21 | Lost in the Story

"GOOD MORNING, MR. CARUSO," Jen politely greeted him when he came through the front doors the following morning, hoping that she was doing a good job at hiding her conspiratorial smile. "How was your weekend?"

A brief smile ghosted across his lips, but it was only a minuscule chink in the armor of his professional demeanor. If anyone else had seen it, it certainly would have passed as friendliness and nothing more.

"A little bit rainy," he mused, carefully slipping her a note. "But not bad."

The joke, of course, was that most of his Sunday had been spent with her. The rain had tapered off by the time they got back to her apartment, the sun poking through the clouds like a face peering around the edge of a curtain, but the weather hardly mattered by that point. They were both already soaked from splashing around in the fountain.

"Just give me one minute..." she murmured to him when they stepped through the front door, where he politely waited so as to not drip water anywhere else in her home.

She peeled her wet clothes off as soon as she was alone in her bedroom, replacing them with a tee shirt and comfy pair of lounge pants, and started digging through her closet for the other items she was looking for. Once upon a time, she'd stolen a shirt and sweatpants from Celie, who had in turn stolen them from her brother. Jen wasn't sure if Jude was even aware that she had a pair of his clothes, but Robert was close enough in size to him that she figured they would fit.

On her way back to the living room, she snagged two towels for them to dry their hair off with. He went to the bathroom to change, and Jen started a kettle of hot water to make them some tea. When he returned, she was rubbing at her hair with her towel.

"You look..." she started to say but caught herself. Cute was the word that had come to mind, but she didn't know if he would want to be called that, though she meant it in the best of ways. The sight of him in such casual clothes, his hair mussed in that realm halfway between wet and dry, felt oddly domestic, and it was a kind of attractiveness that she wasn't used to. But she thought she would quite enjoy getting used to it.

"Should I be concerned about whose clothes I'm wearing?" he asked when he noticed her hesitation.

Jen grinned and unceremoniously tossed her towel onto the floor to deal with later so that she could come over and place her hands on his shoulders. They slowly glided along the gentle slope of his arms, smoothing out the fabric that did not need smoothing. She marveled at him through each movement, each small motion of her fingertips. There was nothing immensely intimate about the way she was touching him, but she wasn't used to being allowed to touch him at all.

"Not an ex-boyfriend's," she assured him. "Just a friend."

One of his hands found its way to a damp strand of hair hanging near her face and carefully tucked it back, his fingers trailing a path along her temple and the curve of her ear. The skin along the inside of his wrist was a little paler than the rest, the faint patterning of veins showing through. As he pulled his hand away, her eyes returned to his face, to the sharper planes of his cheekbones against the soft shape of his lips.

"I don't think I'm supposed to really do this yet," he began quietly, a little shyly. "I mean, I know I haven't even taken you on a real date yet, but—would you want to be my girlfriend?"

Jen, not expecting that, broke into a smile. Though she hadn't seen it coming, she understood what he meant. She didn't want to just be some girl he kissed on the weekends. If they were doing this, she wanted to do it right. She wanted to be all in. "I'd like that."

He grinned when the words left her lips, leaning in to rest his forehead against hers and close his eyes. And when he brought his mouth down to hers, it was all soft and sweet. For once, they weren't in a rush; they didn't have to be heated and frantic. One kiss seamlessly became another, and she slowly drank in the taste of him, the feeling of him, until they were interrupted by the sharp whistling of the kettle.

She moved to turn it off and grab a pair of mugs. "Come have some tea," she murmured. "You're cold."

They each picked a tea bag from her stash and dropped them into the mugs. Jen breathed in the steamy, herbal scent that rose up from her cup, her fingers dawdling along its rim. "Do you have anywhere else to be this afternoon?" she asked, hoping the answer was no. But she could hardly blame him if it was yes—he'd come merely intending to drop a letter in her mailbox.

"Not unless you want me to."

"I don't."

She took him by the hand and led him to the couch. In all its simplicity, even the act of holding his hand was a marvel to her. Before, they had only grabbed onto each other in the heat of the moment, in a rush of motion. Now, she had time to notice the exact fit of his hand in her smaller one, the shape of his palm and the slight callouses on his fingertips. To Jen, who did not normally receive all that much physical affection, getting to hold his hand was a very big deal.

