Bambi’s Response

BAMBI

Ekon’s question hung in the air.

~“Do you still love me?”~

Despite everything, there was no doubt in my mind.

I knew that my mate’s decision had resulted in my parents’ death…and before blindness struck, I hadn’t known what to feel.

But now, in the wake of this change, when the world had become a different place for me, Ekon is where I felt at home.

Ekon had made hard decisions during the Great War. Many thousands of people had died in so many bloody battles…

No commander came out of war without regrets…though I doubted anyone had been so affected as my mate.

I had seen countless times how the horrors of war followed him.

It was obvious in his alcoholism, his inability to let anyone in…

~Until he met me.~

Ekon was doing everything in his power to prevent the next war. I knew he would do anything to protect me and make sure no one else would ever hurt me again…especially not him.

He was safe. He was home.

“Of course I still love you,” I replied. “War forces people to make hard decisions…for the greater good.”

His body relaxed beside me as if he was dropping a heavy burden.

I reached up and felt Ekon’s cheek, rough with stubble. It was wet, and I wiped away the tears.

“No more crying, okay?” I said.

I felt him nod.

~Now I have to follow my own rule…~

I, too, would have to keep the tears at bay. But for now, I felt calm.

Ekon kissed the top of my head. We sat like that for a moment, soaking up the warmth from the fire.

~Am I already growing used to the darkness?~

It was almost like Ekon’s touch felt even ~more~ comforting and more intense because I had lost my sense of sight.

“Can we go to bed?” I asked.

“Of course.”

We stood, and Ekon picked me up in his arms.

“Wait! I need to learn the way myself!” I protested.

“I’ll teach you tomorrow,” he said, carrying me up the stairs. “Now, you just rest.”

I smiled as I clung to my mate’s bulging muscles.

He turned right at the top of the stairs. Ekon put me down and helped me to the bathroom, where I brushed my teeth and washed my face.

Finally, after I stripped off my clothes, Ekon helped me into bed.

“What a long fucking day,” Ekon sighed.

“Longest ever,” I agreed.

I wonder if Ekon was wishing he could get drunk. Drown his sorrows in a bottle.

“I love you, Bambi,” he whispered, running his fingers through my hair.

~No. He’s thinking about me.~

“I love you too,” I replied. I meant it from the bottom of my heart.

I lay there in the darkness, listening as Ekon’s breath became slow and even.

For the first time since the battle, I was alone with my thoughts.

~This is my life now. I’m blind.~

I repeated it over and over, waiting for panic to set in. But somehow, it never did.

I felt calm.

Maybe it was just because I was beside Ekon, the man who would take care of me, and teach me how to live without my sight.

I knew I would mourn the loss of my vision, but now was not the time.

I let myself drop off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

***

The next morning, I awoke to a kiss on my cheek. As I adjusted to being awake, I felt Ekon’s rough hands on my thigh.

“Good morning, Bambi.”

My mate’s voice was even more gruff in the mornings.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled myself toward him. I was surrounded by the warmth of our bed and the smell of sleep.

“What time is it?” I asked.

Without the sun to tell me the time of day, I really had no idea how late I had slept.

“It’s noon,” he replied.

~“No,”~ I gasped.

The last time Alpha Ekon Jedrek had stayed in bed until noon was…never.

“We both needed the rest,” he told me.

But I knew that was only half true. Ekon had stayed in bed with me long after he’d woken up so that I wouldn’t wake up afraid.

Before we went downstairs, Ekon helped me trace the perimeter of the room with my hand against the wall.

He wanted to help me with this transition, and there was no one who could do that better than him.

Ekon said I should try to create a mental picture of the room, and even the whole house, but to be patient.

It would take time.

Too bad patience was ~not~ one of my virtues.

But this new situation would require some major adjustments.

After some spatial practice and a shower, we headed downstairs.

The hustle and bustle of the kitchen overwhelmed me.

I paused on the stairs—the multiple voices, the clanging of pots and pans made me feel disoriented.

“Don’t worry,” Ekon whispered in my ear.

He already knew what I was feeling. I didn’t have to say a word.

He helped me into the kitchen, and as soon as we entered, the room went silent.

This was not exactly ideal either.

I could feel my cheeks flush, and I assumed all eyes were on me, but I didn’t even know who was in the room.

“Good morning, sweet daughter!”

Well, I knew ~that~ was Rose. I heard her footsteps as she rushed over to me and clasped my hand in hers.

“Good morning,” I managed.

“Want pancakes?” Victoria called.

“How ’bout orange juice?” a man asked…Hunter, I thought.

“Oh, uh—” I began.

“Everyone, wait a minute,” Ekon said beside me. “This scene is overwhelming for me because I can see your excited faces for the first time in years. For Bambi, as you might imagine, it’s even more confusing.”

I was thankful that he’d voiced the thoughts I couldn’t put to words.

“We’ll go for a little walk, and see you guys soon,” Ekon went on.

