31. Darkness

Olivia

''You haven't spoken since the party ended. Are you okay?" Lucy whispers as soon as we enter the house. It's late in the night, mom and dad would probably be asleep.

"Yeah, I'm fine.'' I respond.

I can't get Joel Cullen off my mind.

''Hey girls.'' mom says wearing her pajamas, ''How was the party??''

''It was fire!'' I grin.

I know someone else who was fire tonight.

Shut up brain.

''Honey, are you hurt?'' mom asks, ''What's that on your collarbone?"

Oh shoot!

My hair is covering it, how the hell did she see it?

''Uh...I hit the door accidentally and it left a bruise.'' I burst.

The door? Really?

''Oh God, are you okay?" she asks worried.

''Yeah, don't worry. I'm going to sleep now, I'm really tired.'' I rush up the stairs.

"Goodnight!" mom shouts.

Did she realize that it was actually a hickey?

She was sleepy, so probably not.

Ugh, Joel Cullen you freak!

I lie on my bed and face the ceiling, which is decorated with stars and lights.

The blue paint of it reminds me of Joel's eyes. Everything blue reminds me of him.

The memory of his lips on my neck comes in my mind and I groan.

I can still feel his hands on my hips and thighs, I can still feel the way he kissed my neck and face.

He kissed every inch of my face except of my lips, he was really careful not to touch them.

The lips are the forbidden place.

But I wanted him to kiss me.

And I hate myself for it.

I hate myself that I almost kissed him.

Twice.

*Flashback*

''I can't.'' he breaths out and my heart stops.

He touches my face and tugs a strain of hair behind my ear, and I lean my head in his touch even that I don't want to do so.

He looks at me with curiosity and I drown on the ocean of his eyes.

I look at his lips, the beautiful full one that are like a magnet toward mine.

He stops breathing the moment I lean closer to him.

''Joel.''  Luke comes and I back away from him.

He groans and lies flat on the ground.

''What are you doing?" Luke scolds and grabs him by the shoulders.

''Um...he is drunk. I found him here and wanted to help.'' I say.

"Thanks.'' Luke says and drags Joel to his feet.

''Princess.'' Joel looks at me, ''You're here too?"

"I was here.'' I frown.

''Come on, we have to go.'' Luke drops Joel's arm around his shoulder.

''She's so beautiful, isn't she Luke?" he says.

"Yes, let's go now.''

''She's like a princess. The most beautiful one.'' he leans his head on Luke's shoulder.

''Can you grab his things and bring them to the car?" Luke asks carrying Joel who is still talking about the beautiful girl.

I nod and grab Joel's jacket and phone.

Who is the beautiful girl?

Is it me?  I shake my head at that thought. It can't be me. He hates me.

''She's my princess, Luke.'' Joel says as Luke pushes him in the back's seat of the car.

''Not that stupid Len's, mine.''

Len? Is he talking about Ben?

"It's Ben, Joel '' Luke pushes his feet inside.

''I don't care what his name is. She's, my princess. Right?" he holds the car's door.

"Yes, she is your princess. Go to sleep now.'' Luke closes the door.

I hand him Joel's things and he thanks me.

I can't stop the question from bursting out of my mouth.

"Is he talking about me?"

Luke smiles and nods.

''Joel isn't the one you think he is Olivia.''

*End of flashback.*

I would have kissed him if Luke didn't come.

He called me beautiful. Multiple times.

It isn't the first time that someone called me beautiful.

But hearing him say it, feels different.

It's like I desire to hear it from his mouth.

I cover my face with my hands and groan.

What are you doing to my thoughts Joel Cullen?

My phone vibrates on the nightstand, and I grab it to check the message.

It's the unknown number.

And yes, I haven't saved it as a contact.

It's still an unknown number.

I have no idea why I keep talking to this person.

But somehow it makes me feel good talking to it.

It makes me feel better when I text him all my worries. And it never judges me.

I don't even know if it is a boy or a girl.

A feeling tells me that this will bring me troubles.

