Chapter 19

Chloe

Chloe laid in bed, hiding beneath her covers. Her heart pounded against her chest, reminding her of the affect Nash had on her over and over again. He kissed her. Out of nowhere. When she had never once thought he'd ever do that, and Chloe found herself stuck in a trance. Frozen. Shutdown. Confused. Because she didn't understand what was going on.

Not once in her one and a half years as an Elite did Chloe ever suspect Nash could want more than a rivalry. At one point, she was sure he hated her and just recently she thought Nash thought she was okay. But, to kiss her? She couldn't believe it and a part of her wondered if it was out of pity. And she knew Nash would be furious she thought that because he told her he cared. He kept repeating that, but Chloe just couldn't accept it. It just didn't make sense.

Chloe let out a sigh. She skipped school to sulk in her bed because she couldn't face Nash. She didn't know what to think or how to process what happened, so she lay in bed replaying the moment over and over again. His lips had been so soft, so tender, but passionate, and he had held her as if he feared losing her. And Chloe had done nothing. Just froze and she wondered what Nash thought of her now. He had to think she hated him.

Chloe jolted at the knock on her door. She frowned and called the person to come in, and her eyes widened when Sophia stepped into her room. She was wearing her school uniform and holding a grocery bag. She shut the door behind her and Chloe stared at her, surprised. Chloe told Sophia she didn't like when people came over so Sophia hadn't come over in years.

"Hey," Sophia said, wandering closer to Chloe's bed. "How are you? I brought some snacks."

"Oh, thank you," Chloe said. Sophia placed the bag on the ground. "I'm..."

Chloe drifted off. She should say good and move on, but Chloe found herself crumbling. As Sophia settled onto the edge of her bed, she found herself unable to be strong.

"I'm not doing good" Chloe confessed. "I just feel so confused and exhausted and I don't know what to do."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sophia's eyes softened. "About everything... I mean the past year with your family and what you go through."

"No, I don't want to talk about that. Please, Sophia..."

"Then is it Nash? Do you want to talk about him?"

Chloe tensed. Her eyes drifted to the hardwood floor and she bit her lip. How did Sophia know?

"Ok, let's talk about Nash," Chloe said, sighing. She no longer wanted to keep it all in. When it came to Nash, her mind was consumed by him and she needed to let it all out. "He wants to help me and just be there for me because he learned about my dad and my life, and I know he's just being nice, but I hate it. I hate how he suddenly became so nice because it feels like it's out of pity. And I wish Nash would go back to his old self and help distract me from all this, but now all he focuses on is being there for me. And I know I should be grateful. He's being kind and caring, but I don't know. It makes me uneasy that Nash of all people is suddenly gentle with me when months ago all he ever wanted was beat me in a contest."

"Oh Chloe, I think Nash has changed after getting closer to you. At the start of this year, you guys weren't really friends, just fellow Elites. But then you guys started spending more and more time together. Outside of school, too. He probably realized he really cares about you in the process and after learning about your life, he just wants to be there for you because he cares."

Chloe wrung her hands together, feeling torn. Everything Sophia and Nash said made logical sense, but at the same time it bothered her. She didn't understand why Nash cared so deeply about her.

"I just feel like he pities me and I don't want to be pitied by Nash," Chloe whispered. "He used to think of me as his equal, but now... I feel like his charity case."

"Chloe, what's so wrong about being pitied?" Chloe blinked and Sophia sighed. "Pity is not the right word to use in this situation. I would instead say, what's so wrong about having someone worry about you and want to be there for you because they're aware of you having a hard life? What's wrong with someone wishing to lighten up your load?"

Chloe opened her mouth to retort, but no answer came to her immediately. She had reasons. Reasons that made sense to her, but like Sophia said, what was so wrong about what her friends were trying to do? Why couldn't Chloe accept help like a normal person.

"I just don't want to burden anyone. I don't want Nash becoming sick of me and my issues," Chloe said, her voice cracking. "But I think he already hates me anyways. I really hurt him yesterday."

"He doesn't hate you. He spoke to me earlier today and said he's worried about you. I genuinely think Nash could never hate you because he really cares for you, Chloe. It's really obvious to all of us that he's always had a soft spot for you."

Chloe flushed, thinking about Nash's declaration. He claimed he had always wanted to spend time with her and had always cared and her heart raced at the thought, leaving her more puzzled. What was going on? Why was she so confused?

Sophia raised her eyebrows, seeming to sense something. "Did something happen between you and Nash? He said you guys got into a fight, but neither of you seem to be acting like you hate the other."

Chloe's blush grew. Her eyes fought to remain on Sophia's as the truth rose up within her, wishing to be let out ever since he kissed her. And Chloe gave in. She didn't have it in her to hide her truths anymore.

