Cocky Romance: Chapter 18

I don’t know what the hell to do to fix this.

Where can I even start?

I lost my focus, my edge, my sanity when I fell in love with Dawn and now that she’s gone, it’s left me floating in a dark abyss of uncertainty and pain. If I’d shown some restraint when I was throwing my heart at her, maybe I wouldn’t be in this mess. Maybe I could still function. Unfortunately, she didn’t really give me a damn choice but to rip my heart out and place it—bloody and beating—in her hands.

Now there’s no hope of getting it back.

No hope of reversing the damage.

Did I really think this would work out? Did I really think someone like Dawn could just turn a blind eye to my past? Especially when that past involves her and the little girl that owns the other half of my heart?

Hell no.

I knew a woman with such strong views would snarl at me if she knew the truth. It’s why I lied to her. Because the thought of living without her made me physically ill and I was willing to take my chances so I could keep her around for a little longer.

But look at that.

The truth is out and I lost her anyway.

The moment I saw her tearing out of the auto shop, I wanted to give chase. I barely talked myself out of that before I hopped into my car and went speeding towards dad’s mansion. Halfway there, I asked myself what I was doing.

Did dad lie to Dawn? Did he make up something that wasn’t true in order to break us apart?

No. He didn’t.

He just showed her the truth. A truth I was too afraid to unleash.

And now I’m stuck trying to stumble through life without Dawn and Beth in it.

Screw that.

Screw everything.

It would have been better if I’d never met her in the first place.

I was so freaking satisfied without her.

I didn’t care about anyone or anything and that suited me. All I had, all I needed was Stinton Group. It was a hollow life, but at least it was freaking safe. At least I didn’t have a five-foot two stick of dynamite obliterating my peace of mind and dripping her sweet smiles all over my dreams.

She sees me as a monster.

That much I am.

But just like villains don’t turn into blood-sucking serial killers in one day, the change in me didn’t announce itself. It just slowly and surely arrived.

The first women weren’t pregnant.

I’d been working hard to move Stinton Group forward. So yes, I sent lawyers when Trevor’s girl trouble threatened to bleed into our bottom line.

It seemed like a simple equation at the time.

Money fixed things.

Money changed things.

So I just handed out what I needed to in order to keep the women and the tabloids quiet.

Stinton Group dominated every waking moment, and the stress of cleaning up after Trevor’s messes was a headache I did not have the time or the energy to handle.

Better to keep it clean.

Better to be efficient with the aftermath.

Most of those women had their eye on my brother, thinking they could milk him for some cash anyway. A few of the more pitiful ones really thought that Trevor would love them. There was no saving those women. The cold-hard truth was enough to wake them up. And the others? I gave them the cash they wanted and they were more than happy.

The first pregnancy scare nearly shook me to my core. Before, Trevor’s women had no concrete ties to Stinton Group. Had no way to milk him for everything he was worth. Eighteen years of child support and petty demands. Dragging the company through the mud with relationship drama that could be plastered all over Page Six.

Uncontrollable variables.

So I controlled them. Did everything in my power to make sure they understood that Stinton Group was not their ticket to a better life. That Trevor didn’t love them. He didn’t care about anything as demanding as love. He wasn’t going to rush in and save them and wasn’t it better if they saved themselves?

The lawyers were good.

The women all took the deal.

I never had a bad report.

Until Dawn.

After she tossed the money back in the lawyers’ faces, I decided to stop handling the pregnancy cases and handled my brother instead. After all, he was the source of the issue and the chaos would go away if he’d just learn to either zip up or strap up.

Thinking back, it was Dawn who changed me.

She was so powerful, she managed to influence me before we ever met in person.

Dangerous woman.

I always knew it.

I think about the last look she flung at me when she got inside her car. I’d never seen her so hurt and I felt like the worst kind of scum. Because I could see her fighting to look detached. I could see her holding back her tears and pretending that she was someone hard and vicious when, underneath all that spark of hers, beats the heart of a fragile, emotional person.

