33. I needed you.

Olivia

I pace around the room as I read his message.

It was Joel all the time. All the damn time!

And the things I said to him...

I go to all our text messages, since the beginning and reread them with my heart at my hand.

It is so fucking obvious that it was him, how can I be so stupid?

The fact that he knew which my favorite song is, him knowing that I was locked on the basement and telling me that he was the only one who saw me.

He basically told me who he was, and I was too fucking dump to realize it!

I stop at one message and stare at it.

He doesn't hate you.

He doesn't hate me?

Joel told me this himself, I mean he said it through the unknown number.

But is it true? Does he really not hate me?

Do I really hate him?

Ugh, what is happening to me?

He's your enemy and he kissed Alexa.

I remind myself.

This is much better.

And it hurts too.

Great!

I fall on my bed with a groan.

I knew it I shouldn't have texted back the unknown number.

⚛⚛⚛⚛

''Morning people!" I sit on the table on the cafeteria with my classmates.

"Morning, queen!'' Justin gives me a pancake. ''I saved it only for you.''

''Aww, thank you.'' I smile and take a bite.

''Hey Olivia?" Ben sits next to me.

I look up at him, my smile still on my face.

"I... uh...I didn't get the opportunity to apologize to you on what happened at Andy's party. I'm really sorry. I... I shouldn't have done that.'' he says with a light blush on his cheek.

''It's okay.'' I smile at him.

''Am I forgiven?" he asks, and I nod.

''Phew!'' he hugs me.

I laugh as I wrap my arms around his neck, in a friendly way.

Suddenly a chair is dragged making a loud noise.

I look up and find Joel sitting on the table, opposite of me.  He crosses hiss arms and glares at Ben.

''Moring Len.'' he says and glares at Ben's arm around my shoulder.

''It's Ben.''

Joel rolls his eyes and sips his coffee, still glaring at Ben's arm.

''Well, our king Joel is here.'' Justin says. ''The queen and the king. Perfect match!"

He looks at us like a proud father.

The perfect match.

''Aww, you're calling me a queen Justin?" Alexa sits next to Joel and gives him a kiss on his cheek.

He smiles up at her.

I feel my blood boil from the sight in front of me.

''I was talking about Olivia.'' Justin says in disgust. ''You're the witch!''

I smirk.

She is indeed the witch.

Alexa gives Justin a poisonous look and touches Joel's arm.

Get your claws away from him, you fucking witch!

Woah Olivia, chill girl!

''Are you jealous, miss Olivia?" Katrina whispers next to me and a chill run on my body.

She gives me the creeps, man!

''Of whom? Of course I'm not.'' I say.

''Of Joel. And of course you are.'' she says. ''You're looking at Alexa like you want to drown her on a bathtub and you look like you want to go there and claim Joel as yours.''

I let out a humorless laugh.

''I do not look like that! You're mistaken.'' I shrug off.

"I never do mistakes miss Olivia. I believe what I see.'' she says, and I stare at her.

''Do you know what else I see?" she asks, and I raise my eyebrow.

''I see that Joel looks like he wants to break Ben's arm off.'' she says, and I look at Ben's arm that is placed behind my chair.

I look over at Joel who is too talking and flirting with Alexa.

''He's too busy talking with her to realize where Ben's arm is.'' I scoff and Katrina smiles.

"So, you are jealous.''

''Ugh, leave me alone Katrina.'' I say and she adjusts her glasses facing forward.

Suddenly Alexa laughs out loud and Joel chuckles, looking at her like she's the only girl in the room.

I feel my stomach twist when he smiles at her.

''We got another couple here?" Ben raises his eyebrow at them.

Joel shrugs and Alexa bites her lip at him.

I clench my teeth and stab the pancake with my fork.

''You don't like it?" Ben asks looking at the poor pancake, ''Try this one. It has strawberries on it.'' he winks, and I smile at him.

