Chapter 20

Shuyi's POV

I hung up the phone with a brick on my heart. I could hear the disappointment in his voice through the phone. But I couldn't bare the thought of having that conversation with him where he tells me he kissed me just a as friend or worse, a brother.

I have to get my feelings in control first since I don't wanna end up saying something that confuses him or confesses my feelings to him since that would make things between us so awkward leaving moving out of the apartment as the last resort.

Even when I can't make him mine, living close to him, seeing him everyday when I wake up and before I go to sleep, eat together.. these little things..i can live with them as long as I get to be around him.

I don't know when I started feeling so deeply for him, but this one sided love is so beautiful yet so terrifying.

***

I slept at Yue's apartment that night and woke up to him cooking something in the kitchen. I got up from the couch and walked closer to the counter to see what smelled so good.

"Wow Yue, you can cook so well, you're girlfriend will be so lucky to wake up to this everyday" I said jokingly patting his back.

He gave a sly smile while slowly getting closer to my face "I'd rather make you the lucky one", he said whispering in my ear.

I jumped a little backwards from him to get my composure. He glanced at me for a short moment before breaking out into laughter after seeing the confused and uncomfortable look on my face.

"I was just teasing you Shuyi, you look so disturbed by it though, am I not good enough for you? He said hitting my shoulder lightly.

I laughed awkwardly to ignore answering his question. "I'm dying of hunger now, when do we eat!?" I clearly tried to change the topic of our conversation.

He, without saying anything, got strangely close to my face again and pinched lightly on my cheek. "You know how adorable you look when you're shy." I felt so confused and uncomfortable with the reduced distance between us and he could sense that so he turned around and quickly handed me a pair of dishes with food on it to lighten the mood.

"Take these to the dining table, I'll bring the rest" he said pointing me towards the direction of the table.

We had breakfast and quickly after, I got up to rush back to my apartment.

"Hey what's the rush?" Yue said blocking my way.

"I have a lecture in an hour and I have to change at home first." I said still grabbing all my stuff in his living room.

"Your apartment is like 30 mins away, you will never make it to your class on time if you go back first. You can wear my clothes to your class if you are okay with it." Yue said grabbing my arm.

I thought about this for a moment, I mean I don't see how this would cause any problem, Yue was right anyway so followed him to his closet where he pulled out a white shirt and ice blue pants for me.

"This would fit you perfectly, now go get dressed. I'll drive you to the campus" he said patting my head like I was a child.

Whats up with all the touching today!?, I thought in my head.

Shide's Pov

I got dressed for the university and went towards the main hall expecting Shuyi to be back to change as well. I wanted us to drive together to the campus like everyday so I shouted his name to ask if he was ready. No reply...I called again..everything was quiet.

I waited for him for a moment before walking to his room opening his door. There was no sign of him and his bed was still made which meant he was still at Yue's. All my pent up anger started raging back again.

He didn't come back even for his clothes!? I got frustrated wondering why he didn't even bother to inform me to not wait for him.

I tried calming myself a little giving my own self all the excuses for his sudden change in behaviour towards me. I'd probably see him on the campus anyway so I decided to try asking him if I had done something wrong because of which he's avoiding me.

I drove myself to the university and texted Shuyi. "I'm at the campus, where are you?"

I kept looking at my phone but after 10 mins had passed and there was mo reply still, I started slowly walking towards my classroom. I was feeling annoyed with myself at how I was so uncontrollably affected by Shuyi when I heard his laughter. A sound that I can never fail to recognise even when there is noise everywhere around it.

I looked around anxiously and finally saw him sitting on the corner bench of the cafeteria...with Yue...him again!!!!? His face annoyed me and I started feeling anger burning inside of me. I wanted to take Shuyi away from him there and then but that would further worsen the problems between us anyway so I rather went to where he was sitting to give him the house keys since he left his at home when he went out last night and didn't even come back.

"Hey" I pat on his shoulder and he turned around. His smile vanished completely as soon as our eyes met. This change in his expressions crushed my heart.

"Your keys" I said handing him the keys not really caring if Yue would find out we live together. Somewhere inside my heart, I wanted him to know.

Shuyi took the keys and kept them in his bag, "thank you, you didn't have to come all the way here."

"Oh I came to get coffee, saw you here by chance" I said, trying to hide the fact that I was looking for him the entire time.

"Oh I see" he said not looking directly at me. "So did you get your coffee?

"Not yet, I'm going to order now" I said keeping my gaze at him, I wanted to make up for all the time

I didn't get to see him these past couple of hours.

"Ah, I was about to get some for me, I'll go get yours too" He said getting up from his seat and gesturing me to sit down at their table.

I sat down awkwardly without caring what Yue would think about this. I wanted to have a conversation with him anyway and this seemed like a great opportunity. I smiled at him trying to start with small talk. "How is the practice going for the youth fest?"

"Oh, great. I'm glad we found Shuyi" He said turning around to look at him ordering coffee at the counter. I felt like punching him in his face for giving that perverted look to the man I liked.

"You should give him some time to rest too. I think it's not necessary to practice overnights for just a college festival."

He started looking annoyed sensing what I was trying to say hinting that he should stay away from Shuyi when it's not related to the youth festival.

"Well he can rest with me, atleast I'm willing to give him a something real"

I didn't get what he was trying to get at. "Real?" I said giving him an annoyed smile.

"Gao Shide, now that your fake relationship with him is long over, I think you should let him experience what the real thing feels like" He said quickly before Shuyi came back with our coffees and he started talking to him.

I kept looking at my feet, barely having the strength to look up. Did Shuyi really get so close with this guy that he told him about the fake relationship. Am I so easily replaceable? My stomach hurt just from the thought of Shuyi and Yue dating each other. But more than that, I felt the betrayal. How could just tell a person he's just met something so private about us.

After all I've done for him and feel for him, my value is just of a fake boyfriend!?  What hurt me more than what Yue said was the fact the Shuyi called what we had "fake". I could just bare sitting like an outsider between them so I got up from my seat without looking at him, "I'm gonna go now, something came up" I didn't wait to hear his reply, neither did I even touch the coffee he had bought, rather just quickly got in my car without thinking where I was driving to. I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible before he could break my heart anymore.