It’s me who robbed her of that brilliance. Who shifted the dial on her bold and bright heart and set it to something hard and protective.

Damn.

Do I have to let her go?

It was eight years ago.

A part of me wants to point that out to her.

But I don’t.

I can’t hide that I have a long and dark history behind me.

This is exactly who I am. A man who can’t even hold Dawn’s trust.

Why should I act surprised? Why can’t I just pack the hell up and move on from her?

I grab the bottle of beer and glare at the view of the ocean slamming against jagged rocks. The night sky is practically kissing the water, still waves reflecting the moon in its utter, silver brilliance.

This place is new. I was driving and driving a few nights ago when I found it and just stopped.

I don’t want to be here right now.

Not when I do all my best thinking at the racetrack. But I tried going back there and realized that memories of Dawn had already taken over. I saw her in the lounge, smiling at me as she snapped off a mouthy insult. I saw her laughing with Hadyn outside the changing rooms, teasing me about my raisin nut cookie preferences. I saw her getting into a car on the track, wearing an oversized racing suit as she tried to stuff all that voluminous hair into a helmet. I saw her on the hill looking out over the city, her fingers intertwining with mine as she whispered thank you for protecting her during the press conference. I saw stars and I saw her lips, sipping from mine like she’d never tasted honey so sweet.

Dawn’s memories were haunting me, floating all over the place I once considered my refuge. Damn—she couldn’t be nice enough to give that place up, could she? After taking my heart, she went and took everything else I own.

My phone rings.

I debate ignoring it.

Trevor’s been trying to reach me. Dad wants him to take over Stinton Auto and change his image into the devoted family man. It’ll be like itchy skin on him. A nightmare come true. He’s never been interested in the company or in taking responsibility for his actions. Hell, I have no idea what he’s interested in besides trouble and women.

Groaning when the phone continues to ring, I dig my beer into the sand and slovenly reach for the device.

It’s Hills.

I sigh heavily, think about it, and then I answer. “I’m not dead.”

A string of curses hit my ears. I have to pull the phone away and wait until Hills settles down. When I finally hear something other than four-letter words shrieking from the cell, I put it back to my ear.

“You couldn’t freaking answer the phone, you selfish idiot? Do you know how many times I almost called the police? Do you know how close I came to putting out an APB on your crazy—”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Wait.” Hills breathes out. “Are there any guns?”

“What?”

“Pills?”

“Shut up.”

“What is that sound?” He pauses. “Is that the ocean? Dude, you’re not going to jump in, are you? I swear, if you are, I’ll fish you out and then kill you myself.”

“I’m not going to do anything stupid, Hills.”

“That ship has sailed, Stinton. It started when you fished Dawn Banner out of the auto shop she was buried in and it hasn’t stopped since. I blame you, but I blame her too. This all started when you took your eye off the ball.”

“Watch it, Hills.”

“No, you don’t get to disappear for days without a freaking warning and then tell me to watch myself. Especially right now. Do you know how chaotic the company is? Your brother was dead last week and now he’s walking around the hallways drinking bourbon and flirting with the female staff. We’re trying to keep the news under wraps, but he doesn’t give a freaking damn about anything but himself and he’s been going to clubs and calling himself Terrence, Trevor Stinton’s twin.”

I pinch my nose between my fingers. “Terrence?”

“Not to mention your dad wants Trevor to take over Stinton Auto. He asked me to contact Dawn and bring her to the company. I’ve been stalling, but he just asked me directly for her number.”

I scramble up. “What?”

“Yeah, I thought that would get your attention.”

“Of course it would. Dad already has Dawn’s number and address. He wanted you to tell me that.”

“Tell you what?”

“That I’m still on his leash.” I grip a handful of sand and dig in. “Dawn’s the most effective punishment he can think of.”

“What exactly is he trying to punish you for?”

“Putting someone above Stinton Group,” I murmur.

Hills curses again.

