40. Dimples

Olivia

Joel hugs me again.

He wraps his arms around my waist and buries his nose into my neck, hugging me tightly.

I wrap my arms around his neck and comfort him.

There is something wrong with him, I can feel it from his still hard breathing and the rising and falling chest.  His cheeks are wet from his tears, the tears that broke my heart when he sobbed on my arms.

He was having a panic attack when I arrived here.

I have seen him having a panic attack before, but this is the worst one I have seen. He was on the ground, all his body was shaking, and he wasn't breathing properly. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him like that.

What could have happened that made Joel Cullen like that?

What happened to him?

I want to know what's wrong with him, I want to know what's hurting him. And I want to help him. There is an overprotective feeling on my chest which needs to protect Joel on all costs. I need to find the reason of his panic attacks and his tears and destroy it. I want to ruin the one that is making him sad.

But he won't tell me...

''Joel.'' I whisper.

''Hm?'' he murmurs.

He's still hugging me; his head is on my chest and his eyes are closed.

And the thing is...I like it.

I like Joel hugging me and leaning his head on my chest.  It's warm and very comforting.

I wish I could hug him like this forever.

''Why won't you tell me what happened to you?'' I say and his body stiffens.

He lets go of my waist and shifts away from me, leaning his head on the wall.

My chest aches from the sudden lack of contact.

Joel's eyes are closed and his hais is falling on his forehead.

His face looks broken.

I look down at his lips and a reminder of our sudden kiss comes at me.

His kiss was beautiful and painful at the same time.

He kissed me as if it would ease his pain, as if my kiss was the antidote of the unbearable pain stinging his chest.

He confessed his love to me...

I stared at him unable to do anything as he continued kissing me and telling me his feelings.

I refused to believe any of it. I refuse to believe that Joel Cullen is in love with me.

But he looked so sincere and broken which leaves me no other option than to believe that he actually feels something else for me which is not hate.

His features relaxed when he confessed his feelings.  As if he took away one of the worries inside his heart.

Am I the reason of his panic attack?

''Did it...happen because of me?'' I whisper playing with my hands, not looking at his face.

''What?'' I look up at him and his brows are furrowed, ''God no, of course not. Why would you think that?''

''It's not because of you.'' he says and my heart calms.

''Then who is it? Or what is it?'' I ask, ''What triggered you to have a panic attack like that?''

''I can't tell you.'' he breathes out.

''You don't trust me?'' I ask.

It's okay for him to not trust me though, we were enemies... and still are.

''No... I do trust you.'' he says as if he doesn't believe what he's feeling, ''But I can't tell you. It's family issues that don't need to be said.''

''Okay.'' I reach my hand to brush his hair.

Family issues.

It's his father, isn't it?

''It's okay.'' I say touching the blonde strains of his hair.

''I like it.'' he smiles, and I look at him confused.

''You like what?'' I ask.

''You playing with my hair.'' he says.

I haven't realized that I was playing with his hair until he said it.

I untangle my hand from his hair immediately and face the ground.

I hope to God, I'm not blushing.

''Thank you.'' he whispers after a while, and I look up at him.

''For what?'' I ask.

''For comforting me, listening to me without saying anything and staying with me. I needed that.'' he says and my heart clenches on its rib cage.

''I didn't do anything.'' I say and he smiles.

''You're so extraordinary kind, it never fails to surprise me. '' he looks at me in a way that takes my breath away.

I am fucking blushing!

He chuckles shaking his head after seeing the color from my cheeks change.

''Lucy, Lucy.'' I enter the library after finding her classroom empty.

''Lucy!'' I find her sitting on a table deep into the bookshelves.

''Guess what, guess what.'' I jump up and down. ''Joel said that he has feelings for me!''

Hearing it from Joel made my mind blank, but now that I'm telling it to Lucy, is filling me with excitement and happiness.

I don't know why I'm feeling this happy.

''That's great. When did he tell you that?'' she says hiding her face from me.

Her voice didn't sound good to me. It's shaky.

''Is there something wrong?'' I ask concerned.

''No.'' she looks up and smiles.

Her eyes and nose are red.

''Have you been crying?'' I ask sitting next to her.

''No.'' she says and tries to hide her face again.

''Lucy.'' I stop her, ''What's wrong?''

''Nothing, it's just'' she waves her book in front of me, ''this stupid book is making me emotional.''

