9. Swings and roundabouts

Nina Nesbitt blared through the speakers of my phone. I swayed my hips side to side while folding my clean clothes out of my washing pile. Maybe my t-shirts would make it into my drawers and not my chair.

The events of Monday replayed in my mind. I had avoided Alec for the last three days. Not to the point of screening his calls or texts, but I kept myself busy at home declining any meet ups.

Sian called a few times to make sure I was okay and to stress how bad it would be if I let my impulses control me and went after Alec. She was like a broken record and was messing with my head. I needed a break from her as well.

There she was sticking her nose in my relationships, yet she could avoid talking about hers. That's not how it worked.

I ran twice a day to release all my frustrations and filled the rest of my time by helping my mother, which appeased my father. The best part of it not being the weekend, my dad was at work and I only needed to spend time around him at dinner, which was a quiet affair since his outburst.

I debated whether I should call Max and ask him why he had told Joana we were just friends. I went to dial his number a few times before bottling it.

The music, playing on my phone, stopped and my generic ringtone sounded.

My heart sped up. Max's name appeared on my screen. What did he want?

I swiped the answer button and put the phone to my ear.

"Hello," I spoke, my throat tight.

Max's gravelly voice resonated over the receiver. "Hey, Nat-Nat. I was wondering if you wanted to pop over to my dad's house? I'm picking up some of my stuff. We could catch a movie if you're not busy. He's out."

Sitting down on my bed, I placed the folded t-shirt, still clutched in my hand, on my lap.

An internal battle took place in my head. I wanted to confront Max about my conversation with Joana and his behaviour at the lake, but I didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

Max was an old habit I struggled with, but he could also take my mind off Alec. Sian would probably tell me I was stupid for what I was about to do. Who was she to judge me?

"Okay," I breathed out.

I let him know I would be at his dad's shortly as he only lived around the corner. I could hardly turn up in the ratty old shorts and vest I had worn to help my mum clean the house.

Changing into my favourite pair of stonewashed skinny jeans and a black sleeveless top, I applied some light makeup and passed a brush through my hair before wrapping the loose strands up into a messy bun.

My mum was still in the kitchen so I told her I was going out while avoiding my father who sat in his beloved armchair in the lounge.

***

Mr Reed lived in a charming brick cottage close to the village high street. When Mrs Reed left, the house lost some of its appeal, mirroring how the boys felt from her absence. The paint on the door and window frames was chipped, the front garden overgrown and neglected.

Before me stood a completely different house. The cottage seemed to have received a new lease of life. Giant terracotta pots filled with English lavender adorned the pathway to the door which was recently painted.

I walked up the short driveway to the sage green front door, admiring all the changes, and knocked.

Max answered after two taps as if hovering around the entrance.

He stood there with a lazy smile, his brown eyes doing a quick sweep of my body, sending my pulse racing. He ran his hand through his unkempt, dirty blond hair and motioned me to come in.

Crap! Maybe it wasn't such a good idea.

Taking my trainers off in the bright hallway, I followed him towards the living room. A musky-earthy aroma could be smelt throughout the downstairs, causing my nose to crinkle up in distaste.

"What's that smell?"

"Awful isn't it? Dad's girlfriend is into all her incense sticks. No idea what it is, but she lit it just before they left."

"Didn't you think to put it out?"

"No."

Shaking my head, I searched the place for the offensive stick. It couldn't be too far given how strong it smelt. There was a mixture of a strong sweet smell and a wet soil odour in the air.

"Aha, found it," I whispered with triumph.

The pungent stench was worse up close and would only be stopped by placing the incense stick under the water tap. It would be dry by the time his dad returned home. I examined the box the stick must have come from; patchouli scented. If I hid the remaining sticks, I would be doing them all a favour.

"What do you want to watch? Dad has some DVD's down by the TV or we could see what's on Netflix?"

Scanning over the options his father had, I couldn't see anything that piqued my interest. Max sat down on the big three seater sofa and flicked through the film options on Netflix.

"You're not picking a horror film. There's no way I will stay if you put that on," I whined, covering my eyes, the pictures on the screen enough to put me off.

"Such a wuss!" Max's deep laugh resonated throughout the quiet room.

"Please, anything but that."

He searched the menu for more options.

"The Revenant? Gladiator? That Planet of the Apes one?"

I shook my head at every option having seen each one already and not really wanting to watch them now.

"Oh, we could watch Baywatch? Zac Efron with man muscles, yes please!" I offered enthusiastically.

"Ew, no thanks."

We finally settled on Bad Neighbours. I got my fill of Zac Efron and Max wouldn't have to see him too oiled up.

Max disappeared into the kitchen while I relaxed into the same sofa he previously occupied. Moments later, he returned with a big bowl of popcorn and placed it on the coffee table. Then, he sat right next to me, close enough our arms and thighs were brushed up against each other.

We were ten minutes into the film before I broke the silence.

"Can we talk?" I asked, my voice small. The temperature in the room dropped and I rubbed my arms.

"Eh, what's that?" Max focused on the TV, munching on popcorn.

"Max, I need to ask you something."