I think of the binder I saw in Dawn’s hands that day. The way the papers fell from her and scattered like glass shattering at her feet. Regret torpedoes my insides and makes it hard to speak.

“What’s the plan?”

“I don’t know.”

“You always have a plan, Max,” Hills thunders.

Yeah, but that was before Dawn Banner obliterated me. I let myself get tangled up in a woman I knew wanted a better man than I could ever be and now I’m paying for it.

“There’s going to be a huge fallout if the public realizes that Stinton Group is giving Trevor another chance. Not to mention the utter backlash from the board when your dad tries to throw our most profitable company into the trash can that is your younger brother.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. Hills’s voice is giving me a headache.

“Max, wake the hell up!”

“Maybe it won’t come to that.”

“Like hell it won’t.”

“Trevor’s always capitulated to what dad wants, but this time he’s sure to put up a bigger fuss. He seemed to prefer being dead. Why else would he go to all that trouble to pay the tabloids and stay out of sight.”

“Is that what you think?”

I freeze.

“It wasn’t his choice to be dead.” Hills drops the bomb on me.

I nearly lose my phone to the sand and the waves. “What?”

“Your brother was real chatty when I caught him in your office yesterday, sampling your top whiskey…”

Why am I not surprised? Trevor never could keep his hands out of my liquor cabinet.

“… And he let it slip.” Hills growls as if he’s personally affronted by the news. “It was your dad who decided to kill him off. He’d already found Trevor a few weeks back, but he wanted to see what you were going to do with Stinton Auto. Turns out, the plan was always to steal the progress you’d made with the company and use it to shower Trevor in confetti. Making the public think he was dead was so his dramatic return could snag attention and get people talking about his ‘miraculous’ comeback.”

“Did Trevor know that dad wanted to tie up Dawn and Stinton Auto in a bow and hand them over to him? Is that why he agreed to do it?” I dig my fingers into the phone.

I don’t deserve Dawn, but my brother sure as hell doesn’t either. Especially since he hasn’t changed from his ways.

“I don’t know, Max. What I do know is that your dad is the scariest guy I’ve ever met. It’s creepy how he’s been pulling the strings behind the scenes.”

I shake my head. Hearing that it was dad all along is no surprise. In fact, it makes sense. Dad was probably waiting until Dawn gained popularity, so he could make use of her in other ways.

No wonder he had been so upset when the Mila Dubois scandal broke out and it seemed like Stinton Auto would tank before it even began.

And no wonder he didn’t seem all that upset when the tabloids announced that his younger son was dead. At the time, I’d been wrestling with my feelings for Dawn, so I didn’t pay much attention. It wasn’t like dad and I were close anyway. I figured his radio silence about the tabloids was because he was handling it in his own way.

I didn’t realize he was behind it.

It does explain why that tabloid would come after Stinton Group though. They had the man with majority shares backing them up.

“Do you understand now?” Hills grunts. “Things are getting crazier over here and you’re the only person who can stop it.”

“I’ll be there in the morning,” I say quietly.

“You still need time to lick your wounds, Max? Look, she was just a woman—”

“She wasn’t just a woman to me, Hills.” The words are sharp, but it’s only because something equally sharp is clawing at my insides. I grab my beer to numb that feeling. “I’ve spent my life cleaning up Stinton Group’s messes. Now, Stinton Group has made a mess of me and I’m still figuring out how to fix it. Or…” I swallow. “Or even if I should.”

“Max, I’m sorry about Dawn, but you have bigger things to—”

I hang up on him and flop back into the sand.

I’ve always been the man with a plan. Stick an irresponsible, horn-dog of a little brother in front of me and I’ll keep him out of trouble if it kills me. Give me a company that’s bleeding money and I’ll rip out the departments that aren’t working, hand them a new plan and turn them into a money-printing machine. I can work until the wee hours of the night. No holidays off. No scandals with women. No women at all trying to lure me away from taking the company to new heights.