I look at my favorite food in the world and my stomach refuses to take it.

The hell?

Who gave you the right to lose appetite?

On pancakes really?

''Hey Len, can you give me one pancake too?" Joel asks glaring at Ben.

What is his problem with him seriously?

''It's Ben and why would I give you pancakes?" Ben scoffs.

''Well, you're offering them to Olivia, so I thought you're the one passing the pancakes around the table.'' he shrugs.

"I only give them to Olivia.'' Ben says and Joel's glare hardens.

''Oh, this is not good at all!" Katrina says under her breath, and I frown at her.

''Why?" Joel asks.

"Why what?" Ben frowns.

"Why would you give them only to her?''

''Are you seriously asking me this?"

"Answer the question.'' Joel says in a firm voice.

''Joel calm down, why is it bothering you this much?'' Alexa wraps her arm around his shoulder.

Joel brushes her arm off and continues glaring at Ben.

''Man, this is really tense.'' Justin looks between Joel and Ben.

''Leave it.'' I say to Ben and take a bite from my pancake.

He looks away from Joel and smiles at me.

Joel gets up in a fury, making the chair fall on the floor.

Everyone at the table flinches, looking at Joel with wide eyes.

I thought that he would do something to Ben, but he left the cafeteria.

I look him walk away with a shaky breath.

''I have to go after him.'' Alexa says and I glare at her.

''Oh, sit down witch. I'm sure he doesn't need your annoying voice.'' Justin says and everyone laughs.

"Do you have a death wish, Paterson?" she gets up from her seat.

My phone rings on my pocket and I lazily take it out.

My heart skips a beat when I read the message.

Joel Cullen: Come to the pool.

Joel Cullen: Now.

I bite my nail as I think of if I should go or not.

What would he want?

Would he do something to me if I go there? He looked really mad, furious actually.

But I didn't do anything to him. Not this time.

''Are you okay?" Ben asks and I turn off my phone.

"Yeah, I'm fine.'' I smile.

I look at the message again.

What if he needs something?

What would Joel Cullen need from you Olivia?

Maybe he wants to say something to me?

Well, if I don't go, I'll never know...

Fuck it!

I get up from the table and walk out of the cafeteria.

The pool is empty when I enter. No one is around and Joel is nowhere to be seen.

''Cullen?" I call. ''Joel?

Nope nothing, absolute desert.

As soon as I was about to go out someone grabs me and pushes me against the wall.

''What is going on between you and Ben?" Joel asks closer to my face.

''Oh, so now you know his name?" I ask, my breath leaving my soul.

''Answer the question.'' he grabs my shoulders and pushes me at the wall again and I wince.

That fucking hurt!

''Why do you care?" I ask.

"That wasn't the fucking answer either.'' he grits his teeth.

"Fuck off Cullen.'' I push him and walk away from him.

''Just answer the question, Olivia!" he yells, and I flinch at the sudden raise of his voice.

''You're scaring me right now.'' I whisper.

His eyes widen and he lets out a shaky breath.

''Okay, okay. I'm sorry.'' he touches his hair at his forehead, and I realize that his hand is shaking. ''I... I'm really sorry. Sorry.''

''Stop apologizing.'' I say.

He's making me worried right now.

''Yeah right, sorry.'' he swallows.

''Are you-''

"Is there something between you and Ben?" he interrupts me.

"Not like something between you and Alexa.'' I glare and he smirks.

''Nothing is going between me and her.'' he says.

"Oh, I see.'' I scoff.

''Are you jealous Olivia Meyer?" he smirks coming closer to me.

He changed his attitude from angry to teasing.

Is he a fucking bipolar?

I'm starting to believe that right now.

I won't be surprised if I see him crying after five minutes.

''I'm not jealous of you!" I say.

"I think you are.'' he crosses his arms.

''Well boo to the fucking hoo Cullen, I'm not!" it's my turn to be angry now.

