Chapter 210.5

It was the first time that he exposed his heart to Xiao Jirou, revealing all his inner thoughts, both the bright and the dark. Even Xiao Jirou had been unaware of much of it. She might have vaguely guessed some of it, but Qing Wang’s candid confession was truly heart-shaking.n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om

“Sometimes, I feel like a rat that can’t bear the light, carrying a damp and foul stench. You are so good, so that every time I see you, I’m filled with a sense of shame. I subconsciously hide my true self, pretending everything is fine…”

“…I know you might not believe me, but the number of times we were together was very few. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have brought in a child from outside… She was right, what kept us apart wasn’t her, it was my own heart…”

…

Qing Wang left at an unknown time, leaving Xiao Jirou sleepless on her bed.

The following day, Xiao Jirou seemed distracted. Seeing this, Madam Xiao attempted to restrain herself multiple times, but eventually, she couldn’t hold back. She pulled her daughter into her room and sighed, “Ever since you returned, your mother has never asked you about your thoughts. Do you know why?”

Xiao Jirou couldn’t help but look at her mother.

“Because your mother knows you can’t leave. Don’t ask why your mother knows, I have been a wife and mother for almost a lifetime. When you were young, your mother told your father that she feared you would suffer in the future. Why? Because your father didn’t take any concubines, so your two elder brothers never had the thought to do so either. In our family, we can decide for ourselves, but it’s different outside, and you’re different. You’re going to marry out.”

“Mother is afraid, afraid you will suffer, but no matter how afraid I am, it’s useless. You have to walk your own path step by step. Mother has always thought to let you do whatever you want, our family will support you in everything. However, seeing you troubled these days, your mother can’t help but advise you.”

“You haven’t truly lived in a large household. Naturally, you don’t know the thoughts of those women. If you had let your mother know about this earlier instead of enduring it yourself, your mother would have made you send that woman away. No matter how much Qing Wang might have protested, he wouldn’t have refused in the end, especially since he values you. It’s better than letting a festering sore continue to grow while you do nothing. That’s not perseverance, not pride, not virtue. It’s foolishness!”

“Mother, I…”

Madam Xiao patted her hand. “Alright, I know you don’t want to hear about it. I won’t say more.”

“Mother, I’m not…”

“We won’t talk about anything else. Let’s talk about Yan Ge’er and Zhuzhu. You’ve been in the imperial family for many years, you understand how things work in the palace. Now you can do whatever you want, relying on his guilt, care, and the empress’s relationship with you. But remember, everything can be worn away. You have to know that for His Majesty and the empress, Qing Wang comes first and he is why they value you. Without Qing Wang, who are you to them?”

“Since you’re not willing to go back, other than Qing Wang, no one will interfere with your decision. But have you considered that Qing Wang can’t stay unmarried forever? Even if he doesn’t want to marry for a year or two, in the long run, even if he doesn’t want to marry, those above won’t sit idle. After he marries, the new wife will have her own child, and as the di son and daughter left from his previous wife, what will happen to Yan Ge’er and Zhuzhu?”

“Your mother understands. A woman’s heart holds grudges, but there are many methods to vent that anger. You probably don’t know, your father once had a distant relative, and nearly… But you didn’t inherit your mother’s temperament. Your mother made a fuss and didn’t just sit there without doing anything. Your mother quickly got rid of her, and sent her far away so she would never see your father again!”

Madam Xiao spoke and cast a sidelong glance, but Xiao Jirou didn’t notice, lost in her own conflicted thoughts.

“Go back and think it over. Your mother won’t say more.”

Xiao Jirou nodded and stood up. “Alright, mother, I’ll go back to my room.”

As she left, a refined and elegant man stepped out from the inner room.

“Madam, why are you bringing up old matters again, and in front of our daughter no less? How am I, as her father, supposed to face her in the future?”

“You even know what shame is? Good, then you should feel ashamed!”

“I didn’t intend to…”

Madam Xiao narrowed her eyes: “What more do you want? Let me tell you, I can’t stand that cousin of yours. Acting like there are no men left in the world; she only knows how to bring trouble to her male cousins. I’m telling you, we can’t let that troublemaking cousin of yours come to our home in the future.”

“Alright, alright, everything you say is correct.”

After a pause, Master Xiao sighed and said, “I wonder if Rou’er can come to understand.”

“My daughter follows my lead; she has never been a fool. Just like what Tieniu had said, finding another man, finding another man who won’t marry or take concubines no less, isn’t that inviting trouble? It’s better to stick with the one you have in your hand. Based on what happened before, I guarantee he’ll be obedient to her for the rest of his life.”

Master Xiao looked at her with his eyes, “So you’ve been holding me in your grip all these years?”

“Are you saying you’re not willing to be held by me?”

“How could I not be willing? I’m most willing to be held by you…”

“You shameless old man!”