Chapter 7

"Short firm strokes," Mark said, while he demonstrated on a mare.

"I think she likes it," Mermaid said as she followed his instructions.

"Are you kidding me? She loves it."

They both chuckled over the task of brushing the horse.

"Brush the hair in the direction it naturally falls," he said.

Holly watched from a distance and could tell that Mark was enamored by Mermaid. It was evident in his eyes and the way he spoke to her. She could tell because he'd once spoken to her like that, but it had been so long ago she was surprised she could still remember.

Holly wondered if Mermaid liked him back. It was hard to tell since she was so sweet with everyone. Anyone could have mistaken it for flirting. She laughed at his jokes and he loved to spend time with her when he wasn't working.

"Here, you have a straw of hay on your hair." He reached out his hand and slowly removed it.

"Do you have to brush them everyday?" she asked.

"Yeah, its keeps their coat smooth and shiny and keeps bacteria and irritants away from their skin."

She started cautiously brushing around the head with a soft bristle brush.

"Be careful around that area. He could swing his head when you least expect it," Mark warned. "Do you think you're ready to do this on your own?" he asked, to which she happily nodded.

"Okay, I'll get you another horse and Holly will make sure you don't get hurt," Mark said and took away the horse.

"You have so much enthusiasm for working in a ranch," Holly said from the distance.

"It feels great," Mermaid said just as Mark brought another horse.

"I have to go take care of my other duties. You'll be okay, right?" he asked and she nodded.

He walked past Holly, giving her a meaningful look, as she gloomed her own horse. Holly watched Mermaid as she did what she'd been taught.

"When will you teach me how to ride?" Mermaid asked.

"Over the weekend when the kids come over. I think it'll be a little more fun then," she said and turned in astonishment when she heard a familiar voice call her name.

"Hi Holly," Hanna said.

"I thought I made myself clear when I told you that I never wanted to see you again," she said.

"Holly, come on. We're childhood best friends. You didn't expect me to never come see you again."

"It's what I hoped," Holly said.

"Look, I think we should sit down and talk. There are a lot of things we need to clear up," Hanna insisted.

"Our friendship ended six years ago. I don't think I can make that any clearer," Holly said impatiently.

"Don't you want to know why I did what I did?"

"I know why. You did it to hurt me, because you couldn't stand to see me happy."

"I didn't do it to hurt you," Hanna said.

"Look, whatever your reasons are, I really don't care because the fact is, I'm over it and you should be too," Holly said, wishing Hanna could just let go of the past.

"I wanted us," Hanna blurted out.

"What?" Holly asked, and went still when Hanna closed the distance between them and placed her lips over hers in a surprise kiss.

She felt her whole body go numb at the effect of the kiss and would have pulled away had she still not been frozen in shock. When Hanna pulled away, Holly felt like her lungs had been starved of air and deeply inhaled.

"I wanted to be with you," Hanna said a bit more clearly now. "I wanted you to want me the way you wanted her."

When Holly regained her composure, she looked at Hanna as though the woman had lost her mind. "Are you serious?"

Hanna nodded and Holly broke into laughter. "You destroyed me and made everyone look at me as though I was a joke because you wanted to be with me?" she asked. "She left because of what you did. I want you to get this through your head. It's been six years. You don't get to bring up the past. You don't get to justify yourself. You don't get another chance. I don't need you in my life. I haven't, for a long time now. Please leave, this time don't come back." The resentment on her face, and the firm tone of her voice made Hanna back off.

"Will you ever forgive me?" Hanna asked.

"You were my best friend. You terminated that friendship when you betrayed me."

Hanna looked at her as though her heart had just been broken then stepped back and walked away.

Holly took a deep breath and wiped the taste of Hanna from her lips then turned to find Mermaid watching her. She got back to her glooming, silently indicating she did not want to talk about what had just happened.

*

"You've gotten so close to your sister's friend. She's always here whenever I come by," Hanna said.

"She comes to see Cassie," Holly said, fondly thinking about Lana.

"It feels more like she comes to see you."

"She just stops by to say hello. We have a lot in common, even Cassie understands that."

"Well, whatever the case, I don't know why I feel like you prefer spending time with her over me," Hanna said, and Holly wondered if she was jealous.

"You've become so popular in school now, since you started dating Derrick, and you have a whole lot of new friends."

"But you're my best friend, you're irreplaceable."

"Are you sure about that? Because you're always with Derrick, or out with his group of friends. You don't expect me to just idly sit by and wait around for you."

