chapter 22

22   After that weekend I began to feel awkward around Nat, something I hadn’t quite anticipated. Things had changed between us. She must have noticed it too and though it took her quite some time to come and talk to me about this, she was the one to do it. I was a coward.A week later she came by my room one evening on her way out.‘Got a minute?’‘Yup.’ I came around my desk and stood leaning against it while she shut the door and walked up to me.‘How are you, Sid?’ ‘Good. Good,’ I repeated.‘Are you sure? You haven’t been yourself this past week, especially with me. Sid? Do we need to talk?’I shook my head.‘This is what I was afraid of. Well, since you’re clearly not going to, can I say something?’I nodded.‘What happened between us was beautiful but I know you think it was something I did because I needed it . . . and you have every right to judge me . . .’‘No, Nat.’‘Okay,’ she said, letting out a sigh and reaching for my hand, ‘at least you are talking now. Please, tell me what you’re thinking.’‘Nothing,’ I ran a hand through my hair, ‘I hate not knowing where this is headed, if at all—’‘I didn’t say that—’I was surprised. ‘Then what are you saying?’She took a deep breath. ‘All I am saying is that I trusted you, and let myself be weak and needy with you. I don’t know what this means but I don’t want to lose you to unnecessary rational thought. Please, will you just be there for me as you always have . . .’I didn’t know what to say to her. Nothing made sense any more.‘I am sorry if I have been strange, Nat, but I lie awake wondering what’s going to happen . . .’ I turned away from her.‘Sid, don’t do that!’ She walked around and stood in front of me again.I held her by her shoulders. ‘No pressure, but you dug a hook pretty deep into me, I think. Sorry.’‘Don’t be. This is difficult for me.’I wrapped my arms around her and pressed my face into her neck.‘Me too.’She slapped my shoulder and looked straight into my eyes, smiled and said, ‘Bullshit. I am the one who is married.’‘That’s what’s difficult,’ I joked.‘Oh Sid!’ she said, hugging me back tightly. ‘See, that’s why I like you so much. But can we please let this be? Sometimes it’s best to just let things alone and not complicate them with expectations and labels. And I want to believe that we can continue to be ourselves when we want to be. You know what I mean?’‘Yes, I think I do,’ I admitted reluctantly, and tightened my arms around her.It was how Cara found us when she walked in a few minutes later. I realized I hadn’t spoken with her all week. ‘Oh, sorry!’ she said, giving me a what-the-fuck-is-happening-here look.I was mortified as Nat and I drew apart.‘It’s my seventh wedding anniversary and Sid was just being Sid,’ Nat said smoothly. ‘I am having a party at home this weekend. You’re coming too,’ she added, turning to Cara.‘Oh? Congratulations!’ she said, and walked over and gave Nat a hug.I didn’t know what Nat was talking about and almost blurted out congratulations myself. My mind was in a whirl –Cara was in the room, as was Nat, and both of them had seen me naked, and there was this thing that had happened over the weekend. This was already getting way too surreal for me and I was feeling extremely uncomfortable and guilty as hell. Cara must have been wondering why I hadn’t called her since coming back from Goa.I walked away from both women, retreating behind the safety of my desk.‘So, seven-year itch, huh?’ Cara began, and I thought she was being snarky.‘What is that supposed to mean?’ I blurted out.‘You are so funny, Cara,’ Nat retorted at the same time, trying to calm things down.‘Chill, Sid, it’s a joke. I know you are friends,’ Cara said and laughed, suddenly looking like a teenager, reminding me that she was very young.‘So when is the party?’ she asked.‘This weekend,’ replied Nat. ‘Saturday, at my place.’ ‘Erm . . . ’‘Yes, Sid?’ Nat asked, eyebrows raised. ‘Nothing . . . er . . . lots of people?’‘No. The two of you, Roy, Aanya and some of Rajat’s friends. CD can’t make it. About twenty people in all, I’d think.’‘Okay, cool! Count me in. Can I bring anything? I could bake you guys a cake,’ Cara offered.‘ Of course! That would be lovely, thanks, Cara,’ said Nat.All this polite chatter was driving me nuts.‘Super!’ Cara said and, turning to me, asked, ‘Sid, will you be my date?’‘Sure,’ I replied.Nat smiled, grinned actually, and left the room, saying, ‘That’s settles it. See you guys on Saturday.’As soon as Nat left the room, Cara pounced on me, ‘Bastard! Why the fuck didn’t you call over the weekend or answer any of my calls?!’‘Girl!’‘Don’t “Girl” me!’‘I was at home all weekend. I thought it best to sit and work on the pictures from the Mater Dei shoot as soon as I came back. I can never find the time or the right frame of mind to go back to them once the work week begins.’‘Says Sebastião Salgado!’ ‘Hey! Don’t be mean.’She walked over to me and whispered in my ear, ‘You are such a bad liar, but you look very sexy when you try to lie!’‘Cara! Stop it.’‘You’ll have to make up for this,’ she said as she left. ‘I’ll see you on Saturday. Spend the day with me and then we’ll go over to Nat’s.’When she shut the door behind her I texted Nat. You sure you want me to come?What do you mean? And meet your husband?YesI stared at the phone for a while before responding; That’s it?I think so. No?