I never follow the feeling.

Unknown number: Are you sleeping?

Me: No.

I can't sleep.

It's been one hour that I lie on my bed, thinking about him and I can't sleep.

Unknown number: It's 3Am why aren't you sleeping?

Me: Why aren't you sleeping?

Uknown number: I can't. Someone is on my thoughts.

I feel you bro.

Shut up brain.

Me: That's bad.

Unkown number: Keep me distracted.

I frown as I read the message.

Me: How?

Unkown number: Tell me how you are feeling.

Me: I'm fine.

Unkown number: The truth.

How does he know that I'm lying?

He's not a stalker, right?

Oh my God what if he's watching me right now?

I'm saying a 'he' but what if it is a girl?

A stalker girl?

Should I keep answering?

Fuck it, it's not as bad as Joel Cullen kissing my neck and calling me beautiful.

Me: To be honest I am a bit confused, and I have mixed feelings.

Unkown number: Why?

Me: Joel Cullen called me beautiful today.

I don't tell him the fact that he kissed me and left a hickey on my neck.

That's way to personal.

Telling him that you are confused is personal too.

Stop trying to be genius brain.

Unkown number: He did?

Me: Yes.

Me: And that doesn't make sense because he hates me.

The dots on the bottom of the phone's screen appear and disappear.

The reply comes after a while.

Unkown number: He doesn't hate you.

Me: And how do you know?

Unkown number: I just do.

Yeah, and I'm the queen of England.

I stare at the message, unable to respond.

Could it be real?

Could he really not hate me?  Why do I care if he hates me or not?

Me: He does hate me. He told me that himself.

Unkown number: What if he lied?

Me: What?

Unkown number: Go to sleep Olivia.

Me: Wait, what do you mean by that?

The reply never comes.

I fell asleep looking at my phone.

⚛⚛⚛⚛

I did a great job covering the hickeys with makeup.

They are invisible now.

''Hey, where is the bruise you had last night?" Lucy asks.

''Um...I covered it with makeup.'' I say and she nods.

I feel bad for not telling her.

''I'm going to the library.'' Lucy tells me as if I don't know her daily routine.

Andy hasn't come to school yet.

I guess I'll be alone at the cafeteria.

Joel is walking toward me as I'm heading down the hall.

He looks so goddamn beautiful and hot.

The sleeves of his shirt are rolled up and two of the top's buttons are undone, revealing his amazing chest.  The red tie sits loose in his shirt, and I want to reach my hand and fix it.

Joel never wears the uniform's jacket, and he never gets scolded about it.

His hair is messy falling on his forehead.

I have this strong urge to touch it. Just like last night.

Okay, I need to stop.

He stops in front of me, and I narrow my eyes at him.

''Are you mad at me?" he asks, and I raise my eyebrow.

What happened to good morning, how are you?

''If you're talking about you bullying me, locking me out on the rooftop, bankrupting my family and humiliating me in front of others then yes. I am mad at you.'' I cross my arms.

He rolls his eyes and then taps two fingers at the side of his neck.

Oh, he's talking about That.

He looks at my neck and then furrows his brows when he finds nothing.

"I hid it with makeup.'' I say and he nods.

I think I'm fucking blushing.

''So?" he asks, ''Are you mad?"

Am I mad?

I don't really know.

I mean I liked it. Like not liked, liked it but just liked it.

What the hell am I saying?

My brain is not well those days.

Do I need a therapist?

I look up at Joel who is patiently waiting for my answer.

Does he remember that he called me beautiful when he was drunk?

''I don't know.'' I answer.

Oh God, I so hope that I'm not blushing right now.

''Alright then.'' he says and walks past me.

''Alright then.'' I mock him, ''Ugh, he's so freaking full of himself!"

I turn ahead and find Sam in front of me.

''Holy shit, you scared the bejesus out of me!" I say with a hand to my chest.

He looks at me with a neutral face and breaks the bomb at my feet.

"Joel kissed Alexa at the school's kitchen.''