He sighed, paused Bad Neighbours and turned to look at me. We were so close. I felt my mind swimming with too many thoughts, then go blank the second after. Nothing to lose.

"Me and you? What were we?"

"Really? Are we doing this again? I can't keep apologising for the past. Give me a little break."

"I saw Joana on Monday." Max froze but relaxed again into the cushioned scatter back. "She said she'd seen us together when you started dating. You told her I was just a friend helping you deal with your mum leaving."

Max looked heavenward and rubbed his eyes before grabbing both of my bare arms. He held my gaze while speaking in a low, deep voice that vibrated through me. "You did help me without knowing it but what was I meant to tell her. I made a mistake, Nat, and keep messing up. I panicked and told her you were my friend. You are my friend, aren't you?"

"Well, yes, but-"

He placed his forehead against mine loosening his hold around my arms. They slowly brushed up and down my bare limbs while he stared straight into my eyes. I held my breath, my heart beating against my rib cage.

"Have you never said something you wished you could take back? I can't take it back, so why go over it. Enjoy the now, Nat." His voice barely above a whisper, the hot air of his minty breath fanned my face.

My entire body was on fire and my head buzzed. Max leant forward, placing slow kisses under each of my eyes.

I couldn't think, I had lost all ability to speak. He had managed to distract me, making me forget the reason I agreed to meet him.

His lips trailed down to the corner of my mouth where he left an innocent kiss and then another one to the other side.

I let out an unsteady breath. My eyes fought to stay open. I was losing all control.

A chill ran through me when his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to him. His mouth hovered over mine. Gently, his lips brushed against my bottom lip followed by my top one.

The air around us fell silent apart from our shallow breathing. Not able to fight the ache in my chest, I pushed myself into him, longing to feel his familiar touch. I had missed having him close to me.

No longer taking a leisurely pace, Max pressed his lips on mine and his actions became more urgent.

There was no denying we had chemistry. A path lit up from my toes to the tips of my ears.

Subconsciously, I found myself climbing onto his lap. My hands were lost in his messy locks and his slid up my back. I immediately parted my lips, letting him deepen the kiss.

Abruptly, I removed my hands from his hair and pushed him just enough for our mouths to part. "Stop," I blew out as I tried to steady my breathing. "This is a terrible idea."

"I don't think it is," Max murmured with his eyes flittering from my eyes to my swollen lips.

In a heartbeat, we were locked in another kiss, my chest pressed hard against his. He lightly bit my bottom lip and sucked on it, causing a moan to escape in the back of my throat. I had never felt anything so sensual. My nerve endings struggled to cope with all the sensations. I had to escape fast or I would be left under his spell.

Pushing Max away from me once more, I scrambled off his lap. My legs felt like jelly, barely able to hold me. Intoxicated, my vision blurred as if we had been drinking.

"It's all too fast. I can't think around you. Joana said you're getting back together in the next few weeks. What happens then?"

"Me and Jo are done." He straightened up and reached out to brush my leg. His hand cupped behind my thigh, above my right knee, tugging me to him.

"I'm not saying no. I'm just saying not right now," I sighed.

Max slumped his head against my stomach. My hand automatically found its way back into his hair. "Okay. Do you still want to stay and watch this movie?"

"I think it's best I go."

Max got to his feet and walked me to the front door. I placed a chaste kiss to his closed lips.

"Call me tomorrow," I spoke quietly before walking away.

"I will." I don't know if it was the tone of his voice or the way he quickly closed the door behind me, but I couldn't help feeling he was lying.

***

The temperature outside had dropped considerably with the sun setting, which instantly made me regret my lack of warmer clothes. Not feeling the urge to walk any faster, I took my time, dragging what should have been a small five-minute journey into a good hour trip.

The abandoned swing from the local play park, I walked by on my detour, called out to me. Anyone driving past could easily interrupt my solace due to the exposed location. As luck would have it, I was completely alone.

Lifting the latch, the rusty metal gate creaked as it swung open. The noise echoed through the deserted playing area. This park held so many of my childhood memories of times when everything was so easy. Even the afternoons, spent here with my parents, were pleasant. Back when my dad used to want me around and my sister was too young to have discovered her snooty attitude.

Taking the long rusted chains of the swing into my hands, I sat down, letting my legs stretch out in front of me.

Each movement I made caused a quiet squeaking sound as I swung back and forth, my feet never leaving the ground.

Alone with my thoughts, I was desperate to confide in Sian or Alec, yet I felt I couldn't call either of them. They would both be so disappointed in how easily I let Max weasel himself back in.

How could I confess that I didn't really regret kissing him? I just regretted that I did it, knowing how little respect he had for me.

And Alec, how could I tell him I kissed Max when my feelings for him were only making me as confused. I was caught between a rock and a hard place with only myself to turn to for answers.

My loud thoughts were interrupted by the vibrations in my jeans' pocket. Swiping my phone open, I sighed, seeing the name appear on the screen.

[I know it's late, but can I come over tonight? xx] - Alec

It was too soon. I didn't feel ready to look Alec in the eyes without him knowing something was wrong, so I lied.

[Hey, not feeling great. Going to sleep early. Speak tomorrow. xx]

A little white lie to save us both from disappointment.

***