"I don't expect you to replace me," Hanna said and Holly walked over to her and gave her a light hug.

"That won't happen."

"I hope not. What's been going on with you?"

Since she couldn't share what she'd been doing with Lana with her, she made up stories about training for the rodeo and show jumping, which Hanna believed.

"Have you and Derrick done it yet?"

Hanna shook her head. "But I really want to."

"What's stopping you?"

"I'm afraid. What's to stop him from leaving me once we have sex?"

"Do you doubt the way he feels about you?"

Hanna shook her head.

"Hanna, I don't want you to get hurt. If you're not sure about him, don't do it. Let your first time be special, with someone who cares about you as much as you care about him."

"See why you're irreplaceable?" Hanna asked, then tilted her head and said, "You've been different lately."

"Different in what way?"

"I don't know. You look happier."

She was. "I guess I am," she said.

She'd been secretly seeing Lana for a few months now both at home and out. Unlike Hanna, she had consummated her own relationship and continued to happily do so on a regular basis. She believed she was in love with Lana but had not gotten to saying it yet.

It wasn't that she didn't trust Hanna, she just wasn't ready to share Lana with anyone else just yet. She was so blissfully happy when they were together but sometimes when they were apart, when her thoughts came to haunt her, she feared how the world would perceive her when they found out.

Reedsdale was a small traditional town that frowned upon things they weren't used to.

Her family was great, but such news would put them to disgrace and probably make them hate her since the Mackenzie name was held at such high esteem. So the last born of the Mackenzie falling in love with a woman was not something that would be met with open arms.

She was afraid to share this part of herself with anyone. In fact, the very thought frightened her. What would everyone at school think? She didn't usually care, but something like this, something that could potentially affect her family's reputation made her worry.

If she was ever outed, it would ruin her.

*

"Mermaid I'd like you to meet Lisa Carter, my girlfriend," Michael said.

His girlfriend was an extremely beautiful woman of African-American descent.

"It's nice to meet you," Mermaid said as she shook Lisa's hand.

"It's nice to meet you too. Michael told me how Holly found you. It's amazing you survived," Lisa said.

Mermaid didn't know how to respond to her. She was still trying to figure that part out herself.

"Mom, look who is here," he said and Lisa went to greet Lori.

"I may have exaggerated the details of the story a bit," he said as he affectionately placed his arm around her shoulders.

"Just a bit?" she asked and he made a face.

"Hey, you don't remember anything so maybe how I told it is how it happened."

She laughed despite herself.

Holly walked into the room and Michael went to her. She still looked disturbed by Hanna's earlier visit. She appeared to be telling him something, and Mermaid assumed it had to do with what had happened earlier because he held her so protectively, it was like he was trying to shield her from something.

At their sibling affection for one another, Mermaid wondered if she had any brothers or sisters and if she did, were they as affectionate as the Mackenzie's? She watched them going into their father's study and locking themselves in.

"Mermaid?"

At Lori's voice, she turned around and went to help set the table.

"Is Holly okay?" Lori asked.

Mermaid shook her head. "I don't know. She seemed shaken up after Hanna's visit."

"Hanna came to see her?" Lori asked.

"Yes."

Whatever Hanna had done to hurt Holly, it was clear that Lori was unaware of it because her expression did not match Michael's.

"Lisa, what do you do?" she asked Michael's girlfriend.

"I'm a paralegal. I work with Michael in the same law firm," Lisa said as Adele placed food on the dining table.

"How long have you two been together?" she asked.

"Going on a year now."

When Michael and Holly joined them in the dining room, Mermaid noticed Holly was looking better now, like whatever they had talked about had done her some good.

"Michael, when are you going to make this girl part of the family?" Joshua asked as he walked into the room.

"Soon enough, Dad," Michael said.

Lisa affectionately hugged the older Mackenzie.

"How is your father? I haven't spoken to him in a while," he said and they started chatting about that for a while.

"How are you managing the ranch? Is everything okay?" Michael asked Holly.

"Everything is great," Holly said.

"You shouldn't have talked us into relinquishing all that work to her. It's too much," Lori said.

"It's not too much work, Mom," Holly said.

"Look at how hard you work. If you don't slow down, you could faint in fatigue."

"That won't happen."

"She's got your hard working blood running through her veins, remember?" Michael said to his mother.

"There is a reason why we have workers," Joshua interjected.

"I don't mind the work, Dad."

"Mermaid, you've seen her, she's a workaholic," Lori said.

Mermaid silently nodded in agreement.

