●4●

I've read a few comments saying that Fariah is being so easy. She forgave Haider even though he didn't even apologise yet. And that Haider is trying to buy his way out. The thing is you guys need to understand that Fariah is not objecting on Haider's advances because she lacks a backbone. She's the kind of girl who won't even voice out her pain. She is an orphan now and doesn't have anywhere else to go which is why she tried to pay their favours off by doing the house work and she felt uncomfortable asking them for anything and Haider could see that thats why he paid for all her necesseties as it's his duty. Also, she is not able to understand Haider's intentions and was caught off-guard thats why she didn't push him away or something. She hasn't forgiven Haider for anything. If she would've then she would have happily gone to his room with the coffee when he asked her to. And about Haider doing materialistic things, according to me just saying 'Oh, I'm sorry.' isn't enough. You need to redeem your mistakes. And he is trying to do just that by making her comfortable around him. He is trying to give her the things that she is entitled to. Haider is supposed to provide for his wife and he is doing just that. That was the first step in accepting her as his wife. And about apologising, if he just goes up to Fariah now saying 'I don't mean what I said anymore and lets be husband and wife.' would that be a logical thing to do? Nope. She won't go running into his arms just like that. And he needs to accept his feelings first before declaring them to the world. Please try to understand the characters before creating an opinion about their actions.

Enjoy! ❤

Fariah sat on her side of the bed as Rahima was sleeping on the other side. Sleep has decided to abandon her tonight. Actually, someone decided to take her sleep away. Whenever she closed her eyes, she saw a pair of onyx eyes ready to consume her whole being. She was feeling restless as she wasn't able to decipher what Haider was upto. Why was he behaving like that all of a sudden when he had told her in clear words that he doesn't want to do anything with her? She was fine with him not accepting her as his wife for she wasn't expecting much from him. She was numb from all the pain she had to bear on her parent's death that the feeling of heartbreak was nothing for her. She had faced rejection all her life and she was expecting Haider to reject her as well. No one wants a brown fat wife, right? Wrong. There was a teensy little part of her heart which wanted Haider to be different from others, wanted him not to judge her on her appearance. She wasn't hurt when he told her that he wasn't given a choice in marrying her and he is not mentally ready to accept anyone as his wife, much less his cousin. She was fine with his explanation. He had a valid excuse. Oh, who she was kidding? There could be no valid reason to reject your own wife. She wanted to yell that at his face but she didn't because then he would've kicked her out of the house and her parental family would have taken her.

Her Mumani told her that this nikkah is just temporary. They'll find a good guy for her and wed her off to him. She wanted to scream in her face that how could she say such a thing to her son's wife, but then again, when her husband didn't consider her his wife, what could she say to his mother so she kept silent. She would've just gotten a job as a teacher since she has a bachelor's degree but her fear of crowds and anxiety doesn't allow her to do that as well. She was so pathetic. She doesn't have the looks nor the confidence to stand with her head held high. No doubt her own husband rejected her. Anyone would have. Heck, even she herself would have.

Her train of toxic thoughts was broken with the call of Fajr prayers. Serenity washed over her with the soothing voice of Azan and she got up to perform abulution and offer her prayers. She caught up a few hours of sleep after and blocked the toxic thoughts. She knew she chipped at the open wounds of her soul by thinking like this and degrading herself but it was her coping mechanism. She told herself that she isn't worth it so it'd hurt less when others tell her that.

It was her chaos that made her beautiful.

a t t i c u s

~

"Let's go out today."

It was Sunday, three days after the whole dinner in the kitchen thing, and everyone was in the living room having some family time. During the three days, Fariah had tried her best to ignore Haider. She left the room as soon as he came in and didn't come infront of him all day. She started having her meals with her Nani to avoid his presence on the dining table. And so far she had succeeded till Rahima dragged her out of the room today to sit with everyone. Fariah was lying on the takht posh with her head in her Nani's lap as her aged hands carressed Fariah's hair. She was emotionally drained and it was catching up on her. She had closed her eyes to give them some rest. Her Mamu was playing ludo with his children on the floor, excluding Haider, and her Mumani was sitting on couch massaging oil in his ladlay son's hair who was sitting on the floor in her feet with his eyes closed.