"Sit," she instructed as they set their teacups down, and he did so while she ventured over to her bookshelf in the corner of the room. She'd remembered that she herself had an old copy of Madame Bovary lying around somewhere, and she now intended to make use of it.

Its pages were yellowing, but it was still very much intact. As she returned to the sofa, the cushions sinking slightly as she lowered herself onto them, she began to feel a little shy, questioning if this would at all fit within the confines of his definition of an enjoyable afternoon. But she still handed him the book, and a bit timidly told him, "I imagine that writing down so many quotes for me got tedious, so since you're here now, I thought you might just...read to me."

"I don't know if I'm the best reader," he warned, but he wore a small smile as he searched for his spot.

Jen didn't tell him how much she enjoyed listening to his voice, but she did – delicately, a little hesitantly – rest her head on his shoulder and tell him that that was okay.

He was an excellent reader. He drew her down into sleepiness, to the place where dreams lived, his voice a lullaby. And even if it was just her imagination telling her that his fingers started to gently stroke her hair as she drifted off, she let herself believe it was reality.

"She came back to the subject; he appeared not to understand and diverted the conversation. What baffled him was that there should be all this fuss about something so simple as love..."

When Jen awoke, she was startled to see the clock on her wall telling her that it was now evening.

Even more shocking was the fact that she had not stirred whenever Robert slipped out. Her head had been resting on the cushions, her body tucked under two blankets that had not been there when she drifted off. He must have grabbed them from the hallway closet when he got up.

Now, he sneakily grabbed a couple of paper clips off her desk, acting as though she couldn't clearly see him stealing from her.

"Go ahead and make yourself at home, why don't you," she told him, her voice hushed so that only he would hear.

The edge of his lips lifted into a smirk. "I think I will."

And with that, he was off to his room to start his work day. Unable to help herself, she went ahead and opened his letter.

3/23/92

Dearest Jen,

I hope you can forgive me for leaving you yesterday without saying goodbye. It was not my intent to sneak out behind your back, but I had a few more assignments that needed to be graded before this morning. I read to you until you fell asleep and then for a little while longer after that, but for some reason, I didn't want to go too far without you.

I've never read to anyone before, but I enjoyed it. You make excellent company, though you looked so peaceful that I regretted having to disturb you at all. We will have to do it again another day when I don't have papers to grade (if such a day ever comes)

Italian Lesson of the Day:

ragazza = girlfriend

Yours,

Robert

Jen pressed her lips together, holding back against the impulse to grin and look entirely too giddy for a Monday morning. She was going to have to be even more cautious about letting him get to her head lest anyone notice that she always looked like a blushing, doe-eyed schoolgirl when he was nearby yet kept to herself the rest of the time.

It was then, as she discreetly tucked his letter into her purse, that she resolved to tell neither Celie nor Jude about this until her time at St. Catherine's was up. She didn't like keeping secrets; she already felt like she had too many of them. But though she trusted Jude completely, there was always the slight, slight chance that he could accidentally give away what he knew to someone else at work. He already had enough incriminating evidence as it was. And she didn't want to ask Celie to hide anything from her brother, so she was going to hide it from both of them. It was a price she was willing to pay.

For the past four years, her life had felt like a series of compromises. Keep her mouth shut, but get his money. Finish her degree, but leave Dad with all the responsibility of taking care of Mom. Leave them behind, but get to live in the city. Work for Nora, but be able to send her parents some money.

Jen was tired of compromising. She wanted this job. She wanted him. So she was going to have both.

Her heart started thumping a little faster in her chest. She was doing this. She was actually doing this. It felt a little bit wrong, but mostly it felt good and fun and thrilling. She had thought they were caught in a game before, yes, but the real game had only just begun. Only this time, she was certain they were on the same team.

She was going to do what she had to do to be with him, kiss him under the cloak of night so that no one would see them. She wasn't going to tell a soul, and they were going to have the world fooled.

At that moment, she reminded herself of her mother. But for once, she didn't care. She had never felt so alive.

____________________

A/N:

I know this was a shorter chapter, but there's also a new letter up after this so make sure to keep scrolling and don't forget to vote if you enjoyed it :)

I'm also aiming to post the remaining nine chapters of this book by the end of October, which means that most weeks between now and then will have two updates instead of one *throws confetti* These extra updates will probably be posted on Wednesdays, but I'll also be posting announcements as usual each time a new chapter goes up.