I was impenetrable.

Until one female mechanic sashayed in front of me with her dark skin and her dark eyes, and knocked me off my feet.

Groaning, I stare at the stars.

Damn. Even looking at the night sky makes me think of Dawn.

The beer’s having zero effect.

I sigh heavily and throw a hand over my face.

I’ve had a pint too many to trust myself behind the wheel, so I doze off right there on the beach until I feel the temperatures drop. My eyes pry apart and I get a glimpse of angry clouds as warning before the heavens crack open and dump a bucketful of water on me.

Great.

Even Mother Nature freaking hates my guts.

I crawl into my car, shivering and frustrated and drive off, not caring where I go, even if it’s off the edge of the earth.

What am I even doing here?

I end up outside Dawn and Beth’s apartment like a creepy stalker, standing in the rain getting drenched as if I’m trying out for an extra in one of those melodramatic music videos.

The rain pelts my face and neck, plastering my hair to my forehead. It drips down my shirt and squishes in my shoes that are muddy from my venture to the beach.

I fix my eyes on Dawn’s bedroom window. I’ve been in her apartment before and I saw the door with the stickers on it. That was Beth’s bedroom. It’s on the opposite side of the apartment.

Dawn’s bedroom faces the street.

I imagine Dawn lying in bed, wearing her jumpsuit because picturing her in anything else is pretty freaking difficult and I don’t have the right to fantasize about her in her underwear. I imagine her slender hand pressed up against her cheek as she does the one thing I haven’t been able to in days—sleep deeply.

I don’t belong here.

I know that as well as I know the inside of my palm.

But tearing myself away from that apartment is like asking me to separate my lungs from my chest. It’s not gonna happen.

A range of feelings run through me as I let the rain pelt my head and wonder what I’d say to Dawn if I could see her now.

I’m miserable without you.

I love you.

I’m sorry.

None of those words can fix this. Can change that I sent those lawyers and then lied about it. Nothing can erase the taste of her bitterness.

It’s hopeless.

I should pick up the pieces and point my eyes on Stinton Group.

I should try to protect Dawn and Beth like I promised and leave it there.

What else can I do?

At that moment, Dawn’s bedroom light clicks on and it’s like a flare of hope spurs to life in my chest too. Just knowing that she’s up and moving around. Just knowing that I’m close to her even though I’m so far away.

I’m insane.

How the hell did I sink this low?

What kind of enchantment did she put on me that I’ve become a pathetic loser who’d wait outside a woman’s apartment just to be near her?

My phone pings.

DARREL: Went to Stinton Group and you weren’t there.

DARREL: Hills said you hadn’t been to work for a while. He said you might need help.

Yeah.

I do need help.

Maybe Darrel can noodle around in my brain and disconnect all the wires that fire up whenever I think about Dawn. Better yet, maybe he can put me under and pick out all the memories I have of her.

Dawn’s bedroom light goes off. She must be back in bed again.

I lower my eyes and tuck my phone back in my pocket. I don’t deserve to be here, spying on her. I don’t even deserve the crumbs.

Forcing myself to turn around, I climb back into my car and drive to the empty house that won’t ever feel like home.

Vanya is outside.

Great. Just what I need tonight.

“I’m not in the mood, Vanya.”

Her eyes narrow. “You look awful.”

“Thanks.”

She follows me into the house without a word and perches in my sofa. Her eyes scan the beer bottles scattered about and the piles of empty pizza boxes.

“You’re dying without her. What are you going to do?” Vanya asks.

I curl my fingers into fists and stalk past her. “Nothing.”

At least for tonight.

How do I fix this?

My mind is an empty cavern. All I can see is Dawn’s bright smile lighting up her face. All I can hear is her sultry voice calling my name while she ran her fingers over my cheeks.

It keeps me up all night and, by the time the sun comes up, I feel like I tortured myself to the brink of exhaustion.

So this is what heartbreak feels like.