''Are you serious? I thought something happened to you.'' I say and she flashes me a smile.

A sad smile.

''Are you sure it's because of the book?'' I ask worry forming its way back to me.

''Yeah.'' she wipes the remaining tears on her eyes, ''Now tell me what happened between you and Joel.''

I smile and tell her everything.

''But I'm worried about him.'' I say after telling her the whole story. ''I'm so worried Lucy, it's eating me alive. There is something wrong that it's hurting him, and I don't want him to get hurt. I want to help him, but he won't tell me what's wrong.''

''I'm sure he'll tell you when he's ready.'' she hugs me, and I nod against her shoulder.

''Do you have the same feelings for Joel as he has for you?'' she looks at me.

''I... I don't know. All this is making me confused; I don't recognize my own feelings anymore.'' I say and she smiles.

''It's okay,'' she brushes my hair, ''it's normal to feel this way.''

''I like him.'' I start, ''A lot. I like him so much. There is a weird feeling on my stomach every time I see him and those butterflies on my stomach go wild whenever he's close to me or when he says something to me. I like his hair, his eyes and his dimples. I want to see him smile every time, I want him happy. When he's sad, I feel it deep on my soul. I don't like seeing him sad or hurt, Lucy. When I saw him like that today, I felt terrible, and I wanted to protect him. I wanted to hug him forever and keep him somewhere safe where no one can hurt him. If that's love, then I'm in love with Joel Cullen.''

''Do you want me to say something?'' she asks smiling and I nod.

''You're in love with Joel Cullen.'' she says, and my chest fills with an unknown feeling.

I am in love with him, aren't I?

⚛⚛⚛⚛

''Bonjour, mademoiselle.'' Andy kisses my cheek as soon as I enter the cafeteria, ''Ca va?''

''I'm good.'' I smile. ''What about you?''

It's weird that I understand every word that Andy says in french, but I'm not able to speak it.

Andy has learned french since he was a kid and talked to us in french too, that's why me and Lucy understand him while he's talking.

He says that being a bilingual is difficult because he forgets the word in English and says it in french and then he forgets it in french and also in English, so he's left with nolingual.

I always laugh at that, and he continues babbling about how hard it is for him.

''Bien.'' he sits down, ''Actually non, I'm really happy, chérie.''

''May I know the reason?'' I sit next to him.

''Ma mere is visiting our grandparents this weekend and I'm leaving with her.'' he says, ''I'm finally going to the beautiful France.''

''No, you're leaving?'' I make a sad face.

''Only for deux jours, chérie.'' he ruffles my hair.

Andy's mom, Aunt Michelle is from France. That explains Andy's love for french language.

''Try not to miss me that much.'' he says, and I roll my eyes.

''It's only-'' my words stuck on my throat as Joel and his siblings enter the cafeteria.

He looks astonishingly beautiful.

His hair is messy falling on his forehead and I have to fight the urge to play with it.

His ocean eyes find mine and I immediately look away.

''Good morning.'' the three of them say at the same time sitting down on the couch.

Always with manners.

I wonder if they are forced to behave this way.

''Bonjour, prim and propers.'' Andy says and Avril shots him a glare.

''Hi belle.'' he winks at her, and she scoffs.

I turn to look at Joel and he's already looking at me.

He smiles at me, and my breath stuck at my throat.

Dimples.

''Dimples?'' Andy yells and I flinch at his unexpected loud voice, ''He has dimples?'' he looks at Joel who now stopped smiling.

''You didn't know that?" I ask him.

"Uh, no?'' he turns at me, ''That man never smiles how the fuck would I know that. ''

He smiles at me all the time.

''Wait, you knew that he has dimples?''' he asks, and I shrug.

''Smile again.'' he turns at Joel.

Joel looks at him as if he's an annoying child asking to play a game.

''Smile. I want to see the dimples.'' Andy says and Joel looks at me asking for help.

He looks so cute.

I want to go there and kiss him for this cuteness.

''Uh hello? Does smiling kills you?" Andy waves a hand in front of his face, ''Smile dude.''

Joel looks at Andy in disgust, keeping his lips firm as if Andy will make them smile.

I want to laugh at this.

''Make him smile.'' Andy turns at me.

"What?" I ask confused.

''Make him smile.'' he repeats.

''How do I make him smile?''