"Mermaid hasn't fully recovered, and she's working," Holly turned the situation around, and Michael smiled at her.

"I am fully recovered," Mermaid argued, and Lori switched to her.

"No, you're not. I talked to Tony, and he said you should rest for at least one more week before you start straining yourself," Lori said.

Mermaid looked at Holly who was beaming along with Michael and Lisa, as the two older Mackenzie's started fussing over her.

"I can't stay in bed all day and night," she continued and Holly shook her head, silently telling her not to fight because she would lose.

"If you must do something, sweetheart, make sure it's something that is not energy draining," Joshua put in and Mermaid realized they were not going to stop until she gave in.

"Hey Mom, do you think we can take Adele with us once Lisa and I get married?" Michael asked, rescuing Mermaid.

She looked at him in gratitude.

"No, you cannot take Adele. Then who would cook for the rest of us?"

"You can do almost everything she can," Michael said as they all sat down for dinner.

"You can find your own cook," Joshua said.

As they talked throughout dinner, Mermaid watched Holly, who didn't speak unless spoken to and remembered what she'd witnessed earlier on that day. She'd stood watching the exchange, which had barely made any sense to her, but she'd understood bits and pieces of the conversation.

She replayed it in her head, trying to figure it out again. From what she'd gotten, Hanna had been Holly's best friend, but had wanted to be more. Therefore she'd done something to drive away the woman Holly had been in love with, hoping to take her place.

She turned to look at Holly now, only to find her looking back at her.

It was like she saw what Mermaid was thinking because her unwavering gaze appeared to drill a hole through her head, exposing the contents going through her mind.

Mermaid looked away, knowing it was not her place to interfere and decided to focus on getting her memory back.

After being forced to rest by Lori and Joshua, Mermaid stayed out of Holly's way because the young Mackenzie indicated that she wanted to be alone. So she spent most of her time with Mark, who seemed glad for the company.

He took her to the fields where Joshua always disappeared to during the day and saw how much work farming and maintaining the ranch actually was. She understood why he was always in the fields as Mark explained in detail what ranch work involved.

She also saw Border Collies ranch dogs, which she'd never seen on the property before, but Mark gave an easy explanation of how they had to stay close to the livestock to protect them from predators, and help in herding.

He made her laugh but then whenever she did, he gave her an intense look that made her wonder. She loved him in the same manner she loved Michael, who was like a brother to her.

She learned that she enjoyed taking long walks and when he carried her on his horse, she held onto him so tightly she was afraid she'd fall off. He took her down by the lake, several miles from the ranch and Mermaid thought it was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

"When you imagine your life, what do you see?" Mark asked as he stood by the edge lake his cowboy boots barely touching the water.

"When I imagine my life, I come up with a blank," she said as she watched her own blurry reflection in the water.

- - - *completely unrelated* ---- (wrote this a long time ago, but go on YouTube and watch the Thai GL show called GAP and Blank)

"Do you think you had a boyfriend?" he asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, maybe."

"I don't think you did."

"Why?"

"You are one of the most beautiful and desirable women I've ever seen. I think if you had a boyfriend, he'd have gone frantic looking for you and would have found you by now."

When he looked at her, she saw that warm soft expression again and she realized he liked her in a deeper manner than she'd initially thought. Suddenly feeling uncomfortable, she turned toward the horse and said, "It's getting late, we should head back."

He did not say anything. Instead he got the horse, helped her mount herself and then they headed back.

"Mermaid," he said when they got back.

She got off the horse and waited to hear what he wanted to say.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable back there."

She felt bad for him because she did not reciprocate his feelings. "You're a wonderful person Mark, and I enjoy spending time with you. I don't want to hurt you," she said, knowing her past would influence her present if and when she remembered.

When he smiled at her in understanding, she stood up on her toes and softly pecked his cheek. She turned to walk away and saw Holly watching them. She didn't know why strange sensations always went through her every time she found Holly looking at her.

"Are you okay?" Holly asked when Mermaid walked past her on her way to the house.

"I'm fine," she said.

She rushed upstairs to her bedroom and sat down on the bed, remembering Holly's passionate anger towards Hanna. She tried not to think about it, but the scene kept replaying itself in her head, over and over again and her heart started racing.

She had thought she needed to learn to understand other people, but she realized that she needed to understand herself first.

When Mark had looked at her like that, the only thing she'd felt was pity because it had established itself in her that she would never look at him that way. She had no idea when that had happened, but for some reason it was just there.

When Holly looked at her, however, so many things went through her all at the same time. She didn't know how to interpret it. She couldn't explain what she felt.