I stare at the ceiling while the sun crawls over the horizon. Then, when I’ve accepted that I have to rejoin the world of the living, I get up, shower and shave off the days-old beard that grew in while I ran away from my responsibilities.

Since I’m trying to get my life back in order, I head to the gym. At least that space is still sacred and untainted by memories of Dawn.

Or it should be.

Until Darrel and Holland Alistair appear above my head while I’m pumping iron with my trembling arms and my hangover-induced headache.

I plunk the weights back in the cradle and sit up.

Alistair is glaring at me, which is something he’s always done. And it’s never bothered me before. I don’t really care whether the men in my business circle like me. Only that our shared goals are in alignment with Stinton Group’s plans. However, I’m stunned to see him here. If Darrel weren’t with him, I’d assume this was some kind of stickup.

I jerk my eyes away from Alistair and turn to the therapist.

Darrel hands me a bottle of water just like he did last time.

Only this time, I don’t take it.

Reaching for my towel instead, I wipe it over my face. “I know why you’re here,” I growl. “And I’m really not in the mood.”

“We come in peace.”

I snort. “Then why did you bring the scowling one?” I nod at Alistair. “If all you came to do is talk, you shouldn’t have brought a grenade.”

“Relax. You look like death warmed over, Stinton. It wouldn’t be a fair fight to gang up on you now.”

I glower at Alistair and half-rise. “You want to test that theory?”

“Hey, hey.” Darrel lifts a hand. “That’s not why we’re here.”

I sit back down slowly.

“We heard about what happened with you and Dawn,” Darrel says.

My eyes widen and my heart quivers just hearing her name.

When did I get this weak?

If all it takes is just the sound of her name to cut me off at the knees, then I really am screwed.

My shoulders cave in and I grip the towel tighter. “How is she?”

Darrel and Alistair share a look.

“Not that much better than you,” Darrel says finally.

I glance up.

“Sunny and Kenya have been rallying around her, but…” Darrel purses his lips. “She’s devastated, Max.”

Hearing it from someone else is a sucker punch to the gut.

“I know.” I wipe the towel over my face again. “I messed up.”

I might be a bastard, but I won’t deny when I’ve done wrong. I’ve been apologizing on Trevor’s behalf for most of my life. The words ‘I’m sorry’ aren’t foreign to me. But this searing pain in my gut when I think about Dawn’s suffering is.

If I could go back in time, I would erase myself from her life completely.

It would be the right thing to do.

Darrel tilts his chin up and squints at the horizon. “Can I be honest?”

“Have you ever asked permission before?” I finally grab the water from him, unscrew the cap and sip.

“Your sense of responsibility has always driven you, Max. Even when we were in college, you didn’t play around like the other guys. You were always upfront with the girls you were with. We thought it would run them off, but it didn’t. Those girls saw you as a challenge. They wanted to change your mind, so they ran to you, competing to be ‘the One’. The one that made you different. The one that took your eyes off Stinton Group. It was almost sad to watch them all fail. None of them could shake you.”

I suck in a deep breath.

What is he trying to say? That this is karma?

That I’m finally getting a taste of how those women—women whose names I can’t even remember—felt when I played with them in college?

“I’m not here to rag on you about what you’ve done.” Darrel’s tone is quiet and firm. His eyes sear me. “I’m here to remind you that there’s always a way forward. Even if that way sucks and you’d rather take any other path.”

Alistair cracks his neck. “He’s right. Moping doesn’t look good on you, Stinton.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “Are you here to rub it in?”

“I’m here to balance Darrel out. He has good feelings towards you. I don’t.” Alistair lifts large hands. “I’ve known about your dirty little clean-ups for your brother. Claire was one of the women Trevor used and dumped. Turns out, my first wife had a real problem with the way she was told to back off. And it didn’t take me long to trace that little show of intimidation back to you.”

I square my shoulders.