''You're not?" he asks coming closer.

"I'm not.'' I walk backwards.

''Are you sure?" he raises his brow.

I have come to the edge of the pool now.

Fantastic.

''What do you want, Cullen?" I glare.

''You.'' he answers.

My face fell.

I stare at him in shock, and he smirks at me.

Is he for real?

That was very smooth actually.

Shut up brain.

''Well, you can't have me.'' I bite my lip.

"I know that.'' he stares at my lips.

''Good'' I say. ''Go and kiss Alexa now.''

He chuckles and breaks the space between us.

"I knew it that you were jealous!''

''To be jealous you need to care. And I don't give a fuck about you, Joel.'' I say and he narrows his eyes.

"You don't give a fuck about me?" he asks.

"You heard that right.''

''You wouldn't care if I go and kiss Alexa right now?" he asks, and I grit my teeth.

"Not at all."

''Not even if I kiss her in front of you?"

''No.'' I lie.

He nods. Disappointed.

''What? Is your ego hurt?" I ask.

''Not at all.'' he takes a step back from me.

''You know what I'm thinking?" I say.

It's time for a bit revenge.

He raises his eyebrow looking at me.

''I should definitely go and give Ben the kiss he missed on Andy's party because an asshole spilled 'accidently' his drink on him.'' I smirk and his eyes narrows.

''Then I'll make sure that the asshole 'accidently' makes him go to the hospital this time.'' he says, and I gasp.

''You wouldn't do that.'' I say.

''Watch. Me.''

He is serious.

He would definitely do that.

''And why would you do that Joel? Hm? What gives you the right to do that? Are you, my boyfriend?'' I say and he narrows his eyes. ''You go kiss Alexa and I'll go kiss Ben''

''Yeah, that won't work.'' he says.

"Why not? You were kissing Alexa just fine.'' I say.

''When did you see me kiss her for the God's sake?" he runs a hand to his forehead.

The memory of him and her on that locker at the basketball game flush on my mind.

And Sam told me that he kissed her on the school's kitchen.

"It doesn't matter.'' I say. ''After all I don't fucking care about you.''

''It's your second time saying that.'' he says.

"Let's make it a third, shall we?" I say. ''I don't care about you.''

He pushes me at the pool.

"Joel!" I scream as I fall on the water.

I swim up on the surface and take a deep breath, coughing out the water.

''I thought I needed to jump in to save you.'' Joel laughs.

''You motherfucker!'' I yell.

''Stupid bastard! Why the hell would you do that?" I glare at him.

''For fun.'' he shrugs, and I narrow my eyes at him.

I swim closer to him and hold out my hand.

He stares at it and then raises an eyebrow.

''Are you going to help me or not?" I say.

He rolls his eyes and takes my hand.

I ignore the tingles running on my body from his touch and drag him on the pool.

He falls with a huge splash and both of us sink on the bottom.

He wraps his arms around my waist and holds us underwater.

I open my eyes to find him looking at me.

He winks and then swims us up to the surface.

Our lips brush as we go up above water.

And they continue touching as we try to take a breath.

I try to swim away from him, but he holds me close by my waist.

Our lips aren't brushing anymore, but they are very close, one wrong move and we would kiss.

I want him to make the wrong move.

I want our lips to brush with each other again.

He looks at my lips, water dripping from his beautiful long lashes.

Then his eyes shift to mine, the blue of them reflecting with the blue of the water.

I'm hypnotized by them.

I blink away from him and push his hands away.

Shit, I almost kissed him.

Again!

''Fucker!'' I curse and get out of the pool.

He follows next.

I squeeze the water out of my hair and continue doing the same with my clothes.

"Idiot! I have no spare clothes with me, how am I supposed to stay like this at school?" I look up at him.

Why I always have no spare clothes when bad things happen to me?

Luck: zero.

He stares at my shirt not saying anything.

I roll my eyes and snap my fingers at him, ''Joel!"

