My Ex’s Roommates: Chapter 53

“She finally fell asleep but I can wake her up for you if you want.” Casey’s voice was quiet from the other side of the room. “Are you sure?… Okay, I’ll tell her you guys called when she wakes up.”

I kept my eyes closed. I knew I needed to talk to my brothers but I didn’t think I could do it without crying and I didn’t want to upset them. I tried to fall back to sleep but my brain was already busy racing away with a million different emotions, none of them good.

“She’s okay…. I mean, she’s not, but she will be. She’s heartbroken right now.” Casey walked into her room and I didn’t hear the rest of what she had to say. It didn’t matter. I didn’t think my brothers screaming at me to get me on the phone could’ve made me get off Casey’s couch to talk about my heartbreak.

It was Monday morning. I’d barely moved any the day before, nothing more than to go to the bathroom and force down a few bites of whatever Casey handed me. That was all the time I had to let myself mourn. No matter what people thought of me, I had a life to live. I wasn’t going to quit. Even if getting up and going to class felt like an olympian feat.

When I got up and showered, Casey seemed surprised but happy. She handed me some of her clothes to change into and settled on the bed to talk to me while I got dressed. “I’m glad you’re up. You should call your brothers back soon. I’m pretty sure they’re about to pull a Prison Break just to make sure you’re okay.”

I couldn’t look at her, not while knowing she was watching me let my brothers suffer by not talking to them. “I’ll call them after class today.”

“Class? Harper, you can’t go to class today. You’re barely functioning. You need to give yourself-”

“I can’t. I can’t quit because I’m sad. I need to go to class and the longer I wait, the more I’ll build it up.” I groaned as a few stray tears escaped. “I’m sorry you’re having to deal with me like this, Casey. I’m going to look for an apartment between classes today.”

“What? Harper, no. You can stay here with me. I want you to.”

It wasn’t fair to her to have her in the middle of things with me and her brother. I knew Carter was messaging and calling her nonstop. I didn’t want to upset their relationship or make Casey hate me because she kept having to run interference.

I pulled my wet hair up in a bun without bothering to brush it and forced myself to meet her gaze. “I’m going to find a place. It isn’t fair to you for me to stay here and bring your energy down.”

She crossed her arms. “Your brothers aren’t going to like it, Harper. Carter and the guys aren’t going to-”

“I just have to. Okay?” I reached for my phone and then remembered that it was useless. “I have my laptop. I’ll check my email between classes if you need anything. I’m going to walk to campus to get some fresh air before facing everything.”

“I don’t think you should, Harper. You heard those messages. It doesn’t feel safe. I could come with you. Or you could let me drive you.” She stood up and grabbed my shoulders. “Let me do something, Harper. Please.”

I gave her a kiss on the cheek and forced a smile I didn’t feel. “You’ve already done so much for me. You’ve been the best friend I’ve ever had. I’m not going to let you walk with me, though. I don’t want to get any of my funk on you around campus.”

“Dammit, Harper.” She hugged me tight. “Maybe this isn’t what I’m supposed to do as your best friend but I’m going to tell Carter you’re walking to class by yourself. I know what you think of him right now but I’ve known him literally since I came into existence and I know that he cares about you. I won’t let him in here to rush you into talking but there are some things I will do for him and this is one of them. If you’re going to walk alone across campus after all the things that were said to you in those messages and calls, I’m going to let Carter do whatever he needs to.”

I wanted to be angry. Maybe I was deep down but he was her twin. I knew she believed the best about him and I knew she felt like everything would just blow over and we’d all be happy again. I knew it wasn’t going to be okay again, but I couldn’t argue with her. I didn’t have the energy. “Do what you have to, Casey.”

She swore. “Of course, you couldn’t be a simple minded woman who forgave quickly and felt like grudges were evil. Of course, my brother fell for someone just as stubborn as he is.”

“He didn’t fall for me, Casey.”

“One day in the future, when you’re married to those three idiots in whatever way it works, I’m going to look you in the eye and tell you that I told you so. I’m going to be obnoxious about it, too.” She waved her hands to stop me from arguing. “Just ignore me and go to class. Do you need me to stop and get you a new phone today?”

“No, I don’t. You’re not my sugar daddy, Casey. I’ll get it myself. Thank you, though.” I took one last hug from her for strength and pulled my backpack on. “Have a good day?”

She laughed. “Was there supposed to be a question mark there?”

I shrugged. “No?”

“Yes, I can see class is going to go great today with the way your brain is working.” She waved me out of the door and I watched her pull her phone out before I was even two steps away.

I heard her calling Carter as I opened the door to the stairwell and shook off the deep longing I felt to hear his voice or have him show up for me. I tried to give myself some slack because it’d only been a day and I couldn’t really expect myself to forget about them that quickly but I wanted to. I didn’t want the longing. It hurt more every time I reminded myself that they weren’t coming.

Even though I couldn’t use them for anything, I put my headphones on to act as a little bit of a barrier from the rest of the world. Without my cellphone I hadn’t been able to see the scope of the fallout over the email from Jake. I wanted to believe that things had died down and that no one would have anything to say to me that morning. I wanted to believe that I would just be able to slip into my regular life and get on with it.

The closer I got to my building, the farther into campus I was, the more I slowly started to accept that it’d been stupid of me to think things would be okay. I didn’t realize just how stupid I’d been until my headphones were snatched off my head.