the fear

FRANCESCA

ON THE DRIVE home, I can’t seem to find peace. My heart is pounding so hard, I’m afraid Alessia might hear it. It takes me a few moments to realize that Alessia’s future principal is a sleazy pedophile.

~The police know who I am. The Don will find out I’ve been talking to them. I need to leave.~

~What would he do to me? He burns people alive!~

But I stay put in my seat. My mind is a whirlwind, refusing to slow down and let me breathe.

I remember the principal trying to touch my feet under the table. I kicked him with my heels. He winced.

“Congratulations, Alessia. You’re now officially a part of St. Gaia Collegiate Institute,” Principal Holmes says, shaking Alessia’s hand.

If it wasn’t for the fact that slapping him would cause a scene in front of Alessia, I would’ve done it and stormed out of the room to tell—or rather, ~order~—Fabio to deal with him.

“Thank you,” she replies, yanking her hand out of Holmes’s grip. I glare at him. On second thought, he needs to be dealt with, but not right now.

Not while Alessia is here. She’s innocent and pure. I want her to stay that way.

Principal Holmes—a man as thin as a stick with a baggy suit and a thick mustache—looks decent on the outside but is a total creep on the inside. He raises his hand to shake mine.

I don’t take it. I give him a nod and gather the guardianship papers and other documents that Omero brought.

I take her hand and storm out, slamming the door shut behind us. Once Fabio sees me, he leads us out.

“What a creep,” Alessia whispers to me as we pass the red lockers of the clean and orderly school.

“I’m going to talk to Antonio and get him fired. The jerk is married,” I mutter.

Alessia looks at me in confusion as we get into our SUV. “How do you know that? And what can my brother do? Isn’t he just a businessman?”

I cough to hide my sarcastic laugh. Antonio is a businessman, sure, but in illegal ventures. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have legal businesses. But the illegal ones outweigh the legal ones.

“Are you okay?” she asks, concerned.

I nod as I see Fabio get into the front seat. “Your brother is a big name around here. He can do anything,” I tell her, unable to lie.

I hope she’ll just live in her little bubble, thinking her brother is some big shot billionaire without foolishly digging deeper.

In some parts of Italy, the Giordano Mafia rules everything. Back there, Antonio is like their prime minister and it’s no secret that the government sometimes seeks his help.

“Oh.” Alessia nods in confusion. “Okay, but how did you know the principal was married?”

“He had a ring on his finger,” I tell her, smiling slightly at her innocence. When you’re in the Mafia, you learn to be observant.

She glances at my left hand before her eyes widen. “You’re engaged to my brother?” she whisper-yells. I hate being mean but what did she think when she saw me sitting on his lap?

It was embarrassing, but I thought it signified that we were, in fact, a couple—an odd term to describe us, for sure, but a couple nevertheless.

“No,” I say flatly. “I’m not engaged to him.”

“No?”

“I’m his wife,” I say, glancing at the front to see where we are.

I know Fabio is listening in. I also know it would’ve been strange for someone else, but not for me. As long as he keeps his mouth shut and we don’t say anything we shouldn’t, then everything will be fine.

Her eyes widen even more, as if she’s seen a ghost. “My brother is married. He’s married?!”

I frown in confusion. Why is that such a shock? Everyone gets married one day. “Yes, why is that so shocking?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because he’s so stiff and cold. Handsome, but the other qualities make him not exactly a sweetheart or husband material, you know?

“I didn’t think he’d be able to get someone like you,” she says. Now it’s my turn to be surprised.

I look toward the front where the men are sitting. I can’t read Fabio’s expression properly from the side, but I can only hope he won’t tell Antonio how his sister described him.

“Someone like me?” I ask, looking at her again.

She nods, her blonde hair falling around her round face. “Yes, duh. You’re so pretty and nice. The complete opposite of him. How did you fall in love with him?”

Love.

I want to laugh in her face and tell—no, scream at her that there is no love. It’s an obligation. It’s something I have to do to survive.

I have to give him what he wants so he won’t look elsewhere. I have to be with him to keep my position secure.

~Yet you still only seek his comfort and loyalty.~

“We had an arranged marriage,” I mumble. I don’t know why I’m suddenly embarrassed. Maybe it’s because I know she probably never saw a union without love.

“Really?” she exclaims. For one, I’m glad that she’s comfortable with me, but not so glad that she’s acting unladylike. I, obviously, don’t really care but my husband and the Family would.

She’s the hidden Giordano princess, who’s probably going to have to marry another big shot for political reasons. Probably a gang leader or another ~capo~.

I’m not an idiot. I understand what Antonio meant when he told me to talk to her. He wants me to mold her like I was molded. He wants her to be the perfect Mafia woman.

A girl whose life revolves around pleasing her husband, her identity now tied to being someone’s wife. Just like me, she loses her individuality because she’s part of us now.

I hum a response. “School starts on Monday, so make sure you’re all set.”

She nods, her gaze drifting out the window. Exhaustion is etched all over her face. I watch as we pass by trees, moving deeper into the woods where the Giordano residence is tucked away.

The house is hidden in a quiet, secluded spot. I’d love to explore, if it weren’t for the danger. I’m sure the woods are littered with traps and surveillance cameras.

I rest my head against the window, closing my eyes. My sister is on a path to get herself killed. I’m on a path to get beaten up for even speaking to the police.

When did I become such a cheat? A traitor? How am I going to face Antonio?

~But you haven’t done anything.~

~Yet.~

~Stop thinking about it. I need peace.~

Earlier, the principal had complained, “Costanzo and Omero are causing too much trouble. Especially Costanzo. He’s fighting with his peers and teachers every day. If this continues, I’ll have no choice but to expel him.”

That’s another problem I need to handle. I’m torn between feeling bad for Costanzo, who’s about to face my husband’s fury, or feeling bad for myself, since I’m the one who has to break the news.

Who deserves more pity—me or him?

Sometimes, I wish I were more like Arianna—bolder, smarter, more fearless. Sometimes, I wish I could trade places with her. But then I remember that I’m already lucky in my own way.

My life is as perfect as it can be. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know I’m not a liar.

If Antonio doesn’t find out that the police have been in touch with me, I won’t get into trouble. I would never intentionally betray my sister, so there shouldn’t be a problem.

At least, that’s what I hope.