My world spins.

I take a deep breath and force a fake smile.

''And?"

"Right after you left.'' he says and walks away leaving me here in shock.

He kissed her.

Right after I left.

He did all that with me and then he kissed her?

I turn the moment of last night to my mind.

Joel baby she called him.

Are they dating?

If she's his girlfriend, why would he do that with me?

Why would he do that to me?

Tears form on my eyes, but I refuse to let them free.

I won't cry for him.

But why?

Why? Why me?

I think I'm struggling to breath.

Come on Olivia you can't be like this.

You don't even care about him.

He's the enemy.

But God, it hurts!

I clench my chest and try to breathe through my nose.

Why does Alexa want always to get what's mine?

Joel was never yours.

You're making it worse brain!

''Hey Olivia?" Eloise calls and I look up at her.

''Yes?" I give her a fake smile.

''Um...Lucy wants to meet you to the school's basement.''

"School's basement?" I ask and she nods.

Why would she want to meet me on the basement?

She knows that I hate darkness.

''Like, right now?" I ask.

Class is going to start soon.

''Yes.'' she says and leaves.

I turn to go the basement.

It won't be that much dark right? And Lucy is there, so it won't be a problem.

''Lucy?" I call when I arrive at the bottom of the stairs.

I don't dare to open the door and go inside.

What if it is too dark in there?

''Lucy? You in there?" no answer comes from inside.

Is she okay?

What if a large object has fallen on her head and now, she's unconscious?  I shake my head at the terrible thought.

Okay Olivia, you can do this.

Just a little peek to see if she's there or not and then leave.

I open the door and light comes from it.

Hm, I didn't know that there were lights on the basement.

I laugh at myself.

I was scared for no reason.

There is no one here when I go inside.

Where is Lucy?

Suddenly the door is closed, and I reach to open it.

It doesn't open.

''Oh, come on again? Do you have a crush on locked door or something?" I yell trying to open it.

The lights go off.

The lights...

Oh God.

No, no, no.

Everything else except this.

''Lucy!" I scream, ''Please get me out of here.''

Fear and panic grab a hold of me, and I stumble to open the door.

Oh, I'm going to die here.

''Please.'' tears run down my face as I look around the darkness.

''Joel, get me out please.''

No one responds my cries of help.

The darkness will eat me alive.

I can't see myself.

It's too dark.

''Joel, what did I ever do to you?" I cry as my breath hardens and my panic worsens.

"Why do you hate me this much?"

Joel.

Olivia didn't come to our first period of class. And now she's missing the second.  I don't like this feeling of worry inside me.

''Avril.'' I whisper to my sister, and she turns at me, ''Do you know where Olivia is?''

She shrugs with a smirk, and I narrow my eyes at her.

I swear if she got anything to do with it.

I raise my hand, ''Yes Joel?" teacher asks.

"May I go to the restroom?" I run out as soon as she says yes.

I go out and look for her.

The cafeteria is empty.

The garden too.

She's not in the gym.

The pool is empty too.

Where is she?

I turn to search the rooftop, but she's not there either.

Olivia would never miss a class let alone two. I'm sure that she is in danger.

I stop to take my breath after half an hour of search.

I looked around all the school.

This school is like a fucking palace, it took my breath away searching everywhere.

And yet she's nowhere to be seen.

Where are you princess?

My phone vibrates with a message, and I frown looking at the sender.

Royal Academy News: Did you look at the basement?

I run down the basement after reading the message.

''Princess?" I yell and try to open the door.

It's locked.

Damn it.

''Joel?" I hear Olivia's voice, ''Joel please get me out of here, I don't like darkness.'' she cries.

Oh, don't cry please.

''I know, I know princess I know. I'll get you out of there, don't worry.'' I say pushing at the door.

''Are you at the door?'' I ask and she doesn't answer, ''I need you to get away from the door, okay? Can you do that for me?"

She doesn't answer, all I hear are her heavy breaths.