"Yeah?'' he blinks away and looks at my face.

''I'm dripping and it's your fault. What will I do now?" I say with anger.

He looks at my shirt again and nods.

''Come with me.'' he says and turns away.

"Where?"

"Just come.'' he says, and I follow.

I think both of us are going to ignore the fact that our lips brushed.

''I'm not wearing your clothes!'' I say looking at the hoodie and pants Joel is holding.

''Alright then, stay like that.'' he says looking at my wet uniform.

I look at my skirt that is dripping water and the shirt that is sticked at my body.

I think that this stupid wet shirt is revealing my skin.

I look at Joel that is looking at my shirt. He catches me staring and quickly looks away clearing his throat.

''What about you?" I ask.

"I'll figure something.'' he says.

I sigh and grab the clothes from him.

I enter the girl's bathroom and take off my wet clothes.

He gave me a white hoodie this time with some black writings on the front.

I put it on and his scent envelopes me. It wraps me like a warm hug.

I pull the hoodie close to my nose and breath him in.

Fucking hell, why does he smell so good?

I try to put on the pants, but they are super long and stay to lose on my waist.

I have to hold them with my hand, so they don't fall down on my legs.

Soon I give up trying to adjust the pants and decide to only wear the hoodie.

It reaches my knees anyways.

How fucking tall is he?

I get out of the bathroom and find Joel leaning against the wall waiting for me.

Joel looks up at me and then runs his gaze down my body.

He licks his lips and then clears his throat.

''You didn't wear the pants.'' he says.

"They were too long.'' I give him the pants and he takes them, ''The hoodie covers everything anyways, I don't need them.''

He nods and then looks one last time on my body before walking away.

Joel.

Fucking fuck, I think I'm going to have a heart attack.

This girl is driving me insane!

She's fucking killing me!

The way that shirt was revealing her skin and bra, the way the water dripped down her fabulous body, the way my hoodie was looking on her and those fucking legs!

I'm a fucking goner.

I fought with my own existence not to fucking touch her.

Or kiss the life out of her amazing lips.

Our lips brushed and my heart was aching just to have another contact of her.

Oh, to feel those lips one more time...

I go in the boy's bathroom and put on my pants.

I don't have another shirt, but it's fine. The wet one will dry out sooner or later.

My phone rings with a message.

Luke: Come out to the front of the school.

I frown at it and leave the bathroom.

Two black cars are parked on the entrance of the school and students are gathered around.

''Hey.'' I approach Luke. ''What's going on?"

He looks at my appearance with a frown, '' What happened to you?"

"Tell you later.'' I say. ''Who's on the car?"

''No clue. It's been five minutes that the cars are facing each other.'' Luke speaks.

I look over at the cars, the windows are black so we can't view what's inside.

Suddenly Avril grabs me by the collar of my shirt and looks me in anger.

"What the hell?" I look at her.

"Why does Olivia Meyer have your hoodie?" she asks, and I frown.

"How the hell do you know that it's my hoodie?" I ask.

''Why is your shirt wet?" she lets go of my shirt with disgust.

"Go away Avril, I don't have time for you.'' I turn away from her.

"Well-''

''Quiet!'' Luke says, ''The car's door are opening.''

Christian Meyer and father come out of the car.

''Fuck.'' I let out a breath.

''What is father doing here?" Avril whispers.

''Did you know about this?'' I ask Luke.

"No.'' he says.

I look at our father that is having a silence fight with Christian Meyer.

How the fuck are they here at the same time?

Father breaks the glare with his enemy and walks toward us.

''Father.'' the three of us nod when he approaches us.

He nods at us and then his gaze shifts on me and my ruined wet clothes.

''Why are you in this condition?'' he asks in disgust.

''I... there was an accident.'' I swallow.

''Accident? What accident? You choose to embarrass me here too?'' he says, and I held my head down.