''I don't know, but he was smiling at you before.'' he says, ''Do it again.''

''I don't know how to do it again; I didn't do it.'' he smiled at me by himself.

''Come on, just look at him and then make him smile.'' he says.

''What am I a magical or something?'' I look at him, ''How can I make him smile, with my mind?''

''Yes.'' he says, and I look at him annoyed.

''Well you did it before. Do it again.''

''I did not do it.'' I say frustrated.

''We're stuck with the idiots.'' Avril says with her arms crossed.

I forgot that they were still here. Avril looked annoyed meanwhile Luke and Joel are amused.

''Come on, belle, you know you love me.'' Andy winks and she scoffs.

'' Liv, make him smile.'' he nuzzles my arm.

''Fine, you're such a child.'' I say.

I look at Joel and he looks at me, his eyebrows raised.

Kill me please.

I put my elbow at the table and rest my chin at my palm, facing him.

Then I smile.

I give him my most precious, cutest, heartwarming, eye smile.

He looks at me and swallows. But doesn't smile.

''Smile, please.'' I say and he does.

Holy shit!

He listened.

He smiles so bright it hurts to look at. He dimples are so perfect and so beautiful.

He looks so beautiful when he smiles.

''Holy shit.'' Andy says. ''He's smiling. And he has dimples, I didn't imagine it.''

''Man, you're gorgeous!'' he looks at Joel who's looking at me.

''You witch.'' he turns at me.

What now?

''What did you do to him?'' he asks.

"I didn't do anything to him'' I say.

''Yes, you did, he's smiling. He doesn't go around and smile and shit.''

''I didn't do anything to him, stop being delusional.'' I say.

''I smell something fishy here.'' he says, ''And I will find out what's going on. And after I do, you're over.'' he says, and I roll my eyes.

Luke laughs and Avril smiles looking at Joel.

Did I miss something?

''Okay, stop smiling is creepy.'' Andy says to Joel.

''You're an idiot.'' Joel finally speaks.

''He spoke!'' Andy flinches.

''Oh come on, he speaks!'' I look at him.

''Only to you.'' he says.

''He speaks to you too, stop being dramatic.'' I roll my eyes.

''Lucy!'' he yells at the top of his lungs. ''Joel Cullen just- where's Lucy?'' he looks around.

''She's at home you idiot.'' I say.

''Why? What happened?'' Luke asks and I look at him in surprise.

''Uh... she wasn't feeling okay, so she skipped today.'' I say.

''Is she okay?'' he asks, concern in his voice.

''Yeah, it was just a headache.'' I say and he nods.

''Thank you.'' he says.

''Bro says thank you just because you answered his question.'' Andy whispers, ''Did they live in the Victorian time and then accidentally time travelled in the 21st century?''

''Shut up Andy.'' I say.

Why is Luke Cullen worried about my sister?

Joel Cullen is playing football!

We're in the school's yard and the football team is here. Andy forced Joel to come to play.

And he doesn't know how to. Which is funny because Joel Cullen knows everything.

''Listen here.'' Andy yells at Joel and he looks at him annoyed, ''European football is the real football not the American one. Because-listen- foot plus ball, is played with your foot. Why the fuck would you play with your hand, throwing the ball and shit? In France, where my mom is from, they play the real football and is fucking amazing. And it's called football not soccer. You understand?''

''What the fuck are you saying bro?'' Joel wipes the sweat from his forehead.

He looks cute when he's confused. And hot. He looks hot.

The football team's uniform that Andy gave him fit him so well and show his muscles perfectly.

''Smile again and I might teach you how to play.'' Andy says.

''Fuck off.'' Joel flips him and I laugh.

''Don't laugh, save me from this idiot.'' he looks at me.

''Come on, stop being a baby to Olivia.'' Andy drags him.

''I'm not being a baby.'' he slaps Andy's arm.

They play around and Joel fails to get the ball million times.

''I'm done, I hate this shit.'' he tries to leave but Andy drags him by his shirt, pulling him back to the field.

''We're not done yet, connard''

''I don't want to play, let me go.'' Joel tries to escape.

''Je m'en fous.'' Andy passes him the ball.

''English bro, talk English.'' Joel says irritated.

''I said I don't care.'' Andy rolls his eyes.

Joel looks at me with 'help me eyes' and I laugh more.

