Chapter 12

Ryder

I take the plastic cups from the bedside table and leave the room. I look at the locked room beside the one Nick and I are in and smirk. All the best, kids, I say in my head and continue my way.

After getting water from the fridge - and silently apologising to the couple making out at the sink - I turn around and find Derek leaning against the wall. Great, just great.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I scowl at him.

"I got invited. You?" he asks sarcastically.

As if I'm going to waste my breath answering him. I roll my eyes and walk past him. Suddenly, Derek reaches out and has my wrist in a vice-like grip.

"What the fuck?" I say.

He brings me towards the first-floor bedrooms (Jace's house is like a hotel; there are so many rooms). I try to shake his hand away but he sure is surprisingly strong. Then, he lets go outside a room.

"What is your problem?" I shout at him. I'm so fucking tired of him and his antics.

He steps towards me, a little too close for comfort, so my instinct is to step back, of course. He keeps coming closer and I keep stepping back until my back hits the cool wall. His face is inches from mine now.

"My problem" - he lightly touches my nose - "is you."

Um, excuse me but what the fuck?  What's that supposed to be? An insult? A compliment? Either way, this is getting really fucking weird (why is he touching my nose?).

I try to shake him away, but he holds my shoulders in place. I want to push him away, but I'm holding the two plastic cups with drinks inside, so I'm pretty much stuck.

Derek holds my stare with his blue eyes. Then, his features soften and he actually looks. . .sad.

"I like you, you know?" he says, looking away.

Wait, what?

"Ever since I came to Fernwood, you caught my attention and you were always on my mind. You were really cool and nice and. . .you know, really good-looking." A hint of red tints his cheeks. "So, I tried to be closer to you and shit, you know?"

My mind is reeling at this revelation. Derek likes me? Has the universe decided it's time to mess with me? Derek might as well be a gold-medalist of the mind-fuck Olympics.

Then, Derek's hands slide from my shoulders to my face.

"What are you doing?"

"Something I should have done a long time ago," he says in a low voice and lowers his lips to mine.

The kiss shocked me. His lips are surprisingly soft and he holds my face gently. His blond hair falls over mine, tickling my cheeks. I feel something wet all over my hands and realise I have crushed the plastic cups. My shoulders slack and I forget what's going on. I almost - almost - kiss him back but then I remember who he is.

This is Derek Mitchell.

The one who abused my trust and hurt me so much.

The one who called Nathan a low-life.

And I sure as hell ain’t losing my first kiss to him.

I drop the crushed plastic cups on the floor and successfully push him away (a little too hard, because he stumbles backwards and almost falls). He looks at me, confused.

“When you like someone,” I say, “you don’t be their best friend for a while before hurting them” - my voice rises with anger -  “and you don’t insult them and their family and friends after that.” My voice is dangerously close to shouting now. “And you don’t fucking kiss them out of nowhere at a party!”

Derek bites his lips and looks away, ashamed. Yeah, you should be. I cross my arms and glare at him. Then, he looks at me, his blue eyes glassy.

“I’m so sorry, Ryder, I really fucking am,” he says. “I’m sorry that I did that, I- ” His voice catches. “I wasn’t thinking, so. . .” He wrings his hands frustratedly as tears drop on them.

I have every cell in my body bent on remaining angry at him, but something in me breaks. Maybe it's because Derek is crying, or because I’m the one who made him cry. I actually feel sorry for him. Ugh, this stupid soft heart of mine. I’m so bad at being bad.

Derek advances towards me and puts his hands on my arms. “But I liked you, Ryder, I really do!” and then he says quietly, “And I hated myself for it.”

Tears prick my eyes - I don’t know why. “I’m sorry,” I tell him, trying to release myself from his grasp, “but I like- ”

Nathan, say Nathan, Ryder.

“S-someone else,” I manage out, my voice quivering.

Derek is too close again. He looks at me pleadingly, silent tears running down his face. Too close. The air feels thin, and claustrophobia starts kicking in. I feel my throat constrict and I struggle for air, fighting the hot tears from bursting out of my eyes.

I need to get away from him.