''Put your head up!'' he orders, and I do.

''Daddy.'' I hear Olivia's voice.

All of us turn to look at her.

She runs toward Christian and hugs him, my hoodie raising up revealing her thighs.

I have to fight demons to keep a fucking straight face.

''Hi pumpkin.'' Christian kisses the top of her head.

''Hi dad.'' Lucy approaches them and Christian hugs her too.

"Hi cupcake.'' he kisses the top of her head.

He has nickname for his daughters.

My father's nickname for me is disappointment.

''Salut uncle Christian.'' Andy says and hugs him.

''Hello, my boy.'' he says and tugs him by his neck, ''Are you doing your job properly?"

"Yes sir. Your daughters are all safe and sound.'' Andy says and the Meyer sisters laugh.

Christian Meyer might not be a good man, but he is a good father.

I can see it from here.

I wish my father was like him too.

''Why did you come here father?" Luke asks and he tears his gaze away from the Meyers.

''I came to see how the situation in school.'' he says and then looks at me, ''Not good apparently.''

''Seems that Christian came here to make a conference about the fact that his company is not bankrupting.'' father says and I look up at him.

They are not bankrupting?

How the fuck is that not happening?

Olivia didn't say a thing about it, not even when she was texting with me.

''You failed me again Joel.'' he says, and the sky falls on top of me, crushing my soul.

''I have never been this much disappointed then now. I thought that you finally achieved something, but no. You did nothing, like always you did nothing. I knew it that I shouldn't have trusted you.'' he spits out the words full of hate.

''Watching Christian Meyer here is a slap in the face. But worse of all is knowing that my son failed his task. When will you learn? When will you be a Cullen?" he says.

My words stuck on my throat.

''Look at you.'' he looks at me in disgust, ''Your shirt is wet, your jacket is gone, tie too. The pants you are wearing aren't the uniform's pants. What are you doing? Where is your head at? Is this how you represent the Cullen? You're embarrassing yourself and your family.''

''I apologize.'' I whisper.

"I don't need your shitty apologize.''  he speaks. ''Let me ask you something.'' he comes closer to me.

''Did I tell you to stay away from Olivia Meyer?'' he asks, and I look up at him.

"Father I-''

"Did I or did I not ask you to Joel?" he interrupts me.

''You did.'' I swallow.

''And what did you do?" he asks.

"Father, I only-''

''What did you do?" he interrupts me again.

''I didn't stay away from her.'' I say looking at the ground.

''Why?" he asks.

I look up at him and then at Olivia who is laughing with her father.

''Why Joel?" father's harsh voice calls.

Because I can't.

I can't stay away from her.

He shakes his head as I don't answer to him.

''You disappoint me.'' he says.

I know.

''Adam Cullen and Christian Meyer, what an honor to have both of you here.'' principal calls.

"Hi Nova.'' father says.

''It's a pleasure being here.'' Christian says, ''Everything is okay for my conference I suppose?"

"Absolutely, yes.'' principal Nova smiles.

''Get out of my sight.'' father says to me, ''Don't let the whole world see you in this condition. Come back when you have learned to be a Cullen.''

I nod at him, my chest burning.

I know, I'm used to it, but why does it hurt all the time?

''Where are you going?" Luke asks as I turn the opposite way.

''Father doesn't need me, there is no need for me to be here.'' I say.

''Joel-''

"Luke please. I don't have energy for this.'' I say and walk away.

I feel like I'm going to collapse, right here, right now.

I enter the school and find an empty corner, far away hidden from the world.

I sit there and lean my head against the wall.

Why do I disappoint my father in every step I do?

Why everything I do comes out as a failure?

I am a failure.

Why do I need to be the best in everything to make my father love me?

Why do I need to do everything to make my mother notice me?

I am a human too.

Why do they want to break me every time?

There is nothing left in me that it's not broken.

Every piece of my soul, my heart and my mind are broken.

