub his neck, his eyes cast to the path. "Do you regret leaving?"

I tripped forward, not expecting his words. "Yes, and no." I shrugged. "Maybe I should have given it more thought and not been so hasty, but I enjoyed my year away."

And I had. It was my own personal challenge, to try something new and discover new places. I had always lived in Hawkley. My family had always lived here, and I got to a point where I felt I had outgrown it. Occasionally, change was great even when scary. However, moving to an area where I was constantly reminded that roots and family values were to be celebrated just made me miss my home and the familiarity of our little bubble. Even if that bubble wasn't always a happy one.

"I wouldn't have the guts to up sticks and start over. But I'm not sure I would miss it here either. I just don't have that urge to be unknown," he paused for a second. "Why did you leave? You never mentioned you wanted to move away. One day you were living down the road. Next thing, I hear you just left without saying goodbye."

Were we really going there?

"You know why," I mumbled. I took a deep breath to steady my nerves. "You must have known why. It was pretty obvious, Max. You had a small hand to play in my sudden departure. I didn't really feel like watching you play tonsil tennis with Joana when we had barely broken up- or should I say, when we had stopped whatever we were doing," I continued with much more confidence than my first statement.

"That's what I figured. I didn't realise you thought we were that serious. I know I should have behaved differently and not been so blunt when you confronted me. I regret that part if you believe me," Max explained.

I knew deep down he didn't think we were a couple, but hearing him confirm it was like a knife to the heart.

"Joana and I aren't together anymore," he added

"I heard," I choked out. I blinked fast, hoping Max couldn't spot my pain.

We continued our stifled conversation with him asking me questions about my time in France, and I did the same about his past year. He didn't really give much away and definitely never mentioned his relationship with Joana, again.

Halfway around the lake, Max stopped in front of a carved wooden bench and sat, motioning for me to join him.

"I love it out here when most people have gone home, and the sun is low. It is so serene," I sighed.

Max shuffled closer, placing his left arm over my shoulder. He casually traced his thumb up and down my collarbone. His right hand hovered over the hand I had resting on my leg.

A small family of butterflies took refuge in my stomach as I anticipated his next move.

"Do you remember when we used to come here?" He whispered in my ear, moving himself even closer.

I froze. That wasn't with me. Although I had been here plenty of times, Max and I had never been here together. I would have remembered.

My body no longer tingled. A new sensation slowly took over as his words registered. I spied his hand coming up to grab my chin; I presumed so he could tilt my face towards him.

His words killed any mood he was trying to create with his overeager hands.

I shuffled out of his embrace. "That wasn't with me, Max."

Max leant back, keeping his left arm over the back of the bench.

"I could have sworn it was you," he muttered.

He let out a small laugh. "Oh well, I can't win them all!" With a stupid smirk on his face, he patted my thigh with his free hand and stared back out to the lake.

"Definitely not me. I have a great memory." I drew in a long breath, clenching my fists in my lap. Why did I keep doing this to myself?

We sat there in silence, waiting for the other one to pull us out of this uncomfortable situation.

Just as I was about to ask if we should head back, my phone beeped. I didn't hesitate to pull it out of my bag, so I had something to do.

I swiped the lock screen and read the message.

[Hey Nattie! Forget to tell your favourite person you're home? Blabbermouth Daniels had to tell me. Even worse, Andy text me and said you're at the lake??? Where was my invite? Alec xx]

Oh crap! I forgot to text Alec this morning! I knew Sian would tell him. She tells him everything.

[You know I just missed you! Not angry! Call or text me back ASAP. Alec xx]

Smiling down at my phone, I tried to ignore Max staring at me.

I quickly sent Alec a reply telling him I was sorry and would make it up to him. I locked my screen and turned to Max.

"Should we head back to the others? I'm getting a little hungry?" Food was the furthest thing from my mind, but anything was better than being sat there.

Instead of continuing the second half of the walk around the lake, we retraced our steps back to the barbecue area and picnic benches.

The party was in full swing; music played and Andy handed out burgers to anyone walking past the BBQ. Everyone seemed to be having a great time. Everyone except me.

Max and I split up as soon as we reached the group. I grabbed a beer from a cooler and strolled over to the table.

The ones I knew, all asked me about my year away and those I didn't, still listened in and showed interest. Andy hugged me every chance he got and made me feel as if I had never left. Even Alec kept me company, in his own way, by sending me amusing texts with the occasional GIFs that I couldn't help laugh out loud at.

The only person who showed little interest after our return was Max. He wasn't put out by his slight slip up; he was simply his usual self with me while in a group. I watched his constant flirting with other girls, never the one to be discreet about his appreciation for the female form.

Eventually, I saw him disappear with a gorgeous brunette I came to learn was new to the area, called Jade.

Andy offered to take me home as soon as I realised Max was never coming back for me.

***

Ah, Max.

I almost died when he said he remembered when they used to go to the lake together.

Someone might have said something similar to me.

But this is all fiction, of course.