Chapter 18

Shide's POV

Since the moment I finally accepted my feelings towards Shuyi, I have an urge to stay close to him all the time. I want him to wake up next to me, eat the breakfast I cook for him, drive with me to the campus, come back to our home in the evening and end the day laying down right by my side.

It breaks my heart when the reality hits where Shuyi doesn't think of me as anything more than a friend. But this time, I'm not going to quit on my feelings. This time I'm not going to ignore my attraction towards him anymore.

I've decided to pursue him. Show him what he makes me feel. Even though the decision about our relationship is going to be Shuyi's, but I'm going to give all I've got in me to convince him of my honest love.

***

I was waiting for Shuyi outside the music faculty after my lectures were over.

"What should I do? Should I ask him out on a date? No that would be too sudden, he might misunderstand. Ahhh....how to I even begin with telling Shuyi about my feelings. I don't even know if he has ever considered me more than a roommate.

I was deeply submerged in my thoughts when Shuyi knocked on the window of the car. I was stunned for a second before opening the car lock for him.

"Where were you lost?" He said buckling up his seat belt.

"Um..do you wanna..go watch a movie?" I said nervously trying my best to cover my anxiety.

"Movie...?um sure!" I could clearly tell he was a little confused by my sudden question since we had never gone out together like this before. Only times we drove together was to the university or back home from the campus.

Shuyi's POV

The movie invitation came out of the blue, but there's no reason I would deny the chance of going out with Shide. Maybe he is trying to lighten my mood since I've been constantly stressed about the youth festival coming up next week where I have to perform. Whatever his reason is, I'd always say yes to being next to him.

I know falling for a straight guy is the worst thing I can do to myself, but there's not much control I have over myself since the day he publicly called me his boyfriend to save me from Akira. If I have to be honest, I've had a crush on Shide since the day my eyes met his at the airport. Even if I have to pretend to be his friend all my life to stay by his side, I will happily take this misery upon myself.

We reached the cinemas after a short drive and parked the car. As soon as we got out and started walking towards the ticket counter, a little girl selling roses came running towards Shide.

"Hia please buy these flowers. Your boyfriend will love them too!" She said pointing at me.

I was about to refuse the girl before Shide handed her enough money to buy all of the roses in her hands. She happily handed me the roses and grabbed the money from him"your boyfriend loves you so much hia" she said waving at me and quickly ran away.

Boyfriend? Do we look like a couple? I thought Shide would be uncomfortable after being called boyfriends but he didn't seem upset at all. "We are already late for the show, we'll miss the beginning if we don't rush a little" he said grabbing my hand and started rushing towards the ticket counter.

We bought tickets and caramel popcorns from the counter and walked inside the movie theatre. Since the show had already begun, it was very dark making it hard to find our seats. Shide must have sensed my difficulty so he grabbed my hand tightly and slowly walked me towards our corner seats.

"The roses, the popcorn, the movie. It feels like we're on a date" I said jokingly shortly before realising it would definitely make Shide uncomfortable. For a few seconds, there was an awkward silence between us.

I was about to apologise to him about what I blurted out earlier but he spoke first "then...a date it is" he said looking straight into my eyes making my intestines twist and turn inside. I felt a hot flush inside my body unable to breathe for a moment. Too bad for my little heart since he didn't stop there.

He grabbed my hand again softly intertwining our fingers and placed both of our hands on his lap. I kept looking at him in complete shock unable to comprehend what was happening and what should I react to this even though my heart was bouncing inside my chest. He looked at me again and smirked "what? don't people usually hold hands on a date? Now watch the movie" he said tightening his grip on my hand making me blush like a little girl.

Shide's POV

I can't believe I gathered the confidence to hold his hand throughout the movie. My body felt so flushed with emotions with his touch, his scent drove my senses crazy, when his eyes were on the screen, my eyes focused on the little details of his angelic face. His tempting red lips, the mole under his dove shaped eyes, the finely carved nose and the hair falling perfectly on his forehead made him look unbelievably beautiful.