"He kissed me yesterday."

Sophia squealed and Chloe winced. Sophia's eyes glowed at the news, looking thrilled, and Chloe let out a sigh. In a few seconds, Sophia was about to be let down.

"So that's why you stayed home. You're avoiding Nash because he kissed you," Sophia teased. "Wow, finally that boy grew some guts."

"I... maybe, I just feel so confused," Chloe confessed, blushing harder. "But I ran away from him after he kissed me. I didn't even kiss him back, so I think I killed any chance of a blossoming romance."

"Oh please, Nash is such a sucker for you. If you go to him tomorrow and tell him you're in love, he'll sweep you off your feet and give you everything you ever wanted. I just can't believe he finally kissed you."

Chloe sighed. Sophia didn't get it. She had ruined everything with Nash. She had run away and Nash couldn't be waiting for her. Because why would he wait for her when there were millions of normal girls who'd let him in easily.

"It's not that simple," Chloe said. "And besides... what makes you so sure that I feel the same way?"

"Oh please, Chloe. It's so obvious you've liked him for a while. It used to confuse me why you'd always stand up for him and go along with these challenges, but it's because you also had a soft spot for him. You guys always had this chemistry from the moment you guys met that we all knew one day you'd get together. Took you guys long enough to make a move.

"So go run to him and kiss him, Chloe. I know you said you ran away and didn't kiss him back, but you must have been surprised. You're brilliant, but you can be dense sometimes." When Chloe narrowed her eyes, Sophia grinned. "Love you, but you are. So go tell him your story and kiss the boy whose clearly been in love with you for years now."

Chloe blushed. Was it that obvious to everyone that the two of them had soft spots for each other? Chloe really never thought she was attracted Nash. She could tell she cared, but love? Romantic love? Chloe hadn't even dreamed of that occurring between them. But ever since her dad's stroke, her only focus was her dad and staying afloat. She hadn't thought love could be in the cards for her, and even now, she doubted she had time for it.

"Nash can do better. He can find a rich girl whose happy and has a normal home life," Chloe said. "I don't even know if I have time for love in my life. My priority is my dad and our life. I don't know if I can give Nash what he wants."

"Oh Chloe, why do you always think you're not good enough? You're all Nash wants . And even now, you guys find time for each other. Nash is content with your relationship as it is, so what's wrong with adding dating to it?"

Chloe lowered her eyes. She didn't know what to say to that.

"Chloe, Nash could get any girl, but he chooses you. He will always choose you. He knows about your home life. He knows about your struggles, but he kissed you yesterday because he loves you. He really cares about you and I wish you'd understand that."

Chloe teared up. Overwhelmed, she fought back the tears that threatened to spill. "I know I'm being silly and unfair, but I don't know how to stop these thoughts. I can tell he cares and that he won't run away, but every day I worry that he'll finally get sick of me and leave. And I don't want to let him in because I don't want to end up hurt. And I feel horrible because I know I'm hurting him in the process."

"Oh, Chloe." Sophia slid closer when a tear slipped out of Chloe's eyes. She wrapped her arms around Chloe, pulling her tightly against her. "I wish you'd believe that people care about you. Not just Nash, but all of us. Me, Caiden and Elijah included. We love you for who you are and I wish you'd stop pushing us all away. Nash especially, because we're here to stay. And I understand why you're scared. Invasive thoughts are hard to stop when they start, but I will remind you every day that we love and care about you. And because we care about you, we just want to be there for you, ok? You won't make any of us sick of you. We just want to be there for you, understand?"

Chloe nodded, fighting back the sobs that were ready to burst out. Nash and Sophia and others had constantly told her they cared and wouldn't leave, but she was still so scared. After losing her mom and having tragedy befall her dad, it was hard to believe that she wouldn't hurt her other loved ones. Sometimes she truly felt like she was cursed and that she was better off alone.

But with Sophia's arms around her, for once, she didn't want to push her loved ones away. She was so exhausted. After the last few weeks with Nash, she just didn't have it in her to keep pushing, so she leaned against Sophia and rested her head on her shoulder, wishing to be held longer.

"I know and I'll try my best to remember you guys do care, but it's so hard for me. I don't know why," Chloe whispered. "But Sophia, can you stay with me? I don't want to be alone right now."

"Of course," Sophia said, tightening her arms around Chloe. "I will always stay with you for as long as you need me to."

Chloe's eyes fluttered shut and for a while, they remained in each other's arms, just appreciating each other's company. And Chloe wondered why she wouldn't just let people in. Because maybe, it was a lot simpler than constantly pushing people away. And she needed them. She needed her loved ones, but yet, her fears alway bested everything.