The knock on the door startled her out of her trance. She got off the bed and went to open the door and her heart picked up pace when she met those lovely hazel eyes.

"May I come in?" Holly asked.

"It's your bedroom," Mermaid said as she opened the door wider for her to enter.

"It's your bedroom now," Holly said as she closed the door. "I can't remember the last time I slept in this room."

"Does it hold bad memories for you?"

"No, it holds very fond memories."

"I've been telling myself that my memory will come back when I'm ready to deal with whatever led me here. Every time I'm around people, I can't help but wonder if it would be easier for me to understand them if I knew who I was," Mermaid said as she sat down on the bed, looking out the window that directly faced the stables.

"There is a way Mark looks at me and until today, I couldn't really interpret what it meant. Then there is the way that you look at me and no matter how hard I try to understand it, my mind keeps drawing a blank."

"Mermaid—," Holly said as she sat down beside her.

Mermaid shook her head and stopped her before she could continue. "That's the point, I'm not Mermaid. I'm someone else. I don't want to hold onto this personality, but I can't help thinking that once I am my true self again, you won't like who I am. A part of me wants to remember, but a part of me wants to hold onto Mermaid."

"No matter who you are, the way we all feel about you is not going to change. You'll still be the beautiful little mermaid we found on the beach. We're your family now," Holly said as she placed her hand over Mermaid's.

Mermaid relaxed and smiled at Holly.

"You seemed upset when you came back with Mark."

"I wasn't upset," Mermaid said as she pulled her hand away and got up.

"Did something happen?"

"No, nothing happened," Mermaid said, walking over to the window. She didn't know why she was suddenly emotional.

"But when you walked past me you appeared troubled," she said as she stood up.

"Maybe I was upset with you," Mermaid said.

"Why are you upset with me?"

"Because when you're not going out of your way to avoid me, you're going out of your way to push me away. I understand if it's something your family is used to, but I'm not. I've never hurt you, Holly, and I do not intend to." She felt a jolt of warmth overcome her when Holly placed her arms over her shoulders and turned her around.

"After having spent so much time away from my family, I've forgotten how it's like to have someone relentlessly there. If I hurt you by acting that way, it's because I was being foolish and didn't understand that I wasn't alone," she said, then gently wrapped her arms around Mermaid. "I came home because I wanted to know that feeling again. I guess I'm not doing a very good job of adjusting."

Mermaid shook her head in agreement.

"I guess I owe you an explanation over what you saw yesterday," she said as she pulled away.

"You don't owe me an explanation, but you can tell me if you want to," Mermaid said.

Holly took her hand and led her back to the bed.

When they sat down, she said, "Hanna was my best friend. We were very close throughout high school but during the last year, I met this girl. Her name was Lana Dennis. She was Cassie's friend. They went to school together so she used to come here often. Hanna was dating this boy at the time. I can't remember his name, but he was important to her. She was always hanging out with him and his friends and Lana and I, we had a lot of things in common so we grew close."

She took a breath and closed her eyes as though going back in time. "I wasn't boy crazy as most girls are during that age and it often made me feel odd, but when I was with Lana, none of that mattered. The first time she kissed me, it was like realization hit me and I suddenly understood why I wasn't like the other girls. I know it sounds silly since I was so young, but I fell in love with her."

She opened her eyes and met Mermaid's gaze. "I was always worried about what people would think once they knew I liked girls. In a small town like this, people are afraid of what they do not understand. I worried about my family and what impact the knowledge would have on them so Lana and I kept it a secret. One evening, we were in this room. We were in bed together when Hanna walked in on us."

She looked away and went silent for a while. Mermaid almost thought she was done telling the story when she got to her feet and walked over to the window. She stared at the dark sky then resumed.

"I explained everything to her later on and she was very supportive, saying she now understood me. I was happy because I could talk to someone about it. Hanna didn't like Lana because she always thought Lana would take her place, but I never thought her jealousy went so far. She broke up with that boy and never told me why and started spending all her time with me. I never got a moment alone with Lana."

Slowly, the story started to register itself in Mermaid.

"When I chose to continuously spend time with Lana over Hanna, she got upset and told the entire school about us. The news traveled pretty fast and everyone found out, including my family. When they asked if it was true, I couldn't lie to them but I was so ashamed of myself. I was so ashamed because I thought I had spoilt the Mackenzie name.