There's so much I wanted to tell him in that moment, I wanted to touch him, taste him, put my feelings into actions, but when it comes to him, I don't wanna rush anything. With him, I don't just want a momentary fling but a life long relationship and I understand those kind of things don't build overnight. I'm willing to give all of my efforts and time into convincing Shuyi of my honest feelings no matter how long it takes.

I was walking out of the theatre hall when Shuyi grabbed my hand from behind.

"Look....look!! There's a carnival!!" He said super excitedly pointing at the other side of the road like a little kid. I swear with those cute little puppy eyes of his, he can make me do anything.

"I can take you if you'd like to go" I said patting his head like a child. He blushed at my answer as I stood there admiring his beautiful smile for a short moment before taking his hand in mine walking towards the funfair.

"Let's ride the ferris wheel!!!!! I loovee this swing" he said jumping like a cute little kid. How could I ever say no to that face. We sat in the opposite seats and waited for the ride to begin. I have always been extremely scared of heights but didn't want to ruin Shuyi's excitement so I tried pretending to enjoy it as well. The ride began and slowly we started rising up and up. No matter how much I tried not to, my eyes kept on looking at the ground beneath us making me feel nauseous and terrified.

"Hey...are you okay..you're shaking?" Shuyi said holding both my hands together.

I nodded fighting internally to keep myself together and control my fear. He kept holding my hands for a few minutes which really helped me divert my attention from my fear to his soft touch on me but as soon as my eyes went to the outside of the cabin, I couldn't control myself and ended up getting extremely petrified quickly covering my eyes with my hands.

Shuyi stood up from his seat and sat right next to me when he noticed how scared I was.

"I'm right here..don't be scared" he said still holding my hands again. I tried to calm myself down but as soon as I looked at the height we were at, I started feeling lightheaded and drowsy.

"Don't look outside, just fix your eyes on me" Shuyi held my hands tightly making me look at him. I felt a little better since my attention was on the person that made me feel the most comfortable and safe. While I was coping up with my fear, the swing stopped to let people get in the lower cabins which caused our whole cabin to shake for a short interval. Unfortunately, when this happened, our cabin was at the highest spot of the swing.

My fear had taken the shape of a panic attack causing me to feel suffocated, anxious and at the verge of crying. Shuyi assessed the situation and tried to calm me down but nothing was working.

"Shide" his voice had a caring tone but my phobia kept distracting me from him.

"Shide!! Just keep looking at me" This time he dominantly held my face in both of his hands and got close to me, so close that I could feel his breath on me. "Yes, keep looking in my eyes" he whispered.

Magically, Shuyi had made all my fears vanish by just being close to me. His scent numbed my senses. I could feel all our background blurred since my eyes only wanted to be at him. I didn't want to waste even a second of this moment by looking somewhere else. His lips so close to mine drove my imaginations crazy. I wondered what would it be like to bite them, taste every corner of his mouth, suck his tongue...i lost myself completely....his eyes looked through my soul causing my heart's deepest desires cry to be unleashed.

I slowly lifted my hand and placed it on his waist and gradually started moving it upwards. Shuyi did not resist which gave me the encouragement to slowly move my hand from his shoulder to his neck softly holding his chin and bringing his face just a hair's breadth away from mine.

He looked a little stunned by my actions but didn't stop me or pull himself back.

My heart was beating so loudly that I feared I would faint. All my senses were on fire. Without realizing it, I sucked on his neck leaving red marks everywhere, kissed his nose, felt his tender skin burning up under my hands. He closed his eyes and slightly parted his lips. I was just about to take his lips in mine but something pulled me back.

"I have to confess my feelings to him, make him fall for me before I can make him mine. I will wait till he's ready and wants me too" I stayed close to his lips breathing heavily trying to control all the pent up feelings while he kept his eyes closed. I softly moved to his cheek and gently kissed him. Our loud heart beats mixed with each other as we exchanged each other's breath. Slowly I got near his ear and whispered "I don't know how was I ever living without you"

His body trembled in my hands clearly loosing control just like me. Just then, the swing started moving again breaking our moment. We looked at each other without speaking for a few seconds before Shuyi hastily got up and sat on his seat again.