003 | duke; here returns the child he lost

A long time ago, the Duke lost his lover and a son. Both were existences unknown and unacknowledged by society, but it was enough that he knew.

In the future, he had wanted to introduce them to the world proudly—his beautiful and gentle wife, his noble and charming son, and his other son, a mischievous but awkward child who had not known how to love.

Alexei Roan Astors, who learned love from his lover's embrace, would've done anything for his family.

But life's misfortunes led to tragedy, and his other son became estranged. He did not know how to interact with his living family and failed to perform as a father.

It was by fate's grand blessing, or a pitiful correction of the previous disaster, that he was granted an opportunity to make amends once more.

—— +++ ——

Alexei Roan Astors sits at a table by the open doors to his balcony, gazing at the full moon outside that cascades over the darkness.

He cannot sleep. He dares not to, fearing that he will open his eyes and awaken from this serenity.

His son, a few days prior, finally returned to the mansion that had been far too large for a single Duke. Alexei had hurried to prepare the mansion to welcome his child back—where he could not perform emotionally, he could perform logically.

Their dinners were often quiet after the death of his Alexandra, and Niklas attempted to force conversation at times, but it would always return to silence.

Alexei did not mind the silence. He did not mind the silence so long as he heard the clatter of metal on the plate, the breath of his blood that proved he still lived.

Niklas' return was not expected, and even less so, the companions he brought along.

It was the first time since the boy's childhood that he'd brought back friends. At some point, there'd been a striking change and Niklas changed.

He grew up and Alexei had not been able to witness it.

His ears are alert as he sits, a cup of steaming tea at his table and a closed book that has not been opened. He listens to the nearby sounds, the quiet chatter of the two young women Niklas returned with.

It has been a while, the Duke thinks, since he's heard the loveliness of noise fill these empty halls.

He will organise a large banquet in the morning, and another in the evening, he decides, wracking his brain for the foods that Niklas enjoys. There are many, and the Duke remembers them all.

Then, there is that child.

That shivering child that had clung to Alexandra, a small, delicate boy that had peered at the Duke with round, cautious eyes. Eyes that followed his every movement with growing worship.

During tea with Alexandra and that child, the boy would peer at him nervously. He was a silly thing that Alexandra adored more than her own life.

Alexei had demonstrated sword moves, upon Alexandra's request, and he did not forget the way the child's eyes glowed with awe and amazement.

How the child had run up to him, nervously holding onto the corner of his coat and awkwardly asking to see some more moves.

Naturally, Alexei had obliged, swinging his sword pointlessly for hours until the child was satisfied.

This child, covered in his lover's blood. This child, the murderer of the only yearning he's ever known.

And yet, as he gazed at the child with horror woven in his eyes—he could not hate that boy who drowned in despair, clutching the bleeding wound with desperation and choking sobs.

He could not chase that child into the dead night, could not seek him out for punishment and vengeance.

No, not in his cruellest terrors, could he bring himself to dream of revenge against that boy.

For many years after, Alexei thinks of that boy. In the evening, when the sounds fall silent and the absence of warmth on his bed becomes prominent, he thinks of Alexandra, darling Alexandra.

The pointed curve of her plump lips that always settled into a smile, the cheerful gleam in her soft eyes as she would run freely in the wind, hair billowing around her like a torrent of wings.

Her gentle hands, her honest heart, her fierce spirit. Her unyielding nature would argue and protest, holding to her values.

Then, he would think of that boy.

Sometimes, he regretted not chasing after that child. Not for revenge but—what had happened to that pitiful boy, who only learned comfort in Alexandra's soothing hold?

The boy that was like the Duke, in all the ways they were guarded, anxious, and ignorant to the understanding of family?

Alexei is old now, and it has been many years.

Yet he cannot help but remember.

He hears the sound of a body falling and jerks out of his seat, the teacup clattering to the ground. His ears, once a loyal and alert soldier to the Crown, listen quietly.

There is noise coming from that child's room—no, to call him a child is no longer appropriate. He is Kaden Chauvet, a runaway from the disordered Kingdom that seeks a new Crown after the disappearance of the three princes.

To harbour such a criminal is a terrible crime, and he did not think twice to care.

He drapes a robe over his body and hurries out the door, towards the room. As he approaches, he sees the twisting patterns in the wall—signs of madness; of Kaden's reversal.

His footsteps hasten and he knocks on the door rapidly.

A low voice responds. "Enter."

There, in the luxurious room, two men sit in the bed. The Duke doesn't care for this fact—his eyes fix on the pink-haired sinner, curled into a ball and trembling as he clutches his head.

His eyes dart around wildly, gasping. His hands claw at his chest as if trying to pull something out, but nothing is there.

Besides, the young dragon whispers reassurance into his ear, lightly tapping against the back of his palm as he holds him close, but his eyebrows are tightly knitted.

A cat drapes over the pink-haired man's head, purring lightly with concern as its tail lightly taps the man's cheek. Its eyes, sharp and piercing, flick up cautiously.

From this response, the Duke can conclude that such an event is not an uncommon one.

His heart seizes and he swallows.

Kaden is muttering to himself, oblivious to the world. The dragon, Noah, glances over quietly with a sharp gaze, frightening and discomforting.

He opens his mouth, closes it, and then opens it again. "You are Alexei. The Grand Duke, Niklas' father and Alexandra Chauvet's lover."

Alexei stands there, awkward in his tall body and old age, stiffly nodding. The room is shrouded in the night, but the evening moon spills inside to grant light.

"Indeed. That is correct."

"Then if it's you, come here. Tell him that you're alive."

