apologies and forgiveness

FRANCESCA

“I’m going to homeschool Alessia,” Antonio says, his voice barely above a whisper.

I nod in agreement. “I think that’s a good idea.”

Suddenly, I feel his arms wrap around me from behind. “How was your day, ~bambola~?”

I forget how to breathe for a moment.

“Okay,” I manage to say. His touch feels too intimate, but oddly comforting. His arms around me feel like a safe haven.

Outside, the trees sway in the wind. The moonlight bathes us in a soft glow, and the vast landscape stretching out before us feels reassuring. I feel secure enough to lean against the balcony railing without fear.

Antonio makes me feel safe, protected from the harsh realities of the world. It’s ironic, considering he once pointed a gun at me.

“You’ll catch a cold,” I finally say, pushing away the bitter thoughts.

He nods, resting his forehead on my shoulder.

“Go inside, Antonio,” I urge him. “We can’t afford for you to get sick.”

He stiffens at my words. “Of course.” He releases me and I hear his footsteps retreating. I know I’ve hurt him. I know he thinks I don’t care about him, that I only care about the Family and its safety.

But that’s not true. I do care about him, more than I’m willing to admit. But I can’t tell him that, not until he apologizes sincerely.

I can’t let him know how I truly feel. What if he uses my feelings against me? I don’t think I could bear that again.

I sigh, looking out into the darkness. The trees cover the vast landscape. I’m not afraid of the dark, but I am afraid of what the future holds.

I hate to admit it, but I’m scared. Not of being hurt, but of losing the people I’ve come to consider my family. I’m scared of losing my family.

Raffaello’s death has caused chaos that he doesn’t deserve. This war is becoming personal. No, it already is personal.

How could he have done such a thing? How could he have violated a child? That’s against the code too. That bastard deserved a worse fate.

He really did. Nothing could ever convince me otherwise. But the Bianchis should have let us handle it. If they had told Antonio, as the Don, he would have had to act.

Breaking the code only has one penalty: death. But that death should have been delivered by the Giordano Family, not the Bianchis, unless Antonio and Vincent formed a stronger alliance.

And Antonio would have had to act, even if he didn’t want to. But I think he would have wanted to. He might have even handed his father over to the Bianchis himself.

Antonio didn’t even like his father. But killing him without consulting Antonio first was a mistake. Maybe they thought Antonio would protect Raffaello?

In a way, they were right. They didn’t know that Don Giordano didn’t like his father.

I sigh and close the glass door behind me, pulling the blinds down. The room is plunged into darkness again and I shudder.

Where is he? Did he leave in the middle of the night? I need him here with me. Safe and sound.

“Antonio?” I call out.

Silence.

I lick my lips nervously as I turn on the dim lights. “Anto—” I stop mid-sentence.

Tears well up in my eyes as I step toward the bed. The red roses are so dark they almost look black.

A fluffy white bear sits next to them, a small box of my favorite chocolates beside it. My fingers brush the soft fur of the toy. It’s beautiful.

“Oh, my God,” I whisper, picking it up. He did this for me. My husband did something romantic for me.

~Please forgive me for I have broken your trust.~

I bite my lip to hold back a smile. My fingers trace the letters sewn onto the bear’s tummy in crimson red. My heart flutters as I fall onto the bed with a wide grin.

“I do,” I whisper. “I do forgive you.” I grin as I bring the toy up to my lips and kiss its nose.

“Well, I’m glad you do.” A rugged voice comes from the corner.

I sit up in surprise. Antonio is sitting on the couch, a glass of scotch in his hand. He licks his lips.

His black T-shirt clings to his muscular frame. Under the warm light, I can see desire darkening his eyes.

“You could’ve told me this in person,” I say. “Why go through all this trouble?” I gesture toward the writing.

No made man has ever given their wife this much importance. At least, not that I’ve ever heard of.

“Who says I didn’t get it sewn by someone else?” he asks, tilting his head. The tension that was in his shoulders earlier is gone.

“This is your handwriting, Antonio,” I say.

He glances at the toy. “It is,” he admits, looking at me with a heated gaze. “But I only gave them a note with my handwriting.”

I bite my lip as I grab the vase of roses and place it on the bedside table. I hug the bear to my chest and lean against the headboard.

“You know you could’ve just pretended you did it yourself.” My statement is more of a question. I’m curious as to why he didn’t just play along.

He knows it would make me soften toward him.

“I don’t want to lie to you,” he says simply.

We stare at each other for a moment. The dim yellow light casts shadows on his face, making him look more intimidating. But I like it. I like him.

“So?” he starts.

“So…?” I raise my eyebrows.

“Have you, I mean, really forgiven me?” he asks.

The first time I see desire in his eyes, it’s not the sexual kind. It’s a longing for companionship, for love. Ever since I confessed my feelings for him, he’s been different.

It’s like he’s trying to win me back, to restore us to how we were before. And I want that too.

I don’t want to harbor resentment against him anymore. I want us to be together because it’s hard to stay angry at him.

“I have,” I admit to him.

He nods, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Do you trust me?” I ask.

“Are you going to test me too?”

I shake my head. “No, of course not.”

“Do you trust me?” he counters.

I consider it. Do I trust him not to betray me again? No, I don’t. But I also know there are things he can’t share with anyone.

Not even his brothers. But do I trust him to always be there for me, to protect me? Yes, I do.

“To some extent, yes,” I finally reply.

He nods. He’s not pleased with my answer, but he doesn’t comment as he stands and walks toward me.