“No, no!” Rose objected. “Ekon, I’d like to have a moment with you. Bambi can sit on the deck with Victoria while the others prepare breakfast.”

I could only imagine what Ekon was feeling. I knew he wanted space from his mother after she’d summoned his worst enemy…

…and, ultimately, lost control of his compound.

Ekon was standing protectively at my side.

“It’s okay,” I told him. “I’ll be fine here with Victoria.”

I turned to face Ekon, and he leaned in to kiss me.

Then another hand took mine, and I knew it was Victoria.

She led me into the living room, and we sat together on the couch.

“Can I get you some coffee?” Victoria asked. There was an anxious edge to her voice. “Or water? And another pillow or—”

“Victoria,” I stopped her. “Please, just sit with me.”

I felt her weight shift beside me.

“I appreciate you trying to help, but just because I’m blind doesn’t mean I need to be waited on hand and foot.”

Victoria sighed.

“I’m sorry, Bambi,” she went on. “I’m just trying to be normal. Obviously I’m not doing a good job.”

I couldn’t help but smile.

“Don’t worry. I don’t know how to act, either.”

“You could have fooled me, Bambi,” Victoria replied.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“To me, you always know what to do. You’re so sure of yourself, so strong.”

“You don’t have to say that…”

~Why is she being so sweet to me?~

“No, I mean it!” Victoria went on. “You don’t know how important book club was for me. Bambi, you knew you had to find the truth, and you didn’t let anything stop you.”

Maybe it was the sincere tone of her voice, or the absolute chaos of the last few days, or the shock had worn off—but tears began to roll down my cheeks.

“Don’t cry,” Victoria whispered. She pulled me in for a hug. “I know you don’t want help, but there’s one thing I’m going to do whether you like it or not.”

I could hear the smile in her voice, even if I couldn’t see it.

“I’m going to keep our book club alive…by reading aloud to you.”

EKON

“I don’t know if you’ll be able to forgive me,” Rose said, staring meaningfully into my eyes, “but I pray to the Goddess that you can.”

We were sitting on the beach, in the same place she had helped me build sandcastles many years ago.

I turned away from my mother to the sea that stretched before us, dark and flat.

Truth be told, I was too tired to hold a grudge.

But I still felt a confounding mix of emotions—confusion, anger, pain.

It was surreal to be here again, in the place my mother and I had come to so often when I was young.

Now, she was back. And I could see again.

So much had changed, and we were right back in the same place.

“I really thought I could get through to her. She’s my daughter, after all,” she went on.

When I turned to the woman beside me, she looked so much older than Tyler. She looked as old as my mother, who had seen the other side of this life.

I wondered if I looked older too. I had lost my compound, and my mate had lost her sight.

“Mom, I’m still angry,” I admitted, “but with Devina more than anyone. I just hate to see Bambi hurting.”

She closed her eyes and nodded.

“I know, son.”

“That’s even worse than the compound…or that you went behind my back to reach Devina.”

When my mom opened her eyes again, they were filled with tears.

“I’m so sorry, Ekon. I was trying to make things right, and I made them worse.”

I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close to me.

I understood that statement more than she could ever know…

“Mom, let’s tell each other everything from now on. Okay?”

She nodded.

“Sometimes, in war, you have to make hard decisions for the greater good…” I whispered, thinking of the hardest decision I had ever made.

The one that had left Bambi without her parents.

“…even if it hurts.”

HOLLY

~Aquaholic.~

The sailboat bobbed against the dock.

I had returned to the harbor, not sure what else to do with myself.

The house felt claustrophobic to me.

And since I had been here with Rose the day before, I felt pulled back to the dock, almost like the place was magnetic.

~But why?~

The dinky little harbor wasn’t particularly scenic. I had never cared much for the ocean.

But still, I came back.

Maybe I was looking for what I felt yesterday, sitting here with Rose.

Her advice to embrace both the light and darkness had made me feel better. Capable. Powerful.

But as I looked inward, I realized it wouldn’t be so easy. For the two sides weren’t equal.

I was overwhelmed by the pull of the darkness…and I was scared by what could happen if I allowed myself to travel that path.

~“Holly…”~

The voice lighted on my ears like a lover’s whisper.

It spoke to the darkness inside of me. It lured me in, like an angler fish’s light.

Something was waiting for me in the ocean.

And it told me what I already knew: I was afraid of the dark side of me because it was more powerful.

More powerful than me.

~So then why should I fight it?~ I asked myself. ~Rose said to embrace both sides…~

Resisting darkness hadn’t helped.

Without a moment more of contemplation, I stood and walked down the dock, past the sailboats.

~“Holly…”~

Her voice called to me again, urging me on.

Urging me toward her.

Whoever she was, I wanted to be with her.

I lowered myself down the slimy wooden ladder, the cold water soothing me into a meditative state.

I took one breath—and disappeared into the ocean.