"What—"

"He dreams," says the dragon bitterly as he cradles Kaden's curled body tightly. He holds the man like a treasure that may wither if he isn't careful. "Of death. I thought it was better, but sometimes it comes back. The death of all those he loved, but will never admit to loving. Alexandra was a mother to him—but you, you are alive."

The Duke furrows his eyebrows. "That child—Kaden would not remember me well."

"He remembers you."

The Duke stiffens, his eyes darting to the hunched and trembling figure. Slowly, he walks closer until he stands by the side of the bed.

Alexandra had always told him to loosen his joints and his expression. But he had not worried about changing himself because it was him, awkward and stiff, that she had fallen in love with.

The two Alexs, she laughed in the musical way she did, bound to meet despite all their differences.

Here, he does not know what to do.

Alexei stares at the man, once a curious and nervous child, and bends down to one knee. His robe drapes along the ground.

"Kaden," he says, and it's a foreign name that sits perfectly on his tongue, a familiar name.

The man looks up, his eyes haunted and dull. They stare past him, still trapped in the mists of memories and madness. What happened in all these years?

He remembers the distant glaze in the once-child's eyes, a dull green that once polished, shone with such clarity.

Regret overwhelms Alexei.

"Thank you, Kaden, for remaining by Niklas' side for all these years. Thank you for joining our family, all those years ago."

The words begin stiffly, carefully constructed, and then they begin to flow. Like a blockage finally unmoved, they spill out of him in words he'd always wanted to say.

"I...am thankful. That both of you, Niklas and you, have returned to me. And I pray to the Watchers that you continue to live, not in blame or darkness, but in the light where you belong."

The Duke chokes, feeling the heavy gaze that clings to him. A lovely green, and although it is nothing like Alexandra's, he thinks he's never seen anything lovelier.

His lover's gentle gaze, this child's lonely eyes.

The Duke chokes. "I cannot be the father to you as Alexandra was a mother. I am a pathetic old man, I cannot provide the warmth you deserve. However, please, don't blame yourself any longer."

"Not once could I have considered blaming you."

Kaden's emerald gaze trembles, shaking but no tears fall. Perhaps the man has already shed all the tears he can in all these years.

All these years lost.

All Alexei can do is provide a home, a place to return to. A place Kaden does not need to cry, but if he wants to, can drown the mansion in his sorrows.

"How could I blame my child; her child? Our son."

Kaden is shaking now, his shoulders broad and wide trembling as he pulls away from the dragon's comfort.

He reaches out and Alexei feels a pair of arms, strong and warm, wrap around him. These arms are powerful and have weathered many storms, and yet they are so young, so lonely.

The cat meows, clinging to Kaden's hair like an accessory as it narrowly assesses the Duke.

Alexei swallows, holding Kaden tightly as the arms wrap around more firmly, awkwardness transforming into comfort.

This is his son. That is a truth as honest as his affection for his beloved. Old pains built a wall between them, and many years have passed, and yet it is inevitable.

There is a knock on the door, but the intruder steps inside naturally. Niklas stands with his hands dramatically on his hips, raising his eyebrows at the scene before him.

"A family reunion and I wasn't invited? Old man, I thought there was still some affection between us."

Alexei sighs, patting Kaden's back as his stiffness returns. Kaden clings to him still, his mind slowly regaining clarity. The cat has settled between them, purring softly.

The dragon stands, walking over sternly as he watches over Kaden like a guardian spirit.

Niklas strides forth and places himself in the embrace, shamelessly wrapping his arms around both grown men. He nods to himself. "Right. This is absolutely weird."

Alexei shakes his head at his son's flippant demure, but there is amusement in his set lips. "Niklas. For all these years..."

"Hold up, old man. Don't go getting sappy on me tonight." Niklas squeezes the two bodies tightly, sighing as he stares past and at Noah who is regarding them curiously. He smiles. "Let's not go losing ourselves in the past again."

Kaden is slowly clearing his mind, wrapped in a warmth he once could only dream of.

There are many regrets between the three; much time has gone. And yet it isn't too late, Niklas thinks with a small smile as he holds onto these two awkward fools.

'Mother, are you watching us from somewhere?'

Alexei glances at Kaden, whose eyes are now wide open in surprise and confusion, a flush climbing onto his cheeks. But he does not slip out of their grasp, even smiling as the feline twirls around him, rubbing its soft fur against his seated body.

This family of three, reunited.

That dragon, with a family of his own making that goes against all the rules he was taught.

There is a feline, a beautiful researcher who comforts and nurtures like an elder sister, a younger investigator who is energetic and joyous like a wild, reckless child.

Perhaps no blood bounds them, perhaps there is nothing keeping them together but their own will.

Dear sinner,

Here exists the family you have long longed for. And there you remain, in the center of the affection you have denied.

Dear sinner,

Won't you dream beautiful dreams and wake to something even lovelier?

—— +++ ——

Lukiyo says,

And with this, How to Make A Sinner Sleep has officially concluded. I hope you enjoyed the little side story editions, just little glimpses into the past and emotions of some characters. It has been a long two years of writing, and two years of your attention, or however long it was, I am so thankful to you.

I also realized I have a lot of Alexs (unintentional) but it's too late to change that LOL.

I'll be going into hibernation for an uncertain amount of time, although it is likely I'll return. At some point I'll likely publish my stories on other platforms too as my contract here ends (although I'll still be here!)

In the future I may plan to open a patreon for advance chapters, or I may develop in some other way to try and sustain writing without exerting myself, but that's tbd. Right now, I'm writing a book purely for fun about witches and murder! ^^

Please stay well and peaceful, and I wish you all the best dreams and happiness, all the loveliest thoughts. Thank you a hundred times over.

See you in the next adventure.