The others cheered on Ayyan's idea and they started to have a discussion on where they should go.

"Let's go on a picnic." Afeefah proposed.

"It's too hot for that." Her mother objected.

"Let's go to a resort." Rahima said dreamily.

"Come back to earth." Ayaan threw a gotti (the pieces you play ludo with) on her.

"Movie dekhne chalte hain." Their father proposed and everyone agreed.

"Dadi will come with us too." Ayyan exclaimed excitedly.

"Nahi beta. Mai kahan jau gi tum sabke sath." His grandmother chuckled at his childish behaviour and denied to come.

"But Dadi, then you will be alone at home."

"I'll stay with her. I don't feel like going." Fariah said in a meek voice. She got her period when she woke up this morning and the cramps were killing her. She didn't have the energy to go out.

"Are you okay, beta?" Her uncle asked her with concern.

"Jee. Just a little tired." She moved her eyes from her uncle to his son who was looking at her with a warm emotion flickering in his eyes. Was that concern? No, she must be dreaming.

"Apna dehan rakha karo beta. Take some rest." Her uncle patted her head and went to his room to get ready.

"We'll bring your favourite takeout." Ayyan told her sweetly before they all left. Haider stayed back as well because he had to work on some project of his.

She went to the kitchen to drink a glass of water and then turned to go to her room when she got startled by Haider. He was standing behind her leaning his side on the counter looking at her with an intense gaze.

"Aap?" (You?)

"Mere kamray mai ao, baat karni hai tumse. Or is baar bhagne ka sochna bhi mat." (Come to my room. I have to talk to you. And don't even think about tricking me this time.) He told her in a stern voice and left to his room.

She stood there with a thumping heart. What does he want to talk about? Maybe he finally had enough of her ugliness and decided that he wants divorce. But she was fine with living here as his ignored wife. Her relatives will attack her inheritence like vultures if she has no one to protect her. If Haider divorced her then her Mumani might kick her out or might marry her off to some guy. She didn't want to marry anyone else. She had started feeling things for Haider. She could clearly see his caring gestures and they had started to melt her heart. Her stupid heart had started to knit dreams of hope, hope of an actual relation, but she scolded her heart and repeated it over and over again that no one could ever love her, she ain't worth it. Even after all this, she had started to get comfortable with this family. Her Mumani didn't like her much but everyone else was nice. She had started liking it here. Haider cannot divorce her now. She'd tell him to marry anyone else of his choice and spend his life with her. She'd have no problem with it as long as he doesn't divorce her. She would just stay here like his cousin. He doesn't need to acknowledge her as his wife. Even the thought made her heart ache but it's the most logical solution. Yes, that's what she'll do. Making up her mind, she started walking towards his room.

She entered the room after knocking and found Haider sitting on the couch still in a grey jumper and track-pants.

"Shut the door and come sit here." He said gesturing towards the space beside him.

She walked forward after closing the door and sat as far from him as possible on the couch. His eyebrows twiched on her action but he didn't comment about it.

"Fariah, I-" He was about start but she cut him off. She had mustered up the courage to talk to him with great difficulty and didn't want to get cold feet on the last moment so she started blurting out everything.

"I know you want to divorce me but please don't. I know I'm not the most pleasant woman to look at with all this fat on me and my brown skin but you can marry any other girl you want. I won't stop you. You don't even have to acknowledge me as your wife. I won't ask anything from you. Please just don't kick me out. I-"

"Shut up!" Her rant was cut short by a furious Haider. At first he was stunned by her sudden exclaimation but as the words sank in, his temper shot up.

"Who the hell said anything about divorce? Are you out of your mind? And I would rather die than let anything happen to you. How can you say that I'd kick you out? Have you fucking lost it?" He couldn't control his outburst and Fariah got scared due to his loud voice.

Her shivering form knocked some sense into him and he closed his eyes taking a deep breath. He grabbed her hand pulling her a little towards him and rubbed his thumb in circles on the back of her hand calming his ownself more than her.

"I-I am sorry for shouting. I didn't mean to scare you. I just...Who said that I am divorcing you?"