''Andy, let him go. He doesn't like this game.'' I say.

''He'll get used to it.'' Andy says and turns to Joel, ''Go and get that ball.''

Joel narrows his eyes but obeys to his words.

''Why this sudden love for Joel Cullen?'' I ask him.

''Love? Nah chérie, I'm making him pay for the days when he made us suffer.'' he says, and I laugh.

''No way.''

I look over at Joel who is struggling to get the ball from Ben and feel a little bit sorry for him.

''He's like a bomb ready to explode.'' I say looking at Joel's angry face.

''I know, I'm playing with his patience.'' he says.

Joel? Patience? Nah.

Joel's hurt.

He finally got how to play the game and then at the moment Ben pushed him and he fell on the ground. He had no reason to do that, and I know that it was on purpose.

I rush toward the infirmary to get the first aid kit.

When I come back, I find Alexa sitting close to Joel, clutching his arm. I tight my hold on the box as I approach them.

''I brought you this.'' I say and drop it on the stool next to him.

''Thanks.'' he smiles at me, and my chest does that weird thing again, ''Can you help me with it?'' he looks up at me.

''I can do it.'' Alexa says and my brain fills with murderous thoughts.

He grabs the first aid box before Alexa does and looks at me.

Ha. Suck that, Alexa!

I nod and get the box from him.

''Can you get up please?'' I ask Alexa with a fake kindness.

She narrows her eyes at me and then gets up and leaves.

I sit beside him and observe his injuries. He has a cut on his eyebrow and some scratches on his arm.

I get a cotton piece form the box and wet it with alcohol and put it on his bruise on his eyebrow.

He hisses at the contact.

''Sorry.'' I apologize.

I need to be gentler.

''Why did Ben push you?'' I ask while cleaning the blood on his cut.

He shrugs not saying anything.

''He did it on purpose.'' I say grabbing a band aid.

''I know. I didn't see him coming, so I couldn't dodge it.'' he says.

I'm going to make him pay for that.

I put the band aid on his cut and then observe the scratches on his arm. They are bad.

''Do they hurt?'' I ask.

''A little.'' he says looking at me.

I get another cotton piece with alcohol.

''Tell me if I hurt you, okay?'' I say and he nods.

I begin cleaning his cuts gently.

''I should have done this before.'' he says, and I look up at him confused.

"Should have done what?''I ask.

''Get hurt.'' he says.

Why would he want to get hurt?

''Why?'' I ask.

''Because you're touching me and taking care of me.'' he says and my stomach twirls.

He doesn't need to get hurt for me to touch him and take care of him.

I want to tell him that, but no words come out of my mouth.

I finish nursing his cuts and close the aid kit.

Then I brush the hair of his forehead and place a light kiss there.

He looks up at me in surprise then smiles at me.

Stop smiling man, you're making me fall head over heels for you.

''I want one here too.'' he says touching his lips.

I look at him and he gives me playful smile.

I want to kiss him, but I can't. Everyone would watch.

I get up from the stool with an eye roll.

''Come on, I'm hurt.'' he looks at me.

''Your lips aren't hurt.'' I say.

''Yeah, but my whole body is. I'm in such pain and I can't get up. Please help me princess, save me from this pain.'' he begs, and I laugh.

Who knew Joel Cullen was such a baby?

''Being a baby won't help.''

''Worth a try.'' he smirks.

I get the aid kit and leave.

''You owe me that.'' he calls behind me and I smile.

I finish putting on my jacket at the girl's locker when I feel a presence behind me.

''Hi.'' Joel says and pushes me against the wall.

''What are you-'' my words are cut off by his kiss.

''What are you doing in the girl's locker?'' I whisper.

''Getting my kiss.'' he kisses me again.

He kisses the corner of my mouth, my cheek and then my jaw.

''Joel'' I whisper his name.

''Hm?''

''What are you doing?'' I ask.

''What am I doing?'' he questions my question back and kisses my lips.

He continues his chain of kisses in my lips, jaw and down my neck.

''You can't do this.'' I whisper.

''And what is stopping me?'' he says and kisses me.

This time is not a light kiss, but a full deep one.

One of his hands is behind my nape and the other on my waist as he pulls me closer to him.

My body is fluid close to his, my chest against his chest.

And I kiss him. I kiss him back with the same heat as his.

Because the truth is, I want this kiss as much as he does.