''Olivia, can you hear me?" I ask panicked. Shit, come on you can't do this to me.

''Olivia.'' I yell this time.

''Get.'' she breaths, ''Me'' another breath, ''Out.''

Fuck, she's having a panic attack.

''I will get you out I promise.'' I say, ''You have to get away from the door so I can break it, okay? Can you, do it?''

"I can't'' she says her voice heavy ''Breath.''

Fuck.

''Just calm down and try to breath. Don't be afraid, I'm here.'' I say close to the door. ''Olivia, can you hear me? Can you listen to my voice?"

"Yes.'' she says in a shaky voice.

"Where are you now?''

"I don't... I don't know, I can't see.'' she cries.

''I need you to go away from the door as far as possible. Can you, do it?" I ask her desperately.

"N-no.'' she whispers.

''You have to do it. Go away from the door.'' I say.

I hear movements and my heart calms.

''Are you away from the door?" I ask.

''Yes.'' she answers.

Oh, thank God.

''I'll get you out.'' I say and push the door with my shoulder.  It's not fucking opening and I'm not hearing Olivia anymore.

''Princess? Are you okay?" no answer, ''Olivia, say something please.''

I push to the door harder this time.

After a couple of minutes, the door finally breaks.

I go inside and find her curled up on a ball, shaking.

I run toward her and hug her.

''Hey, you're okay. I've got you.'' I whisper hugging her tightly.

No reaction comes from her.

She's still shaking and breathing heavily.

I grab her face gently in my hands and brush her hair out of her face.

There are tears on her eyes, and I wipe them away from her dump face.

She's still on a panic state, I think. There is no reaction coming from her.

''Princess.'' I whisper and sit her on my lap. ''Shh, you're good now. I've got you.''

I kiss the tears from her eyes.

Those beautiful hazel eyes.

''Joel?" her voice shakes.

"Hi.'' I whisper and she hugs me tightly.

I hug her back and rub her back.

''I've got you.'' I whisper to her ear and kiss her head.

She leans her head on my shoulder and her breathing calms.

We stay like that for a while.

Her sitting on my lap with her head on my chest.

''Are you okay now?" I whisper and she nods her head.

''Should we go now?" I say and her hold on me tightens.

''At least let's go to cafeteria, we can't stay here.'' I say to her, and she fists my shirt.

I chuckle at this sudden affection.

"Are you still scared?" I kiss her forehead.

I can't stop myself from kissing her damn it.

Her skin is so soft, and I love it.

''Okay, I'll carry you there then.'' I say and struggle to get up with her on my arms.

I carry her bridal style and get out of the basement. She wights nothing, it looks like I'm carrying my school bag.

We arrive at the cafeteria which is empty and place her softly on the couch.

Her hands immediately end up around my neck and she hugs me tightly.

I frown.

What the hell is happening?

Is she thanking me or something?

Ain't no way Olivia Meyer is hugging me.

I hug her back and wait for her to push me away.

It never happens.

I sit down beside her, and she snuggles close to me.

Okay...

''Olivia?" Lucy and Andy come running toward us.

Luke and Avril are with them too.

''What did you do to her?" Andy asks.

''I did nothing to her. I found her on the basement and got her out.'' I say.

"Oh God.'' Lucy says and hugs Olivia who surprisingly is still snuggled against me.

''Cherie.'' Andy hugs her and tries to get her away from me.

She shrugs off Andy's hand and hugs me.

''Merde.'' Andy curses.

Luke and Avril look at me eyes wide and I give them ''what the hell is happening?" look.

''Joel?" Lucy calls and I look at her. ''Will you do Olivia another favor?"

I would burn this school for her.

"Sure.''

''Can you stay with her until her aftershock ends?" she asks and my brows furrow.

''This is bullshit!" Andy says and sits on the couch.

''I can, but why?" I ask looking at Olivia hugging me with her head on my chest.

''Olivia is in an aftershock state right now and she only wants close the one who got her out of the darkness. She thinks that the darkness is going to come again if she lets go of the one who saved her. This will end after the aftershock don't worry.'' Lucy explains and I nod.