I need to get the hell out of here.

I frantically remove myself from him and stumble away. In my peripheral vision, I see Nick. Thank god it's Nick. I try to walk calmly towards him, but seeing concern on his face snaps a string in me, so I practically fall into him. He catches me and helps me up. I look at him, a blurry haze of Nick, and try to tell him to take me home using telepathy. Nick glances at Derek and nods at me, seemingly having received my message, and helps me outside to his car.

I don’t look back. I can’t. I can’t look at Derek.

But I can hear him. I don’t want to, but I can.

I climb into the passenger seat. Pressure builds up in me. It fills my lungs and flows through my veins and taints my blood and blocks my brain. I need to let it all out before it consumes me from the inside or I will spontaneously combust, or both. I need to release all these emotions.

So I do.

Once. Twice. And again.

My throat feels raw. My head is still spinning so I clutch the dashboard, steadying myself.

Pathetic.

Crybaby.

I’m screaming again, “Shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP!” and I’m screaming this over and over again, clutching my head to stop it. Stop the voice in my head.

I can’t.

All the strings in me snap. My emotional dam breaks. I double over, crying. I gasp for air multiple times, but instead, I choke on my tears.

Derek likes me.

That twat.

And I feel. . . sorry for him.

Why?

That's because you're weak.

Worthless piece of shit.

SHUT UP.

I let out a pained moan, like a wounded animal. As much as I try to block him out, to not let him in my life again, he’s still there. Haunting me, my mind, my soul, and I hate it.

Nick puts a hand on my arm, his other hand steady on the steering wheel. I didn't know we're already on the road.

"You good, bro?"

I collect myself and wipe my eyes with the palm of my hand. "Yeah," I take a deep breath. "I just. . . don't perform well under stress. . ." I give him a weak attempt at humour to calm myself.

He pats my arm sympathetically and goes back to driving. Then, he asks me after a while, “Was he drunk?”

I think back. Was he? He looked and acted sober though. No slurring, no smell of alcohol in his breath, no taste of alcohol in his mouth. God. I shudder at the memory of his lips on mine.

“No, I don’t think so,” I answer.

“Hmm,” Nick responds. “That’s weird.”

“Why?”

“It’s like he wanted to stay sober to do it.”

Oh.

“He likes you.” Nick glances at me.

“You heard everything?”

He nods in answer and I turn to the window, clasping my hands together tightly. Derek likes me, and he planned to confess to me at the party. He waited for me by the kitchen door. It’s like he knew I was going down to get more water. He thought a lot about this. He likes me.

But I don’t. I like Nathan. I like Nathan a lot.

But when Derek kissed me. . .god, why did I let him kiss me? I was so dumb, I should have dodged that. Damn it. I feel guilty now. It’s mostly because I feel like I just cheated on Nathan, even though we’re not together (yet) and I didn’t kiss Derek - he kissed me. But then again, I feel guilty about turning Derek down. Even though I hate him with all of my soul, I still feel like a jerk for doing that. I mean, he used to be my friend, but what he did that day. . . I just can’t forgive him. He can’t say that. I hate him so much, but my heart breaks again when I see his sad, pleading face. I can’t. I can’t forget that, and I hate it.

“What do I do?” I ask Nick while still staring out of the window.

We pull to a stop at a traffic light. I countdown the seconds to the green light to distract myself. 20 seconds. 19 seconds. 18. 17-

“Talk to him,” he says.

I tear my gaze from the window and meet Nick’s serious brown eyes. “What?”  15. 14-

“I mean, he must have his reason, right?”

“What reason? The reason why he’s an asshole?” 9. 8. 7-

Nick shrugs. “Maybe, yeah.” I turn back to the window, watching a person amble on the sidewalk, talking into their phone. 5. 4- “I mean, most problems are usually solved if you talk to the person you have trouble with,” he adds. 3. 2. 1-

“Mmm, yeah,” I mumble. The light turns green and the car moves. I watch trees and buildings and people blur by, hoping my thoughts do the same.