I move back on the bed, realizing I still haven’t gotten my answer, but I decide not to dwell on it. I don’t want him to outright reject me. The last time he did, it hurt deeply.

“Fabio will accompany you tomorrow as well, but Stefano will be in charge. Don’t forget to text me every hour,” he instructs.

When he sees my questioning look, he explains. “I know you trust Fabio more than Stefano.”

I smile. “Thank you.”

He doesn’t respond, instead turning off the lights with his phone.

“Good night,” he says.

The bed dips as he lies down next to me. “Good night.”

A smile spreads across my face when he wraps his arm around my waist and spoons me from behind. I chuckle. Maybe this is a fresh start.

This is the one bright spot in the sea of darkness I see ahead.

With that thought, I fall asleep in the warm embrace of my husband’s arms, promising myself to worry about tomorrow later.

The next morning flies by and I’m happier than I’ve been in weeks. We all have breakfast together again and the brothers leave for their respective duties.

When I see Alessia, I can’t help but dread our next conversation. I know Antonio is going to insist on homeschooling Alessia, and I’m not against that idea.

If she really has a boyfriend at school, then it’s time she was kept away from him. If this gets out, it could ruin her reputation and ours.

I’m not naive enough to think that Antonio didn’t lay down the law when she came here. I know he would’ve set ground rules, and the biggest one would’ve been no boys.

Alessia has broken his rule, and I don’t know what the consequences will be. I just know they won’t be good.

When Antonio leaves for work and I leave with Fabio for the warehouse, I miss his presence. I want him to come with me to the doctor’s.

I want him to take more initiative and responsibility, or at least show that he cares about our child.

But I know he won’t, because he prioritizes his work over us. As much as I hate that, I can’t ask him to put us first when there’s a war looming over our heads.

I watch the cars pass by as we drive to the warehouse. We’re being discreet this time. My car is no longer a black SUV. It’s a blue Audi.

Fabio sits in the front and I sit in the back. Stefano is at the warehouse checking the security measures. We’re trying to blend in.

If I hadn’t seen the cars following us from the start, I would’ve thought that Antonio had let me leave the house unprotected.

It’s almost funny. Antonio would never let anything harm me as long as he’s alive.

When Fabio and I arrive at the warehouse, there aren’t many bodyguards. It must be to avoid drawing attention. “Don’t you think there are too few bodyguards?” I ask Fabio.

Fabio turns around in his seat. He reaches behind the seat and pulls out a black gun. “Do you know how to shoot, Donna?” he asks, handing the pistol to me.

I take it, shaking my head. “No.” Isn’t it obvious? In the Giordano Family, the husbands are the ones who protect the wives.

~“Then you’ll gain control and that will be your freedom.”~

I guess this is the first step. I want to learn how to protect myself. I won’t tolerate being defenseless when I’m capable of defending myself.

I need to ask him—no, ~tell him~ to teach me how to shoot.

“Nine bullets.” He taps the pistol before handing it to me. “You shoot with your dominant hand and steady the gun with your other hand.”

He shows me the basics before I drop the gun in my bag. It’s just a precaution. I trust Antonio not to jeopardize my safety.

He wouldn’t gain anything from killing me, and after last night I don’t think he’d ever want to harm me.

“Fabio, will you do me a favor?” I ask him.

Fabio tenses.

I sigh. “It’s not dangerous and the Don doesn’t need to know. It’s personal.”

Fabio purses his lips. “I can’t hide anything from my boss, Donna.”

“It’s harmless,” I assure him, and it is. I don’t need to involve Antonio. At least, not until I’ve looked into it myself.

Fabio considers it for a moment before nodding.

I smile in relief. “There’s this boy. All I know is his name is Matteo and he goes to Alessia’s school.

“I want you to find out as much as you can about him without anyone knowing, and I mean anyone, not even the boy himself. This is just between you and me. Can I trust you with this?”

Fabio’s forehead creases as he nods. “That’s not a lot to go on, Donna. How am I supposed to find someone with just a name?”

“He’s got to be at Alessia’s school. Fabio, I can’t let anyone else in on this. Not even the brothers,” I repeat.

His face lights up with understanding when I mention Alessia. For a second, I worry I’ve messed up. What if he spills the beans to Antonio?

But then Fabio nods again. “I’ll have something for you by tomorrow, Donna. But if I think anything could hurt the Family, I won’t have a choice but to tell your husband.”

“Just let me know first. I wouldn’t ever want to hurt my family either, and if it’s something serious, I’d be the first to tell the Don.”

Before Fabio can respond, Stefano opens my door. “Ready, Donna?” he asks.

I nod and step out, leaving the rest up to fate. Fabio and Stefano share a tense nod.

“I think it’s best if you stay in the car, Fabio. We’ll be quick and the Don wants the Donna home ASAP,” Stefano says.

Fabio looks at me, waiting for my okay. I nod. I want to get home as soon as I can too, and the warehouse is well protected.

The guards bow their heads in respect as we pass. Stefano guides me up the warehouse stairs and into the loft. I spot the doctor right away, sitting in a chair.

She looks like your typical doctor, with gray hair and glasses perched on her nose.

I glance at Stefano, catching him scanning the room for safety. His gaze sticks on the closed bathroom door before he looks away.

“Mrs. Giordano, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you!” Dr. Colombo chirps, walking over to me.

“Likewise.” I shake her hand, shifting my focus away from my bodyguard as he leaves us alone.

“Shall we get started?” she asks, her smile wide.

I return her smile. “Of course.”