And no one cares.

Noone has actually cared about me.

I'm the bad boy in their eyes.  The playboy.

The one who only wants to party and have girlfriends.

The one who only likes to have fun.

I'm not the responsible one in their eyes. I'm the useless one.

But at everything I do to change their opinion on me, I fail.

I try to make my father love me for who I am.

I fail.

I try to make my mother notice me.

I fail.

I try to make Olivia like me.

I fail.

I try to do something for my family.

I fail.

After all my father is right. I'm a failure, a huge disappointment.

A sting comes in my chest, and I wince.

It's hard to breathe.

At moments like this is very hard to breath.

And I'm alone.

Like always.

Alone.

I rest my head at my knees and try to regulate my breathing.

I just want to cry.

But father says that crying is for the week ones.

And I'm a man.

I can't cry.

''Joel?''

Oh, please not now.

Not now please, you can't see me like this.

I clear my throat a couple of times and answer without turning at her. ''Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" Olivia's soft voice makes my heart clench.

''Yeah, I'm fine.'' my voice comes out all wrong.

Fuck.

I hope she didn't notice it.

She sits down next to me without saying anything.

After a while she rests her head on my shoulder and my heart explodes in my chest.

We sit like that for a while.

Her head still resting on my shoulder.

''What's wrong with you?" she asks.

''Nothing.'' I lie.

''How are you feeling then?'' she asks, and I take a shaky breath.

It's weird when someone is asking you how you are feeling. It's a thing I don't experience to many times.

''I'm feeling good.'' I lie and a traitor tear runs down my cheek. Olivia turns her head.

Oh, please don't look at me.

''Can you go away?" I cover my face with my hands.

She doesn't move.

"Please. I'm begging you, go away.'' I whisper.

She doesn't make any attempt to move. Instead, she moves even closer to me.

Weirdly her presence makes me feel better.

''Do you need a hug?'' she asks, and I look at her in surprise.

I study her face to see if she's joking with me, but her face is really honest. She looks like she's in pain watching me like this.

My goodhearted, sweet Olivia.

I nod at her, and she comes in front of me, wrapping her arms around me.

I hug her back and nestle my head into her neck, breathing her in. She holds me closer, tightening her embrace. I hug her warmth and breathe in her scent. It calms me. It makes my heart float.

Her hugs are the best thing you could ask in this world.

Her presence is like a soothing balm to my soul, easing the turmoil within me. As we stand there, wrapped in each other's arms, the world outside fades away. In this moment, nothing else matters but the comfort we find in each other. Her heartbeat against mine is a steady rhythm that grounds me, and I feel a sense of peace I haven't felt in a long time.

''Thank you.'' I whisper against her neck, and she pats my back.

After a while we pull away. I lean my head against the wall and look at her.  She smiles at me, and I feel like my heart doesn't belong to me anymore.

''Why did you do it?" I ask, ''Hug me I mean.''

''Sometimes people don't ask for what they need.'' she says, ''You needed a hug.''

I needed you.

''Thanks.'' I give her a light smile.

''I need something in return though.'' she says.

Of course you do.

''What do you want?'' I ask.

''A smile.'' she says, and my heart escaped my rib cage.  ''A dimple one.'' she says with a little blush, ''Can you give it to me?''

I look up at her and smile.

I give her my dimple smile.

I feel like I would give her whatever she asks me for.

She puts her chin on her head and watches me with a smile.

I laugh at her, and she grins.

''You like my dimples?" I ask her and she nods.

My heart flutters.

''They are beautiful.'' she says.

She lifted my sadness away just with her presence.

This is Olivia. She's like a sunshine in people's life.

She's the Sun in my life.

This was supposed to be a little game, but I don't feel like I'm playing anymore.

The worst part is that I feel like I'm already losing.

Author's note:

This is the longest chapter I have ever written!

Word count: 4225.

Love you always,

G. T. Diola.