The thing is this: I don’t want to talk to Derek. I don’t want to see his face, let alone talk to him. I don’t want to get hurt again. I’ve been hurt too much my whole life - both emotionally and physically. I also don’t want to hurt him, even though I hate him.

Because deep down, he’s still the Derek I used to know.

*

We pull up in front of the building, and we sit in the car for a while. “Do you feel okay enough to go to bed by yourself?” Nick asks.

I smile wanly and roll my puffy eyes. “Do I?”

“Whatever,” he smirks and messes my hair and then gets out of the car. Soon after the car door opens at my side, with Nick holding out his hand and bowing at me. “M’dude,” he says.

“Kind sir.” I take his hand, get out of the car.

Then he kisses the back of my hand. I yank my hand away, laughing. “Gross, Nick!”

He feigns offense, holding a hand to his chest. “Ouch?” he says, pouting. I laugh again and wave him away.

Together, we go up the elevator, walk down the quiet corridor and arrive at my door. I fumble with my keys for a moment before unlocking the door. Since I’m too lazy to change, I kick off my shoes at my door, stumble into my room, take off my shirt and flop down on my bed in nothing but my jeans. Nick stands by the door.

“Night, Ryder.”

“Night, Nick,” I mumble into my pillow. “Remember to lock the front door when you leave. I don’t want someone to rob me in the middle of the night or something.”

But I don’t hear him walk away. I look up from my pillow, only to find Nick still standing at the door, a sly grin creeping on his face. Ugh, I know that smile.

“C’mon, where’s my goodbye hug?” He opens his arms wide.

Well, I’ll be damned if I don’t give my best friend his goodbye hug - after all, he was the one who helped me go through a lot of shit, and while I don’t know how to return it, this is how I usually show my gratitude. So, I go to him and hug him back. He squeezes me tightly and gives me a reassuring pat on the back.

“Thanks, man.” I pull away.

“Anytime.” Nick ruffles my hair one last time. “Now go to sleep, you donkey.”

I dive under the covers, already feeling groggy. The door closes and I hear him lock the front door before leaving. Phew. I relax and fall prey to sleep.

*

I wake up feeling drained like I only got two hours of sleep.

“God, what time is it?” I rub my eyes and my phone buzzes with notifications from Danny DeCheeto.

Sin: How’s ur night guys?

Nick: The usual. You?

Sin: Fantastic my bros

Sin: Vahn’s thighs almost crushed me multiple times and he kept apologising for it

Sin: He’s so fkn cute hjsjwbdwj

I stare at Sin’s message, my brain taking a considerably long moment to process that.

Me: Omfg

Me: Did you guys. . .???

Sin: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Nick: M8

Nick: Wait where were you two?

Sin: 2nd floor, can’t rmb which room

Sin: But there was an empty room beside us

Nick: . . .

Nick: I think Ryder and I were in the room beside you guys

I start laughing, both physically and in text.

Me: HAHAHAHA FUCK-

Nick: The walls were too thin, bro

Me: I’m scarred for life

Sin: LMFAO I- ASBJHJSNJDN

Sin: From the bottom of my heart, my bad

Then, I remember something.

Me: Didn’t you say not to rush things?

Sin: UHH

Sin: Let’s just say we somehow ended up like that

Nick: Remember consent is sexy ;)

Sin: YES ofc bro ;)

I laugh again and shake my head. How did I end up with Nick and Sin as my best friends? Honestly, they will be the death of me. Ryder Dela Cruz, cause of death: laughing too much at his best friends, Nick and Sin. That would sound good, I guess.

Then I remember why I checked my phone in the first place. I check the time. 12.08 pm. Ugh. I let my hand fall and bury my face in my pillow. I'm too tired to cook lunch or even do anything, so I go back to sleep.

_________________

LMAO I'M A DAY  LATE SORRY FOLKS

So yeah here it is:) Remember to stay tuned for the next chapter because it's Derek's backstory!

Yeah, he gets a whole chapter to himself 🤡🤡

Anyways don't forget to give it a vote if you liked it and uh throw in ur weirdest comments or idk HAHA

✨ Stay safe folks, happy new year and let's see how 2021 turns out ✨