Alistair lifts a hand. “It wasn’t like you threatened her and it wasn’t like you were the douchebag that broke her heart either, but you were covering it under a rug. To me, that made you just as guilty as the jerk who hurt her.” He leans against the weight machine. “I always thought you were a shady bastard, Stinton. But when I saw that press conference and heard what you did for Dawn, I started wondering if there was more to you than I’d anticipated.”

“Is that a compliment, Alistair?”

“Never. Just an observation.” He tilts his head. “What I don’t like is watching the people under my protection shatter because of you. I saw it once with Claire. Now, you’ve got Kenya worrying her head off about Dawn. I don’t like to see my wife upset. It makes me want to burn things to the ground, you understand?”

Darrel puts a hand on Alistair’s shoulder. “What he’s saying, Max, is that we don’t think you’re a bad guy. If we did,” the pressure on my shoulder increases, “this conversation wouldn’t be so civil, whether or not we’re college buddies.”

My lips tense.

“What we all can agree on is that Trevor, with his current behavior, is not ready to be a part of Beth’s life.”

I bristle. Even though I agree with them, it’s ingrained in me to want to defend my brother.

“Don’t say it, Max.” Darrel shakes his head. The man really does have mind-reading abilities. “You’ll only regret it.”

“What was he going to say?” Alistair asks.

Darrel shakes his head. “Something about how Trevor is Beth’s real father.”

“Were you?”

I growl at Darrel. “What’s your point?”

“My point is that being a father has nothing to do with blood. It’s a lesson that took me a really long time to learn, but it’s the truth. I don’t want to see Trevor tear Dawn and Beth apart the way he’s torn up so many other lives. We can protect them as much as we can on our end, but you’re the only one who can protect them properly. No one else has the power you do. No one else has the access to Stinton Group that you do.”

“Of course I’ll protect them.” I’m offended that Darrel thinks I wouldn’t.

The stakes are higher than they’ve ever been, but I’ve already lost Dawn. I have nothing more to lose. I’m willing to throw myself on a grenade if it means keeping dad’s hands off my niece.

Darrel arches an eyebrow. “Even if it costs you Stinton Group?”

“You asked me that question before.” I rise to my feet. “The answer is different this time. I had everything when I had Dawn. Without her, I have nothing.”

Alistair purses his lips. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Darrel relaxes.

Alistair crosses his legs at the ankles. “So how are you going to get her back?”

My eyes swerve to him.

He gives me a pointed look. “Were you just planning on giving up on her?”

My pride rears its ugly head. I’ve already fallen this far. Why do I need to chase her? Why do I need to beg for another chance? What if she doesn’t give it? Then I leave with a bruised ego and empty hands. Hiding behind barbed wire and a cold mask is easier. Safer. Dawn ripped that facade to shreds once. Giving her the opportunity to do it again is insane.

Darrel frowns at me and sticks a hand into his pocket. “Can you live without her, Max?”

Hell.

The answer is no.

The biggest freaking no that I can summon.

“I ruined everything by lying to her. I don’t know where to start to get her trust back,” I admit.

“It’s not gonna be easy, but there’s a way.”

I lift my head eagerly.

“There’s a way that’ll show her you’re not the same as Trevor, that you’re beyond the dirtiness of Stinton Group. But it’s going to cost you everything.”

I finally see what he’s hinting at, and it hits me like a ton of bricks.

The funny thing is, it doesn’t scare me. Not even a little.

Everything becomes so freaking clear in an instant.

I’m going to protect them.

And then I’m going to do what needs to be done.

I launch past Darrel and Alistair, heading for my phone. Shifting it out of the duffel, I call Hills and bark, “I need Dawn’s contract on my desk the moment I get into the office.” I throw my gym bag over my shoulder and shoot like a rocket down the stairs. “And then I need you to schedule a meeting with the filming crew.”

“Why?” Hills squawks.

“I’m making an announcement.”

“About Trevor?” he asks hopefully.

“About me.” I take the stairs instead of the elevator. “I’m officially resigning from Stinton Group.”