"Uh- I thought since you were forced to marry me and you...you said that I...um...." Fariah couldn't form words as she was shocked on his behaviour. She had mentally prepared herself for the divorce talk but, as it looked like he didn't want to divorce her, she didn't know what to say anymore.

"Whatever I said, I didn't mean it and I am the biggest idiot for saying that to you." He tilted her head up so he could look into her eyes. "You are the most beautiful woman and I am the luckiest man on earth to have you as my wife."

"You have the prettiest golden skin that compliments your pools of molten chocolate." He cupped her face and lightly carressed her cheek with his thumb.

"You have a healthy weight and absolutely delicious curves that seem to wither my already thin self-control." He wrapped his other arm around her waist and lightly tugged her towards him.

"Never ever doubt yourself. You have the perfect body and the perfect skin but much more than that you have the most beautiful heart and strongest soul." She felt all emotional as tears gathered in her eyes. She blamed her emotional state on her period.

"I deeply apologise for the shit I spewed. Please forgive me and give me and our relation a chance." He pleaded still holding her eyes captive of his ashy gaze.

She just nodded her head as her mind was in too much of a haze to form words but Haider was adamant.

"I need words, Fariah. Do you accept being the woman to this crazy man?"

She couldn't hold his intense gaze anymore so she moved her eyes downwards as she whispered 'I do'. Haider might've missed it if he wasn't so close to her but he heard it clearly and it made a huge smile adorn his face.

He suddenly pulled her into his lap and burried his face in her hair whispering, "Perfect."

Fariah would've enjoyed his strong embrace but she was painfully aware of the out-flow of blood from her nether region and she knew how much she bled the first day. Her clothes easily got stained due to the heavy bleeding and she didn't want to ruin Haider's clothes so she tried get up from his lap.

"Are you...uh-are you uncomfortable with my touch?" Haider didn't let her go but asked with hurt in his eyes.

"No, i-its not that. Your legs will hurt by carrying me like this." She tried to make an excuse.

"I am very capable of carrying my woman. Thankyou very much." He said sarcastically, slightly offended that she considered him so weak.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just..umm...." She felt so embarrassed telling him about her period. Her cheeks -that were already flushed due to the pain in her stomach and back- burned crimson with embarrassment.

"You what?" He asked with furrowed eyebrows as her blushing cheeks didn't go unnoticed by him.

"Wo actually...." She trailed off. How was one supposed to tell her husband that she is bleeding like Niagra Falls down there and doesn't want to stain his clothes by sitting in his lap? She thought stupidly.

"Wo kya, Farri?"

Before she could reply, a searing pain shot through her lower back and she closed her eyes while placing her hand over her stomach until it passed.

"Are you okay? What happened?" He asked with concern lacing his voice as he placed his hand over hers on her stomach.

"Actually I- uhhh!" She stopped and closed her eyes when another wave of pain shot through her.

"We are going to the doctor." He said almost getting up when Fariah stopped him.

"There's no need of that. Actually I-uhm-I got my period this morning and my back is hurting because of that." She said looking at his arm that was draped around her as she couldn't look at him in the eye while saying that.

"Oh, uh-do you need any medicine? Or something else?" He asked with concern as he could tell from her face that she was in pain.

"No, I'll just go lay down in my room. It'll be fine." She said moving her hands from his chest to her lap

"Okay." He said. She thought he'd let go of her now so she can go back to her room but instead he stood up with her in his arms making her squeal.

"What are you doing?" She questioned him with wide eyes.

"Laying you down to rest obviously." He took her to his bed and laid her down. He then turned the A.C down a bit and covered her with his duvet. When she thought he would go out or something, he laid down beside her and placed his hand on her back under the duvet.

"Haider, ap...-" She felt neevous and shy laying in the same bed as him.

"Shhh. Just close your eyes and sleep." He said rubbing her back lightly.

She wanted to object but his stern eyes made her stay quiet as she closed her eyes. The heat radiating from his body and his hand rubbing her back soothed her. Her breathing evened and she was asleep in no time. Haider kept gazing at her and soon he also drifted off to sleep with his precious gem in his arms.

Author's Note

What's that smell? Ooo, I smell trouble in the air. 😂

How was the chapter? Tell me in the comment section. I love reading all your comments.

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~Author.❤