"As soon as Lana knew it was out, she ended things between us. She graduated that year and left town. Everyone was talking about it, pointing fingers, laughing at me as though I was a joke, looking at me like I was some sort of a freak. Hanna didn't look at me, she didn't talk to me, she was like someone else." Holly released a painful laugh.

"I kept going to school anyway, graduated early and since I was so sick and tired of everyone, I spoke to my parents and told them I wanted to go to college in New York. They didn't have any objections to it. Cassie and Michael tried to talk me out of it, but my parents never did. When I left, I left believing that what I was and what I had done was unforgivable," she said softly and closed her eyes as though trying to block it all out.

"Only Michael and Cassie knew it was Hanna who maliciously outed me. That's why everyone else still thinks we're friends. Cassie told me she knew about me and Lana all along and was waiting for me to go to her, but in my mind..." she trailed off and then turned to face Mermaid who silently and incessantly listened.

"When Hanna told me that she wanted me, that it was the reason why she did what she did. I got very angry because she distanced herself from me, treating me worse than everyone else. She did not want to be associated with me and now that I'm back, now that everyone knows and nobody cares about it anymore, she brings it up and says something like that."

Mermaid finally understood. The explanation was plain and simple. She could see why Holly wanted nothing to do with Hanna. What she had done to Holly was unforgivable.

"Sometimes you think you have everything. Then one careless move destroys it all."

Mermaid walked over to her and slid her hand into Holly's. "By hearing you talk about your life, it makes me wish I had a past I could tell you about."

"I guess I should be grateful, right?" Holly asked.

Mermaid moved closer to her. "It makes me wish I could tell you something about a girl I once loved so that you can see how genuine I am when I do this."

Before Holly could respond, Mermaid closed her lips over hers. It was a random act of self discovery. Listening to Holly talk about her past made Mermaid understand why she experienced those strange sensations whenever Holly looked at her. Kissing her and feeling herself naturally open up as though it was something written down by destiny only went further to prove it.

She didn't know if she had ever felt that way before but this was her first kiss and the softness of Holly's lips embraced her and gave her new life. Everything may have been new and amazing in her world, but that kiss and the intensity it possessed made it all pale in comparison.

The sweet sensations swirling through her intensified when Holly ran her fingers through her hair and tilted her head, responding to the kiss as though it had been an eternity since such lushness had touched her lips.

Mermaid felt like sleeping beauty who, after a lifetime of a never ending slumber, was being awakened by her true love's first kiss.

The kiss was a pleasant surprise to Holly. She hadn't anticipated it from Mermaid, but more so, she hadn't anticipated her own hungry response.

It had been so long since she'd been with a woman that the wonderful kiss made her heart beat in life.

Mermaid's arms moved around her waist and Holly pulled her closer, desperately yearning to feel something close to what Lana had once made her feel. What she got in return was so powerful it left her feeling weak and delirious.

For a girl who had no recollections of her past, Mermaid kissed like a woman who took to dominate and gave to possess. When she parted Holly's lips and lured her tongue into her mouth and then placed her hand at the nape of her neck, what went through Holly made her feel like she was melting.

She felt like she had no past or future, like the present was what was and what would always be. Nothing else existed outside the circle formed by the softness of Mermaid's world. Nothing else existed, but Mermaid.

They slowly parted in unison and leaned their foreheads against each others. They both slowly opened their eyes and welcomed the after effect of the amazing kiss and then they smiled at each other as though they had just discovered a delicious secret.

"You don't have to tell me a story from your past to make me believe that wasn't genuine," Holly said.

They pulled apart at the knock on the door and Michael walked in to announce dinner was ready. He teased Mermaid, as he always did and then started picking on Holly as they headed downstairs.

During dinner, Holly found herself stealing secret glances of Mermaid and whenever Mermaid would meet her gaze, a wave of fright would overwhelm her.

*

On Sunday, the kids went to the ranch and helped Holly teach Mermaid how to ride a horse. Being around the kids made her feel like she had a whole new spirit, like even though she couldn't remember, she was a kid again.

They came over with their dog, Chip. He was a fat little pug that ate everything he got his little paws on.

After spending the morning part of the day at the ranch, Cassie, Holly, Mermaid and the kids went to the park. They spent the afternoon playing with the kids, laughing at silly childhood stories and having fun until evening when they headed back home.

Tony made a surprise appearance and dined with the family for the first time since Mermaid had joined the Mackenzie family. It was obvious he was deeply in love with Cassie, as Cassie was with him, and it was inspiring to see how happy their little family was together. The entire setting was inspiring because of the love they all had for one another, and Mermaid was proud to be part of it.