I wrap her arms around her, and she sits on my lap, resting her head on my neck.

I have to keep myself from smiling, everyone is fucking watching me.

''So, she kinda loves me now?" I ask and Avril snorts.

I glare at her.

''Don't worry she'll hate you again.'' Andy says.

But I don't want her to hate me again.

I want her to stay in my arms like this forever. I want her to be this close to me, to feel her skin, her scent, her warmth. I want her not to hate me.

But this is just for a moment and hate will begin again.

Olivia hugs me tight and her breath tickles my neck.

So, this is how it feels to be hugged by Olivia Meyer?

It's warm and beautiful, and it feels right. So goddamn right.

I wish we were in different circumstances.

''This is the weirdest shit my eyes have ever seen.'' Avril says and I spare her a glance.

I start playing with Olivia's hair.

Her hair is so soft and beautiful. It feels weird that she's letting me touch it.

''She's asleep.'' Lucy says after a while.

I look down and find Olivia sleeping on my chest.

A weird feeling envelope on my chest.

She's so beautiful, it's killing me.

''I'll get her from you know.'' Lucy says.

What, no. I want to keep her.

What the hell am I saying?

I can't keep her.

I nod at Lucy and try to free myself from her, but she holds me tightly.

I smile at myself.

''I'll take her to your car.'' I say.

I don't want to, but I have to.

I scoop Olivia on my arms and carry her outside.

''It's right here.'' Lucy says unlocking her car.

I take her inside the car and untwist her hands from shirt.

''Goodbye princess.'' I whisper and pace a soft kiss on her forehead.

She murmurs something and I smile.

''Thank you, Joel.'' Lucy smiles.

''It's okay.'' I say.

Lucy is so kind, I'm surprised that Olivia is her sister.

When I approach my siblings at the cafeteria they are staring at me.

Amused Luke and a glaring Avril.

Typical.

''What a show!" Avril huffs.

''We two need to talk.'' I glare at her.

''Sure, let's talk.'' she crosses her legs.

''You did it.'' I point at her.

"Was that a question?" she raises her eyebrow.

My heart drops.

A part of me wished that it wasn't her.

''Why the fuck would you do that?" I ask raising my voice.

"Are you protecting her, Joel?" she gets up from the couch.

''I'm not. I'm asking you why you would do that!'

''Wait a second now.'' Luke gets up, ''Who did what?"

"Our beloved sister locked Olivia on the basement.'' I say.

"What?" Luke looks at her.

''I didn't lock her, the door locked itself.'' she says, and I look at her in disbelief.

''Are you kidding with me, Avril?" I yell at her.

''Why are you yelling at me?" she yells back.

''Guys stop.'' Luke comes between us. ''Can you explain what you did Avril?"

''There is nothing to explain. She locked her in the basement and turned all the lights off.'' I say and Luke glares at me.

''You did that?" Luke asks Avril.

I can't believe that he thinks that our sister is a nice person.

She's not. Even I am not as bad as her.

''Yes, I did.'' she admits, ''I told Eloise to tell Olivia that Lucy wants to meet her on the basement. I turned off the lights and I closed the door. But I didn't lock it damn it! I just wanted to scare her, so I just closed the door, but I didn't know that it was broken, and it locked itself.'' tears form on her green eyes and she refuses to let them fall.

''Why would you do that Avril?'' Luke asks, his voice softer now.

''Because...because I wanted to feel useful, okay? I wanted to do something in this family that would make father proud. I want to hear him say 'well done' to me one more time. You are helping with the family's business, Joel is destroying the Meyers with his hacking skills. Me? What am I doing? Nothing. I wanted to do something. I want him to look at me with pride. I...I didn't think it would be that bad. I thought that she would only get scared...I didn't think. I'm not a bad person, I just wanted-'' she cries, and I hug her.

''I'm sorry.'' I whisper.

I know how she feels.

I know it very well.